Love Me ~ Through the Storm (12 page)

19

Kane

Only a couple of hours have passed since Oakley got out of my car, but they feel like a lifetime. Oakley trying to make me open up about things I don’t talk about, I don’t allow myself to feel, has pushed me off the precipice I’d been barely hanging onto in the first place. I can and will do anything Oakley asks of me but one thing—tolerate Deb. Oakley needs to grasp the reality that not everyone wants or needs their mother in their life. Oakley only sees the best in people, which I thought was to my benefit.

The more I analyze being in a relationship with Oakley, the more I wonder how it can ever work. How can a heart like hers love me? Her rose colored glasses will come off sooner or later, especially now with Deb as a factor. If she gets to know Deb, she’ll figure out quickly that any connection with me is a losing game. Besides, if my mom can’t love me, how is Oakley supposed to? What made me think that I could genuinely have someone who loves me?

I allowed her to walk away this time without a fight, but I can’t let her walk out of my life. She’s my everything; she’s my reason—my reason for breathing, the reason my heart is breaking. I’m going to fucking run, run after her and show her that for her I’ll do anything. I’ll even try with Deb.

An ache has set in not only my heart, but all of my bones. I’m not letting another minute go by without making this right again.

On the road to the college, I get an incoming call. “Go for Kane,” I say, through Bluetooth.

“When are you going to come see me again, babe? I miss you,” Megan purrs.

“How about never. I told you, before I fucked you, that was only going to be a one more time thing.” I shake my head, pulling my eyebrows together. “Plus, you’ve been messing with my shit. You’re lucky I didn’t call the police when you slashed my tires.”

“What are you even talking about? I haven’t slashed your tires. I love your car. Do you remember that time, on the car, when you were so hot for me? You pushed me onto the hood and fucked me. I wouldn’t do anything to ruin that memory for us.” Her voice sounds raspy. “Um, Kane, just thinking about you plowing into me, laid over your hood with my ass up in the air. I can still feel the breeze blowing, um, makes me want to touch myself. Do you want to come watch?”

“Hell no, I’ve got stuff to do, Megan. Find someone else to swindle money from. I’m blocking your number, and if you come around my car or house again, I’m calling the cops. They can haul your ass to jail. I’m sure you won’t have to pay rent there.” I hang up on her before she can protest.

I swing my Camaro into the lot of Oakley’s dorm. I don’t bother parking, but pull up to the curb and jump out. There’s a group of guys smoking outside the dorm, I hope they’ll let me in the building.

“Hey, Man, I left my key in my room, can you let me in really quick?” I ask a guy who is stubbing out his cigarette. I hear the door to the building open and deja vu hits me in the face. Gretchen walks out, and Oakley is only a few steps behind her. Shit, I have such good luck.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. SugarKane himself. What, are you here to find a new pillow princess?” Gretchen purrs.

The guy that I’d asked to let me in says, “Burn!” Then he gives his two friends a high five.

Immature idiots.

“Shut the fuck up, Gretchen, don’t even look at her.” I reach for Oakley, but she shrugs away. 

“What’s she talking about, Kane? What’s a pillow princess?” Oakley asks, with a packed duffle bag hanging over her shoulder.

“Oh, you must be it.” Gretchen puts one hand on her hip and the other on her chest, “A pillow princess, my dear, is a
very
good looking little girl, but when you get her in bed she just lays there.” Turning back to me she says, “You never had that problem with me, did you, sugar? Or, is she your new talent?” Gretchen smiles, curling her lips and looking at Oakley with the devil in her eyes. “Don’t fuck him or you can’t fuck on film for him anymore.”

I stick a finger in Gretchen’s face and say with my teeth clenched, “I told you to shut up, Gretchen. Leave her alone, bitch. I’ve already warned you once, I will end you.”

“I don’t have time for this crap in my life, Kane. You need to decide what you want. I’m headed to Alabama to be with my family.” Oakley pushes past us and walks with her chin held high.

There goes my reason to live, my once in a lifetime person. She doesn’t get far before I’m right on her heels, “Oak, please wait. Give me five minutes, babe. Indulge me for one moment and then I’ll let you go.”

Oakley opens the door of her car and throws her bag inside. “Kane, look, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon, I’m sure by then, I’ll be in a better frame of mind.” She slams her car door and faces me, “I need to get on the road.” She leans back on her fender, putting a hand behind her back.

“Oakley, I fall short of words to tell you how much you mean to me. All I know is that my life revolves around you,” I pull her to me and envelope her in my arms, “and nothing else matters.” I kiss the top of her head.

“I love you, Kane, but this thing with your mom has got me thinking.  Sometimes, things in our life aren’t meant to stay the same. Most people don’t like changes in their lives, but sometimes it’s what they need. It’s how you handle the changes that makes up your character.” She pulls away slightly and looks up to meet my eyes.

“I accept change, Oakley, that’s all my life has been. Deb carted me from one tour bus to another before she dropped me on Ruby’s doorstep to start school. That’s never been my problem, where the problem lies with Deb is commitment. I loved Deb. I did everything I could for her to keep me on the road with her, but I had to go to school, and a good time was more important to her than me.”

I see the disappointment on Oakley’s face. She wants me to give Deb a chance. I understand why she thinks it’s important, but she needs to see my side of things, too. If the past is anything to go by, then Deb is only going to be here long enough to get clean or until the band gets off of their break. It’s been nearly a year, and I would have thought she’d already be gone, but of course this one time, she’s hanging on.

“I’ve got to go home, Kane.” Oakley looks down for a moment and then back at me.

I can see the disappointment, confusion, and maybe even regret in her eyes.

“Let’s talk about this first, Oakley. You can’t leave me without talking about what just happened. If you leave me, you have to promise you’re coming back, and promise we’ll talk about this.” I hold onto her hand.

“We can talk all of this out tomorrow, after I’ve had time to think about this situation, to think about us.” Oakley goes onto the tips of her toes and places a kiss so soft, so gentle on my lips then gets in the car and drives away.

My gut feels like someone has stabbed it with a hot poker and is sweeping it around. What can I do to make her see that my mom isn’t like her mom? Hell, my mom wasn’t ever around. Not everyone has an ideal family, but Deb’s never going to win a medal when it comes to mother of the year.

If having a relationship with Deb is the only way to make Oakley happy, I’m not sure that’s something I can actually do. Why can’t she just accept me the way I am, instead of trying to change me? This is the exact reason that I don’t do long term relationships. The girls can never be happy with you as you are; they always want to fix something. I always thought Oakley was different. I thought our relationship would be more than the circumstances surrounding us.

Heading back to my car, I glance up to see Gretchen sitting on the hood of my car. “Get the fuck off my car.” I pull her by her arm.

“Oh, did the princess see you for what you really are, Luther,” Gretchen throws her head back and laughs as she scratches my car with the ring on her finger.

“You bitch, look what you’ve done! You scratched it!” I’m not believing this shit.

“Oh, poor Kane. Now you’re starting to see what you get for screwing me over.”

“Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you back?” I shake my head in disbelief.

“I don’t want you, you bastard, I just want you to pay for treating me like a piece of shit.”

“Stay away from me and away from Oakley. You don’t know exactly who you’re messing with, but mess with my girl and you’ll find out the hard way.”

“Is that some kind of threat, Kane?” Gretchen has both hands on her hips, “Maybe, it’s you who doesn’t know who you’re messing with.”

“What do you hope to accomplish by being a bitch to me?”

“It’s not about what I hope to accomplish, it’s about revenge,” Gretchen curls her lip.

“Get over yourself, you psycho bitch. Just remember, for every action there’s a reaction and at the end the guilty always fall.” I get in my car. I need to get away from her before I’m hauled off to jail for throttling her.

I drive over to Ruby’s because I need the calm and sense of balance she can give me. I think she has perpetual Zen conjured; she never gets too upset.

I pull up in front of her house and see her in her herb garden. “How’s my favorite Mimi?” I ask as I get out of the car.

“Better than my favorite grandson. Looks like you have something on your mind.” She smiles at me.

I give her a kiss on the cheek, “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always know when something’s going on with me?”

“Son, you are like an open book. Everything’s written on your face and your shoulders are slumped.” She pats my shoulder. “And Deb called me.”

“Figures.”

“Why don’t you help me plant this lemon verbena and tell me about what’s wrong, and about Oakley.” She hands me a spade and motions for me to sit beside her.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been told?”

“Now where would the fun in that be? You know that I don’t let what others tell me about you affect my judgment in any way. What Deb said and what you tell me is going to be completely different. Do you know how I know it will be two totally different stories?”

I nod at her to go on as I’m putting the plant into the hole I made. “Enlighten me, Mimi, you’ve always been my personal Yoda.”

Ruby chuckles. “You always loved Star Wars. I remember talking like Yoda when you were younger. It helped to get you to open up about Deb.”

“That and you being vertically challenged is what reminds me of him.”

“As long as it’s not because I’m old and green. Sad you look, talk you must.”

I love this little woman. “You know Clay and Oakley lost their parents a year ago, and Oakley’s still grieving. She wormed her way into going with me to see Deb today.”

“Wormed? You didn’t want them to meet?” She hands me another plant.

“No, why would I want Deb to ruin anyone else’s life?”

“Have you thought that maybe Deb did you a favor all those years ago?” Ruby asks, taking off her gloves. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making excuses for her, but let’s think about how your life would have been on the road.”

She stretches out her arms and then braces her hands on her back, bending backward a little, and I hear all her bones in her back crackle like popcorn.

“I would have been with my mom. Life on the road wasn’t bad,” I tell her.

“Yes, you would have been with Deb, but do you remember the first time you went to play outside with a friend? How you didn’t want to come in because you could run as fast and as far as you wanted? Tell me something, how big was
your
space on those buses?”

“It was tiny. I had to keep my stuff put away at all times, and I could only have one toy out at a time. Not that I had that many toys, there wasn’t much room. When I got here, I was scared to sleep in my own room because it was so far away from you and Pop.”

“Right, you were the neatest child I’d ever seen. You never made a mess and kept your stuff sitting in the corner of your closet.”

“I still like everything tidy, everything has a place and that is where it should be.”

“Well, it’s a good thing now, but back then you couldn’t be a kid when you were on the bus, you had to be a little man. And you grew up fast, watching those guys go through different women in each town. For a while, as a teenager, you kind of went through a lot of girls.”

“I don’t remember them having a lot of girls on the bus, but I do know that I knew about sex at four years old.” I shake my head. “I can’t deal with Deb, not right now. I can’t understand why Oakley wants me to.”