Love Left Behind (2 page)

"No, I'm fine. See
you in a sec!"

The front door buzzed
and I pushed it open, dragging my suitcases behind me. Looking at the stairs
before me, I figured it would take more than a second to get upstairs. The
apartment was a walk-up and I wasn't relishing having to drag the suitcases up
three flights of stairs.

By the time I made it
to the fourth floor, sweat was dripping off me as if I had just run a marathon.
Since it was a warm May afternoon, the corridors of the apartment building were
hot and muggy.

The door to 4C was ajar
and a gorgeous girl with long blonde hair and stunning blue eyes was looking at
me with her mouth open.

"Oh my God! How
did you lug those things up by yourself?! You should have told me you needed
help!"

She stepped out from
the doorway and grabbed the handle of one of the suitcases. Her attempt to lift
it was laughable. The cheap plastic sides of the suitcase strained up with her
effort, but remained unmoved.

"Pull," I
wheezed as I tried to catch my breath, the exertion of dragging my luggage up
the stairs taking its toll. I waved towards the bottom of the suitcase and was
able to sputter out, "Wheels."

Claire took my
direction and started pulling the suitcase towards her and inside the
apartment. After we managed to drag the suitcases inside, we both plopped down
on the couch.

"Well," I
said after I caught my breath. "That was an inauspicious introduction. I
guess I should say nice to meet you."

Claire laughed as she
sat up on the couch. "I'd give you a welcome hug, but I have to admit that
I'd rather settle for a welcome handshake."

I looked down at my
sweat-drenched t-shirt and jeans that were sticking to my legs like wet cement.
"I don't blame you, I'm a mess."

Claire grinned as she
swept her hand, indicating the apartment. "Welcome to your new home."

Even though we had only
talked on the phone, Claire and I had immediately hit it off. She was a year
younger than I was and seemed as laid back as I was buttoned up. I decided that
I would definitely let her rub off on me.

I surveyed the
apartment, pleased that it looked just like the pictures she had sent me. The
living room was small but comfortably furnished with a few knickknacks and
pictures. The kitchen was more of a wall with a counter and appliances lined up
against it rather than a separate room. A small breakfast table separated the
kitchen from the living room. I knew the bedrooms were small too, but my room
came furnished so I had one less thing to worry about.

The main feature that I
had loved about the apartment was the small balcony off the living room. I
stood up to look out the sliding glass doors. It looked out onto 1
^st
Avenue and I could see people hanging out on their stoops.

"I love it!"
I said with enthusiasm as I turned my head to look at Claire. "I can't
believe I'm finally here. I always dreamed of living in New York, but now it's
actually a reality."

"I'm happy you're
here. The last roommate I had snored so loud that I could hear her through the
bedroom wall. The only thing that saved me was stockpiling earplugs."

Claire rose and stood
next to me, peering out the sliding glass window as well. She was much taller
than I was with a willowy figure. I figured she had to be about five nine even
without any shoes since she was barefoot. With my dark brown hair that was escaping
my messy ponytail and a figure that had hips showing my love of junk food, I
felt squat and average next to her.

But I wasn't here to
compete for attention. The last thing I wanted to do after having just broken
off my engagement was to start dating again. This time was for me, to establish
myself as the person I had always imagined I could be. And I was grateful that
I wasn't doing it alone. From our phone conversations, I already felt as though
Claire was a friend.

"Let me show you
your bedroom."

Claire opened one of
three doors off the living room, ushering me inside. "I know it's small
but mine’s the same size. I barely spend any time in mine anyway."

"It's
perfect," I said, looking around the room. And it was. Even though it was
small and cramped, it was mine. I could do whatever I wanted to it without
having to check with someone else to see if they were okay with it. I still
thought of Sean every now and then, and a part of me missed him. He had been a
part of my life for ten years and I still loved him and wanted the best for
him. As dull as I had found Sean in our relationship, he had always been kind
and considerate. He was a good person. I was the one that had changed the rules
mid-game.

After Claire showed me
the bathroom and helped me lug my suitcases into my room, she plopped down on
my bed. I was grateful that she seemed to consider me a new friend, instead of
someone just sleeping in the next room. As excited as I was to start my new
life, it made it a lot less scary to have a ready-made friend.

"So, what do you
want to do on your first official day as a New Yorker?"

I practically jumped up
and down in excitement. "I don't know. Maybe we can just walk around and
explore the neighborhood. I can't even think about unpacking right now."

"Sure. I'll show
you around the 'hood, and then we can stop by Max's Tavern. It's a bar a couple
of blocks away."

I looked at myself in
the mirror that was above the dresser in my bedroom and grimaced. "Let me
try to make myself look like a human being first. My hair looks like I stuck my
finger in an outlet."

Claire laughed as she
walked out of my room. "Sure, take your time."

I opened one of my
suitcases and fished out my toiletries as well as a fresh pair of jeans and a
tank top. Claire was flipping through a magazine when I made my way into the
bathroom. It was a relief to change into clothes that weren't sticking to me.
It was even more of a relief to wash off the grime of traveling from my face
and put on fresh make-up.

"Tada," I
announced as I stepped out of the bathroom. "This is as good as it's going
to get today, but at least I don't feel gross anymore."

"You look
fine," Claire replied as she dropped the magazine and stood. She was
wearing shorts that accentuated just how long her legs were and a cute little
tee that looked like it was sized for a toddler. It was a good thing that
Claire was such a nice girl. It could be easy to be jealous of someone so
effortlessly gorgeous.

Claire took me to all
her local haunts and she seemed to know everyone on a first name basis. She had
that easy charm that made everyone want to smile and talk to her. Claire was a
good guide, explaining the different neighborhoods in New York and showing me
where all the important places were, like the nearest grocery store and pharmacy.
It was exciting just to walk around and soak up the atmosphere. And the East
Village had plenty of atmosphere. It was a little grittier and a little dirtier
than the New York I had seen through Carrie Bradshaw's eyes, but it didn't make
me love it any less.

We walked over to Union
Square and wandered through the farmer's market, stopping to buy cups of cold
apple cider to quench our thirst. We sat down on a bench to take a break and
watch the people walking by.

"So how do you
like your new neighborhood so far?" Claire asked, leaning back on the
bench.

"I know I keep
saying I love everything, but I do. I love it. It's so different from Maryland,
or even D.C. It sounds clichéd, but it just seems so alive. I feel like I can
be a different person here."

Claire raised her
eyebrows. "What's wrong with the person you are now?"

I sighed as I thought
it over. Claire's mother was friends with mine through some women's charity
group back in Maryland, so I was sure Claire knew about the failed engagement.
We both came from Merrittsville, a small town in Maryland, although we had
never met growing up since Claire had gone to boarding school. In
Merrittsville, my running off had apparently been breaking news.

"Well, you know
about Sean and me, right?" I continued when Claire nodded. "It's not
that I didn't love him. I did love him. I mean, I still do. It just wasn't the
right kind of love. It wasn't the kind of love that made me excited to see him,
the kind that made me miss him when we were apart. We were together since we
were fifteen years old, and not once did I get butterflies around him. I mean,
I liked Sean and I was attracted to him. I used to think that was enough. Now I
know it isn't."

"Well..."
Claire said, drawing out the word. "I can understand that. But what does
that have to do with you being a different person?"

"The person that
was resigned to living a life with no passion was boring. She followed all the
rules, did all the right things. She almost got married to someone just because
everyone expected it, including herself."

I turned to Claire.
"I can't be that person anymore. I'm not sure who I'm going to be now, but
I know I'm definitely not going to be her."

Claire gave me a small
smile. "There's nothing wrong with trying to change things you don't like
about yourself, but I don't think you need to wipe the slate clean. I know
we've only talked on the phone a few times and we just met today, but the Emma
Mills I know seems pretty okay."

I looked up at the
trees overhead, the branches swaying with the slight breeze. I didn't want to
be just pretty okay. I wanted to be someone that would make my mark in this
world.

I laughed as I turned
back to Claire, shaking off my serious thoughts. "Enough with all this
heavy talk. You'd think I was going through an identity crisis or something.
Tell me about you. You're in a Broadway show now, right?"

Claire gave a wry
smile. "It's so off-Broadway that even saying it's off-off-Broadway would
be a stretch. But it's a great role in a play about a woman who can't decide
between two men in her life and how she figures out who to choose."

"And you play the
woman?"

Claire nodded.
"It's playing in a small theater not too far from our apartment. That's
what I mean about it being so off-Broadway. You should come see it sometime. It
runs every Friday and Saturday night."

"I'd love to come
see it! My first show in New York!"

Claire laughed at my
excited expression. "Don't get your hopes up. We don't come out singing
and wearing cat masks."

I scrunched up my nose
in protest. "I've never even seen
Cats
."

Claire took the last
sip of her apple cider and crumpled up her cup. "What about you? When do
you start your new job?"

"Tomorrow, bright
and early," I groaned. I had tried to come a few days earlier, but my
mother had insisted that I stay in Maryland until the last possible second. She
feared that I was going to be raped and killed in some alleyway of New York.
When I explained to her that New York didn't have any alleys, she had changed
the scenario to a gutter. As a result, I didn’t leave until Sunday morning and
now I only had one glorious afternoon and evening until Monday.

"Where's your
office?"

"It's on Lexington
and 45th," I answered. "Is that easy to get to from our place?"

"You're lucky.
Since it's on the east side, you can just take the green line up."

I bit my lip as I
thought about the complicated subway map I had perused for hours before.
"I've mapped my route out already. I have it memorized since I obsessed
about it so much. I'm just paranoid that I'll take the wrong subway and end up
in Queens or something."

"Relax,"
Claire said laughing. "The subway system is super easy. I'll go over it
with you later." She gave me a wink. "Queens isn't such a bad place
to go anyways. It has some killer Indian food."

"I
love
Indian food." I frowned as I
thought about it. "Actually, I love all food. That's the problem."

"I don't think you
have anything to worry about," she replied, glancing at me. "Curvy is
in." I couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed at her perusal. I would
never boldly look someone over and comment on their figure.

"Thanks, I
guess."

Claire laughed loudly.
"It was supposed to be a compliment. You have a tiny waist and great
curves. That's a good thing."

I relaxed although I
didn't agree. I would kill to be tall and thin like Claire. Oh well, I guess we
couldn't all be ravishing beauties. I gave myself a mental shake at my
thoughts. This wasn't the time to compare myself to others and find myself
lacking. The new Emma Mills was confident and secure in herself, body image
included.

"Well, this curvy
broad would love something harder than apple cider. Didn't you mention a bar
near our apartment?"

Claire jumped up,
throwing her crumpled cup in a nearby trash can. "Max's Tavern. I go there
most Sundays. It's a laid back bar and a great place to just hang out. Let's
go."

We walked back to our
neighborhood at a leisurely pace, enjoying the last rays of the Sunday
afternoon.

"This is it,"
Claire said as we reached a bar with dark wood paneling on the front. Max's
Tavern looked like it had been there since before prohibition, looking well
worn, but still gleaming with obvious care. "This isn't a hipster bar, but
that's why I like it."

The bar was decently
full when we stepped inside and Claire waved at the bartender, calling out a greeting.
Of course she would know the bartender.

"There they
are," Claire said as she grabbed my arm, dragging me over to a table that
was already occupied. There were two guys and one girl sitting there and they
smiled when they caught sight of Claire. The girl was a replica of Claire,
except she was the dark-haired version. With flowing dark brown hair and large
hazel eyes, I was beginning to think that I was going to get a complex. I guess
that's what happened when you hung out with actors.