Love in a Fix (5 page)

For several moments, he watched her face, witnessing the arguments in her head play out in her expressions.

“How would this work?” She pulled away from him, leaned against the dingy tan wall.

“We go to the courthouse, file for a license, plan a wedding.” He winked when she rolled her eyes. “And at some point discuss the details of a life together.”

Another yelling match ensued nearby.

Glancing around at the stained carpets, bug-filled light fixtures, and toward the door with a used needle outside of it, Lyndsey shivered. “I’m not saying yes, but I can’t bring Josh here. I thought I could, but I can’t put him in this environment. Maybe because I was desperate, but it didn’t seem so bad the first time I came to look.”

His stomach chose an opportune time to growl. “It’s almost lunchtime. Why don’t we get out of here and discuss it over lunch at Bixby’s Diner, my treat.”

“Should we take one vehicle?” Her eyes travelled to the window, out of which the moving truck was visible. “Is it safe to leave one behind?”

“It would probably be fine, but let’s drop it off at your house first anyway, so that we don’t have to come back here.”

“I’ll have to turn the keys in.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh no, what about my lease? I’m locked in for six months.”

“Not a year?” Tilting his head, he twisted his lips with curiosity.

“I had a burst of optimism in the midst of my despair.” A wry smile crept along her lips. “It gave me hope.”

“There’s always hope. Regarding the lease, we’ll talk to the office on the way out. Since you just signed the lease, they might be more willing to break it without penalty. If not, we’ll figure out something.”

Lyndsey twisted her straw wrapper into a knot. Across the table, Shep drank tea from a frosted glass. They hadn’t said more than a handful of words since dropping off the moving truck at her house.

In the hour since Shep’s unexpected proposal, the air between them had become increasingly uncomfortable. When he’d first suggested marriage, she hadn’t thought him serious. Once she realized he’d meant it, the idea grew on her. She finally accepted that she needed help, that maybe God was telling her something. Shep had been placed in her life for a reason, and though unconventional, maybe there was a greater plan. Nevertheless, she wasn’t without reservations.

Marriage was so…personal.

Her thoughts took a trip down memory lane, to the first months of her marriage to Mark. They’d been so in love, so naïve about life. Even so, it was an awkward time as they adjusted to sharing a home and fully opening their lives to each other.

She didn’t doubt Shep had the same train of thoughts, recounting his own memories of Miranda. Those were the memories which strung the tension between her and Shep. Because, inevitably, they led to imagining scenes between the two of them. Gone was her friend, replaced by a potential husband.

Someone had to break the ice.

She took a sip of water. “Thanks for getting me out of the lease.”

“No problem.” His fingers curled around the glass.

“How’d you do it? The manager was dead set against it until you spoke to her privately.” Back to toying with straw wrappers—she grabbed Shep’s this time.

“Let’s just say when I mentioned calling the safety inspector, she became much more amenable to breaking your contract.” He flashed a wink, a brief smile.

“I appreciate it.”

Another reversion to silence.

The waitress brought their food and refills.

Lyndsey munched on her chicken Caesar wrap, appreciating something to keep her senses busy, until the first few bites disappeared and she realized she couldn’t taste a thing. From the corner of her eye, she caught Shep watching her. He’d set down his French dip and ceased eating.

Her breath caught in her throat and the dining room shrank. They’d danced around the topic long enough. If they did this, they’d need to learn open communication.

“I’m not so hungry after all.” He tapped two fingers against the laminated plastic tabletop.

The final bite in her mouth took twice as long to chew. “Me either.”

“All the way here, up until now, I’ve been thinking of reasons why a marriage between us is a good idea.” He took a deep breath, looked at her as though seeking permission to share.

“Which are?” She’d thought of her own, but wanted to know his.

“The obvious, that you need a place to live. There’s also companionship. I’ll admit, too often my life is lonely. We get along and could fill that void for each other.”

“I do hate the nights, especially once Josh is in bed.” Loneliness filled her more than she cared to admit, but it came further down her list of reasons.

“Josh is my next reason. Every boy needs a father figure in his life. If we marry, I’d treat him as my own.” His breath hitched, then he spoke faster. “I know I can’t replace Mark, but if we marry and you’re willing, I’d like to formally adopt him, so he never doubts he’s loved.”

“You…you would do that?” Overcome with emotion, she blinked away tears.

“In a heartbeat.” The solemn expression told her it was true.

Of course, Shep never said anything he didn’t mean. He was a man of integrity, who meant what he said and said what he meant.
A rarity in today’s world.

She clenched a fist to her chest. “Josh is my heart, my joy. Your willingness to accept him to such a degree, it means the world to me.”

“Together, we can give him a great life.” He reached over the table and covered her other hand with his. “You can even stay home again, like before Mark died. I’m not rich by any means, but I make a comfortable living.”

“What if I still want to work?” She dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom again, being there to see Josh more, but she knew Shep to be old-fashioned in many ways—she wanted to know her career choice was theirs to make as a couple, not dictated by him.

It was a sore topic as it was one of the few subjects on which she and Mark had disagreed. He’d firmly believed once they had children, she should stay home to raise them. Once Josh came, it became a non-issue as she couldn’t imagine not being with her baby all day, but she always knew she’d return to the workforce one day. When the time came, she wanted to have her husband’s support. Life ultimately made that choice for her, but if she had the opportunity to stay home again…

“Then you still work.” He shrugged, as though it was a silly question.

They discussed the arrangement further, conversed about parenting and life philosophies. By the time the waitress brought the bill, Lyndsey knew her answer. Shep would be a great father to Josh, and that was the biggest selling point. He was a good man, with similar ideas and values to hers. Compatibility didn’t seem to be a problem between them, and they knew neither looked for a love match. Each of them was fine with a marriage of mutual respect, admiration, and friendship.

He’s also easy on the eyes
. Sure, she’d noticed peripherally that he was attractive, most women would, but she hadn’t dwelled on the fact more than as a passing thought. She liked how his blue eyes contrasted with this dark hair, and how they changed in brightness depending on his mood. Did he know his eyes told on him?

Whenever he smiled or narrowed his eyes—which he did a lot lately—creases formed at the outward corners. If they’d always been there, she’d not noticed, but they gave him an air of wisdom. He was only thirty-three, a couple of years older than her, but had life experience most people didn’t. And shouldn’t.

The bitterness edged its way into her musings.
Help me, Lord. Help me to be thankful for all you’ve given me, not angry about that which was taken away. Thank you for Shep and bringing him into my life when you know I’d need him as a friend. Please give me wisdom to know that I’m making the right decision.

“The bill’s paid, and I saw the Armacosts from church pull in.” Shep’s eyes shifted to the door. “I thought you might want to get out of here now before they spot us.”

His continual intuitiveness touched her. She’d forgotten how it felt to have someone look after her, consider her needs. “Good idea. I’m sure there will be lots of talk soon enough if we get married, but if they see us out together, rumors will be flying by dinnertime.”

Shep laughed as he stood. “Similar to last year when Dan and Stacey ‘eloped’ when they went to Vegas, except everyone forgot they were second cousins and the trip was a funeral for their uncle?”

“I’m glad everyone can laugh about it now.” She chuckled and moved toward the door. “I’ll never forget Pastor Dean’s sermon on gossip the week after.”

Putting a hand to her back, Shep guided her to the door. “The Armacosts are seated now. We should be in the clear.”

“Good.”

Once outside in Shep’s truck, the good humor faded. They still had much to discuss, but remained quiet until reaching her driveway. She didn’t get out, wasn’t sure where she’d go. Her house was empty, devoid of everything to make it a home. After unbuckling, she turned in her seat to face him.

“What would you gain from this marriage?” she asked, gripping the handles of the purse in her lap. “From my view, Josh and I get all the benefits, all to your financial loss.”

Taking a slow and steady deep breath. Shep simultaneously clenched his jaw. “Money is money. What good is it if I can’t help a friend in need? I’ll get plenty from this marriage.”

“Like?” Nerves lodged in her throat, rendering her inquiry a croaking sound.

“Companionship. Home-cooked meals. A son. You.” He reached over and brushed a hair from her face, allowing his fingers to linger.

She couldn’t breathe for the suddenly charged air between them. “Wou…would this be a real marriage?”

It was the question they’d avoided, perhaps the most important.

His hand dropped from her face, ran it through his hair. “I hadn’t thought that far. I mean, I should have. It’s an obvious facet of a marriage that needs a decision. But I…” He trailed off, a hint of pink tinging his cheeks.

The flustered, embarrassed response endeared him to her and spoke of the truth. For that she was glad because it was another indication he had only pure motives for suggesting a marriage, not the she doubted him, but further confirmation settled her nerves. Well, partially. At this point, it would take twenty glasses of herbal tea and a walk in the clouds to ease them all.

“I always wanted lots of kids. At least four.” She sucked in a breath.
Where had that admission come from?

“Do you still?”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. To admit so would be a step toward a real marriage.
Am I ready for that? This morning I never thought I’d marry again.
But this was Shep, a man she respected and cared about, if not loved. “Yes.”

“Me too.”

“Where does that put us?” She clenched the handles tighter until her knuckles turned white.

“Would you be opposed to a real marriage and, Lord-willing, having children together?”

Her heart raced, and a minute passed before she could give a confident answer. “No.”

Uncurling her fingers, he pried her hand from the purse and held it. “You set the pace. We won’t move any faster than you’re comfortable with.”

The pounding of her heart continued to pulse against her chest. Everything spun, yet seemed to fall into place. “Did we just decide we’re getting married?”

“I think so.” A smile curved his lips, his eyes flashed.

“When are we going to do this?”

“That’s up to you.” He squeezed her hand. “What kind of wedding would you like?”

“Can we do a simple, Justice of the Peace ceremony?” She’d done the church wedding once. This one she wanted to be simple—over and done so they could proceed with life.

Crinkles formed around his eyes. “Are you sure? I know our circumstances are unusual, but I don’t want you to look back one day and feel cheated.”

“Positive.” Was it selfish of her? “Unless you wanted something different.”

“Justive of the Peace is fine with me. In that case, all we need to do is file for a license.”

A crazy idea popped into her head. “If we applied for one today, we could be married by Thanksgiving.”

Shep stared at her wide-eyed like she was crazy, making her feel foolish for the suggestion.

“I’m sorry.” She peeled her hand away, embarrassed. “That’s too soon.”

“No, not a bit. It took me by surprise, that’s all.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t believe you said yes, yet alone want to marry so soon.”

Out of nowhere, self-doubt assailed her. “You thought I’d say no? Is that the only reason you asked?”

“Absolutely not.” He cradled her cheek. “Listen to me, Lyndsey. If I wasn’t willing—no, if I didn’t want—to marry you, I wouldn’t have asked. However, you turned down most every offer I made at help, so even though I hoped you’d say yes, I didn’t believe you would accept a proposal this extreme.”

“I was confused, more than a little prideful. Deep down, I think I was afraid of ruining our friendship if I accepted too much help.” Shamed, she bowed her head. “I’m sorry.”

Having nothing of it, Shep tipped her chin. “Don’t be. This will take a lot of adjustments.”

“Tell me about it,” she muttered.

His face was near, his mouth inches away. Eventually, they would kiss, something she hadn’t done with anyone since Mark. She’d not even dated since his death. Would she enjoy Shep’s kiss? Dear goodness, what if she compared his advances to Mark’s?
Calm down, Lyndsey. You’ll have to find a way to put Mark behind you and focus on Shep. He’s your reality.

The moment passed when she thought he might kiss her. Her chest deflated with a sigh of relief. One thing at a time.

“How’s Wednesday? I’ll stay at a hotel until then, and we’ll move your belongings into my house.”

“Wednesday’s a good day for a wedding, but I can’t kick you out of your house. Josh and I will stay at a hotel.” She glanced at her house. “I already scheduled the electricity and power to turn off tomorrow, or I’d stay here with an inflatable mattress.”

Shep scowled. “Will you accept my word on this? I’d feel much more comfortable with you at the house and me at a hotel.”

“Fine, I’ll stay at your house.” Some issues weren’t worth the argument.

“Good. We’ll swing by the courthouse on the way home, file the paperwork, then start unloading all this.”

She sucked in a ragged breath.
I’m getting married.