Love Me Not (9 page)

I realized I had an erection and looked away.

I tried to focus on pricing the lotion, but that just made me fantasize about what it would be like to rub Kimber down with it, the feel of her soft skin under my hands, her murmurs of pleasure, her warmth as she became aroused. And then I’d lay against her and…

Fuck.
She was even more poisonous than Cassie.

For a good fifteen minutes, I focused on calming my erection. Finally, it was to the point where I thought I could get away with walking around.

Kimber picked up her box and headed across the store.

I stepped out from behind the counter and took the box from her hands. “That looks heavy.”

“I’m fine.” She reached for the box, but I kept walking with it.

She trailed behind me. “I don’t need any help.”

I set the box down in front of the correct shelf and started stocking the gardenia body spray.

She stood there for a few seconds and then grabbed a couple of bottles.

“This is the kind you use,” I said, “isn’t it?”

Her arms extended toward the shelves, holding two bottles, and she stopped.

I took the bottles from her, set them on the shelf, and then looked at her for an answer.

“Different brand,” she said and then kneeled next to the box to get more bottles.

I kneeled as well. My voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

She stared at me as if trying to figure me out. The color of her eyes sparkled in the light like the emeralds I’d seen in the jewelry store. Her lips, slightly parted, were the prettiest pink. I wanted to see if they tasted like bubblegum or strawberries.

My erection returned.

I looked down at the box and then back to her. “Tell Penny I went for a walk.” Then I was out the door and heading up the sidewalk. I’d planned to help Penny today, but I couldn’t do it. Being rude to Kimber was easier. I just couldn’t live with myself if I continued to hurt her. Perhaps I’d try helping Penny later, if the store was full of customers and I could stay away from Kimber.

Basically, I had only one option with Kimber—avoid her at all costs.

Chapter 15

The Woman Whose Name I Can’t Remember

Damn, it felt good to fuck again. Three days was too long. I came across one of my regulars on my walk and brought her to my room through the back door.

Spooning her in bed, I pressed into her. She moaned. I was glad I’d met this particular woman. She was loose. I didn’t have to be so careful about not hurting her.

With my hand on her hip, I thrust. She liked it a little rough.

I lifted her leg and felt down her stomach to where I entered her. We were slimy with moisture. I thrust again, and the moisture sloshed. My dick was like a steel pole.

She reached around and laid her hand on my cheek, across my jaw. I closed my eyes, and it was Kimber’s hand, her soft, gentle fingers, like tall grasses in the breeze.

We were together for a few hours. I was with Kimber. I lost track of reality, in my own world where nothing hurt, the past was blank, and I could be with Kimber. I wasn’t terrified of being close to her, of being hurt again. I could kiss her, adore her, make love to her.

For a few hours, my life was exactly what I wanted. She held me like she wanted to be close, like she cared. Even after her final orgasm, she let me hold her. She wasn’t like the other women who left quickly, who had to get back to their real lives, their families and husbands.

My cheek against hers, I breathed in the warmth we’d created. She curled into me, and I rested my hand on her skin. My eyes remained closed while I memorized what this felt like.

“Wow, that was amazing. I’m glad you came back early.”

I opened my eyes and was completely lost, like the people in the story I was writing, the ones in the mental hospital.

The woman in my arms was not Kimber.

I stood from the bed and turned away. My heart pounded against my chest wall. My mind wouldn’t work in straight lines. I looked around the room to make sure I was where I thought I was.

This is your room, Heath. You’re not nuts.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember reality. It was hard to sort, like separating pins from pine needles. I doubted each element, each fact.

“Heath, you all right, baby?”

The woman’s voice, it was familiar to me. I knew her. Now what was her goddamned name?

I turned and pasted a charming smile on my face. “Was it good for you?”

She smiled and flopped back down on the pillow.

My heart was still pounding, and my hands were shaking. I looked around for my pants. I couldn’t remember where they were. I only vaguely remembered meeting this woman and bringing her back here. I still couldn’t remember her fucking name.

I found my jeans on the floor and pulled them on. I didn’t button them because I didn’t think I could steady my hands well enough.

The woman sat up. “You know, I used to think it was just the size of your dick that made you so good.”

Hadn’t someone else said that to me recently? I couldn’t remember.

I locked my smile into place. “You’ve changed your mind?” What day was it? The day after Christmas, that was it, wasn’t it?

She stood from the bed and slipped on her panties, black lace, Victoria’s Secret. How did I know that and not remember her name?

“Well,” she said, “your size certainly does help.”

My expression was cocky. “Thank you.”

She sighed. “You should see my husband. He’s tiny. I can barely feel it when we have sex.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

She laughed. “Good thing he has money, or else he’d never get laid.”

“So, you only screw him for the money?” I teased.

“Hell yeah.” She pulled on her shirt and then picked up her purse from the floor and opened it. “I can’t remember exactly when we started, but five hundred should cover it.” She held out a wad of cash.

I stuffed it in my pocket.

I watched as she finished dressing. Reality started to thicken, to seem less fluid. I wasn’t sure I liked it. A part of me seemed to cling to the confusion, like I could just imagine the world the way I wanted it and pretend nothing else existed.

The last item she put on was a tweed jacket, completing her costume as an upstanding respectable wife. I realized how much effort she put forth to conceal who she really was—all for the money. I used to think poorly of women like her, but now I knew better, or rather, appreciated the amount of effort she put forth every day. If she was willing to be who her husband wanted her to be, then she deserved to spend some of his money. She was giving him exactly what he wanted, and I doubted he didn’t at least suspect it was an act. Maybe he actually preferred it this way—he could have a freak in bed and a respectable wife to bring to business parties.

And who was I to say it was wrong? I did for her what she did for her husband. Only I wasn’t really doing it for the money. I used to tell myself that was why I lived like this, but I never even spent any of the damn money.

She stepped into her shoes, four-inch heels, and moved closer. She trailed her hand down my shoulder, chest, stomach…“I’ll see you later.”

She walked out and closed the door.

I just stood there like an idiot. I was pretty sure I had reclaimed my grasp on reality.

Kimber was taking over my fucking mind. Maybe I was going nuts. I couldn’t let her control me like this—some girl I barely knew.

Then I realized—I didn’t know jack shit about her. That could be my cure. I could fuck pretty much anyone, but to be really into a girl, I had to like her. She had to be interesting. So far, Kimber was interesting—sarcastic and sweet and funny—but that was just a surface impression. Maybe underneath that interesting façade was dull, simplistic.

But how in the hell was I supposed to find any of this out? I couldn’t afford to talk to her, and she certainly wasn’t going to open up to me, anyway.

Penny. Kimber was talking to Penny this morning, about the book I left her. She was telling her something reasonably personal. Maybe Penny knew more. She did have to interview her for the job after all.

I found the rest of my clothes on the floor and tangled in the sheets.

I knew Penny would still be out on the sales floor. I just hoped Kimber was on a break or something.

Chapter 16

The Ex-Church-Goer

I stocked a few shelves, the stuff Penny and Kimber hadn’t been able to finish before the shop opened. I felt like an asshole for having left them.

The shop was bustling. Penny ran the register while Kimber helped people on the sales floor. She smiled a little at some guy in a suit. I wanted to hit him.

I focused away from Kimber and walked over to stand next to Penny.

“Thanks,” she said as I set the now empty box down.

“Sorry I left.”

She handed a receipt to the man in front of her and smiled as he walked away.

“Where’d you go, anyway?” she said to me.

“Impromptu appointment.” Talk about an oxymoron. But I couldn’t think of another polite way to put it.

Her mouth tightened. “Someone new?”

“A regular.”

I bent down to unlock the bottom drawer and threw the cash inside.

She glanced at me as if she wanted to say something, and then the next customer came up to the counter.

Now how to get her to talk about Kimber?

“So, I hear Sherry quit,” I said. “Aren’t you trying to replace her?”

“Kimber said she wants to work full-time. Said she’d do seven days if I let her.”

“That’s an awful lot.” Then I added, “You’ll have to pay overtime.” I didn’t want her to know why I was concerned about Kimber working so much.

“Yeah, but she’s worth it.”

“Did she have really great references or something?”

“Thanks for shopping with us,” she said to the woman who’d returned one item and bought four. Then she said to me, “Actually, she didn’t have much in the way of references.”

My eyebrows pulled together. That was usually a sticking point with Penny.

“She asked me to take a chance,” she said. “It took some convincing, but I’m glad I did.”

“Why doesn’t she have references?”

“She only worked at a fast food place for a few months before this. I had to push to get her to tell me that was her only job experience.”

“She’s got to be at least twenty-five.”

“Twenty-six.”

I kept looking at her with a confused expression. Kimber’s apartment was tiny enough that I knew she wasn’t living with her parents. I supposed she could live with a guy, but she seemed rather aggressively negative toward men. Something told me she didn’t live with a guy, that she probably didn’t have a whole hell of a lot of experience, other than turning men down. She’d
asked
me about how I’d flirted with her. Women didn’t do that—they simply flirted back. No, Kimber didn’t know how that kind of thing went.

“I don’t know,” Penny said. “I get the feeling something big in her life just changed. I haven’t asked what.”

“Do you think you should be relying on her so much? You don’t have anyone else if she flakes out on you.”

“I don’t think she will.”

“How can you be sure?” Then I added, “I worry about you.”

She rested her hand on my forearm and squeezed. She used to do that when I was nervous. She hadn’t done it in a long time.

“Don’t worry,” she said. She took the next person’s card, swiped it, and handed it back. After the customer walked away, she continued, “She said something the other day about separating from her church. I think that was hard on her.”

“Why?”

She shrugged.

Okay, she stopped going to church. So? I knew some people took that pretty seriously, but wouldn’t she just go to a different church?

Kimber approached the counter. I thought about walking away, but I didn’t want to risk offending her.

“Um, Penny, we’re almost out of strawberry bath beads. If it’s all right, can I go in the back and get another box?”

Why did she seem nervous?

“I’ll get it for you,” I said.

“I can get it.” She barely glanced in my direction and then back to Penny.

“Sure,” Penny said. “I’ll price them.”

Kimber disappeared down the hall.

I shifted closer to Penny and spoke quietly. “Do you think it’s a good idea to let her back there?” The storage room was just up the hall from my room, and noises sometimes travelled.

“She only goes back when I let her.”

I sighed.

“Since when were you so uptight?”

I stepped back and pretended to look through a few things on the counter. She was right. I’d never cared before. I’d never been embarrassed of what I did for a living. I was only at all careful because of my clients’ need for discretion and the legality bullshit.

Kimber came back out, set the box on the counter, and returned to the sales floor. She didn’t even glance at me. Apparently, I wouldn’t have to try very hard to avoid her. Even with my apology, she obviously didn’t want anything to do with me. I knew I shouldn’t be hurt. I didn’t have the right to be hurt.

Chapter 17

Lydia

I made myself stay and help Penny for a little while. Then I went to my room early, before the shop closed. I didn’t bother eating dinner.

Penny told me good-night through the door, and I listened as she and Kimber left.

I took my notebook out and stared at a blank page. I wasn’t sure how much time passed.

A phone ringing. I could only hear it because I was sitting so quietly, like one of the manikins in the windows of the neighboring shops.

I let it ring—and then it started again. I worried maybe it was Penny. Maybe she needed me for something.

I walked up the hall to Penny’s office and picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

A pause. “Heath.”

“Elizabeth. What’s wrong?”

“I just…I wanted to…” She sounded like she was trying to conceal the tears in her voice.

“Do you want to come see me?”

“I can’t leave Rachel.”

“Is she all right?”

“She’s my baby. She’s
my
baby.” Her voice muffled, like maybe she covered her mouth, suppressed a sob.