Love Me (28 page)

It rolls directly in front of Maggie’s feet. 

“I can’t look at it. What is it?”

“It’s tails! Aiden! You did good, Keatyn. Okay, one more time.”

She tosses me the coin. I flip it again, think the same things, but then Dawson’s adorable face bursts into my thoughts. I see him sitting on the brick wall waiting for me, that first day back at school after the Hamptons. 

The coin lands.

“Heads,” she says.

Dawson.

“Wait! This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be throwing it. I’m too confused. Who do you think I should be with?”

“I don’t know. I used to think Dawson, but now I think Aiden. Mostly, I just want you to be happy.”

I give her a hug. “That’s exactly what I need! You need to toss the coin and think,
I want Keatyn to be happy
.”

“I can do that,” she says excitedly.

“No two out of three. Just one toss, okay?”

“Okay, let me think . . . here goes.” 

She tosses the coin up into the air. It hits the ceiling, bounces down on the bench, and then rolls off it. 

“Heads,” Maggie says. “It’s Dawson.”

So easily destroyed.

6:50pm

Before rehearsal starts, one of the actors is on stage messing around. He stands up straight and tall, holds his fist against his chest, and quotes from
Hamlet
: “To be, or not to be, that is the question.”

But I hear something else.
To choose, or not to choose, that is the question.

I’m pretty sure in
Hamlet
, he was trying to decide if he should kill himself. While I’m trying to figure out if I should kill a relationship.  

Aiden sits down next to me, the feather still hanging from his backpack. 

Should I listen to the coin-toss fate and choose Dawson?

“You know, we never did talk about your ceramics project.”

“That’s because you were mad at me.”

“Boots, I want to build a framework with you. Do you still want that?”

I nod.

“Good. But here’s the deal. I want the framework—the foundation—built on love, not sex.” He takes both my hands in his. “Build a foundation with me. A nice strong foundation. Then we’ll build a huge sprawling mansion of love on it. The kind no one could ever knock down. Remember the story of the three little pigs?”

“Yeah. The wolf ate them.”

“No, he didn’t. He ate two of them. You and Dawson were a straw house. It only took a puff—a text—to blow it down. Don’t you want a relationship that’s not so easily destroyed?”

I want to say I don’t care, but I do. I do want a relationship like that. One like Mom and Tommy’s. Tommy would move a mountain for my mom and us girls. I start to get tears in my eyes. 

He puts his hand under my chin. “Does that make you sad?”

“No, it’s what I want. I’m just tired of investing my time and my heart in things that fall apart. And I don’t want to be a pig.”

Aiden laughs and kisses my nose. “You’d be a cute piggy.”

I look at the stage and realize that I’m supposed to be up there. “Shit. I gotta go.”

When I sit back down after my scene, Aiden says, “I bought tickets to every showing.”

“Every showing of the play? All three? Haven’t you seen it enough?”

“Not really. I love this play.”

“Why’s that?”

“The good guy wins.”

Wednesday, November 2nd

It was awful.

English

In English, Katie sits next to Dallas and me. It’s the first time she’s ventured over here since the Tyrese incident. 

“I have some exciting news.”

“What’s that?”

“Bryce asked me to be his escort last night!”

“That’s awesome.”

“I’m going to be Chelsea’s escort,” Dallas says, getting in a little jab. 

“She a varsity starter?” Katie asks, although she doesn’t let him reply. “Makes sense, I guess. She’s been with everyone on the team.”

My eyes get big with shock. Katie’s usually not this catty. 

Dallas doesn’t get mad, though, he grins at her and then swats her shoulder. “Well, since you popped my cherry, I’ve been trying to find someone better than you.”

Katie starts giggling. “Ohmigawd, that would be anyone. It was awful.”

Dallas laughs too. “Well, the first time, anyway. But that was your fault and you know it.”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t know you were a virgin.”

“I’m glad you’re seeing Bryce,” Dallas says. “He’s a good guy.”

She smiles at him. Beams, really. “Thanks. And I didn’t really mean that about Chelsea.”

“Yeah, you did.” He chuckles.

She chuckles too. “Yeah, I did.”

I can’t hold it in any longer. “I’m so glad you two made up!”

As I’m walking to my next class, Shark walks up next to me. 

“I heard you’re escorting Dawson onto the field but going to the banquet with Aiden. You know that’s never gonna fly.”

“It’s flying just fine.”

“I need some inside information. So, who ya gonna choose, girlie?”

“I don’t know, Shark. You’re the oddsmaker. You tell me.”

“Let’s flip a coin.”

I laugh. “Already did that.”

“Who won?”

“Dawson.”

“Did you just flip once?”

“No. First flip, he won. Then he won two out of three. Then he won another single coin toss.”

“So you flipped four times, and Aiden came up how many times?”

“Only once,” I say sadly. 

“Guess I’m gonna have to rethink this.”

“Do people really bet on this stuff?”

“Hell, yeah.”

My caveman fantasy.

7:25pm

“I’m going to Columbia this weekend to hang out with Cam, since you’ll be busy with your play stuff.”

“My play stuff? Dawson, it’s
the
play. Are you not coming to watch it?”

“I figured I’d sit in on dress rehearsal. That’s the same thing, right?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess. Are you going to hook up with other girls?”

“I don’t know,” he says, looking guilty.

“You already have a date, don’t you?”

“It’s not a date. It’s more of an implied hookup. Some girl saw my picture and told Cam she’d hook up with me.”

This upsets me more than I thought it would. I try to not look at him. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll cry. 

“Keatie, look at me. Say something.”

But I can’t. I’m thinking of that sweet, sexy face kissing another girl. I bite my lip and fight back tears. 

“I’m sorry. You’re right. This isn’t an easy situation.” I quickly wipe the tears off my face. 

He pulls me into a hug. “I don’t want to make you cry.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that after this weekend, I thought I was going to choose just you. But then Aiden told me he wants to build a brick house together. He says you and I have a straw house.”

“Are you talking about the three little pigs?”

“Yeah, I guess. Are we all about sex, really?”

“That really pisses me off,” he says, his anger flaring. “Stop letting him say shit like that to you. It’s like he’s trying to freaking brainwash you. I love you. I love sex with you. Sex is a part of showing love. I’m also trying to show you I love you in other ways too.”

“Like by not coming to my play to go hook up at Columbia?”

“That’s not fair. Maybe I’m trying to make you jealous? Ever think of that?”

“No.”

“Okay, fine. No sex.”

“What?”

“You heard me. No sex. I won’t have sex with you until you choose me.”

Um, this is a twist in the plot I didn’t imagine. Why can’t I get a freaking script of my own life? 

But no, that’s bullshit. No way he’s going to say no. I run my hands up his shirt and kiss his neck. “But, Dawes . . .”

“That’s not gonna work, Keatie. Trust me, I know all your little tricks.”

I lie on his bed and cover my face. He lifts my hand and peeks at me. 

“Your pouting isn’t going to work either.” 

“I’m not pouting. I’m very close to a major meltdown here, Dawson. Don’t mess with me.”

“Talk to me. I’ve always been your friend.”

“I feel like if I choose Aiden, I have to make this lifelong commitment. But then . . .” I look away from Dawson. I’m embarrassed by this part. “Never mind.”

“Keatie, baby, tell me.”

“It’s too embarrassing.”

“Did you fart or something?”

“No. He . . . He . . . He’s never kissed me with his tongue!”

Dawson’s eyes get wide, and he shakes his head sideways. “Are you serious?”

“So mortifyingly serious.”

He wraps his strong arms around me. “Come here, Keatie. Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” I say, pushing back the tears. “I gotta go. Do you wanna walk me to the library?”

“The library?” he asks as we walk toward it. “Don’t you have rehearsal?”

“No, tomorrow night is our full dress rehearsal, so tonight they’re working through all the set changes. I’m going to tutor Aiden and finish my homework.”

“Are you doing better? You seem a little better.”

“I am. Dawson, if you want to go hook up with a girl at Columbia this weekend, you can. You’re single.”

He pushes me against the outside of the library and gives me a smoldering kiss. “I lied. I still want to have sex with you. So get your homework done fast and then get your ass to my room. I’m going to do things to you that will make you scream.”

I hear someone clear their throat. I peek around Dawson and see Aiden standing there.

“Uh, Dawson. Aiden’s here. I’ll, um, see you later.”

Dawson smacks my butt and says, “I’ll be waiting.”

He gives Aiden a smirk and a “S’up, Aiden,” as he leaves.

I can’t even describe the look on Aiden’s face. 

He. Is. Livid.

I don’t know what to say, so I open the door to the library. 

Just as I pass through the first set of doors, Aiden grabs my elbow and herds me back outside.

“We. Need. To. Talk.”

He’s doing something similar to my angry march, which instantly spawns my caveman fantasy. Maybe he’s going to drag me back to his cave and make me his.

I want to say something. Lighten the mood. But I don’t know what to say. 

I’ve never seen Aiden quite like this.

He doesn’t even seem to notice that it’s raining again when he drags me down the hill.

He places me in front of the soccer goal and starts to pace in front of it, his gorgeous Italian loafers getting caked with mud. 

I’m so glad I left my rain boots on.

He stops pacing and glares at me. “This is where we first met.”

He shoves his hand through his hair like he’s pissed at it too. “I can’t take this anymore. I want you to be my date for the banquet, but that means you have to wear my jersey and escort me onto the field. Period. No negotiation. Otherwise, you can go with Dawson. And if you do, I’ll give up. I’m trying here. I’m trying to give you time. I know you need it.”

“You think I need time? No. You need time. You always get mad at me and walk away, and I know you’re still pretend punching my head.”

He shakes his head at me and raises his voice. “Of course, I have been! You infuriate me! I want to drag you away from Dawson any time I see you talking to him!”

“You get jealous? That’s why you’re always mad at me?” 

OMG!! YAY!!! I literally want to do cartwheels in the mud.

He shakes his head at me and sighs. “Well, that and sometimes you’re so dumb.” 

And this pisses me off a bit. Okay, more than a bit. I’m like the porcupine that just flung out its spikes, ready to fire them.

I’m dumb?!
No, he said I’m
so dumb.

Just when I thought maybe fate was finally intervening.

I breathe in through my nose, and then snort the breath out, like a bull getting ready to charge.  I lower my voice and speak with a flat unemotional tone. “I’m wearing Dawson’s jersey. He asked me first. If you can’t handle that then I’ll be his banquet date too. Up to you.”

I turn around and stomp away, purposely splashing mud all over him. When I’m halfway up the hill, I turn around and yell, “And I am
not
dumb! ”

Oh, I hate him!

And then I realize that the universe just spoke. The coin toss was right. 

Hot sex it is.

As I’m marching toward Hawthorne House to give Dawson the good news, I get a text from Dallas.

Dallas:  When you’re done with tutoring, will you come help me and Riley study for the English quiz? We’re confused. Could be because we didn’t actually read
Pride and Prejudice
, but that’s just details.

Me:  You in your room?

Dallas:  Yes. And we have snacks. Riley thought we’d have to bribe you.

Me:  I’ll be right there.

I give them a rundown of the story, help them memorize the study-guide answers, and then tell them about fate. About how I’m going to choose Dawson.

“So why did you come here and not go tell him right away?” Riley asks.

“Because you needed my help.”

“Or maybe it’s because you know he’s the wrong choice,” Dallas says.

I sigh, knowing they’re right. I was glad for the distraction. Even though the universe keeps telling me to choose Dawson, even though this weekend was the best sex of my life, something keeps stopping me from doing it. 

And I’m pretty sure it’s my heart.

Dawson:  You almost done?

Me:  Yeah. I’m working on English now with Dallas and your brother, but we’re just finishing up. Are you in your room? I’ll come down.

Dawson:  Come down, or go down? 

Me:  Hmmm. Idk.

Dawson:  I’ll be waiting.