Love By Accident (27 page)

Sprawled on his couch, he stared at the flames flickering in his fireplace and wondered how his life had gone to shit so fast.

"What a mess."

"You know, talking to yourself isn't a good sign."

Matt startled, then flew off the couch and went toe-to-toe with his friend. "Were you sleeping around on Lauren?"

The smile faded and Gil turned serious. "Lauren finally told you."

Matt's knees buckled. "It's true?"

"Yeah, it's true."

"Shit." He fell onto the couch. It was true and he'd accused her of lying, accused her of tarnishing Gil's name. He buried his face in his hands.
Oh, Lauren
.

"I was going to tell you the next day but…well…"

Matt shook his head, his heart hurting. "Why, Gil? You had the perfect woman. Why would you hurt her like that?"

"I know I should have ended it first, believe me it's my biggest regret. When it was just the two of us, it was strained. I felt myself drifting away from her. I knew I didn't love her the way I used to. I came close to breaking up with her so many times. But then, the three of us would get together and it was so perfect, you know? And I knew if I broke up with her, it would never be the same between the three of us."

"So you broke her heart?"

"I'm not proud of it, Matt."

Anger surged through Matt, bringing him back to his feet. It wasn't rational, but it penetrated every pore until he was so furious he could barely see straight.

"You damn well better not be," Matt raged. "I would have killed to have her, do you know that? I loved her! For years I watched you have her. Do you know how hard that was? To watch you with her, knowing I couldn't say anything because it would hurt you, hurt her."

Matt paced, ploughed his fingers through his hair. "And tonight when she told me, do you know what I did? I defended you! I thought there was no way you could have cheated on her, that I knew you better than that, but guess what? I don't. And I lost her. Again. Because of you. Again."

"It was with Nancy."

The room spun. Matt grabbed the mantel. "What?"

Gil came to his feet. "The other woman was Nancy."

"I thought you couldn't tell me stuff on your own." It was a stupid thing to say but his brain was still trying to process Gil's words.

"Lauren told you most of it, I'm just filling in the last piece, so you know it all."

"You cheated on your girlfriend with mine?" Matt's fingers dug into the mantel.

Gil's eyes searched Matt's. "Look, I know sorry isn't enough--"

"You're goddamn right it's not enough!" Matt's gaze fell to the pictures he'd lovingly placed over the fireplace. Pictures of Gil, of their friendship. With one swoop of his arm, they all came crashing down.

"Matt--"

"You ruined everything, you dumb fuck!"

Finding the picture of the three of them in Fernie, Gil put it back on the mantel. "You don't think I know that? You don't think I regret it?"

"It's a little too late for regrets, don't you think? Lauren can't even live the life she's supposed to because she's so overwhelmed with guilt. I almost lost the use of my legs. For what? So you could fuck my girlfriend?"

Gil winced. "I was going to tell you."

"Well, that makes it all better, doesn't it?"

"Look, I never claimed to be a saint. I knew it was wrong and yes, I was selfish. I wanted the three of us to remain friends, but I wanted out of my relationship with Lauren. I cheated on her and I cheated on you." His voice cracked. "I'm sorry, Matt. From the bottom of my soul, I'm sorry."

Matt's head was reeling. "So you're way of apologizing is to pop into my life, turn it upside down? God, you're selfish. I can't believe I never saw it before. You know what pisses me off?" he asked. "That I'd have given
anything
to see you when I was in the hospital. I was hurt, Gil, and so fucking scared I'd never walk again and where were you? Don't you think I could've used your support then?"

He scoffed, his hands balling into fists. "I was on the edge of spending my life in a goddamn wheelchair and you didn't deem that important enough to come by? But now, when I'm finally getting the girl I love, the one
I'd
never cheat on, you show up and wreck it all."

"Give me a break, Matt. It's not like-–"

"Don't ask me to give you a break! I finally thought I had a chance with Lauren and she calls me Gil. Every time I think we're making progress, there you are. Well, guess what? I don't want you here! You're fucking up my life."

Gil's eyes turned haunted. "Buddy, don't do this."

"I didn't do anything," Matt yelled, pointed a finger at Gil. "You did. Now get the hell out."

Gil took a step forward. "Matt--"

"I said get out. And this time, don't fucking come back!"

They stared each other down, Gil's gaze imploring. Finally he nodded and, like a cloud of mist, vanished.

With a searing pain ripping through his chest, Matt fell into the wall and slid to the floor.

TWENTY-
TWO

"Hey beautiful," Nick said taking a stool at the long counter at the Mountainview.

Lauren smiled. "Hi. Can I get you something?"

"Rye and Coke?"

Lauren pushed the bin of dirty dishes she'd just collected aside. She hadn't seen Nick since last week and as she looked at his face closely, the lines of fatigue around his eyes were prominent.

"That bad, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it."

"The whole poaching thing making you all work overtime?"

Nick sighed. "That and your boyfriend. He was in a real great mood all day. If he wasn't snarling or slamming something, he was barking out orders as he headed out the door." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm glad the day's over."

So was she. Well, she glanced at the clock, it would be in another half hour.

"Are you guys getting any closer to catching him?" Lauren asked, glad to finally have the chance to ask someone something. She'd been working all day and not a single ranger had come in. Even Cougar had skipped his usual cinnamon bun. Nobody seemed to know anything and frustration had set in hours ago.

"Not that I know of." He cocked his head to the side. "Matt must have told you, though, right?"

"Yeah, not likely. I didn't even know about the stupid poacher until I came back to work yesterday."

Nick's eyebrows shot up. "Trouble already?"

"Let's not got there, okay?" She'd be likely to snarl at people herself, and she'd spent most of the day trying real hard not to. Instead she poured them both a Pepsi.

"Well, I guess that explains his mood, then."

"Don't give me too much credit, Nick. I'm sure he's just as upset about the poacher."

"It's not as though that's his fault."

"Maybe not, but I'm sure he feels somehow responsible. I know I would, it happening in my territory. I'm sure you feel the same."

Nick nodded, silently contemplating the carbonation bubbles scurrying up his glass.

"You all right?" she asked, glancing when the bells tinkled announcing the exit of the last of her customers. The smell of cleaner permeated the air as Carlos began scrubbing his grills.

"It's Mom. She went to the Cross Cancer Institute again today for a check-up. I've tried calling her but she mustn't be back yet. The waiting is killing me."

Lauren placed her hand over his, giving it an encouraging squeeze. "I hope it's good news."

Tired eyes heavy with worry met hers.

"Me too. I guess combined with the whole poaching thing, it's taken a toll on me."

"Hopefully you can catch a break soon. Cougar took Matt up on Sunday to a recent carcass, right? Nothing came of that?"

Nick shook his head. "Nope."

"Huh, that's odd. Cougar mentioned Matt pocketed something at the site. He couldn't say what it was, but I figured it must have been important, or else why would he pocket it?"

Nick grimaced and his shoulders slumped. "Yeah, why would he?"

"You didn't know?"

Nick shook his head, his mouth grim. "No. Apparently, Matt likes to keep secrets."

"Yeah," Lauren answered, her anger still simmering. "Tell me about it."

***

By the time her shift was over, she'd eaten and was settled in front of her laptop, she'd had time to rationalize the events of last night.

What happened with Matt?
Coastalbabe asked through the chat window.

Found out what he was hiding. Poacher in the Park, he's known for a while and I had to find out through the papers.

You think he should have told you himself?

Lauren had been stewing since her shift ended. Now that she'd had more time to think about everything, she admitted Matt wasn't obliged to tell her about the bears. He was right, it really wasn't her job anymore and she'd found out the same way everyone else had, through gossip and the papers.

I would have liked him to, but he told me he did it so I'd realize what I was missing and go back to being a ranger
. Lauren glanced at the application form she'd brought to her office. She didn't like being manipulated, but she had to admit she was tempted. A poacher. She'd have loved to be in on that.

But you're good now?

"Not by a long shot," Lauren said aloud and she typed out the argument for Carm, ending it with how she'd shown Matt the door.

Laur, I know Matt hurt you, but give him a break. You dropped a bombshell on him. Give him time to come to terms with what you told him. This doesn't have to be the end.

I gave him my heart, Carm. I didn't think I'd ever do that again after Gil cheated on me.

Matt didn't betray you, Lauren. He loves you, look how long he waited for you. And you love him too, right?

The answer came sure and fast. The truth of it beat in her heart, filled it with a heat that spread across her chest and a fear that crept around its edges.

I love him, Carm, but it's not always enough. I learned that with Gil.

Laur, you closed yourself off before. Don't do it again. Not now when you've come so far.

I don't want to hurt like that, not again.

Laur, do you regret your time with Gil? If you could go back, would you do it again or would you never have gotten involved with him?

Would she do it again? She thought of the four great years they'd had together, the laughs, the love. The last year had been different, colder, more distant and it had ended in tragedy. But would she do it again? Would she risk her heart with Gil knowing what was coming? Yes. The answer trembled from her chest. She would, because, despite how it had ended, it had been wonderful too.

If only she hadn't said those last words to Gil…

Let it go, Lauren.
Gil's words filled her head. She spun in her chair. Of course he wasn't there, and didn't answer, but a part of her wanted desperately to believe that he'd released her of the guilt and truly wanted her to let him go. She pressed her hand to her heart. "Gil, if you can hear me, I'm sorry."

So am I.

"Oh, God." Her chest filled with so much emotion it stole her breath. "Gil? Gil, I'm sorry," Lauren wept. Tears flowed down her face, dripped onto her keyboard. He'd been her heart, her friend, and no matter what, she missed him.

Yes,
Lauren typed through her tears,
I'd do it again
.

Then don't let Matt go, Lauren. I'm not saying you may never get hurt, but love is worth it, isn't it? Matt's worth it, isn't he?

Lauren wiped her eyes on her sleeve, blew out a deep breath. It had taken everything in her to watch Matt walk out her door. The minute he'd gone she'd crumpled to the floor, feeling as though half her heart had been ripped out. She'd already lost him once, when she'd walked out of his hospital room. At the time she'd felt she had no choice.

But she had a choice now.

***

"Don't look now but here comes the runner up," Juliet murmured in passing as she slipped behind Lauren with a tray laden with steaming plates of sloppy joes.

Nick took his seat at the counter. "Missed you yesterday. Everything all right? Betty said you'd called in sick."

Lauren looked around guiltily, dropped her voice. "I had some errands to do that couldn't wait."

"Well, I'm glad you're back." His smile was forced and didn't ease the anguish she saw clouding his eyes.

"You heard from your mom, didn't you?"

Nick's hands clenched into fists on the counter top. Her heart broke at the agony on his face.

"Mom's tests came back. The cancer has spread. They're going to try another round of chemo, a more aggressive one." He visibly swallowed. "She's giving up hope, Lauren, and I feel bad telling her to fight when she's the one suffering not me."