Love Inspired May 2015 #1 (52 page)

“I don't know. Most of the people I talk to are excited about the library reopening.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder. His heart beat erratically in his chest. Could she feel it? Did she know what she did to him? “Once the library is open, people will come around. Sometimes people get set in their ways and it's hard for them to let go.” As he was?

Was he using his sense of responsibility as a barrier because his single life was too comfortable? Or was he afraid of failing and being hurt again?

“I hope you're right. I don't want to be an outsider forever.”

Shaw held her tighter, resting his chin on her silky hair and inhaling the strawberry scent he'd come to love. “That will never happen. You're too warm and caring. People can see that from the moment they meet you. Plus, you have Millie on your side now.”

“I hope you're right because I want to stay in Dover. I want to raise my girls here.”

Shaw's heart swelled with hope. He wanted that, too. More than anything he'd ever wanted in his life.

Chapter Ten

L
ainie ran her fingers over the stabilizing tape wrapped around her elbow. The doctor had been pleased with her progress and had allowed her to dispense with the sling and use the wrap instead. She'd promised him she'd not overuse her arm, and faithfully do the exercises he prescribed. To celebrate, Shaw had suggested they go to the Peace Community Church picnic and ice-cream social. The girls were so excited it was all she could do to keep them still during church.

She glanced at Shaw, sitting behind the wheel of her car. He must have sensed her watching him because he turned his head and smiled, sending her pulse racing. Sometimes when she looked at him, she forgot to breathe. His dark piercing eyes, dazzling smile and that dimple in the center of his chin made him hard to resist.

Having Shaw involved in their lives this past week had only deepened her feelings for him. His presence had also made her aware how incomplete she'd felt for the past few years. Sending him off to work each morning and sharing their evening meals had reminded her how much she missed the comforting predictability of married life. The sense of being a complete family.

But Shaw wasn't family, only a friend. He was the man who'd stepped in to help because he owed it to her. No other reason. They might have set the past aside and become friends, but for him, that was all it would ever be. She and the girls were an obligation, and once the library was open he'd be on his way without a backward glance.

Lainie faced the window, oblivious to the lovely day outside. If they made the deadline, she'd be unable to remain in the duplex. Shaw would want to start restoring his house so he could sell it. Heavy sadness shrouded her mind. She didn't like the thought of someone else living there. She'd come to think of the old house as her home.

But that was an issue for tomorrow. Today she was going to put all of those concerns aside and enjoy the picnic. She knew people in Dover now, and she was eager to start making deeper connections. Real friendships.

The parking lot at Friendship Park was full when they arrived, forcing Shaw to park along the street. “Are you sure we weren't supposed to bring something other than chairs?”

Shaw pulled the two lawn chairs from the trunk while she helped the girls out of the car, then picked up the small basket of picnic utensils.

“Nope. Everything is provided.” They started across the easement to the main entrance of the park, and Lainie felt many of her concerns drift away. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, but not too humid, a few fluffy clouds dotted the blue sky, and a nice steady breeze kept things comfortable. Several people greeted them as they passed. A few stared and moved on. She tried not to think it was because of her.

“Lainie, I see a picnic table near the playground. Let's set up there, then we can watch the girls play.”

She scanned the park as she spread the plastic cloth over the weathered wood. People played softball in the far field. Off to one side was a horseshoe pit and a corn-hole toss. In the opposite field, a volleyball net had been erected. The food was set up on long tables under a row of large shade tents, and at the end, ten ice-cream freezers were busily churning the day's desserts. From the looks of things, every member of Peace Community was here. And then some.

Throughout the day, Lainie met the husbands and families of her library ladies, and Shaw introduced her to the rest of the Durrant clan. The loving family reinforced her desire for roots and permanence. Her parents had loved to move, see new places and explore new locations. She'd longed for the thread of connection that only staying in one place could provide.

The day passed too quickly, and before she knew it, the crowd was starting to thin. The hot dogs and hamburgers had all been eaten and the ice cream devoured. The people who still remained lounged by the small lake or on picnic tables waiting for a local band to start their performance. It had been a fun day and she wasn't ready for it to end. Neither were her daughters, who had made a few new friends and were making nonstop trips down the tall sliding board.

Shaw returned from disposing of their empty drink cups. “Are you up for a walk? The trails should be nice and cool this time of day.”

A walk in the woods with Shaw was too tempting to resist. “I'm not sure the girls will want to leave the playground.”

Shaw nodded at the table Gwen and Eric had claimed. “No problem. Gwen said she'd keep an eye on them.”

The air was noticeably cooler the moment they stepped under the thick canopy of trees. A few yards ahead, the trail split into three directions. Shaw steered her down the path marked Camellia.

“Are you having fun?”

“Yes. Today, I actually feel like I belong.”

“Is belonging important to you?”

“We moved a lot when I was growing up. I was always the new kid who never fit in. About the time I started to make friends, it was time to move again. I always dreamed of finding a place like this where I knew everyone and had a deep connection. I want that for my girls. I want them to grow up with the same friends and shared memories. I want them to have a place to return to even after they have families of their own.”

She wanted something else, too. She wanted to spend each day with someone she loved, someone who loved her children as much as she did and who would love her forever. But that was something best kept to herself.

“I think you can find all that in Dover. I wasn't raised here, but I think of it as home.”

“Where was home, originally?”

“Lafayette, Louisiana. After Mom left, Dad and I moved to Baton Rouge.”

“Does he still live there?”

“He's in Florida with wife number five. Or is it six?” He shrugged. “Hard to keep track.”

Shaw took her hand as they continued to stroll along the shaded path. He was more relaxed than she'd ever seen him. She decided to ask the question that had puzzled her for a long time. “Why have you never married?” He didn't respond, but kept walking, holding her hand firmly in his. Maybe she shouldn't have asked.

“I came close once.”

Lainie's heart tightened. “What happened?”

He took a deep breath. “She made it halfway down the aisle before turning and walking out of the church.”

Lainie stopped and faced him, her heart aching with sadness. “Oh, Shaw, I'm so sorry. Did she tell you why?”

He nodded, but didn't look at her. “She said I wasn't engaged in the relationship. That I was more focused on my work than on her. She said she didn't want a marriage with a man who had his heart locked up.”

Lainie squeezed his hand. How awful for a proud man like him to be left standing at the altar while his bride walked away. The way his mother had. “Was that true? I mean, did you love her?”

“Very much.”

She could sense his old pain stirring beneath the surface. “She was wrong, you know. You do give your heart to everything you do. I've seen your dedication to your work, to your crew and to helping me and the girls. You're a good man. An honorable man.”

Shaw's eyes darkened as he looked at her, and his hands took hold of her shoulders gently. “Have I mentioned you're good for my ego?”

Lainie chuckled softly. “I don't think your ego needs any help.”

“Good for my heart, then.” He pulled her close, sliding his arms around her waist and easing her against him.

Her insides melted along with her common sense. She went willingly into his embrace, accepting his kiss with no hesitation. His lips were gentle, tender, almost reverent at first then his arms tightened, and she let herself be lost in the moment. She'd never been kissed like this before. Fierce yet gentle at the same time. A sweet sense of connection enfolded her heart, drawing them together in some mysterious way.

When he ended the kiss, her mind was a fuzzy blur of emotion and sensations. She searched his deep blue eyes, her hand moving up to touch the strong jaw.

He cradled her face between his work-roughened hands, caressing her with his dark blue gaze. He lowered his head and kissed her again, a brief, sure touch, as if claiming her for his own.

As her thoughts cleared, she saw the folly in what she'd done. Kissing Shaw would only complicate her already-conflicted emotions. But it had been a long time since she'd felt like a woman, a desirable, attractive woman. For now, that was enough.

Voices up the trail shattered the intimate moment, pulling them apart. A group of teenagers appeared around the curve ahead, laughing and joking. When they moved on, Shaw took her hand. “We'd better get back if we want to hear the band.”

She'd been looking forward to the music, but it had lost its appeal. She needed to regroup and get her emotions under control. “I think I'd better take the girls home. They're worn-out and it'll be hard to get them to sleep tonight.”

“All right.”

She was glad Shaw kept her hand in his, but she couldn't help wondering what lay ahead for them down the path they were on.

* * *

Lainie rinsed the bowls and set them into the dishwasher that evening. She'd been right about having trouble getting the girls settled down after the picnic. Even after their baths, they were trying every trick in the book to keep from going to bed. Shaw hadn't been much help. He'd chuckled at everything the girls had said and done, thoroughly amused at her attempts to bring order.

She pointed to the stairs, putting on her most stern mommy face. “Upstairs. Now. You've had a busy day.”

Chrissy climbed down from the chair. “Misser Shaw has to come, too. Can he read to us?”

“Not tonight. Scoot.”

“But he has to come hear our prayers.” Natalie made her desires known by directing a smile at Shaw.

“That's up to him.” She glanced at him only to see him stand and wink at her.

“I can't miss out on the prayers.”

He was enjoying her battle way too much. Upstairs, Shaw leaned against the door frame while she settled the girls under the covers. She sat on the edge of the bed as two pairs of hands pressed together and eyes closed.

Natalie went first, thanking God for a fun day, her mom, her friends and her grandma in heaven. Chrissy began her simple prayer next, thanking the Almighty for her mommy, her sister and her swings. She added Beaux to the list and Gwen's boys.

“And please, God, thank you for our Daddy Shaw, and keep him with us forever so he doesn't have to go to heaven like our other daddy did.”

Lainie's heart froze in shock. What had prompted her child to say such a thing? She could feel Shaw's tension from across the room. She stole a glance. His jaw was flexing, his eyes dark as midnight, his forehead deeply creased. He pushed away from the door, his quick footsteps sounding on the stairs as he hurried away.

After kissing the girls good-night, Lainie sought the quiet of her bedroom. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that Chrissy had become so attached to Shaw, but she should have known. She had welcomed Shaw's presence in their lives as a positive role model, but she hadn't considered the eventual outcome.

Lainie sat in the upholstered chair, drawing her feet up. Shaw had looked horrified at her daughter's comment. Surely, he understood Chrissy was only four and didn't understand about having a daddy.

She debated whether to go and speak with him but decided against it. He'd made his position clear. His reaction told her everything she needed to know. Shaw wasn't the least bit interested in any kind of future, especially one that included another man's kids.

Shame on her for thinking otherwise. Shame on her again for entertaining thoughts of a different life. She'd come this far with just her girls, she could continue the same way. She'd allowed his attention, and mainly his kiss to cloud her common sense and capture her heart.

And he had. She was in love with Shaw. The last man she should ever care for. A man who had no interest in family and was content to be alone.

* * *

Shaw stood in his bedroom, one hand rubbing his jaw, a two-ton weight pressing on his chest, and a tornado of emotion roaring through his mind.
“Our Daddy Shaw.”
Why had Chrissy said that? Did she think he was going to be her daddy?

A primal need to flee had yanked him from the room and sent him running for his life. He wasn't ready for that. He adored those girls, but he'd never thought of himself as a daddy. Ever.

He'd been falling for Lainie from the first day he'd seen her so worried and vulnerable in the police station. He'd tried to resist the pull, but the more he was around her, the harder it had become. The first kiss had been to satisfy his curiosity. He'd figured that would end his obsession. But the kiss today had shifted his foundation. Chrissy had smashed it to pieces.

Frustrated and confused, he took a hot shower, hoping to calm his turmoil, but Chrissy's words refused to leave his mind. It wasn't just about his feelings for Lainie. The girls were part of the package, too. Together they were a huge responsibility. One he didn't know if he was capable of assuming. The girls saw their father as a superhero. He could never measure up.

Lainie had called him an honorable man. But there was nothing honorable about his behavior today. He'd crossed a line when he'd kissed her and taken a step in a direction he wasn't sure he could go. Beaux jumped up on the bed and laid his head on Shaw's chest, his black eyes staring sympathetically. “Pal, we're hip-deep in alligators and no way to drain the swamp.”

There was only one way to proceed. He would stick with his commitment. He'd told Lainie he would take care of things until the library was complete. He'd keep his word. After that, he'd see what the Lord had in mind—if anything.

When his cell phone rang, he welcomed the interruption. But the late-night call brought bad news.

Shaw tossed his phone onto the bed, raking his fingers through his hair, trying to manage his anger and frustration. A sprinkler at the library had malfunctioned, and the company had notified the mayor, who had called Shaw. According to the report, there was two inches of water on the lower level.