Love of a Rockstar (12 page)

“Hey, what’s up?” I questioned as nonchalantly as I could muster.

He held a white bakery bag in front of his face. “I brought breakfast.”

I had to remind myself to exhale as my mind raced.
Think, Marlene. Think.
“That’s so sweet but Nil is still asleep and I have a ton of work to do.”

Finn set the bag on the railing and stuck his hands in his pockets with a look of disappointment. “Right, of course. Sorry, I shouldn’t have stopped by unannounced.

Shame heated my cheeks. Finn deserved to take a woman without emotional baggage to Paris. There were plenty of twenty-four years old out there who didn’t have a child and an ex-boyfriend who was a rock star. Loads in fact.

Finn handed me the bakery bag. “To keep your energy up. You work harder than anybody I know.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

Finn turned around to leave when he hesitated. Spinning back around, his mouth tugged down at the corners. “I have to say something.”

“OK…,” I drawled. “Is it bad?”

“Depends how you look at it.”

Whenever somebody said that, 99.9 percent of the time, nothing good came out of it. Nonetheless, I gestured for Finn to continue.

“You will always love Luke. I know that and have always known it since we first met back in high school.”

Why did everybody think my heart belonged to Luke? He was infuriating and a huge pain in my ass. On the other hand, my stomach did this annoying back flip whenever he looked at me.

“There isn’t anything between us anymore,” I said.

Finn scowled. “Stop. Let me talk for once.” When he saw my mouth was sealed, he moved on. “But he’s a musician, Marlene, which means he won’t be a stable force in Nil’s life or yours. You need a man who’ll be home every night, to warm the spot next to you in bed, and be the rock you deserve. When things got tough, Luke ran away. Who says he won’t do it again? You may never love me like you love Luke and that’s fine.” His eyes shined with affection. “Because I have enough love for both of us. Please don’t write me off.”

Right then, the door opened and Luke stood there shirtless. Finn looked between us, eyes wide.

“Good morning Finn,” Luke chirped brightly.

I WANTED TO rewind back to last night and kick out Luke before we fell asleep together on the couch. This couldn’t look good.

“What are you doing here?” Finn questioned.

Luke glanced down at his shirtless chest as if it were obvious. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

Finn lunged toward him, but I stepped between them before he could get to Luke, and laid my hands on Finn’s chest.

“Both of you are acting like children,” I said. “Nothing happened between Luke and me. We fell asleep talking.”

The part about almost falling into bed with Luke was conveniently left out.

Finn directed his gaze at Luke. “Is this true?”

“Don’t ask him,” I said, knowing Luke would lie. “Ask me, and yes it is the truth. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Finn’s shoulders relaxed as I spun around to deal with Luke. His perfectly toned chest and six-pack abs made me temporarily forget my anger.

I cleared my throat. “What happened to your shirt?”

He shrugged. “I was going to take a shower when I heard voices outside.”

It was such a blatant lie, I almost laughed. Luke had obviously taken off his shirt to get a rise out of Finn. And that was what I meant when I said Luke was a pain in my ass. Sometimes, he was such a child.

“First of all, this isn’t your house so you can’t freely take showers without my permission, and second of all, go put on a shirt,” I said.

He shot me a grin. “I like when you’re bossy.”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking to.”

Luke rolled his eyes as he stepped back inside, leaving me to deal with Finn alone. I twisted my hands in front of me, unsure of what to say. An apology was in order but I felt as if more needed to be said. Like, “Are you sure you want to take me to Paris because I am an awful person who can’t seem to resist her ex boyfriend?” Or something along those lines.

Finn looked at me with concern. “Are you OK? He didn’t take advantage of you, did he?”

If Luke took advantage of me, I wouldn’t complain. The way his tongue flicked against my pulse point last night made me yearn for his tongue to explore beyond. Still, I was with Finn, which had to be constantly repeated in my head.

I studied him curiously. “You know most guys would not ask that question.”

“What would they ask?”

“Why was your ex-boyfriend at your house shirtless? At seven a.m., nonetheless.”

“True, but I trust you.” Finn smiled. “And it also helps that you’re moving with me to Paris where Luke will be nowhere in sight.”

My chest hurt at the idea of not seeing Luke again. He had been in my life less than forty-eight hours and I already couldn’t imagine him not being an integral part of my everyday.

“I haven’t agreed yet,” I reminded Finn.

“It’s Paris, how can you say no?”

There were a thousand reasons floating in my head, but all of them boiled down to one: Luke. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t fall in love with him again. The first time I did was because I was young and naïve. Sucked in by his charms and musical talent. Then Luke crushed my heart. Why would I put myself through that again? Those four months following our breakup were dark days.

Thankfully, Camille was around to pull me out of my slump and help me focus on the positive. Luke’s and my beautiful baby girl. Fast forward to the present, and there was a sweet gentle man offering me an adventure of a lifetime. Besides, maybe Luke and I could work something out where Nil would visit her father in the summer.

I took a deep breath. “OK, I’ll go.”

“Really?

“Yes…”

Finn pumped his fist in the air, overjoyed.

“But on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“That on weekends you’re free, we will travel around Europe.”

Finn placed his hands on each side of my face and gently kissed me. I waited to feel something—anything—but instead I just felt his warm lips against mine. When Finn pulled back, he looked at me with affection.

“You’re making the right choice, and I can’t wait to start this next chapter together. I love you.”

My lips wanted to form the words, but they refused to cooperate. I buried my face into Finn’s neck so he wouldn’t witness my struggle. Finn wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me against his body.

“Why don’t you kick Luke out and I’ll make us breakfast?” Finn asked.

“No need,” Luke said behind me. “I’m already leaving.”

At the sound of Luke’s voice, I stepped out of Finn’s embrace and turned around. The dejected look on Luke’s face told me the repercussions of his actions had finally hit him. I had started a new life without him. He swung his jacket over his shoulder as he brushed past Finn. My body ached to stop him. To tell him we still had a future together and to never give up on us.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” Finn tugged on my hand.

My feet stayed firmly planted until Luke was in his car. I watched as he bowed his head against the steering wheel. Finn wrenched me in the direction of the front door, away from the man I promised to love forever.

FINN CRACKED THREE eggs into a bowl and whipped them with the back of a spoon. Removing the bacon from the frying pan, he poured the eggs into the grease. The delicious smell caused my stomach to grumble.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Breakfast will be ready in five minutes.”

“OK, I’ll wake up Nil,” I said.

Tiptoeing into her room, I saw she was already awake. Her blonde curls were matted to the side of her head, and the necklace Luke had given her shined in the dim light. Propped up against the headboard, she gave me a sleepy smile.

“Hi, mommy,” she said.

“Hey.” I sat down on the edge of her bed. “When did you get up?”

“Not so long ago.”

“Why didn’t you come out in the living room?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t know.” Toying with her necklace, her face grew hopeful. “Is daddy still here?”

“No, but Finn is.” I shook her knee to coax a smile from her lips. “And guess what he brought?”

Her mouth remained a straight line. “What?”

“Croissants. Your favorite.”

“I want daddy,” Nil whispered. “He’s fun and gives me hot chocolate.”

It seemed as though Luke had crept into both our hearts.

I brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “Sweetie, daddy had to go back to the hotel.”

“Why doesn’t he stay with us?”

“This isn’t his home,” I answered.

Her bottom lip quivered. “Why not?”

Because long ago he made a decision to leave behind the only family he had, which was hard for a four year old to understand. I know I didn’t. I wrapped my arms around Nil in a tight embrace, wishing there was an answer to her question.

“Your father loves you very much.” I spoke softly in her ear. “To infinity and back again.”

She sniffled. “That’s a lot.”

Laughing, I pulled back and stared into her sparkling blue eyes which were filled with tears. “What can I say? He has a lot of love for you and so do I.”

A smile that stretched from ear to ear lit up her face. I was happy to see my daughter back to her normal self. She had a sunny disposition, rarely mopey.

“Now, what do you say to a cinnamon roll?” I asked.

Hand in hand, we walked into the kitchen.

MINUTES AFTER FINN left for work, I wrapped the cake layers in plastic and placed them in the freezer. Originally, my plan was to attend Pastry School in Paris. I had even gotten accepted, but ended up deciding my life was in Seattle with Luke, so I stayed. It would be stupid to pass up another opportunity to live in the city of my dreams, which was why I’d said yes to Finn. However now that I did, I couldn’t help but want to take back my answer. Wiping my hands on the back of my jeans, I knew it was time I told Camille about my dilemma. She always helped me find clarity. I sent a text, telling her to come over ASAP.

“Hey Nil.” I peeked my head into her bedroom. Her Barbies were on the floor, dressed in an odd assortment of clothes. Thankfully, they still had their hair. “Is there anything you want to do today?”

Glancing up at me, she handed me one of her dolls. “Play with me.”

Who was I to deny such a simple request? I sat cross-legged on the floor, and became immersed in the imaginary world Nil created. Barbie was about to grab a snack from the refrigerator when the low chime of the doorbell rang throughout the house. Dazed, it took me a moment to register the sound was not from the playhouse.

I set the doll on the carpet. “Give me on second,” I said.

Her eyes stayed glued to the mini tea set she was playing with as I walked out of her room to answer the door. Camille was dressed in a long parka and boots laced up her shins. Her wavy brown hair fell straight in a shoulder length bob. Light purple eye shadow brought out her blue eyes. With her PhD program in full force, it had been months since I’d seen her this put together. I almost forgot how pretty she was.