Love & Redemption (11 page)

“So, he wouldn’t give you your inheritance and wouldn’t let you model?”

“Pretty much. He’s always been motivated by greed. I think Grandma Haddy’s money was why he married Mom in the first place.” She sighed, wishing she didn’t have to tell Gavin this next part. She had made so many bad choices in her life. “I was really slim and pretty back then—”

“You’re gorgeous now,” he interrupted.

Shelley shook her head and stared at the ground. “Maybe externally, but you should reserve judgment. Looks aren’t everything, and I haven’t made any good choices since Grandma died.”

“What happened?”

“Once the reputable agencies stopped coming around, I thought my dreams were finished. I gave up. I quit fighting against Dad for my money—the courts weren’t listening anyhow. I started hanging out with some local boys, drinking, partying.” She shrugged. Even more than when Tony died, that’s the year everything went downhill. “Dad said I was a slut and sleeping with them all. Eventually, I decided I might as well do it. He always accused me of it anyway. Another photographer finally came around, this one pretty slimy, but he was willing to help me get away from my folks, so I ran and never came back.”

“How could your father let that happen?” There was emotion in Gavin’s voice now, but Shelley wasn’t sure if the anger she heard was directed at her or Rick.

“He hates me and couldn’t care less what happened. I’m sure he wouldn’t care if he found out that photographer passed me around as a party favor to all his business associates. Even if Rick knew, he’d probably accuse me of wanting it.”

Shelley twisted her hands together as she stared across the street to her brother’s grave, fighting against the shame she felt. Tony would have been so disappointed in the way her life turned out.

“Maybe I did want it,” she said softly. “It got me away from here, and I was sure one of them would fall in love with me and take care of me.”

In some ways, it felt good to tell Gavin the truth. No one else knew everything she’d done, not even Carlie. Even if Gavin didn’t know the details, didn’t know the amount of people she’d been with, it was healing in a way. Maybe this was part of fixing herself. Admitting her faults.

“Shell?” His voice was tender. “You’ve said a few times, even before we came here to your dad’s, that you were proving you didn’t need a man in your life. I can tell you feel guilty right now, but it wasn’t your fault. You were a child.”

“I made my choices, Gavin.” She glanced at him, but quickly looked away. She wasn’t used to pity, and that’s what his eyes held. “Sometimes I think we’d all be better off if I’d drowned that day on the lake. I know Rick thinks so.”

“What?” Gavin shifted from foot to foot, and Shelley saw his hands clench into fists in her peripheral vision. “If your dad thinks that, he’s an idiot and an asshole! Why do you think he wants you dead?”

Shelley shook her head. She wished there were some chance she was wrong, but there wasn’t. “Rick blames me for killing Tony, his pride and joy. And I think, partly, Rick is jealous of me. Tony never made it a secret that he loved me best.”

“Tony? You’ve mentioned him a few times now.” Gavin’s warm fingers closed around her cold ones. “Who was he?”

“The best big brother in the world.” Shelley squeezed Gavin’s hand, unable to stop the tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes. “And I miss him so much.”

Suddenly, Gavin’s arms surrounded her and he held her close to his chest. Shelley rested her head against his shoulder, letting her tears fall unchecked. Gavin smelled of stale bacon grease and cheap deodorant instead of the fancy cologne he’d worn the first night they met. All because of her, so she could buy makeup.

“I’m sorry, Shelley,” he whispered, running his hand through her hair and down her back. The stubble on his face brushed her skin when he laid his cheek against hers. “Let it out. It’s okay. I’m here for you.”

For the first time since Tony died, a man was looking after her.

And she felt safe.

***

After several minutes, Shelley pulled herself together and moved from his arms. Gavin couldn’t very well argue and force her to stay, but he felt empty without her.

She’d come across as such a self-confident, assured person when he first met her. Mix that in with a heavy dose of rudeness, and Gavin thought he had her figured out. Obviously there was much more to her, but he hated that so much heartache and sadness was behind Shelley’s apparent attitude problem.

Once she had completely composed herself, she did take his hand in hers. Gavin tried not to be too ridiculously pleased by that, but it had been a long time since a woman willingly came to him, wanting his comfort and affection. Seeing Shelley’s vulnerable side and having her reaching out for him was even more alluring than her model-type good looks.

After they stood for several minutes holding hands, Gavin finally broke the silence. “Do you want to tell me about Tony?”

“I haven’t visited his grave for so long. It was my last stop before leaving town before.” She stared at the cemetery. “Do you mind if we go over there?”

“Not at all.”

Graveyards weren’t Gavin’s first choice for a place to take a lady, but maybe visiting Tony’s grave would help Shelley find some sort of peace.

They entered the cemetery and walked over several rows before Shelley turned up one, zeroing in with unfailing certainty on the grave she wanted. She might not have visited it in fifteen years, but she obviously never forgot Tony or stopped thinking about him.

They finally stopped at a large granite headstone. Weather had taken a toll on the stone, dulling the shiny finish to a dusky gray in many places. Weeds and early spring grass partially obscured the words, blocking the dates at the bottom.

“Anthony Lewis Soother. Beloved son.” An exasperated sound escaped Shelley’s throat. “Dad didn’t put anything about ‘beloved brother.’ That’s when I realized he blamed me entirely for Tony’s death. A week after the funeral, Grandma Haddy picked me up and took me to live with her. I didn’t see my dad, even in passing, for almost three years.”

Shelley crouched, pulling weeds and leaves from the edge of Tony’s stone. “Guess Mom quit coming out here to take care of this. Must have upset Dad too much.”

Gavin got down beside her, helping clear the space. “Sometimes it’s easier to let the past go. Maybe visiting was too hard on Janet.”

Shelley cocked her head toward him and raised her eyebrows. “You sound like you know from experience and agree that she shouldn’t come to the graveside.”

Thinking about his mom and how destroyed she was after his father’s death wasn’t something Gavin wanted to do right now. He wished she would have stopped visiting Dad’s grave and focused on pulling her life together. Maybe things could have been better. “I do have experience with this, but we’re talking about you. Maybe I’ll share my sad story later.”

Shelley’s tongue ran across her lip and she squinted at him, appearing like she wanted to prod for more information, but then she shrugged. “Fair enough. One likely doesn’t become a thief because their life’s been wonderful.” She reached across the small space between them and lightly stroked his cheek with one finger, sending a shudder through Gavin. “But whenever you want to talk, I’m here for you.”

“Bonding over how terribly our parents reacted to awful tragedy and left us on our own?” He forced a laugh. “Sounds like a match made in heaven, Shell.”

The corners of her mouth twitched into a grin, though warmth didn’t reach her eyes, and she went back to clearing weeds. “If we share that bond, I have more in common with you than most people I spend much time with.”

He wasn’t sure what to make of that. “Sorry you’re forced into being with me.”

She stood up, brushing her hands on her pants. “It’s been fun, actually. I like seeing you go head to head with Dad and coming out in the lead.”

So, she had fun spending time with him. Gavin filed that away to contemplate later, but it seemed like a promising start.

“Tony would have liked you,” she said, unexpectedly, holding out her hand and helping him to his feet. “I’m sure he’s terribly disappointed in my choices, but you’re just the type of guy he would have enjoyed taking out and teaching to shoot a gun, going fishing, and finding out if you were good enough for his baby sister.” She stopped talking and looked at Gavin, her eyes wide. “I mean, if we were really together and not just pretending.”

Gavin put his arm around her waist and pulled her to his side, looking down at their work. Tony’s grave looked much better, as though someone cared. He wondered how neglected his own parents’ graves looked. He hadn’t been there for years, and there was no one else to care.

“I’m not saying this is an ideal circumstance.” He caught Shelley under the chin and lifted her head so their eyes met. “But who says this has to be entirely pretend?”

Her eyebrows narrowed. “I don’t understand.”

That made him pause. Did she really not understand, or had he read her wrong? Maybe Shelley wasn’t attracted to him and was playing stupid.

Gavin sighed. Only one way to find out. It wasn’t like he hadn’t faced an even more humiliating rejection at Crystal’s manipulative hands earlier in the year.

“I’m going to be involved with Nick and the same people you are,” he said. “Our paths will continue to cross.” He stroked her cheek softly, staring into her eyes and hoping she felt at least a spark of attraction. It would be an awkward couple days until Nick came to their rescue otherwise. “When this mess is all sorted, why don’t we try going on some dates?”

Shelley stared at him for a few seconds without blinking, her clear blue eyes holding an emotion he couldn’t read. She shook her head slightly, not seeming to really mean ‘no.’ “I told you, I’m trying to stand on my own, without a man.”

“You told me you’re looking for the right man,” he argued, not willing to give up easily. “What if that man’s me?”

“You know the truth, Gavin.” She looked down. “You know that I’m...that I’m a...” She sighed and pushed him away, spreading her arms wide. “I’m a slut, Gavin. Who wants to have a relationship with that? But I don’t want to be a booty call. Not anymore.”

“I didn’t ask you to be a booty call, I asked you to date me.” Catching her hands, Gavin pulled her back to him. “The only person calling you a slut, besides your jerk of a father who needs to be punched in the face, is you.”

She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, so Gavin placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’ve stolen things, just to survive in life,” he continued. “I’ve used people. I’ve spent time in jail. I’ve made mistakes. Does that make you hate me?”

She shook her head slightly, still not saying anything, but also not pulling away.

“Isn’t it possible, then,” Gavin went on, “that we should both forgive ourselves for the mistakes of our past and move forward with life? We need to be the people we are now.”

A small squeak of laughter sounded in his ear and she leaned her cheek against his.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“You just stole those diamonds two nights ago, Gavin.” The squeak turned into a titter and her arms went around his waist, holding him against her while mirth overcame her. “And the only reason I haven’t slept with anyone in the past three months,” she got out through her giggles, “is because I got shot protecting Carlie and wasn’t up to that much activity. It’s not so much the people we were in the past as ten minutes ago.”

Gavin chuckled too. “I’m not saying we’re perfect, okay?”

She moved away from him and wiped at her eyes, still smiling. “Obviously.”

“I’m just saying, I’m not going to judge you, I’d appreciate if you didn’t judge me, and maybe we should see if there’s anything between us.”

She bit her lip, suddenly turning serious. “I do like you, Gavin. You seem sweet and loyal and funny, but you don’t know everything yet.”

Gavin looked at Tony’s grave, remembering that Shelley mentioned her father blamed her for killing Tony. She’d been seven when he died. Whatever happened, it couldn’t have been her fault.

“Tony doesn’t blame you, Shell.”

“I hope you’re right.” She slipped her hand into his. “It was his decision to go on the lake that day, but I’m the one who complained it was too hot.”

“Did you say there was a bar here?” Gavin asked.

“Just up the main road.”

“Why don’t we get a soda or something, and you can tell me what happened?”

Shelley nodded, though paused a moment to take another look at Tony’s headstone. “I miss you,” she whispered, and then turned toward the entrance.

Chapter Twelve

They entered the deserted bar, and Shelley blinked to adjust her eyes from the bright sun to the interior glum. It was a bit too early for anyone to frequent the bar on a Monday, except for the resident alcoholics.

Two men sat on stools, furthest from the door as possible. Shelley didn’t recognize them, but judging from their ill-kempt hair and straggly beards, it didn’t appear they left those seats often.

She and Gavin walked to the bar, and the old man behind the counter turned to greet them. Although his belly was larger and his hair grayer, Mr. Darrell looked almost the same as he had the last night she’d seen him. The night he drove to Essex to bail her and his son out of jail for public nudity.

“Felicia,” he said in a gravely voice, the spark of recognition not missing him either. “Never expected to see your pretty face around here again.”

More like hoped not to.

Shelley smiled. “Came to visit Mom for a few days. How’s Barrett been?”

Mr. Darrell sighed and shook his head. “I know I blamed you that night for getting him into trouble, but that was just a father who didn’t want to see the truth. Barrett’s in prison.” He shrugged. “Armed robbery and a few other things. He got a little wild after you left.”

Gulping, Shelley remembered how Barrett had begged her to run away with him the night before she left for her big shot at modeling. As bad as that turned out, it looked like life wouldn’t have been any better with Bad Boy Barrett. “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”