Love Me to Death (28 page)

“Of course.” He smiles at her. “I’ll let you know if she wakes up.”

“Thanks,” I say before taking Ned’s hand in mine.

We walk out of the waiting area in silence. We walk down several corridors before I finally speak.

“Ned about last night, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you. I was a jerk … I just … I don’t know what I was thinking. I screwed up. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

“Cole, stop. Right now you need to be thinking about Layla.” Her voice is calm. Too calm. “This isn’t about us. That can wait.”

I stop walking. “What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s not what’s important.”

“Of course, it’s important.” I lower my voice as a nurse walks by. “I hate myself for what I did last night. If I could take it back I would. I’m just glad you’re here.”

She takes a deep breath and her hand slips free of mine.

“Cole, we have a deal and we have roles to play. You’ll never know what it meant to have you with me in Ohio this weekend. I can never repay you for what you did for my mother.
Never.
But right now this isn’t about you and me. I am here because I am trying to return the favor. Being a friend.”
Friend.
“Let’s just wait until Layla is awake and then we can go back to how our lives were before. It’ll be easier to explain everything to your family and friends when all of this is over.”

“What do you mean go back to the way things were?”

“Living our separate lives.”

“Are you kidding me?” I’m mad. “So let me get this right, you are here to play a
role?”
I ask angrily.

“I’m here as a friend.”

“I don’t need a damn friend, that’s what Bobby’s here for. You’re not just my friend, Ned, this is ridiculous.”

“I never wanted this,” she says looking away from me.

“What?”

“This,” she says gesturing between us. “
Us
. These feelings. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“But it did.”

“It shouldn’t have. Last night you broke my heart, Cole. You used me like all of the other girls you’ve slept with and it hurt.”

“I know and I am so sorry, baby,” I say taking her face in my hands. “I am
so
sorry,” I whisper to her. Her eyes are filled with sadness as she looks into mine.

“That’s just it, Cole, you shouldn’t have to be sorry. This wasn’t what we agreed. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t feel anything for you. It shouldn’t hurt this much.”

“But it does. I want you to feel hurt because then it means that you feel something too. If you felt nothing then it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Exactly.”

“Exactly what?” I ask exasperated.

“I’m dying!” She stops for a moment as she tries to hide the tears falling down her face. “Gosh,” she blows out a breath. “I’m
dying
, Cole. You think last night was painful? You think that seeing me walk away was hard? Do you believe that waiting for Layla to wake up is painful? What about when there’s no hope? What about when you’re just counting down the days until this — whatever it is — is over?”

“I don’t care,” I whisper.

“You will. I watched you break down last night. You fell to your knees and cried. I hated your father for breaking you down like that. I won’t do that. I won’t be responsible for destroying you, Cole. Not when I have the power to prevent it.”

“But I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t need me at all.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that after today, after Layla wakes up that’s it. I’m gone. You go back to your life and I go back to mine. I should have never been stupid enough to think this could work.”

“I can’t lose you,” I say softly.

“You never had me.” The words rip me apart inside. I want to hate her so much for every single word but I don’t. I can’t. There was no life before her because I never truly started living until she came along. I was just pretending to live. Pretending to chase my dreams, make my mom proud, but deep inside I was crumbling. I was doing everything to prove my dad wrong no matter what the cost was. I was drinking to forget the days. And sleeping with any woman I could to forget the truth. My whole life was a facade.
I was a fake.
I could have done so much more by now but instead, I am just surviving. Acting a role. Until I took on a
real
role and found the
real
me. Until I found Ned.

“I’m very sorry but you cannot be here. You are blocking a fire exit.” The voice comes from a short lady with blonde hair. She is wearing a blue top and navy-colored pants.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

We walk silently toward the waiting area. As soon as we arrive Bobby is speed walking toward us.

“She’s awake! She’s awake!” He beams.

My conversation with Ned is momentarily put on hold.

“What? I need to see her,” I say rushing past him — to where, I don’t know.

“Jamie’s in there at the moment, the nurse said that no more than two people at a time can go in.” His eyes glance guiltily back at Ned. “It’s family only.”

I look at her too.

“It’s ok; I have some work to catch up on. I’ve been here for a while anyway, I’m sure Brennan will fill me in later.” She called me Brennan. It’s final. That was her goodbye. I look into her eyes before nodding in understanding. She mouths goodbye before slowly turning around and disappearing into the distance. I can’t stop watching her.

“Go on, she has a private room. It’s on the left, door 42D.” I nod.

“Thanks.” I try to push away all thoughts of Ned as I head toward Layla. When I step inside the room my stomach drops. She is hooked up to more tubes than I care to count. A black ring circles her left eye and she is covered in bruises.

“Hey,” she says quietly as I walk through the door. I stay there afraid to come any closer. “Come here,” she whispers.

“I’m just going to wait outside, give you guys some time alone. I’ll be back soon. Love you,” Jamie says before kissing her on the forehead. She winces slightly at the pain. He either doesn’t notice or he needed the contact so badly that he ignored it. He pats me on the arm and smiles before leaving the room.

“Why are you standing all the way over there, do I really look that bad?” She chuckles.

“No, you look beautiful.”

“You are a terrible liar.” She giggles and my stomach fills with warmth.
I could have lost her.

“How do you feel?” I ask as I take the seat right next to her bed.

“Like I just had surgery,” she teases.

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut up, Bren. It would take a real idiot to think
this
is their fault. You weren’t even in the same state according to Jamie.”

“But if I had been—”

“Then I would have still ended up here. You can’t control life, Bren. You should know that by now. The big guy upstairs makes all the decisions — sometimes they make sense and sometimes they don’t. But like Mom used to say
we don’t complain when he makes good ones so quit whining when he makes any that we don’t understand. Everything has a purpose; you just have to be patient enough to figure it out
.” I laugh, remembering the many times she used to say that.
Gosh, I miss you, Mom.

“Lay, I’m sorry about the baby,” I whisper seriously.

“No, no more saying sorry ok? Jamie did enough of that and it’s driving me crazy. I want to forget my reality right now, Bren.”

“Ok.”

“So what happened when I went all ‘sleeping beauty’ on you?” She smiles.

“You sure you want to know?” I ask with raised eyebrows.

“Bro, I’m lying in a hospital bed with tubes coming out from every angle of my body. I look like a damn science experiment gone wrong, anything has got to be better than this.” I nod in agreement.

“Well, I went to Ohio to meet Ned’s parents.”

“Wow, then what’s up with the sad face?”

“I screwed up.”

“You didn’t set her folks on fire did you?”

“No,” I chuckle. “But I did hurt her.”

“How?” I look into my sister’s eyes and I know I can trust her more than anything.

“Ned and I aren’t really a couple.”

She laughs.

“You think I didn’t already know that?”

“How?”

“Bren, I’ve known you my entire life.
You
were not just going to turn into the perfect boyfriend overnight. You were kicking some girl out of your bed when you called me the other day then a couple of days later you were acting like you were in love with another. I wasn’t being pumped with morphine back then so give me some credit, will you?”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“Nope. It may not have been a
real
relationship but the feelings were real, that much was obvious. I wanted to see what would happen. If you’d finally stop being an idiot and realize that life is about more than sleeping with every girl in New York. You really care about her, don’t you?”

I nod.

“Then what’s the matter?”

I take a deep breath.

“She’s dying.” Shock covers her face and she looks sad.

“I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter, though, I still want her and that’s what she doesn’t get. At first, it just started as a job. She paid me to pretend to be her boyfriend so that her mother could have her final wish of seeing her daughter fall in love. Then I started to spend time with her, I started to actually like her.”

“What went wrong?”

“She thinks that it would be selfish to allow anyone to have feelings for her. She doesn’t want to hurt me but it’s not her choice. Last night I screwed up, I had a huge fight with dad and I tried to use sex to forget — like I always have. It’s what I’ve always done but it was wrong. It felt dirty and I hurt her. Now she’s done. She came here today to help me out but that’s it, she’s done after that.”

“Men are so dumb.” She laughs.

“What?” Was she even listening to a word I just said?

“Bren, do you really think she came here to
just
support you?
You
aren’t paying her, she owes you nothing. When a woman is through with you, she doesn’t come back for a final goodbye. My gosh, you need to watch more rom-com movies, Bro — I’m bringing some over as soon as I’m out of this place. She is crazy about you and you need to fight for her.”

“But she said it’s not what she wants. She thinks that she’s being selfish.”

“We women have a ridiculous habit of thinking about everyone but ourselves. We naturally put others first. Anytime we stop and do something for ourselves we suddenly feel like we are being selfish because we are constantly doing things for others. It’s just a habit. She doesn’t know what the hell she wants and that’s why you’ve got to be the one to show her.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Before it’s too late! Gosh, I never thought there was a girl that could actually make my brother admit that he had feelings, damn I’ll run after her for you if you detach some of these tubes for me!” She winces in pain but covers it with a smile.

“Probably not a good idea,” I grin.

“No? Then get off that stupid ass of yours and go and find your Cinderella before that Jackson dude beats you to it.” My mind growls at the sound of his name.

“What do I say?”

“Anything.
Everything
. Speak from the heart. Remember what Mom used to say?”

“
There’s no clearer language than the one spoken directly from the heart
,” I repeat our mother’s words.

“Exactly.”

“Thanks, Lay,” I smile at her.

“Thank me, later. Now go get your woman!”

I smile. A huge smile. I lean down and kiss her gently on the forehead.

“And, Bren?” she says just as I open the door.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you more,” I repeat the words my mom always said to us growing up. Then I leave the hospital determined to get Ned back.