Love Song (9 page)

VIRGINS Preview

CLAIRE

“Ready?”

Claire smiles, looking into the lens of the camera. Her legs are crossed, covered in tight-enough jeans. She combs her fingers down her straight blonde locks that come to an end at her collarbone. She takes a breath as the person holding the camera nods, pressing record.

“Hello. My name is Claire Oliver. I’m twenty-three, living in California. I’m British, studying to be a doctor. I am HIV positive … and I’m a virgin.”

She smiles involuntarily when saying the words, and the camera shifts a bit. The person behind it is trying not to laugh. The atmosphere doesn’t change at the mention of the illness. She might as well have said she had a cold. Claire glances down at the two-page packet she’s printed, before straightening back up to look at the camera.

“I’m pansexual. I love everyone."

“Hey,” the person behind the camera interrupts.

Claire scoffs, grinning with a nod and a small roll of her eyes.

“Right. Loving
one
, at the moment.”

She reads the follow-up.

“How do I know? Well, I don’t really believe in putting a boundary or limit on love. It’s not so much that I’m highly attracted to any and all genders. I mean, every gender and every in-between
can
be beautiful. That’s based on what you like to look at, I guess. But my sexuality is more of a choice. I
chose
not to limit myself. If I fall in love, I fall in love
.”

“No matter the gender. I think it’s silly, really, to tell yourself you can’t fall in love with another
person
. I mean, they’re a person, after all. What does it matter what junk they’ve got?”

“Look at you, getting all righteous and philosophical,” the person behind the camera comments.

Claire gives a flustered laugh, shrugging and looking back down to read the next question.

“Well, it’s true … Uh,”

She laughs again, reading the question.

“I’m
not
dating. I’m actually married. And Daniel, my wonderfully silly husband, is the one who keeps interrupting me.”

A large hand waves in front of the camera.

“Hello, world,” he greets.

Claire smirks after reading the follow-up. She looks up at him, gesturing a nod towards him.

“Babe, were you aware that I’m a virgin?”

She thinks the question is silly. So does Daniel.

“A
virgin
? Then
what
have I been fornicating with?!” he asks with false despair.

Claire laughs. Her smile is big and white. Her greenish grey eyes are amused. She continues.

“And are
you
a virgin?”

“
Hey
, this interview isn’t about me.”

“It’s not me.”

Claire gestures to herself innocently, before offering him the paper.

“It’s asking. Here. You’re here – you answer them. Give it here.”

Claire hands him the packet and takes the camera in exchange. A quick, blurred glimpse of their living room is seen, as well as a fraction of Claire’s palm, before the camera focuses on Daniel.

He smiles awkwardly, looking down to read the packet. He combs a hand through black locks, still partially wet from his earlier shower. Claire had sprung this on him at the last minute. He hasn’t shaved yet. His chin and cheeks are grazed with stubble.

“Go on, then.”

“Alright, alright.” His hand rises in surrender. “No, I’m not a virgin.”

Claire gasps dramatically. Daniel smiles at the humor. And in her best reporter-voice, she says,

“But you’re married to a
virgin
. The world does not compute.”

Daniel laughs, rubbing his free hand along his thigh, dressed in pale denim jeans.

“Well. It wasn’t really my choice. The virginity, not the marriage, ha-ha. And no, I wasn’t molested as a child. My girlfriend in college took it upon herself to introduce me one night when I was drunk.”

He shakes his head at the memory, smile slightly faded.

“Needless to say
that
relationship didn’t last long.”

“And so, what? You just didn’t like sex after that?
Scarred?
” Claire asks dramatically.

Daniel scoffs, amused with his wife. He’s happy they can talk about this.

“Well, I wouldn’t say
scarred
. I’m celibate now. And at the time, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to be or not. So it
pretty much
answered my question.”

“Alright, so that’s that. On to the next.”

“Right, right.”

He reads over the next follow-up.

“Well, I’m glad you’re a virgin. It puts a
heck
of a lot less pressure on me.”

Claire snickers as Daniel continues, leaving that where it is.

“Uh, alright, I think this is back to you, now.”

He hands her the packet, leaning forward in the folding chair he’s sitting on. Claire leans to take it, exchanging the camera with him, and sitting back against the back of the cream corduroy sofa. With a jerk of her neck, she flips her hair out of her face before reading.

“No, you don’t pressure me to have sex. Or do anything I don’t want to do.”

“Except maybe cleaning your section of the bathroom.”

Claire laughs, nodding. She’s beaming. She knows she’s lucky.

“And no, I don’t want to. I don’t
need
to want to. There’s
plenty
of other things to keep me occupied.”

Daniel’s hand forms a thumbs-up in front of the camera. Claire laughs.

“No, not all
that
. Well, some things.”

“I think we can spare them the details,” Daniel laughs.

Claire nods in agreement, glancing over the next question.

“Uh – ha-ha. Well, sometimes it crosses my mind. I imagine it can get very messy.”

“What?”

Claire quotes the question, clarifying, and continues.

“Yes, I engage in some sexual activities.”

“And 90% of them aren’t with me. There’s a trunk in our room that I’m not allowed within ten feet of,” Daniel mumbles to the camera.

Claire’s smile is wide with shock, her hand throwing the packet down into her lap as she fights the erupting laugh.

“Lies!” she shrieks.

The camera shakes. Daniel is hysterical. Claire’s cheeks flush. She shakes her head, resisting the urge to roll up the packet and whack at him. Instead, she powers through, reading the next question. Her brows raise at its bluntness.

“Why am I a virgin? Wow … uh. Well … I guess it’s the same reason I’m going to school. I’m being responsible.”

Her smile fades considerably as she stares blankly at the packet, trying to muster the energy to say her next words. Daniel remains quiet, knowing what’s about to be said, and giving her the concentration she needs.

Her eyes drift about for several moment before she takes a breath.

“I … When I was younger, I got into a lot of bad habits. I did a lot of bad things, with a lot of bad people. One of those things was drugs. A lot of them.”

She took another breath. She still hasn’t looked at the camera.

“A lot of the needles were dirty,” she says with a harsh laugh. “I kept telling myself it didn’t matter. That it wouldn’t happen to me.”

She sighs, brows raised matter-of-factly, eyes falling to the packet in resentment, as if upset for making her reveal the past. But she goes on.

“And when I finally decided to get clean,” she scoffs, looking up. “They didn’t like that. So they gave me a dirty needle. Held me down …”

Her voice shows its first sign of strain. Daniel remains silent.

“They didn’t want me to get out and have a good life. Because
they
couldn’t. So they wanted to stop me. The guy I was with … I was going to leave him. So he did this to me … had them do this to me.”

She looks at the camera, eyes beginning to water. She hasn’t talked about this in a long time. Daniel never brings it up – and for good reason.

“Do you want to stop?” Daniel asks.

Claire shakes her head, wiping her eyes. She wants to get it out. She wants to warn the world.

“My life’s been cut short because of stupid decisions and shitty people. And I won’t let my mistakes cause pain for someone else. I chose to take responsibility.”

Her brows pinch. She frowns, eyes narrowing. She’s angry. She points her index finger towards the camera.

“And you people out there that do this to people. That spite them like this … That go out infecting others when you know …
When you know
! You’re
cowards
! All of you! You can’t just ruin people’s lives because you’re jealous, or angry … You can’t just …”

She jabs her finger towards the camera repeatedly as the tears fall. She’s breaking down. She’s still ranting when the camera shakes. Daniel puts it down on the chair as he gets up to console his wife. She’s hysterical. He holds her.

The footage has been edited.

It cuts to about an hour later. Claire has calmed down, and wants to continue. She sits on the sofa still, posture straight, eyes forward. She’s collected herself quite a bit, and tries to get back into the carefree mindset. She chooses not to answer the follow-up.

“You sure?” Daniel asks, focusing the camera.

Claire nods as she swallows, looking down at the two-page packet in her hands. She fidgets with it, sort of frowning, before skimming over the next question and looking back at the camera.