Love In the Red Zone (Connecticut Kings Book 1) (6 page)

Of course, when she wanted to meet him after, I declined. I wouldn’t allow those two energies to intersect, and not because I was jealous in any way. I just wouldn’t subject Ezra to that type of fandom. He’d always been straight up. But I didn’t object when she tried stuffing my dick down her throat on our way back to her crib at
Trump International
when we left service. Hey, I loved God, but was no saint. Never claimed to be. Ezra knew the good, bad, and ugly of me, and never judged. He always led my attention to my
core
, as he would put it. He told me if I let Christ in there first, He’d start showing Himself in other areas of my life. So, I took my salvation one day at a time.

“Y’all need to pass that over here. You’re now married; he don’t want to get married. I thought light-skinned dudes were coming back in style.”

“I’ve been hearing that conjecture for years. You guys stopped reigning in the nineties. It’s now our time, T.B.” We cracked up at that. This was why I kicked it with Ezra. You never had to worry about falling out of sync with him; he could kick it on any level. “You know there’s a reason I called you out here this morning.”

I opened my palms, reminded of the nature of this last minute meeting. Ezra never called me like this, not even when he counseled me. I hadn’t seen him since his wedding this past summer.

“I was curious as to why. I understand you’re still on leave from the church.”

He nodded in agreement. “Have only a few more weeks to go and couldn’t wait that long to pull you aside.”

The waiter came over to take our order. I told him no thanks. Today was my fasting day. Ezra ordered tea.

“Trent,” he started once the waiter left, “I had a rough night of sleep last night. It started off with a nightmare of sorts. I was in the wilderness at night with nothing but a flashlight. It was cold, woodsy, endless, and quite frightening, considering I was alone. I could hear the echoing of steps behind each one I made. I knew the sounds were not from mine; they were louder, almost as if from a big creature creeping up on me. But no matter how many times I would turn and flash my light behind and around me, I couldn’t find anything. I heard the howling of wolves, flapping wings of fowls, and the cries and movements of various reptiles.”

I straightened in my seat, already feeling eerie about this dream. Ezra’s stories were always crisp enough for you to get a visual from the pulpit. This personal one from him was no different. I could see the setting he described.

“I was tired and hungry, and while that was to be expected and didn’t trouble me, what did was my state of dismay. I didn’t think I’d ever leave that wilderness. I’d been walking for miles—days! I couldn’t identify where I was, only why I was there. The worst part of it all was I didn’t know how long I’d be there. So discouraged, at one point I dropped to my knees to pray—to beg God, actually, to save me. I needed rescuing or I’d certainly be devoured by wildlife. I prayed for an unknown, yet long period of time. When I came up, it was still pitch black and I’d lost my flashlight. I was ready to give up. To surrender my will to live right there.”

I went rigid in my seat. Unusual emotions shooting up my chest.

“The moment I made the decision to succumb to my destiny in the wilderness, I heard a commanding utterance. “
When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you. And will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you. And will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.
” That declaration—that promise restored just enough energy in me to walk again,” he went on.

I adjusted myself in my seat again, my eyes wandering aimlessly out the window as I processed this. Ezra had always been a straight up dude...no hocus pocus shit. I could feel an energy radiating from across the table, drawing me into this place with him. It was surreal. All of my doubts and fears from the past two years came to an invisible surface, exposed for me to acknowledge whether I wanted to or not. They were also there for someone else to identify: Ezra, the man I’d chosen to lead my life spiritually as my pastor and emotionally as my former therapist. He’d put a lot of time and energy in making me whole and well as a man. And now my truth was out there. I still felt the remnants of incarceration. I hadn’t evolved mentally or emotionally outside of that cell in Wisconsin. Out of nowhere, I felt ashamed for not really being as well as I appeared. The more he spoke, it was being revealed that I hadn’t been as mentally healthy as what he’d been trying to coach me to.

“I began to slump forward—not that I knew where I was going, but I followed that commanding voice with depleted energy. It was my promise. My manna. I had to go or else I’d die. I couldn’t tell you how long I forged toward the voice, but could tell you along the way I saw wolves, bears, lions, and even a serpent advising me to go the opposite way. As much as my flesh wanted to give up and cave to my fears and thoughts of betrayal from God allowing me to spend so much time in this wilderness, hungry and scared, I had to press toward the mark and seek the Source I knew had plans for my life.”

When the waiter dropped off his tea, Ezra paused for a minute. I sat rock-hard still and waited for him to go on.

“As I tossed and turned last night, I prayed silently, not wanting to alert my sleeping wife. I didn’t want to leave our bed for fear of losing what God was trying to show me, and of course that may have awakened her. So, I stayed the course, until my limping brought me to big bright overhead lights. I could recognize a stadium right away. I questioned if I had the energy to make it inside to safety, rest, and food.” He shook his head. I could tell experiencing this dream last night for him was similar to my current revelation of the wilderness I’d been living in. “The next thing I knew, it was no longer me in the wilderness. I’d somehow stepped out of the shell and looked back on it to find you. You were present age and in the same top physique you’re sitting in here with me now. This was your journey I’d experienced. You’d just made it out of the wilderness and into the stadium packed with all of your fans, cheering you on from the bleachers. Your teammates were there, shouting your victory. Your coaches smiled with pride and happiness at your arrival.”

I sat cold and numb, barely able to breathe. I couldn’t recall ever feeling so out of my element and into my feelings. Even the day I reported for lock up and the metal gate closed behind me, I didn’t feel much emotion because I was able to handle it, closing myself into a steel enclosure protecting me from the vultures. This was a method I’d developed as a kid, watching my mother covet my brother while resenting me.

I felt the heat of his hand that covered mine, snatching me from my internal thoughts. My eyes snapped up and Ezra nodded softly with determined eyes, keeping me out here with him. I returned the notion, trying to hold my shit together.

“Trent, I saw a woman, standing directly in front of you, waiting impatiently to embrace you. She held a small baby, a newborn. Next to them was an older child, almost as tall as the woman. I understand this doesn’t make much sense, brother, but this was your wife and children.”

That shit hit me like a blow to the head. I sat back, covering my face with my hands. This was really crazy…scary I could admit to myself. What are the chances of Pete calling me first thing this morning with the news of the Kings wanting to look at me and then Ezra texting—

“Trent—”  

“My old agent called me,” I spoke through my hands, somehow unable to move them from my face. “First thing this morning. He was blowing up my phone, trying to catch me before I headed out for my morning workout. I thought it was strange, E, because even though we’ve kept in touch, he doesn’t call that early.” His hands dropped from his face. “He got an email saying the league wants to consider re-instating me. They’re thinking about bringing me back and want me to come in and sign paperwork to use their facilities to train. Pete, my old agent, said it would be their way of looking at me on the low to see if I still got it, but...”

“My God…” he muttered in pure shock.

“Ez, man, you know—” my voice dropped exposing my emotions so I took a deep breath to slow the hell down. “Last spring you preached about miracles and how in this age we’re not being taught to call on God for the impossible. You said He’s the same God that performed miracles for Moses in parting the Red Sea, permitting Peter to walk on water, and raising Lazarus from the dead. That’s the same God I’ve been petitioning for life after the shi—the storm,” I caught my slip. “I’ve been through. The same One I’ve been begging for forgiveness from. So, I’ve been fasting once a week since then for Him to show His hand in my life in any way. I would love to get back in the league, but even if He were to move in another area of need, I would’ve been content with that. But this…” I couldn’t finish, trying to breathe deeply in order not to lose my shit.

Ezra pulled a thick envelope from his inner pocket and placed it on the table between us. The contents of it was clear right away. This dude was the most resourceful and generous man I knew.

“This is not a loan,” he made very clear. “Neither is it an investment or charity. It is me planting a seed in you that shall grow and prosper. It is me petitioning God to complete that thing which was started in you before your life was interrupted. It is an act of filling in the gap for you, Trent.”

I blew out a deep breath, shaking my head. “Ezra, no one would ever believe how real you are, man. No one, unless they’ve been as low and broken as I’ve been, could ever know the depth of your faith. My homies still in the league haven’t looked out for me like you have. I can’t keep taking your money, bruh.”

“And you can’t block my blessings either. Those property taxes in Alpine are astronomical. Trust me, I know. Stenton and I talk. Here’s ten. You know if you need anything within my means, I’ll have your back. And if it’s outside of my reach, I’ll call on a miracle, all for your faith in Him to remain.”

“Ezra…” I didn’t know what to say.

Ezra’s hands pushed across the table, signaling the intent to pray. “Let us pray on this development.” Within seconds, I joined hands with him and he began. “Father, we bless You for the insight You’ve so graciously bestowed. You didn’t have to share with us the miracle at Your hand concerning Trent, but You did. You said when two or three are gathered in Your name, there You’d be in the midst. We are here asking for the clarity of Your presence and will regarding Trent’s next steps. We understand now that Your plan has been revealed in the atmosphere, even Satan is aware and now plotting to intercept and destroy the blessing en route to my brother. We come against any assignment sent to deter Your will. He will be delivered. Trent will prosper and thrive in this next chapter of his life. He will also take You, Your word, and precepts each step of the way. God, we believe. We agree. We’re exercising our weapon of faith for this miracle. In Jesus’ name we pray.” His eyes appeared on me as mine did him.

Together we sealed the request with, “Amen.”

I sat back trying to ride out the chills coursing my body. I needed to gain a hold of myself. I took another deep breath, slipping into my feelings. This was real. A change was about to come. Ezra was many things, but never about the bullshit. I believed a change was coming. It was what I needed and at the perfect time. I knew the signs of incoming depression. That was a land I wanted no tour of again.

“I have to go.” That brought my attention back to Ezra. I nodded. “Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t inform you when a miracle of this magnitude comes your way, so do the wolves in sheep’s clothing. Bad always counters good. Stay vigilant, Trent.” His voice was stern, his message haunting with warning. “Protect your arsenal of weaponry.” His index finger met his head. “Guard your garden of peace.” He pointed to his heart. “You’re now in the red zone, bruh. And we know while it is a promising place on the field, it is also proven that
any
thing can happen while there. Don’t be dismayed by the promise. It isn’t assurance. Keep your mind and heart on the goal until you score.”

I nodded, unable to speak. I did stand to give him a bidden dap. Ezra pulled me in and put a pound on my back. He, too, was speechless. I sat back in my seat when he turned to walk off. My eyes glossed and nose expanded.

Shit, ma
n
…

As a kid, my mother tore into me about crying all the time. I cried a lot back then, hating that weakness in my personality. She would beat my ass or worse, taunt me about doing something I couldn’t help. It made me feel like a sissy—the frequent word I’d heard and grew to use about myself. She would say that I was a light and pretty sissy when she wanted to get underneath my skin when disciplining me. It didn’t help that her and my older brother were darker in complexion than me. My mother never made me feel a part of her fold, always pointing out contrasts to my being instead of commonalities to our family. I believed that was why I did so well in sports.

On the basketball court and football field I felt like an indestructible monster. Not only was I fast and strong, but I was a deliberator. I filled my time in silence plotting my victory. I’d grown to be a progressively internal man. Being the underdog was embedded into my psyche. It was something Ezra told me could be used as a tool or be a detriment to my life. Nowadays, not much brought me to tears. Instead of focusing on how adversity made me feel, I concentrated on how I could annihilate it. That’s what made me good on the field; I merged my heart and mind and focused intently on the goal. Ezra had it right.