Love M.D. (14 page)

“We’ll see. I can’t believe I’m
here again. I vowed never to get into another relationship.”

“Relationship?”

“Shoot. Did I just call it that? We’re
not in a relationship. We’re just having amazing sex together. That’s all.”

“Keep on telling yourself that
crap. Honey, you know that’s no way to live a fulfilling life. You have to get
past it. I know how you feel. I went through the same thing when Johnny walked
into my life.”

“How did you get past it?”

“Trust. You have to trust him.”

An hour after
Zoë’s call, Zach walks into my office.

“Hey Doc, ready to slice me open?” He
laughs.

Shaking his hand, I respond, “I
wouldn’t quite put it that way, but I’m ready. Are you? Any last minute
questions?”

“I’m a little nervous, but I’m guessing
that’s normal?”

“It is. Congratulations—I heard you’re
engaged.”

“I see you have been reliably
informed.”

“Care to call your beautiful fiancé
for some moral support?”

Shaking his head, he answers, “You
know the answer to that, Drake.”

A gentle knock sounds on the door,
and Nurse Richards walks in. “Zach, I want you to meet Nurse Richards. She’s
the very best, and she’s going to help prep you for surgery.”

“Wow, Doc. Is this the type of
service all your patients get?”

“I have special cargo in my care. So
I’ve secured some extra touches to ensure you’re taken care of.”

“Thanks, Drake. Keep this up, and I’m
going to have to put in a good word for you.”

I laugh at his words as he leaves
my office with the nurse.

Hours later, the tumor is removed
with no complications. Zach rests comfortably in recovery.

After two stops
to refuel, we arrive in Santorini,
Greece, early evening their time. It’s too bad all my trips here so far have
been for work. I look forward to the day when I can come here and enjoy a
little more than the food and views before I leave. Jada and I share a
two-bedroom suite at a resort close to her new property.

While Jada touches base with her
family, I call Zach, but he doesn’t pick up. I leave him a message then call Morgan.
We chat briefly then say goodnight.

Hours later, I’m
fast asleep when there’s a knock on
the door. The door opens slowly and Jada enters. I switch on the light. She’s
on the phone, but she’s in tears.

“I’ll call you when we’re about to
take off,” she whispers. “I love you, too. Bye.”

My chest down to my stomach twists
and turns. “What’s wrong?”

Immediately, my heart
pounds inside my chest, “Jada,
what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

“Sweetie, Zach had some sort of surgery
and something went wrong.”

“What?” My skin turns frigid. “What
do you mean? What surgery? What are you talking about? Zach didn’t have any
surgery.”

“He did. Apparently he didn’t want
you to worry, so he didn’t say anything.”

“Is he going to be okay? Is anyone
with him?” Tears run down my face and a rancid taste develops in my mouth. I
feel sick to my stomach.

“Megan was on the way to the
hospital when she called Jonathan. He’s heading over there now. I’ve already
scheduled the jet, and I called the concierge. They’re sending someone over now
to help pack your things. Get ready. We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

“I don’t understand. How could this
happen? Why wouldn’t he tell me about this? What was the surgery for?”

“Jonathan’s trying to get the
details. He’s going to try to reach me before we take off.”

“I should have never left. I knew
something was wrong.”

We arrive at
the airport.

Jada calls Jonathan again, but he
has no update.

I call Morgan, hoping he might
help, but the hospital says he’s with a patient. I leave him a message on all
his phone lines, and I hope and pray that while we are in the air, he can do
something to help.

The flight back home feels like
days. Every minute feels like hours, and every second that goes by, my stomach
aches from the emptiness I feel. I’m so afraid…

Morgan left a message on my phone
saying he was at the hospital, so I take some comfort in that. I hope he can
make it all better.

Now that we’ve touched ground in San
Francisco, I can’t wait to get off this plane to see my brother. I am thankful
to see Jonathan waiting as we pull into the hanger. It feels like the flight
attendant is taking another twenty-four hours to open the door. Finally, she
succeeds and the steps are down.

“How is he? Where is he?” I ask,
but when I see the look on Jonathan’s face, I get a horrid sensation in the pit
of my stomach.

Silently, he shakes his head. He
won’t look into my eyes. Eventually the words come. “Zoë, I’m so sorry to have
to be the one to tell you this. Zach died a few hours ago.”

“What?” Sound barely leaves my
lips. My legs go weak and crumble at his words. I lean on the nearby vehicle.

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan says. His
eyes are dark and filled with sorrow.

“No. This is some sort of mistake.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish it were a
mistake.”

“You’re mistaken. I saw him just a
day ago, and he was fine. I’ll call Morgan. He said he was going to see Zach. He’ll
tell you it’s a mistake.”

“Zoë, Morgan is on his way to see
you at our house.”

“This can’t be happening,” I cry. I
pull my cell phone and dial Zach’s number. “You’re wrong. You’ll see, this is
just some big misunderstanding. Zack likes to play pranks and thoughtless
stupid jokes sometimes. That’s all this is. You’ll see…” I shiver uncontrollably
as I wait for him to answer his phone. “Zach please, answer, please answer, oh
God please answer.”

Tears slip away. When I hear his
familiar voicemail message, I drop my phone. Earth shattering tremors erupt in
every organ of my body as the severity of this situation begins to hit me.

“Zoë, I’m sorry,” Jonathan says.

Jada holds me in her arms.

“Are you sure?” I murmur. “Did you
see him?”

“Megan was with him,” Jonathan
replies, helping me into the vehicle.

I can’t think straight. Everything
going on around me confuses me. Zach was just here,
he was just here
,
and he was fine. How could he be gone? Tears silently run down my cheeks. I can’t
believe the pain I feel. I feel like a part of me is missing.

We arrive at their house. Entering,
I see Megan weeping in her brother Daniel’s arms. I hear her gut-wrenching
wailing, and realize how true this is.

My only family, flesh and blood, my
brother, is gone. The memories of the day my parents died, the day my aunts
ripped us out of each other’s arms and the last time I saw him flood my mind
all at once. I see the steel beams falling and flattening the car. I hear Zach
screaming, “Zoë, don’t go… Zoë, please don’t go.” Just days ago, we said
goodbye again. Little did I know that this time our goodbye would be for good.

I lean against the wall and disintegrate
to the floor. “No…” I scream. “Why couldn’t it be me? Why didn’t he call me? Why
didn’t he tell me?”

I feel someone’s arms around me and
realize it’s Morgan. He pulls me in his arms. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I wish I
could have done more.”

“My Zachy is gone. Oh my God, he’s
gone.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

 I don’t know how much time passes,
but Morgan stays with me the entire time. He strokes the tendrils of my hair,
hugs me, and kisses me repeatedly.

I’ve lost the most important person
in my life.

I feel like I’m in some sort of a
daze. I still can’t believe what’s happened. He was
just
here. He just
hugged me and kissed me goodbye. How could he be gone? Why did this happen? I
must do something. What or why, I’m not sure.

“Can you take me to his house,
please?” I eventually mutter to Morgan.

“If that’s what you want,” he says.

I walk over to Megan. For the first
time, I notice her mom is there and her other brother, Pierce. They all tell me
how sorry they are. I try to hold myself together.

“I’m going to his house. Do you
want to come?”

She shakes her head in reply as her
silent tears flow. Her skin is deep red with eyes to match. I notice the rock
on her finger. I think about what might have been. All their hopes, and all their
dreams, just gone. I hadn’t even gotten the opportunity to congratulate her in
person yet. Now that he’s gone, what do I say to make it better?

“If you need me for anything at all,
just call. Okay?”

She nods.

“He loved you so very much.”

I say goodbye, and Morgan takes me to
Zach’s house. There, I sit in Morgan’s arms for hours in my brother’s space. I’m
not really doing anything, but right now, it’s as close to him as I can get. I
think about how I felt days before I last saw him. I felt like I was going to
lose him to Megan. Perhaps it was my instincts telling me that all wasn’t well.
I should have known something was wrong.

I feel so guilty. I should have
stayed.

My heart breaks
for Zoë. She’s devastated, and any
more bad news I give her will only add to her pain. Zach died in my care, and I
don’t even know how to begin to share this with her. She’s in so much agony
right now, telling her would only add to that.

He seemed to be doing well. Before
I left the hospital, he was okay. Then, apparently, he had an anaphylactic reaction—to
one of the drugs, I assume, and he stopped breathing. In my absence, an
emergency tracheotomy was performed. Unfortunately, hours later he was gone. Within
a week of my other patient…gone.

I know I did everything right. I
know I did everything within my power to save his life, and hers. His surgery
had gone remarkably well. Never once did I question whether or not he’d survive,
but I would be a liar if I said that two sudden deaths of two patients of mine
within a week has not been playing on my mind.

I know I have to tell Zoë, but not
now. When I do tell her, I want to know the facts as to why Zach died. And I’ve
done what I need to do to find the answers to those questions. For my own
sanity, I need to know the answers to these questions, as well.

I’ve lost patients before, but not
under such similar circumstances, and not within such a short span of time. For
now, my worries and stresses will have to be secondary. Zoë’s wellbeing is my
primary and only focus right now.

“Why did he need surgery?” she
asks.

“He had a tumor in his stomach. The
surgery itself went well, but something went wrong after.”

“Why didn’t he tell me? How could
he let me leave the country and not tell me? I should have been there.”

I’m giving her all this
information, but I don’t think she realizes that I was Zach’s doctor, that I
performed his surgery.

“Did you talk to him? Was he in
pain before he died? What did he say?”

“I’m sorry, baby. By the time I got
to him, he had passed.” This is agonizing. I wish I could turn back time. I
wish I could have found a way to get Zach to listen to me.

“Can we find out why? I want to
find out why my brother died.”

“I’ve already taken care of it.”

Over the next
few days, with the help of Jada and
Jonathan, we make plans to bury my brother. Knowing how much Zach loved Megan,
I want to include her in the process. I don’t want her to feel left out, but I don’t
know if she can. She’s a mess. We’re still very much in a state of shock.

I want to do right by Zach. I want to
do what he would have wanted. Jonathan handles all the legalities and paperwork
surrounding his death. And I pull myself together to plan his final farewell.

Through all this, Morgan has been
amazing. He’s gone through a very difficult time with me. I realize now how
thankful I am to have him by my side.

Five days from the day my brother
died, his friends, many of his colleagues and I gather to celebrate his life. Even
Barney and José are here to support.

I don’t think he would have wanted
us to be sad or to suffer, so I planned a very different type of service. I
invited a few of his closest friends to share some of their happiest and best
moments with my brother: Troy, his childhood friend who flew in from Florida; Jason,
his best friend from college; and Min-Jun, a friend and architect that he
collaborated with regularly.

I invited Megan to share some
thoughts as well, but I don’t think she will be able to. I’m worried about her.
In the last few days, she’s spent some time with me at Zach’s house, but mostly
in his bed in tears. She’s completely devastated, and my heart breaks not only
from Zach’s death, but also for her.

The ceremony starts with opening
prayers, and I suppose it’s a good thing when, within ten minutes, everyone is
laughing. Some comments, however funny, make me sad because I know I won’t
experience that Zachary Jenkins’ sense of humor any more.

Soon it is my turn to give the
closing remarks. I realize that as much as I tried to prepare myself for this,
I’m not ready. I don’t want to say goodbye. Until now, I have not looked at Zach’s
body. I had Jonathan identify him. I take a deep breath, rise to my feet with
my prepared speech in hand, and head to the podium.

“Thank you all for being here, and
for celebrating Zach’s life with me today.”

My hands quiver so terribly, I can’t
see the words on the paper. I look over at Megan and realize, despite the tough
exterior I’ve been trying to maintain, I feel exactly the way she looks.

“Zach… Zach…” I pause but I can’t
continue. I look over at his casket. It won’t be like the last time we were
separated. This time he won’t be coming back. I’ll never see him again. For the
first time in my life, I’m a
twinless twin
. The only family I had left,
the one person in the world I’d do anything for, the one person I’d die for, is
gone.

I try to continue, but every time I
open my mouth to start, another teardrop soaks the paper in front of me. “I’m
sorry,” I manage to whisper. “I can’t do this.” I turn away as my tears flow. I’m
losing it. I completely break down.

Morgan’s arms surround me. As I
bury my face into his lapel, he takes the sheet of paper from my hand, clears
his throat, and reads my words.

“Thank you all for being here, and
for celebrating Zach’s life with me today.

In my wildest dreams, I never
thought I’d be burying my brother, especially not at this stage in our lives.
So I’ve written a letter to Zach, which I will share with you.