Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility) (16 page)

Shuddering, I gripped the comforter underneath my shaky palms.
What the hell?

Azmir, the most gentle and sharing lover I’d ever known, was rough handling me.

WHAM!
Another thrust.

“Arrgh!” I yelped in pain.

WHAM!
Another forceful propel.

“Uuuuh!” I whimpered as my feeble body trembled.

I couldn’t believe the force of his plunges. They were punishing.
This was anger
. He’d never done this type of rough housing before.

Then, he’s never seen you out with another man since you’ve been living together either.

How could I bring him back from this spiteful state?

I started to panic. I didn’t like this side of Azmir Jacobs.

WHAM!

“Ahhhhh!” In fright, I grew desperate. “Azmir, I’m sorry!”

Sweat had begun to form on my forehead, underneath my arms—all over my body. I didn’t know how much of it I could endure. Tears began forming in my crevices of my sockets. The pain had emitted to my heart. Azmir was relentless.

Oddly enough, each lunge became less uncomfortable. The discomfiture lessened by each pound and therefore became more pleasurable, but his intent was to punish me and
that
sentiment could not be ignored. I could feel him lift his right leg onto the bed to gain him more access into me. He unhooked my bra, causing my breasts to be released and clap. He knew what he was doing. My howls of pain turned into bellows of pleasure. He reached for my head and clasped my scalp in a gripping massage. My head swung back, giving into his masterful grasp.

“Oooooooh!” I belted out. I felt my sex lubricating even more.

Something changed. I felt it in his thrusts. Azmir rolled his hips, thrusting at a new angle and suddenly, I felt the rim of his penis rub against a new wall deep inside of me, a very delicate spot that he honed in on. The purpose of his impels shifted. As he steadied his rhythm, I joined in with him.

“Oh, Azmir!” I screamed because he felt so good going in and out. My body started to appreciate the punishment at the hands of its newly acquired nemesis.

Abruptly, Azmir bolted out a cry and I immediately knew he was ejaculating, shooting hot semen against my swollen walls. Though arousing, it wasn’t something I’d been used to with him, as he always insisted on me coming first. All of a sudden, my canal tensed as I increased my flexes onto his cock.

I’m so close.

It’s here.

I exploded.

“Oooooh!” I cried, as the warming sensation overtook me and my belly detonated with heaps of pleasure my delicate frame couldn’t contain.

In the blink of a second, Azmir pulled out of me, once again forcing me to orgasm alone. I stood there helplessly shivering and erratically breathing. I tried to catch my heart that was now beating at an alarming rate, my head that spun uncontrollably, my limbs that trembled fitfully. My brain was filled with delirium as I fought for my lucidity.
What in the hell just happened?
I gathered the sheets of the bed tightly, clasping them in my hands to help steady me as I let out purrs of pleasure and of wild abandon.

Azmir stood behind me stoically. From beneath my armpit, where I took refuge during the crux of my haze, I could see his lower torso. His long columnar legs were bare, his pants and boxers were pooled around his ankles and his heavy throbbing penis dripped deliciously at the head. I felt him closely observing me. Once I was done shuddering, he walked off into the bathroom. Next, I heard the shower run.
 

I slowly stood to gather myself and I could feel his viscid liquids racing down my inner thighs, taking with it the flow my dignity. At a snail’s pace, I grabbed my underwear to catch his essence, trying to prevent the juices from hitting the floor. I felt...used. But that quickly, I’d figured out his game. His intent was to level me and he did. I felt humiliated. I wanted to drop to my knees and cry. I just declared my love for this man less than twenty-four hours ago and he goes sexually primeval on me. All because of Thompson.

I’m not interested in Thompson! I’m too busy trying to explore love with you!
screamed in my head.

 
I had to admit that to some extent I deserved it. I knew Azmir must have felt some level of anxiety seeing me with Thompson considering his ordeal with Tara cheating on him with the aspiring rapper.
But what nerve did he have considering he’d just betrayed me with Dawn?
It seemed like a vicious web of trickery—malicious deeds. This wasn’t love.

There I stood, naked, feeling awkward. My dignity was left seated at the
Wino Bar
. I choked back on the tears that begged for a release, not wanting to give Azmir the satisfaction of seeing me broken. Racing through the events of the evening and processing my recent sex with Azmir, I suddenly felt exhaustion hovering over me. I needed rest or I’d crack.

The shower stopped running.
Good. My turn
. 

As I dried off from the soothing shower, I spied Azmir’s tank T-shirt on the floor.

Hmmmmm... I’d much rather sleep in this than my own pjs
. As cold as he’d been to me, I still craved every piece of him, even his scent all over me as I struggled to understand the obscurity we were stuck in. I picked it up and gathered it into my face, inhaling the A.D. Jacobs scent. Man, I can do this all day. His T-shirts at home weren’t worn. They didn’t have his body oils mixed in. I could never get used to his scent.

Why...oh, why are we fighting? Azmir, I just want to be a part of your world. But you betrayed me.
Then I wondered how long would this awkwardness last. There was only one way to find out: take it one moment at a time. I saw no other alternative.
Manage the moment
.

In that moment, sleep was warranted. I slipped on his T-shirt and headed for the bed. He was already in there, burrowed underneath the covers. I nervously pulled back the blanket on my side, I didn’t want to disturb him. He pulled back all the remaining sheets, inviting me in bed.

Ah! He’s not as upset.

But what he did was wrong!

Ugh! I just want to forget about this Dawn Taylor/Brian Thompson nightmare!

I lay down, finding my comfort in the oversized bed. As I did, Azmir scooted closer to me and found his contentment underneath me. I felt a warm sensation run through me. And not of a libidinous nature either. I felt peace radiating from him. He was at peace and yet I was embattled. Though I was beyond pissed with his actions and still unsettled about his indiscretions, I decided it was a good note to end a long day on.
 

“Good-night, Ms. Brimm,” Azmir whispered.

He kissed my head and nuzzled against the back of my neck, as he always did. It drove me wild. His voice was calm and even.
What just happened earlier?
echoed in my head. I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I had to know. 

“Azmir, I had two orgasms tonight—
alone
,” I informed with my eyes wide awake, awaiting a response. 

“I know,” he mumbled, softly breathing into my neck.

I tried to hold onto my defensive thoughts and not get swept away by the current that was zinging through me from the sweet sound and tantalizing feeling of his breath hitting my body—after all, I
could
go another round.

He had admitted it was done on purpose.
My heart pouted.

“Why did you do that?” I had to know.

He went tense behind me. There was a tentative pause and I could hear my heart stammer over the silence.

“I don’t know how else to show you what my life would be like if you stepped out on me. It would appear as perfect art on canvas, building up to the best picture any man could create. But my life would be worthless if I had your shell and not your heart and soul. So, I thought the best analogy would be having an orgasm, but with no one to share it.” I found myself wrinkling my forehead, desperately trying to find his perspective as he continued. “For some, they’d be happy with the thrill alone. Others, like me, want to share in the experience with that special person…only
one
person.” After a brief pause he whispered, “Good-night, baby. You have another long day tomorrow.”

I didn’t utter another word. He’d given me a lot to think about. Although sleeping with another man wasn’t on my horizon, the fact that he feared it resonated with me.
 But the hypocrisy in his actions with Dawn went unmentioned. I was so confused. But I could wrestle mentally or emotionally no more. I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning I awakened to the sunlight blaring through my lids. I turned over and opened my eyes. It took a few seconds for me to recall where I was. I looked at the time clock on the nightstand that read eight minutes after seven. Then Azmir’s arrival popped into my head and eagerly I searched the bed for him. To my surprise, he was sitting up against the headboard with his laptop, looking down at me, wearing a pleasant smile. I relaxed, releasing the strains of my tendons.

As I rubbed my eyes he murmured, “Good morning, love,” flashing his million dollar smile.

I have to ask if he’s gotten any orthodontia done.
His alignment was picture perfect. My eyes roved over him and I couldn’t help but take notice of his bare, chiseled upper body.

“Morning,” I muttered, trying to shake my sleepiness.

“You’re beautiful even first thing in the morning,” Azmir charmed.

Remnants of the previous night started to flood my mind.
This is certainly a different man.

“Are you still mad at me?” I asked candidly.

“I’m still upset...but not with you,” he warmed as he rested his laptop on the nightstand.

He then reached down to cup my face and kissed me hungrily. His mouth was cool and minty.
Damn him for freshening up, but catching me off guard this morning!
In all honesty, I didn’t care. I was so enthralled by this man that nothing mattered—even if he went caveman on me last night. He went out of his way to see me. He wanted me and I, him. His touch was soft and apologetic. What a way to wake up.

He released me, and to my discontentment.

“I was wrong. I overreacted,” he poured out while searching my eyes.

I exhaled, grateful for his concession. “Azmir, I’m not prepared to leave you. I meant what I said the other night. I love you,” I placated. I wanted him to believe me.

Heck, I
needed
him to believe me.

I still hadn’t dealt with the Dawn situation. Or had I? I hadn’t come to a resolve yet and didn’t know how I would. I just knew how revived I felt when I was with this man. How enlivened I became each time his eyes landed on me. Making a call would be deciding between agreeing to his mediocre commitment to me and losing him totally. I didn’t want to lose. But could I live with myself by allowing Azmir to not fully commit to me? This would be me perpetuating my mother’s fatal mistakes that broke our family. I swore I’d never let a man love me arbitrarily. It was all or nothing. Until Azmir, I had no desires for a commitment. Clearly, this has changed and my world will never be the same no matter what decision I made.

He gazed deeply into my eyes—long and seemingly by design. “I need you, Rayna, more than you’ll ever know.”

He reached down once again to kiss me tenderly. I raised my hand to hold his face. He felt so good. His hand went for my backside that was bare. From my movements that night while sleeping, the T-shirt rose to my abdomen. He pulled up at my thigh, prompting me to rise and I did as we were still enraptured in a passionate kiss. Azmir’s lips were soft and his tongue was hungry. He situated me into a straddling position and trailed soft kisses from my mouth to my chest. My pelvis lunged at him.

“I owe you,” he murmured as he continued planting delicious kisses on my torso. “I know this is your favorite position. Now let me see you ride,” Azmir growled lasciviously when his busy mouth arrived at my ear.

It was exactly what I needed. I began instinctively grinding into his lap. My upper body was glued to his as my head reclined in the air. I was ready. He pulled down the straps of my T-shirt—his T-shirt and I freed my arms from the sides as he pushed it down to my belly. I’m now virtually naked, body flowing freely. The only thing missing was him inside of me, buried to the hilt.

I anxiously pushed up to grab his boxers. I lifted my body to give him room to pull them down, unleashing his throbbing erection. After kicking them off, he guided my body onto him, nice and slowly.
I don't want slow, Jacobs! I want you—all of you alive in me now!
I was still achy from his primal behavior the night before, but more imminent was my need for him now.

He felt delicious, fitting himself in me. I moaned like a mad woman. He went for both of my cheeks and massaged them up and down. Azmir skillfully buried his face in my breasts, sucking my nipples until they were fully extended. He bit down on one of them, gently, driving me wild. The currents flashed through my body and I was caught up that quickly.