Love Only Once (11 page)

One day, when he was ten years old, he’d innocently called her “mother,” something he
rarely did, and suddenly she screamed at him,
I am not your mother! I am sick of pretending to be. Your mother was a whore trying to take my place—a whore!

His father had been there, the poor man. Little did his father know that nothing could have made Nicholas happier than to learn that Miriam was not his mother. It was only later that he realized how cruelly the world treated bastards.

His father was forced to tell him the truth that day. Miriam had had many miscarriages in the first four years of her marriage to Charles, and the doctor’s warning that it might always be so strained the marriage badly. Charles didn’t actually say so, but Nicholas figured out that Miriam acquired an aversion to the marriage bed. Charles found comfort elsewhere.

Miserably, Charles explained that Nicholas’ real mother was a lady, a good, kindhearted woman who had loved Charles. He had taken advantage of that love in one night’s drunkenness, the only time he and she allowed themselves that freedom. Nicholas was conceived that night. There was never any chance that the woman might keep the child. She was unmarried. But Charles wanted the child, wanted it desperately. Miriam agreed to go away with the woman until the child was born. When she returned, everyone believed the baby boy was hers.

Nicholas understood her bitterness, her resentment of him, though understanding didn’t
make it easier to live with. He endured Miriam for another twelve years, until his father died. He left England then, at twenty-two, intending never to return. His grandmother never forgave him for those two years of disappearance, but he’d loved sailing the seas on his own ships, living through one adventure after another, even fighting in a few sea battles. He finally came home to England, but he couldn’t ever go home to Silverley. He couldn’t live with Miriam and her hate and her continual threats to tell the world the truth about his birth.

To date, no one knew except the two of them and his father’s lawyers, for Charles had had Nicholas declared his legal heir. And it wasn’t that Nicholas couldn’t withstand the scorn if the truth came out; he had prepared himself for it. But his father had taken great pains to keep it a secret, to keep the family name pure. He didn’t wish to damage his father’s reputation.

He couldn’t trust Miriam, however. She might speak out eventually. For that reason, he had no right to marry a girl of good family who would become an outcast if Miriam chose to betray him.

No, Regina Ashton was not for him. He would give anything to possess her, he acknowledged. But he would also give anything not to marry her, not to risk putting her through the horror in store for her if his secret was revealed. He had to find some way out of it.

Chapter 12

“I
’M sorry to have kept you waiting, my lord.”

Nicholas whirled around at the sound of her voice. A jolt passed through him. He had forgotten how truly ravishing she was. She stood hesitantly in the doorway, a little afraid. Her cousin Clare was behind her. Tall and blond like most of the Malorys, she was pretty enough, but she faded away next to the exotically beautiful Regina.

Once again he was shocked to feel his body affected by the sight of Regina. Bloody
hell
. He would have to end their engagement quickly or bed her.

She continued to stand there in the doorway, and he said, “Come, I won’t bite you, love.”

She blushed at the endearment. “You haven’t met my cousin Clare,” she offered, coming forward slowly.

He acknowledged the introduction, then said to Regina, “Derek has just been refreshing my memory of you. You should have told me we met before.”

“I didn’t think you would remember,” Regina murmured, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Not remember getting pudding dumped in my lap?” he said, eyes wide in mock wonder.

She smiled despite her nervousness. “I won’t say I’m sorry for that. You deserved it.”

Seeing the twinkle in her cobalt-blue eyes, he asked himself how he was ever going to make her believe he didn’t want her when he did want her. She delighted him in every way. Just the sight of her was enough to heat his blood. He had an overwhelming desire to kiss her, to taste the sweetness of her lips again, feel the pulse beating at her throat. Damnation take her, she was too desirable by half.

“Come along then, children,” Derek teased. “This is a lovely afternoon for a concert. Egad! I’m really going to a day concert—and as chaperon, to boot.” He walked out the door, shaking his head comically.

Nicholas would have stolen a word with Regina, but cousin Clare made that impossible, her critical eye never leaving them for a moment. He sighed, hoping Derek would be able to arrange something for him later.

Regina seemed in uncommonly good spirits during the ride to Vauxhall Gardens, keeping up a steady flow of nonsensical chatter with her cousins. Was it nerves or was she really so happy? He enjoyed watching her. Was she really pleased about the marriage? Why had she told her uncles she wanted him? Why
him?

Reggie was astonished by Nicholas’ friendli
ness. After being told how many times he had refused to marry her before finally giving in, she’d expected bitterness, even anger. Why was he so warmly accepting? It couldn’t be the land, could it? It wasn’t at all flattering to know it had taken a piece of land to sway him. Tony bellowed that he’d been bought. But Tony hadn’t yet seen the way Nicholas Eden looked at her.
Was
he bought? And why had he fought so hard against the marriage, then given in?

He must want her; the way his eyes smoldered told her he did. Really, it was shameful the way he looked at her, and he did it even in front of her cousins. She’d seen Clare’s shocked expression and Derek’s amused one. But Nicholas didn’t seem to be aware of what he was doing. Or was he doing it intentionally, to embarrass her? Was his amiability being faked? His desire for her wasn’t faked, she was sure of that.

They left the carriage and walked along a flowered path, music growing louder as they neared the large area where an orchestra was set up. Nicholas was looking at Derek so intensely that the younger man finally got the message and hurried Clare ahead of them to buy pastries from the vendors circulating through the audience. Reggie laughed as Derek pulled his cousin along against her protests.

The moment he could, Nicholas whisked her off the pathway and behind a large tree. They were not alone. They were shielded from the crowd of people ahead, but not from those still
coming up along the path. But it was secluded enough for a few private words.

He had his chance. She was backed up against the tree, his arms braced on each side of her, a captive audience, forced to listen to his every word. She looked up at him expectantly, and he thought,
Hate me, woman. Despise me. Don’t marry me
. It was all there in his mind to say, but he lost himself in her eyes.

Without even realizing he was doing it, he bent his head and touched his lips to hers, feeling the petal softness, the sweetness as her lips opened. Fire rushed through him, and he leaned into her, pressing her between him and the tree. Yet even this wasn’t close enough. He needed to be closer….

“Lord Montieth, please,” she managed, gasping. “We can be seen.”

He leaned slightly away, just far enough that he could see her face.

“Don’t be so formal, love. You are entitled to call me by my given name, don’t you think?”

Did she hear bitterness in his voice? “You don’t
…why
did you agree to marry me?”

“Why did you want me to?” he snapped.

“It seemed the only solution.”

“You could have brazened it out.”

“Brazened it—? Why should I have to? I warned you what would happen if we were found out.”

“You were joking!” he reminded her harshly.

“Well, yes, because I didn’t think we
would
be discovered. Oh, I don’t want to argue. What’s done is done.”

“No it’s not,” he said tightly. “You can break the engagement.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Because you don’t want to marry me, Regina,” he said in a soft, almost threatening voice. “You don’t want to.” Then he smiled tenderly, his eyes caressing her face. “You want to be my lover instead, for I will love you to distraction.”

“For a time, my lord?” she asked curtly.

“Yes.”

“And then we’ll go our separate ways?”

“Yes.”

“That won’t do.”

“I will have you, you know,” he warned her.

“After we are married, yes.”

“We won’t marry, love. You will come to your senses long before the wedding day. But I will have you anyway. You know we are inevitable, don’t you?”

“You seem to think so.”

He laughed. How charming she was. His laughter froze when he heard the deep voice behind him.

“I won’t say I’m sorry for interrupting, Montieth, because it appears you need interrupting.”

Nicholas stiffened. Reggie peaked around Nicholas’ shoulder to find her Uncle Tony and a lady holding tightly to his arm. Oh, no! Not her! Nicholas was going to be furious for he would be
sure to think Tony had brought Selena Eddington there on purpose.

“
You
in Vauxhall, Tony?” She tried to sound disbelieving. “I don’t believe it.”

“Spare me your mockery, puss. I’ve heard raves about this particular orchestra.”

She held her breath as Nicholas’ gaze fell on his mistress, who was looking confused and angry. Reggie almost felt sorry for the woman, but her sympathy didn’t quite surface. After all, Selena had thought nothing of tossing Reggie’s name to the scandalmongers.

“We meet again, Lady Eddington,” Reggie said with false sweetness. “Now I can thank you for the loan of your carriage the other night.”

Anthony cleared his throat loudly and Nicholas laughed unpleasantly. “I, too, must thank you, Selena. Why, I wouldn’t have met my future bride if it hadn’t been for you.”

A myriad of emotions washed over Lady Eddington’s face—none of them pleasant. She was calling herself a thousand kinds of a fool. When she’d learned what happened, she was so pleased that Nicholas had meant to kidnap her that she’d told all her friends how romantic her lover was…and how unfortunate to have nabbed the wrong female. Her bragging had resulted in disaster for herself.

Anthony said firmly, “You will be coming along now, won’t you? Perhaps I should start chaperoning you myself. I must have a talk with that errant nephew of mine. Derek should know better than to leave you two alone. Being
engaged is not a license to behave badly. Remember that.”

With that he departed, whispering something in Lady Eddington’s ear as he ushered her away, more than likely encouraging her not to make a scene. Nicholas’ mouth was set in a hard line as he watched them go. “Didn’t your uncle trust me to tell her of my engagement myself? I would have, with great pleasure. If it were not for her and her uncontrollable conceited bragging—”

“You wouldn’t be marrying me,” Reggie finished softly.

The fury went out of him. His expression became maddeningly unreadable. “And you would be my lover instead of my wife. A preferable arrangement.”

“Not for me.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t succumb, love?”

“No, I’m not sure, not sure at all,” she answered truthfully. There was sadness in her admission, and he was instantly remorseful.

“I am sorry, love,” he said gently. “I shouldn’t be badgering you. I should simply tell you that I don’t want to marry you.”

She gazed at him unwaveringly. “Am I to be grateful for your honesty?”

“Blister it! Don’t take it as an insult. It has nothing to do with you!”

“It has everything to do with me, my lord,” Reggie said angrily. “You have linked my name to yours whether you meant to or not.
You
did
that, not I. Also, you agreed to marry me. You were coerced into it, yes, but if you had no intention of honoring that agreement, then you should not have been seen in public with me today. Our public appearance binds me more firmly to you. I am afraid I am stuck with you now, whether
I
like it or not. And I am beginning not to like it at all.” Without giving him a chance to recover, she turned and walked away.

Nicholas didn’t move. He felt ridiculously pleased when she talked of being stuck with him, and then ridiculously hurt when she said she didn’t like it. He had no business feeling like this about her. They were not stuck with each other, and he’d damned well better remember that.

Chapter 13

“U
NCLE Jason!”

Reggie threw herself into her uncle’s outstretched arms, thrilled to see him. Jason Malory, Third Marquis of Haverston, was a big man, as all her uncles were big men. She liked that.

“I’ve missed you, my girl. Haverston isn’t the same when you’re away.”

“You say that every time I come home.” She smiled at him fondly. “Actually I did want to come home for a while before all this happened. I still do.” She looked around the drawing room and saw Uncle Edward and Uncle Tony.

“And leave your bridegroom cooling his heels here in London?”

“Somehow I don’t think he would mind,” she replied softly.

He led her to the cream-colored sofa where Anthony was sitting. Edward was standing by the fireplace, as was his habit. They had more than likely been having a family discussion before her arrival. It must have been about she-knew-what. Nobody had even told her that Uncle Jason was there.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t have time to talk to you before you were due to leave,” Jason began. “I’m glad you came down early.”

Reggie shrugged. “Well, I kept Nicholas waiting yesterday when he took me to Vauxhall, and I didn’t want to do that again.”

Jason sat back, looking very solemn. “I can’t say as I like having this matter settled before I even got here. My brothers took a lot upon themselves.”

“You know we had no choice, Jason,” Edward defended himself.

“A few days wouldn’t have made any difference,” Jason returned.