Love or Something Like It (7 page)

“Sure,” said Brynn like two o'clock was no problem.

Saturday, May 10, 4:42 p.m.
Home from Brynn's
Conflicted

OK. I'm completely conflicted over what to do about camp.

I got to Brynn's house today right after practice, and when I got there, she and Billy were on her bed with her computer open. When I walked into her room, Brynn closed her computer like she didn't want me to see whatever she and Billy were looking at. I felt like an intruder.

“Are you guys planning what you're taking to camp?” I asked.

“We're watching an episode of
Survivor
,” said Billy. Then he looked at Brynn. “Why did you close the computer? We only have ten minutes left.”

Brynn looked guilty.

“You can finish,” I said.

Brynn opened her computer and I sat at her desk while she and Billy finished the episode. I sat there pretending like it didn't bother me, but it did.

First of all, Brynn knows I love
Survivor
. She could have waited and watched it when I got there. And I had told her I could come at two, so she must have invited Billy over earlier. And if they were almost done with the episode, he must have come a lot earlier.

As I sat there watching them watch
Survivor
together, I got more and more conflicted about what I'm going to do this summer. I don't want them to go to camp without me. They'll be inseparable, and I'll spend another summer wondering what's going on with them while I'm not around.

I definitely don't want that.

10:55 p.m.
Decision made

Matt came over tonight and we sat on the couch and watched a movie. It was kind of like a date, but at home. It was really fun because we were watching a horror movie and no one else in my family wanted to watch it, so it was just the two of us. At this one super scary part, I leaned into Matt like I was scared. He put his arm around me and pulled me in next to him. I thought he was going to let go when the scary part was over, but he didn't. We sat on my couch, with his arm looped around me. When we heard footsteps coming our way, Matt moved his arm, scooted forward and sat up straight on the edge of the couch.

Mom stuck her head in the family room. “Just checking on you,” she said in a too-parental way.

“Everything's fine, Mrs. Sinclair,” Matt said in his most polite voice.

When Mom left, Matt sunk back into the couch and we grinned at each other in a conspiratorial way, and then he wrapped his arm around me again. It wasn't a big deal, but it made me feel super close to him. When the movie was over, I walked outside with Matt. We were standing under an oak tree in my front yard, and Matt put both arms around me and kissed me full on the lips. I thought about how Mrs. Wallace saw us holding hands. Most of me hoped no one could see us now, but part of me didn't care.

“Fun night,” Matt whispered.

I couldn't help thinking that there would be lots more of them this summer.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by.

—Robert Frost

Sunday, May 11, 10:04 a.m.
How to ruin a plate of perfectly good pancakes

Tell your parents you don't want to go to camp. That's what I did at breakfast, and you would have thought I said I wanted to sell one of my sisters.

“April, why in the world would you not want to go to camp?” asked Dad.

“Why would you not want to go to camp?” The way Mom repeated the question made her sound like June. And the worst part was that it was a rhetorical question. They knew why I didn't want to go. “Is it about that boy?” asked Mom.

I pushed my pancakes away. “His name is Matt.”

“You're going to camp,” said Dad, like the discussion was over.

But I wasn't done. “How can you make me go to camp this summer when I don't want to go and you wouldn't let me go last summer when I did want to go?” Even a young child with a low IQ could understand the lack of fairness there. “I'm fourteen. I should get to make some of my own decisions, like what I do over the summer.”

Dad looked at Mom. I could tell he thought I'd made a good point.

“April, I don't think spending the whole summer at home and hanging out with Matt is …” Dad paused like he was trying to figure out what to say. “… a good idea. But I do respect the fact that you're a teenager, and you should get to make decisions about what you do with your life.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Actually, Dad didn't look like he believed what he was saying either. I wanted to do a victory dance, but Dad wasn't done talking. “You can decide what you want to do, but I ask that you think about it carefully.” He reminded me how much I love camp and that this is my next to last summer to go.

Then Mom gestured toward May, who was sitting next to her. “Don't forget this is your sister's first time to go to camp.” Mom knew I didn't need reminding about this. It's the only thing May has talked about for the last two weeks.

When I looked at May, she looked down at her pancakes. Even though I hadn't eaten much, I felt nauseous. “I know May will be disappointed if you're not there,” Mom added, like she was my sister's spokesperson.

May looked up at me. I knew how disappointed she'd be if I didn't go.

Dad rubbed his chin, like he wanted his last point to be a good one. “April, camp is only four weeks, which means you'd still have plenty of time over the summer to spend with Matt.”

May looked up at me. I could tell she was trying to say a lot without saying a word.

“I'll think it over,” I mumbled.

Even though my parents can be annoying and unreasonable, they weren't being either about this, which for some strange reason I found to be very unsettling.

10:17 a.m.
A crying sister doesn't help

May just came into my room with big tears in her eyes. “I heard what you said.”

Of course she'd heard what I said, she was sitting right across the table from me at breakfast when I said it. But I knew what she meant. I pulled her up next to me on my bed. “Don't worry,” I said. “You'll have an amazing time at camp whether I'm there or not.”

She rested her head on my shoulder. “I'll have a more amazing time if you're there.”

It was sweet hearing that, but it definitely wasn't making my decision any easier.

Wednesday, May 14, 10:32 p.m.

Matt came over a few minutes ago, and we made out on my front porch. This is going to sound weird, but I'd been thinking about kissing him ever since I'd walked Gilligan earlier.

Mom asked me if I'd take him out before dinner, and when I did, Matt was outside. He'd just finished a run. He looked so boyish and hot, all shirtless and sweaty. “I was thinking about you today,” he said as I fell into step beside him.

I bit my lip to try to keep from grinning.

“You look cute when you do that,” he said.

“I do?” I asked in what I think was a pretty cute, flirtatious way.

Matt must have thought so too. “It makes me want to kiss you,” he whispered in my ear.

“Eww!” I said like the idea of him kissing me all sweaty was super gross.

Matt laughed. “Later,” he said. He had a look on his face like he couldn't wait for later to get here, and neither could I. I could hardly eat dinner. When we finally kissed on my front porch, Matt pulled me right into his lap and the way we kissed was … passionate. That word sounds weird, but it's the only word that fits. It was like a kiss in a movie that I'd never get sick of watching.

Thursday, May 15, 8:02 p.m.

Ugh. It can't be normal to be this indecisive. I wanted a second opinion, so I called Sophie. “What do you think I should do?” I asked when I'd finished explaining my dilemma.

“That's a tough one,” said Sophie.

“I know.” I nodded into the phone. I was glad she at least understood what I was going through.

“I don't know what to tell you because I've never gone to camp,” she said. “I always go on vacation with my parents.”

Maybe so, but I wanted Sophie to give me an opinion. “If you had to choose, what would you do?” I asked.

Sophie was quiet for a long time. “I'm just not sure,” she said.

“OK. Thanks,” I said to Sophie, like she'd been helpful. But she hadn't been. And to be honest, I don't really need her input. I think this is a decision only I can make.

Friday, May 16, 4:45 p.m.
On a bus
On the way to States

I still haven't decided what to do about camp. Mom and Dad asked me about it at breakfast, and I told them I wasn't sure yet.

“Think about it while you're away,” said Dad.

I know my brain needs to be focused on the competition tomorrow, not on what I'm doing this summer. But as I sat on the bus next to Emily, I couldn't help thinking about it. If I brought it up to Emily, she'd say I'm crazy and ask why I want to go to camp when I have a super cute boyfriend at home.

No sense in asking her when I'm already asking myself that same question.

Saturday, May 17, 9:02 p.m.
Home from States
I decided

It's really weird how I decided. Something Ms. Baumann said helped me.

When we got to the hotel, she called a team meeting. “The Faraway dance team has won twelve state titles,” she said. “And I want to make it thirteen. This will take all of your dedication and focus tomorrow. You've all worked so hard. This is part of who you are. Now let's go finish what we started!”

Everyone clapped and cheered. And when they did, I remembered how much I love being part of this team. Like Ms. Baumann said, it's part of who I am, just like going to camp. I've always loved going to Camp Silver Shores. That thought stayed in my head all night last night and today, as we danced.

When the judges announced the winners, and we found out we'd WON, everyone on the team went crazy hugging and crying. It was one of the best moments of my life. I loved it, and I realized that even though camp is totally different from dancing, I love it just as much. And in that moment, I made my decision.

I'm going to camp.

Once I'd decided I felt so relieved, which has to mean I made the right decision.

Right?

Sunday, May 18, 10:25 a.m.
Post pancakes

When I told my family I'm going to camp, you would have thought I was some kind of hero. Mom put extra chocolate chips in my pancakes. Dad told me he's proud of “the maturity I'm showing.” And May tried to give me her Mickey Mouse ears. It was all so nice, and it made me hopeful that Matt's reaction will be good too.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm worried. Especially after how he reacted when I told him we won States. He almost didn't react. When I texted him from the bus ride home that we'd won, all he texted back was congrats, and it took him over an hour to write back.

I showed Emily his text (not that there was much to show). “He was probably doing something and that's why he didn't text back. Or maybe he's jealous. Didn't you say his baseball team came in second?” She waved it off like either way it was no big deal.

But it was kind of a big deal to me. I wasn't sure why he wasn't happier for me, especially after he'd been so sweet and supportive when I told him I was scared about not doing well at Regionals.

I'm also not sure how he'll react when I tell him about camp. I tried to visualize his response.

Cool. No big deal. Camp sounds like fun. It's just four weeks, and when you get back, we'll hang out and watch movies and stuff.

There. That won't be so hard.

Monday, May 19, 6:05 p.m.
In my room

As soon as Dad got home from the diner today, he told me, “April, I sent in your registration and deposit for camp. It's official!”

“It's official!” screamed May.

“It's official?” I asked.

Dad nodded, confirming that everything was set. Maybe it was from his end, but I still had something I needed to take care of.

6:22 p.m.

I'm going to text Matt to see if he wants to walk his dog with me.

6:24 p.m.

Unfortunately, he does. Oh God. Here goes.

6:48 p.m.
Home from dog walking

This dog walk wasn't like my last one with Matt. It started fine. Matt was talking about how he's playing on a travel team this summer. “My team is playing in Birmingham, Mobile, and Atlanta.” He paused and looked down at me like he was apologizing. “So I'll be gone a lot.”

It was the perfect opportunity to tell him. I took a deep breath.

“I'll be gone some too,” I said. Then I told him about Camp Silver Shores and how, except for last summer, I'd gone every summer since I was nine. “I love going to camp there,” I added.

I looked at Matt like it was his turn to say something about camp or ask me why I love it, but he didn't. He just shrugged like he had no comment.

“I'll only be gone four weeks,” I said, like it wasn't that much time. I looked at Matt again. There was no trace of a smile on his face. “Are you mad I'm going?” I asked.

“Whatever,” mumbled Matt. He barely looked at me after that.

I wasn't sure if I should say something else, but the truth is, I had no idea what I'd say. I'd felt so sure of my decision when I made it, but Matt's response was making me unsure all over again.

5:15 p.m.

I just called Sophie to tell her I'd decided to go to camp and how my conversation had gone with Matt, but before I could say anything, Sophie said she had some news for me.

“I'm coming to Faraway!” Then she told me her parents are going to Europe for the summer and that she's going to come and stay here, at Gaga and Willy's house, for six weeks.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “Why do you want to be in Faraway for the summer?”

Sophie laughed like it was a dumb question. “When you asked me about camp, it made me realize I've never done anything in the summer but travel around Europe with my parents. I want to have a real American teenage summer. What better place to do it than Faraway?”