Love Notes ((Book Two of the Heartbeat Series)) (11 page)

R
and had to leave me too quickly. Maxwell had been able to have a local band fill in for them while Rand, Raeford and Killjoy were here in Philly. The Rolling Isaac’s were only opening for a larger band. But he needed them back out west as soon as possible for other shows that were lined up. Now that Jillian and I were out of the woods medically and metaphorically, it still would be hard for me to let him go. I knew he had to get back to his job. I was just coming awake and stirring in the bed, when Killjoy came in and sat with me. She said she would take really good care of him and I hugged her for that. Funny what our first impressions of people are sometimes.

As she left and Rand came in and we were alone, I told him to have a nice time at work. Because this is what he did, this was his occupation. He smiled and whispered in my ear, “I love only you and I’ll be back soon.” I began to tear up but wanted to let him go off and knew I would get better as the next weeks passed and then he would be back here and we could plan our wedding. I held onto him tightly until he slowly pulled back, swept the pad of his thumb to his lips and then across mine and left my room. A few minutes later he popped back in and brought me a rose, and left it on my chest as he came in close for a long wet passionate goodbye kiss. I didn’t want this to end and I was getting worked up at his taste, his touch, and Rand just being there. More of Rand. Unfortunately he had to leave. I broke our connection and waved him to go. Not long after he left, my door opened slowly and I got excited thinking he was back again, but it was Thomas with a large bunch of flowers. My lips that stretched a smile, quickly pursed together.

“Hey Maddy, how are you? I’ve was trying to get here earlier but they had you resting and I am sure they were limiting your visitors. I got in to see Jillian though and she told me you saved her.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say I saved her, and I sure didn’t save myself.”

“So honey, are you in pain? I have been so worried.”

“I am getting better each day. Thank you for coming.”

“You looked very happy to see me when I came in.”

“Oh, I thought it was Rand coming back.”

“Is he still around?”

“Yes Thomas, and he will be for a long time.” I flashed my diamond ring at him. I was getting tired of Thomas’s remarks and I mentally just stored them. I thought, one day I would tell Rand but he would surely get upset and probably at me too for taking them from him over and over. I thought if I didn’t give him the reaction he wanted that it would stop.

“Well I’ll give him that. At least he finally got you a ring. I hope it’s a real diamond. You know where I stand I’ll believe it when you’re actually married.”

“Thank you for your encouraging thoughts, but I think you know that you and I are over. If you can’t say anything nice about him and me then I don’t think we have anything else to talk about.”

“Oh, Maddy, I don’t want you upset. I can still dream that one day you will come back to me. Also, I promised Connor that I’d give you and Jillian his get well wishes. He couldn’t believe that he just met you both and then I was telling him what happened.”

“Tell him thank you, Thomas. He seemed really nice.”

“Connor told me that he couldn’t believe I let someone like you go from my life. I told him I messed up. He told me he knows that all too well, that he really screwed up in the past too.”

“Thomas that is all in the past with us, please let it go, I have. Can we please move forward?” I was thinking how this man just exhausted me with his ongoing efforts. One day I don’t think I will keep it in anymore and I will lash back.

“You mean us move forward together again?” He replied jokingly to me.

“No, that’s not going to happen but move ahead respectfully, and speak kind to one another.” I was trying to get through to him, because sometimes in my head frustration builds with his nonstop comments. I keep a lot inside and do not react as I just don’t want to encourage him.

“I guess I will take that with you Maddy rather than nothing at all,” and he glanced down at the floor tiles, apparently looking for sympathy from me.

I wasn’t going to give into his pity party but when Thomas asked if he could sit on the corner of my bed, I simply pointed to the adjacent chair. He nodded his acceptance. Our conversation together this round went well. I told him I was getting better but my head still hurt more than anything. He was smiling at me and telling me just how happy he was that I was alive and getting well. We talked and laughed for quite awhile.

“You know Maddy, your father always said you had a hard head.” Thomas laughed as he knocked his fist on his own head.

“Yeah he did. I really miss him.” I bit my lip and looked past Thomas and toward the window for the outside view to distract me from crying.

“So do I. I think he was watching out for you the day of the accident, I am so glad you are still here, even though I think I may annoy you most days,” he flashed me a big smile.

I turned on my side in the bed to get comfortable and under my breath I said, “You have no idea how much you really annoy me.”

Late into his visit the nurse popped in and said, “Madison, are you okay honey?”

“Actually I am very tired and feel like I need to rest if you could keep my visitors at bay for a bit.” She gave me a wink and then asked Thomas if he could say goodbye as I needed my rest. It was a first for Thomas as he simply left with no ending comment to upset me.

When I woke it was very sunny outside and they opened up my drapes so the rays were spilling in all over the room. I had many floral deliveries that I hadn’t read the cards yet and so since this was my first attempt to get up and about, I rose and steadied myself and slowly walked to the edge of the one counter and began to read the lovely cards. I was heading slowly to the bathroom, a very large step for me, since I felt like a sleeping princess for days. The nurse was coming in and asked if I needed help. I shook my head no to her but asked if she could help to take me to see my friend. When I came out of the bathroom the nurse had brought a wheelchair for me and she then took to another unit of the hospital.

I was mentally trying to prepare myself for seeing Jillian. I wasn’t sure what I was going to see in her injuries and I didn’t know how deep her inner wounds were from losing the baby. The nurse wheeled me in and she pulled back the curtain. I saw one of Jillian’s legs propped up in a huge cast. The nurse locked the wheelchair and then went to do her rounds. I raised myself up slowly and then I steadied my legs as I wanted to get closer to Jillian’s side. I needed to hold her. We both looked badly beaten.

“Jillian, I couldn’t get in here sooner, how are you?” I took hold of her hand and wasn’t letting it go. Tears filled my eyes.

“I’m the best I can be just laying here, but Raeford put some pictures of us up on the ceiling tiles for me to stare at. Look at you, what happened to your hair?” She let out a laugh.

“They cut some of it to get to my head. I hit a rock or the curb on the ground and it didn’t move, my head did.”

“Ouch!”

“Yeah it hurt like hell, still hurts like hell.”

“No, ouch, it hurts for me to move. I have a broken leg you can see and a sprained back. Glad you pushed me away.”

“Oh Jillian, I tried to but it happened so quickly! I couldn’t get to you, I tried, and I held my hand in the air till someone came for us.” My tears now turned into me sobbing and she started to tear.

“I am so glad we are here together and alive Maddy. I think about what could have happened…” Jillian trailed off and the fear in her voice evident. She looked up at her ceiling and closed her eyes tightly as the tears slipped out.

“Jillian please don’t think like that. Please, I wish I could have blocked you more from the truck and what happened. I am so very sorry, so sorry that you lost the baby,” my lips began to quiver as I spoke.

“They told you?” her eyes opened with surprise that I knew.

“No, I overheard the doctors and thought maybe I was pregnant.”

“Madison I was going to tell you but then this happened.”

“How are you and Raeford getting through this?” I wanted to know as I wanted to help her as much as I could.

“We aren’t. I guess it’s a sign that it happened, he has pulled away from me. I know he is hurting. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell him when I found out we were going to have a baby. I wanted to ask for your advice when we were hit.” Her eyes showed her sadness as she spoke.

“Jillian I think he will come around, he seems like a good guy and I am sure his heart aches to see you here and what you both lost. They’ll be back in a month and time can heal us and maybe you both.”

“Maddy, he told me that he is not good enough for me, that he will never be good enough for me. I asked him why he says that and he tells me that there are things about him that he will never share.”

“I wonder what all that is about. Maybe he is scared to fall in love with someone?” I really didn’t know everything about him only that he always showed a big heart.

“Well he said that I was well educated and had a great family and was going places in my career and that he was going nowhere further than where he is.”

“Jillian, I see how important he is to you. I think that he is good for you in that he makes you smile and makes you happy, in the end that is what we all seek.”

“I love you Maddy, just talking with you again is making me feel better. I remember I heard you screaming out my name over and over after the truck ran us down, but then I blacked out. My brother is planning to come and stay a few days with me in the city once I get released to help me get around, and my parents have been in and out of this hospital quite a bit. Last night, they looked in on you but said you were sleeping and clutching a rose in your hands. They also briefly met Raeford, just an exchange of hello and goodbye as he had to get traveling.”

“Sorry I missed them, yeah, Rand brought me a rose and I beat it up keeping it out of water and next to me.”

“Maddy, one more thing, my family doesn’t know about the baby. I didn’t have the courage to tell them, perhaps its best anyway their never knowing.” She looked at me, silently urging me not breathe a word of that to anyone.

I kissed her cheek and took her hand and squeezed it into mine. I gave her whatever reassurance she needed. We were safe, we survived a horrible crash. She was truly hurting from losing the baby and Raeford’s pulling back from her, I could see the anguish in her face and it wasn’t the pain of her injuries.

The nurse peeked back in after letting us have some privacy and our visit, and said it was time to go and get me back to bed to rest.

“Jillian, I am so glad you’re alive, that we’re alive, I love you girl.”

“Me too, but no walking at the park for a long time for either of us unless we wear a helmet.” She remarked and I saw for a quick moment a half smile appear on her mouth.

My hospital stay passed quickly for me as most of it I spent sleeping. With Rand traveling it was agreed that it would be best for me to stay at home to recover, but at my previous townhome. This way my mother and uncle were there to take care of me and watch that I didn’t do anything stupid to bang my head. I was released a few days prior to Jillian. Staying at my old house was nice and comfortable for me. Cecile came by to catch me up on what had been happening. She said she came to visit me in the hospital but I was sleeping each time.

I hadn’t seen all the damage that my body had taken. This morning, I undressed and was helped into a warm bath and in the mirror I saw the back section of my hair gone. I saw so many dark bruises on my rib cage and back. The hospital had taped my ribs as I broke a few and my back was strained. It was so sore and my shoulder that I dislocated actually still felt quite painful. The worst was my head. I had a skull fracture and a giant open wound that the doctors had successfully stitched back together.

“Careful Madison honey, take it slow.” My mother said as she held onto me and I stepped into a full bubble bath. The bathroom smelled amazing from one of those bath balls that you toss in the tub and let it explode with scented goodness. This was so much better than a sponge bath in the hospital bed. I wanted to scrub myself so clean and feel normal again.

“Mom this feels so good,” I sighed as I slipped further under the water’s blanket.

“Madison do you want to take your engagement ring off and I can set it on the vanity?”

“No! Absolutely not, this ring is never coming off my finger.”

“Well, be careful with it so we don’t lose it down the drain.” She lifted my head to rest in on an inflatable tub pillow. I was so thankful for the pillow.

“Thank you that feels so good.” I closed my eyes and let the warmth soothe my battered body.

“I’ll leave you a towel honey right here. Call me to help you out of the tub.”

“Mom, thank you for everything. For really being here, especially now, for me.”

It didn’t take too long for the water to cool. I knew my mother meant well and wanted to help me but I was really trying to get back to normal life as quickly as I could. As I reached for the towel I was a bit off balance but nothing of concern, just weak. On top of the towel was a folded newspaper. It was bent on the page of Announcements. Printed there in black and white was our engagement. Cecile had to have done this. I stood and read the entire publication and my eyes got damp. I was really engaged and going to marry Max Rand. I said it aloud, “Madison Rand.” I liked the sound of it. Again I repeated it.