Love on the Highlight Reel (Connecticut Kings Book 2) (19 page)

Instead of responding to Mel’s comment, I busied myself with the steeper the server had brought to the table for my loose leaf tea.

“I know you hear me, Cole. Is this your way of telling me to mind my business?”

I smiled, then looked up. “Pretty much.”

“Note taken,” Mel laughed. “But whoever has you grinning and glowing, keep him around. It looks good on you.”

I bit my lip to keep from blushing, then gave her a little nod. “Note taken.”

We’d had to cancel the first lunch date we scheduled, because I was so busy dealing with the influx of requests from the team. During bye week, everything that had gotten put off to focus on the season had to be addressed, so social meals had to be put aside. Now though, we were leading up to an away game, so the players were focused on practice.

Which meant I could focus on other things.

Like figuring out my personal life.

I had the feeling that Mel hadn’t mentioned our talk, or this lunch date, to my father. He hadn’t brought it up yet, so I hadn’t either. Still, it had been heavy on my mind.

Since the… whatever had happened between Jordan and I, I’d been considering my interpersonal relationships. I didn’t believe that I treated anyone
badly
, but when it came to Mel, I certainly could have been treating her
better
.

I’d hurt Jordan, and I knew it. For all this time, the guilt of that had festered, and instead of addressing it, I tucked it away, just to have it all blow up. I didn’t want another episode like that, ever. With
anybody
.

“So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since our last conversation,” I started, meeting Mel’s eyes. “And I want to apologize for being so detached with you. I… couldn’t verbalize a true reason if I tried, but it doesn’t change the fact that I could have, and should have, done more to build a connection with you. And I’m sorry.”

Mel’s lips parted, and her eyes went wide in surprise. Her mouth moved for a few seconds, like she was trying to find the right words, and then she grabbed her water glass, taking a long sip.

“I… apology accepted,” she said finally, shaking her head. “I have to say I wasn’t expecting that, at all. But I appreciate it. And honestly… I could have done more too. I guess that’s why I’ve never had any ill feelings toward you for not really trying. I wasn’t either, but I
can
verbalize my reasoning.”

I lifted an eyebrow as I lifted the steeper, putting it on top of my cup to strain. “I’m listening.”

“Risk avoidance.” She crossed her arms, propping her elbows on the table. “I loved your father, and he loved me. But he also loved the hell out of his kids. I knew that part of being with him was being accepted by his children, and at the time, I felt like it was better to have you act like I didn’t exist than to actively dislike me. If you’d told your father you hated me, that man would have dropped me like a bad habit. So your ambivalence worked in my favor.”

I tipped my head to the side. “I… actually can’t be mad at that. It’s smart.”

Mel grinned. “I like to think I’ve made more than a few good decisions in my life. But… you know, I’m still not sure that’s one of them. I wonder how different our relationship could be now if instead of just letting it ride, we’d made an effort to build some type of connection?”

“I’ve actually wondered the same. But, it’s behind us now. No way to know. The only thing we can do is move forward. I don’t know that we’ll ever be besties, but… I guess it would be pretty cool to consider you a friend. Especially since it seems like you’re around for the long haul. And giving birth to my sibling.”

“Yes, I think so,” Mel laughed. “One more person I can exhaust with baby talk.”

I cringed. “Please don’t.”

“Oh come onnnn. You don’t want babies some day?”

My lips parted to say
“Hell no
,” but I stopped with my tongue pressed to the back of my teeth, paralyzed against sounding out those “L”s.

Did I want babies
?

It was such an abstract thought for me. Again, the way I’d been raised was rearing up, showing me the deficiencies of not having my mother. I’d never stuck a stuffed animal under my shirt and pretended to be pregnant, never wanted a plastic baby doll to play house with, never dreamed of nurturing and loving something or someone so small.

I did enough coddling and cultivating with two-hundred pound men.

“I never really thought about it,” I answered, after a few moments had passed.

Mel smiled. “Well, maybe you should. Maybe with whoever laid it down good enough to give you a whole new aura.”

“
No!
” I snapped, louder than intended, and Mel jerked her head back.

She raised her hands. “My mistake. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, no.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just that it’s not serious, and um… I’m focused on my career right now. This is my first year on this job, and I can’t really think about a baby.”

She nodded. “I understand. It’s a huge, scary commitment. Especially when you’re married to someone who gets a lot of attention. Like your father.”

“Scary?”

“Yes, terrifying. Especially when you’ve lost a baby before. Every little thing has you concerned. And it doesn’t help that there is always someone ready to get into your business. I can’t even go into a maternity store yet, since we haven’t made it public. Who knew that the “shopping habits of the Kings’ owner’s wife” would be a headline? Certainly not me. But there I am, in the fashion and style pages, with photographs of me in stores, when I didn’t even see anybody with a camera.”

I shook my head, then took a sip from my fruity herbal tea. “That’s part of being in this life. If you’re involved with the team, everything you do is under scrutiny. It’s not just the game that makes the news reports. Your
life
goes on the highlight reel.”

“Exactly. At least the player’s wives and girlfriends have the “Queens” support group to help them figure it all out.”

“Bless them,” I agreed.

“I supposed I should stop complaining. The little attention I get is nothing compared to the borderline stalking they go through. You see how the media, and the female fans reacted to the rumors about Trent Bailey being taken. The whole world went bat shit. I suppose I got lucky that Eli was retired by the time he and I started dating. I couldn’t imagine the pressure and scrutiny of dating a player. Especially during the season.”

“Yeah,” I said, taking another gulp. “Crazy.”

I thought back to just that morning… how good it had felt to wake up with Jordan in my bed. In the week that had passed since our conversation on the practice field, there had only been two nights we
hadn’t
made our way to each other’s home. And it was just now occurring to me how reckless that was. How was it that I could do a good job helping the players manage their lives and maintain their privacy, while being so haphazard with my own?

“Anyway,” Mel said, picking up her menu. “I’m starving, and I’m feeling like a huge salad is the cure. Do you know what you’re having?”

I sighed. “No, not yet.”

I picked up my own menu, burying myself in the selections so I could get everything else off of my mind.

I have officially lost my mind.

That was the only possible explanation for why I was sprawled naked across Jordan’s bed, not even twelve hours after I’d realized how stupid it was for me to spend so much time in his home.

A shiver rushed through my body as his fingers brushed over my skin, and I reflexively angled myself in his direction. His hand ran up my side, then buried in my hair to turn my face toward his. “You’re hungry aren’t you?”

I closed my eyes as his lips pressed to my forehead. “Yeah,” I nodded, then squealed as he moved his hand down to squeeze my ass, pulling me closer to him. “How did you know?”

“That calm ass climax you just gave me. You always get quiet on me when you’re hungry. I’ve got you though.”

He kissed me again – a little peck on the nose that made me want to wrap my arms around his neck and keep him close – then lumbered out of the bed. I just laid there, admiring the beauty of his sculpted, mahogany-toned body as he found his boxers and pulled them on.

“Sushi okay with you?” he asked, running a hand over his thick hair. I nodded, and he grabbed his phone before heading into his kitchen to look for the menu that had come with our last order.

As soon as he was gone, I flopped onto my back again, hating myself for how good this moment felt to me. Amazing sex, the way he knew me and my body, the fact that he already knew what I would want to eat…

This was swinging into dangerous territory way too fast.

“Twenty minutes,” he said, stepping back into the room after he’d placed our order. “Still can’t believe they put a Roll Play location here. That used to be our spot back at Blakewood.”

I grinned. “Yep. I’m pretty sure we tried everything on their menu.”

“And helped invent some new shit,” Jordan laughed. “We’ll have to actually
go in
and eat one day. Probably be a nice trip down memory lane.”

A weight settled onto my chest, and I sat up, tucking myself under the covers. “Yeah… about that.”

“What’s up?” Jordan looked up from his phone to meet my gaze, and I forced myself not to look away.

“Umm… that’s probably not such a good idea, is it? For us to be seen together like that? You know, people would probably start talking. Especially if anybody has seen us going back and forth to each other’s place like we have been. That’s probably another thing we need to kind of… chill on.”

Jordan’s eyes narrowed, and filled with an unease that made my throat ache. “So what are you saying, Cole?”

I actually flinched. Who knew being called by your preferred name could feel so impersonal?

“I… just that I don’t want to be put under the media microscope. We haven’t even defined anything yet, and I don’t want to have to deal with that kind of attention.”

“Right. So, what should we do?” he asked, in a flat, unaffected tone. “Should we not see each other?”

“No!” I said, raising my hands, hopefully pacifying the situation. “It’s not
that
. I’m saying that maybe we should be more careful. Start meeting somewhere neutral, like a really private hotel or something.”

“So you want to hide?”

I sighed. “Don’t think of it like that. It’s more like. I want to figure this out before the media starts trying to do it for us. And can you imagine what’s going to happen if the team finds out? I’m not ready to have a conversation about this with my father! Can you understand that?”

“I don’t have a problem understanding that, but what I don’t want to happen is us doing this hotel shit as a way for you to keep your distance. That’s not a game I’m going to play with you.”

“It’s not about a game, I swear!”

Jordan stared at me for a long moment, then looked away as he let out a deep sigh.

“Come here.”

He watched me as I peeled the covers away, then eased out of his elevated king-sized bed. My bare toes sank into the plush carpet as I padded over to him, completely nude, but not at all uncomfortable. My shoulders dropped in relief when he wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me against him.

“Your ass is spoiled,” he mumbled into my neck, then kissed me there. He pulled back to look me in the eyes. “We’ll do it your way… for now.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, chuckling as I nuzzled my face against his chest. “You wanna grab a shower before the food gets here?”

I nodded. “It’ll be the last one before you fly out with the team.”

I bit my lip as soon as those words left my mouth, but Jordan’s mouth spread into a grin. “Oh, shit! You said that like you’re gonna miss me.”

“Stop.”

“Hell nah.” He cupped my face in his hands, tipping it up toward his. “Tell the truth. You gonna miss me?”

I swallowed hard, trying my best to keep my expression neutral. I wanted,
badly
, to be able to deny it, but…