Love on the Ledge (21 page)

Then he turns to me. “Is that what you want?”

I nod. “I want to enjoy you. Every minute of you.”

He holds his hand for me to take and helps me out of the pool. He kisses each of my hands. “Then I’ll stay. I’m yours, Sky.”

It’s the first time a guy has ever said this to me before. Usually it feels like a tug of war, like I’m trying to get a guy to look, kiss, speak to me the way Hayden does. In his kiss, it’s like he’s giving himself over to me without having to fight over it. When someone gives you their heart so willingly, well, it’s a lot of pressure to take. Now that I’m on the other side of it, I know. But I also know that I’m giving myself right back.

In my kiss, I want him to know that I’m his, too.

I wake up to a shriek.

Doors swing open on both floors. My cousins and aunts and uncles lean their heads out of their doors, rubbing crust out of their eyes and yawning their morning breath into the hall.

“What happened?” Leti asks.

Elena shrugs. “Sounded like it came from downstairs.”

“The butler did it,” Yunior jokes.

I lead the troops downstairs where Pepe is sitting in the living room with his hands over his eyes. There’s an unwrapped package on the coffee table. Packaging kernels litter the glass and floor.

Uncle Tony runs to him, a long navy bathrobe training the ground. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

We all gather around them. When they see that no one is dead, half of the family goes back to their rooms to sleep.

“This just got delivered.”

“What?” I ask, with a jolt in my voice. I run around the couch and sit on the other side of him. There, in the center of the package, are two cake toppers. They’re truly beautiful things. The groom has white hair with tiny glasses just like the ones Uncle Tony wears. It has a navy blue tux like the one they’re going to wear. It’s from a company that specializes in making toppers look as close to the couple as possible.

Pepe starts to sob.

The problem is that the second cake topper is a girl. She’s dark-skinned like Pepe with glowing dark hair and a beautiful wedding gown.

“They did it on purpose,” Pepe cries.

I hear Leti say she’ll make him some tea, as if tea is supposed to calm him down.

“Oh, my love,” Tony says, stroking Pepe’s back. “That’s crazy talk.”

“Don’t tell me that I’m being crazy. We ordered them together! You saw that I designed two men with two tuxes. Not this stupid bitch.” He takes the bride from me and throws it into the fireplace.

Tony shakes his head. This is one of those situations where he doesn’t know what to do, even though he always knows what to do.

I lean my head on Pepe’s shoulder. He shakes from crying.

Cousin Steve sinks into the couch across from us and turns on the TV. “What’s the big deal? Just get a new one.”

I take the remote from his hand and slap it on the back of his head. “Go to your fucking room.”

“What the fuck?”

“I’m not kidding. All of you. If you’re not going to be helpful, then go somewhere else.” One by one they return to their rooms, cursing me under their breaths. Leti returns with tea for Tony and Pepe, sugar cubes in each cup.

“I’ll get new ones,” I say. “Better ones. I promise.”

Tony takes my hand and squeezes. “Thank you, baby.”

“It’s all going wrong,” Pepe says. “Nothing’s going as we planned.”

“It’s a learning process,” Tony says, rubbing Pepe’s shoulders. “It’s going to be fine.”

“No, it’s not. It’s like trying to fix a beautiful dress with scraps.”

Tony shushes him softly. “Love, you don’t mean that.”

My heart hurts for them. This is my fault. If I didn’t keep secrets from them, Pepe wouldn’t feel like this.

“I’ll fix this.” I turn on the fireplace and throw in the other topper. Something about watching them both melt and burn in the fire makes Pepe calm down. “See? All gone.”

After breakfast I get dressed, intent on going into town to find replacements. After that I’m going to talk to my mother about Xandro. After that, I’m going to make sure Leti has a DJ. After that, I’ll get my army of cousins started on the centerpieces. After that, my final dress fitting, the wedding rehearsal, and then boom. Wedding.

But when I get downstairs, Xandro is already talking to my mother.

“Sky, Xandro’s heading to town. I told him you were going to run an errand.”

My senses go into panic mode. “No, I’m fine.”

She dismisses me with a wave of her hand. “Your cousins took all the cars to the outlets.”

“River can take me.”

“River’s gone.”

I curse her in my head. “I’ll walk.”

“Sky, you’re being rude.”

I’ll tell her what’s rude. Rude is storming my room without knocking. Rude is forcing a man I don’t want into my life. Rude is dismissing the guy that I actually have feelings for.

But I know when I’m trapped. “Fine.”

I storm out the house and get into Xandro’s car.

• • •

“You don’t have to look so pissed,” Xandro says. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I was drinking.”

“That’s your answer?”

Xandro shakes his head as he parks in front of the bakery. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to stop whatever it is you’re doing and admit that you and I are never going to happen.”

When I slam the door to his car, he quickly follows me up the street. “Look, Sky. I said I was sorry. Let me make it right.”

He puts his arm around me. Couples and teen girls walk around with great big smiles on their faces. The sun shines, and an ice cream truck announces that summer isn’t over yet. All the while, Xandro forces me into walking with him. Why is it that I’d rather not make a scene than admit I feel threatened? What do I scream? Help! A handsome plastic surgeon is trying to take me out to lunch! Half the passersby would kill to swap places with me.

“Let’s get something to eat.” He pulls me into a small but swanky Italian place up the block. The waitress quickly gives us a seat in the back.

My heart thunders in my chest and I can’t keep my feet from shaking. “Xandro, what can I do to make you go away?”

He takes the menu and examines it as if I haven’t said anything. He asks the waitress for bottled sparkling water, a Caprese salad for me and the beef carpaccio for him, and two glasses of their best sauvignon blanc.

“I’m not drinking,” I tell the waitress.

“Just bring it out,” he tells her.

The waitress doesn’t know what to do. She looks at me with fear in her eyes. Either way she’s going to look bad in front of her boss. She’s young, new, and used to being bossed around. I resign myself. I tell her to bring it, but there’s no way I’m drinking it.

“Sky,” Xandro says. “Do you know how embarrassing it is that you’ve chosen some day-worker over me?”

“He’s not a day-worker, and even if he was, it’s none of your business.”

“You’re unbelievable, you know. I’m offering you the world, and here you are. This makes our arrangement a little difficult.”

I lean forward. I decide I don’t care if I make a scene. I don’t care if the whole of the Hamptons can hear me. “We don’t have an arrangement. You’re nothing to me. Actually…you are something.”

A smile breaks his face.

“You’re a huge pain in my ass, and you’re getting in the way of my errand.”

“Don’t be stupid, Sky. Your mother will never approve of your choice in men. What would you rather bring home, a surgeon or a meathead with a hammer?”

The runner and waitress bring out our food. She sets the glasses on the table so quickly that the wine slides over the sides. I stew in my rage. The worst thing is that I know Xandro doesn’t want me, not truly. He wants the idea of me—a girl who came from the same place he did. Someone his mother will approve of, because I bet my soul his nice Catholic mother doesn’t like any of the kind of girls he brings home. I’m his solution. But I’m also rejecting him. And his ego, his need to look good, is bigger than his need to please his mother.

“I’d rather bring home anyone but you,” I say, smiling.

He scoffs in my face and takes a long sip from his wine. “No wonder your ex cheated on you. You don’t know how to show a man what he’s worth.”

It’s like my hand is in control of the rest of me, and I watch it throw my glass of wine in Xandro’s face. I set down my empty glass on the table and grab the fork. I place it over his hand and press down, just enough that he squeals, but not enough to draw blood.

“I need you to listen to me, because so far, you haven’t. You’re going to stay away from me. You’re going to drop the idea of dating me. You’re going to tell my mother that you met someone else. Say whatever you want, I don’t care. But if you ever try to touch me, ever again, just remember—you might know how to cut people up. But I know how to put you into a long, long sleep and make it look like an accident. Do we understand each other?”

He licks the wine droplets off his lips and finally nods. I lift the fork and set it back onto its place beside my plate. I take my napkin and drop it in his lap. Everyone in the restaurant is looking at us, but no one moves. No one asks if I’m okay. No one speaks to me on my way out. I take a bill from my purse and hand it to the hostess. “Sorry for the mess.”

As I leave, I know I’m not sorry at all.

I go into every craft store, bakery, and even the lone thrift store in walking distance, but I don’t find a wedding topper. When I’m done, I call River to come pick me up. She doesn’t say where she is, but she drops whatever it is. If I call Hayden I’ll have to tell him what just happened, and I’m still too shook up.

River isn’t any better. “Are you fucking kidding? I’m driving back. I’m going to bash his windows in.”

I put my hand over hers on the steering wheel. “Stop. It’s done. He’s not going to be a problem.”

She suddenly breaks into maniacal laugher. “Did you really threaten to kill him?”

“Technically, I said a long, long sleep. I wasn’t lying. I know how.”

She shakes her head. “You could never hurt anyone.”

“You’re right. But in that moment, I really felt like I could. It felt good, standing up for myself.”

She puts a hand on my shoulder and her knee up to the wheel. “That’s my girl.”

“Now the real problem is that I don’t know what to do about this cake topper thing.”

“The real problem?” River asks. “Girl, if that’s your worst worry right now, I’d say count your blessings.”

• • •

But I’ve spoken too soon.

When we get back home, everyone is scattered around the house pretending not to eavesdrop on Pepe and Tony shouting at each other.

I walk towards their bedroom where the door is slightly ajar. My mom stands there with her arms crossed. She shakes her head when she sees me and walks away, suggesting I do the same.

But how can I stay away when I’ve never seen them fight like this? Tony and Pepe are my ideal couple. They’re everything that I’ve ever wanted for myself. Love and understanding and happiness. Not what Uncle Felix and his trophy wife have. Not what Aunt Cecy has. Not what my mother and my father had.

“You’re making too big a deal over nothing,” Tony tells Pepe.

I can still hear Pepe crying. “You don’t understand. How can you not understand?”

“I’m trying, but you’re not making any sense.”

River and I look at each other. We sit on the floor with our heads pressed against the wall. It brings back memories of locking myself in the bathroom, listening to my parents fight. Before he left for good, the other woman hovering in the doorway smacking her gum and checking her reflection in the mirror of the door, my mom and dad fought every day. She would tell him that he was a terrible husband, but he could still be a good father.

He didn’t want to be a father, though. He wanted the kind of life he dreamed of back in Ecuador. He wanted to have women adore him. He wanted to earn a paycheck and then spend it on himself. He wanted to be free.

“
Dejame en paz
,” was the last thing he ever shouted at us.
Leave me in peace.

So we left him in peace, and he left us in pieces.

River holds my hand as we listen to Pepe shout, “I am making sense! This was supposed to be us. And it’s ruined. We won’t be able to get another set on such short notice.”

“Yes we can. We can try.”

“If you don’t see why this matters, then why are we even getting married at all?”

“You don’t mean that.”

Then there’s silence, and I don’t think I can listen to any more of it. I know that it’s selfish, but if Pepe and Tony can’t make it work, then I fear there isn’t a lot of hope for the rest of us.

Me:
Can you come over?

Hayden:
Two minutes.

Me:
Can you make it one?

Hayden:
Firing up the jet.

It’s the middle of the night, and for the first time in days the house is quiet. It’s not the kind of peace and quiet that I wanted. It’s stagnant and sad and I wish they’d all go back to making a ruckus. I need a distraction. As I wait for Hayden, I think that he’s more than a distraction. He’s a need I didn’t know I was missing.

Hayden climbs through my balcony and stops there. I’m lying down in a white lace teddy that contrasts against my tan skin. I curled my hair so the ends bounce when I prop myself on the bed.

There’s a bunch of flowers in his hand. “Wow.”

I smooth out the fabric, even though it’s lace and there aren’t any wrinkles to be found. I feel a little weird wearing it. I put it on because I wanted to feel sexy. Originally, I’d bought it when Bradley and I were still together. I only just pulled the tag off, too. It was too beautiful, too expensive to throw away. Besides, it would have a new memory, not the old one.

I hoped.

“You look incredible.” Hayden walks to me slowly, like he’s treading water. “Remind me again what I did to deserve you?”

He crouches on my bed and places a kiss on my lips. I pull him by his shirt. He loses his balance and falls on top of me, recovering just as quickly. I tug on it to pull it off his shoulders. I’m so tired of being sad. I want to feel something that makes me happy, and being with Hayden makes me happy.