Love Unscripted (68 page)

He took a deep breath. “You have to realize that some of that shit is printed specifically to generate public reaction. They will post pictures of me and Suzanne just to keep the public interested in the film. They will print shit just to keep my career controversial and fresh. I may be asked to do stuff that might upset you just to pique public interest. It’s all part of the game.”

He sat down on the bed, facing me. “Honey, our relationship has to be built on trust. That stuff is just going to tear it down.”

I looked down at my hands. He was right; my behavior was incorrigible but I wasn’t alone there.

He took my hand and pressed it to his chest. “This… this is real.”

“
So if your PR team asks you to screw some actress to pique public interest, is that what you’re willing do to keep your career controversial? I just want to be clear on how far you’re willing to go.”

His tone was angry and sarcastic. “Yes, Taryn. I’m going to throw away our relationship, forget that I’m in love with you, and screw every woman that throws her legs up in the air. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you need to believe that I truly am? Just like your ex-fiancé? That I’m no different from every other asshole who has ever cheated on you?”

I looked away and winced from the sting of his words. That was a low blow but in a way I deserved it. Pain cracked in my chest and the tears of shame formed in my eyes.

He stood up from the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of me.

“
I’m not them, Tar. I don’t know what else to do to make you have faith in me. Why don’t you trust me?”

“
I
do
trust you,” I muttered, wiping the tear from my cheek. “This whole conversation has nothing to do with trust. There are just so many other influences out there. It’s hard to keep up with it all.” I looked him in the eyes.

“
Ryan, your life
is
public. I
want
to know what’s being said about you. I want to protect you from all the daggers that are flying in your direction. Shield you from the lies.” I picked a tissue out of the box on the nightstand and wiped my face.

“
You can’t protect me from it - you’re way outnumbered,” he said, defeated.

I took a deep breath. “It’s more than that. The other reason I look is, sometimes I feel like I’m living with two people… the man I’m in love with and some other guy I barely know. The photo shoots, premiers, public appearances, magazine spreads, interviews, all of that is in here too.” I pressed my hand back on his chest. “I look so I can understand it all; so I can be connected and in love with
all
of you.”

Ryan rubbed his face and sighed. “I didn’t see it that way. I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered, staring solemnly into my eyes.

I sniffed back my tears and acknowledged his apology with a nod.

“
I don’t want your mind to get clouded with the lies, Taryn. That’s all.” He picked up my hand, wrapping it in his. “It’s so easy for fabricated stories to appear believable. They even merge pictures and try to pass them off as real.”

“
Regardless Ryan, all those
real
pictures of you, all those poses, stills, and magazine spreads, those are all little bits and pieces of you – of who you are, of things you’ve been through, things you’ve experienced. All of that is a side of you that I don’t know. In a way it helps me understand you.”

He breathed out another sigh and tapped our gathered hands into his forehead. He looked up into my eyes.

“
I think this is the part where I apologize and we kiss and make up,” he suggested softly.

I fidgeted a bit, still wiping the remnants of tears from my cheeks.

“
I think this is the part where we realize that we still have a lot to learn about each other. That it takes a lot more than physical love to keep people together.”

He stood up in front of me, pulling me up off the bed by my hands.

“
You’re right,” he agreed. “I’m so sorry for blowing up at you.”

“
I’m sorry for giving you a reason to do so, but I hope you see the reasons why I look and don’t get upset with me if I do it again.”

He shook his head, exhaling harshly. “You’re going to see stuff and think it’s true. I really wish you wouldn’t.”

I spent the next few hours trying to look happy in front of our guests, careful not to let on that I was still mulling over the heated discussion he and I had.

Suzanne and Francesca showed up later in the evening; tonight was their last night in Seaport. Both of them had flights to catch the next day. Scott was trying to pump Suzanne full with shots - I suppose to loosen her up again - however she continued to watch every move that Ryan made. She would flirt with Scott and then check to see if Ryan saw it. Unfortunately for her, Ryan had other things on his mind that he was worrying about - fans.

It didn’t take long for word to get out that Ryan Christensen was in Mitchell’s Pub again. Girls started to arrive in droves. Cory’s friend Trevor was working the door for me and after a while I had him stop allowing people in; we were crowded enough with obsessive females.

Ryan was doing his best to just deal with it all. I could see he was trying to have fun and blend in and not worry about the extra attention he was getting, but he had to work at it.

Suzanne did not like it at all when Scott left her side to become Ryan’s wingman. Just standing in close proximity to Ryan provided Scott with a hearty selection of new women to talk to. It didn’t take her long to slip her way in between Ryan and Scott.

“
Taryn?”

I heard my name called out. It was a female voice – French accent. Francesca waved her fingers at me.

“
Yes, Francesca?” I asked, trying to be polite.

“
Can I speak to you privately?” Her eyes scanned tentatively for my reaction.

Ryan, of course, noticed us walking towards the kitchen door. I gestured my confusion, silently answering his questioning stare.

“
I just want to apologize to you,” she said. “I have treated you badly and unfairly and I’m very sorry.” She sounded sincere.

“
It’s all right,” I responded, trying to sound just as sincere. “Don’t worry about it.”

“
You probably know that I have liked Ryan for a long time, but I know that he does not feel the same way about me as I do him.” Her admission made her stare at the floor.

“
He deserves to be happy and I can see he is in love with you.” Her lips curled into a brief smile. “I can only hope that I too will have that happiness one day.”

“
You will,” I assured her.

“
I was wondering… has Cory said anything to you about me?”

Her question perplexed me for a moment. I felt like we were young teenagers talking about our boy crushes and she was searching for insider information.

“
I think it’s safe to say that he likes you,” I told her, feeling suddenly like an older sister.

“
I like him too, very much. He is so nice and sweet and handsome, but…” She stopped to ponder.

“
But what?” I asked.

She twitched, almost afraid to continue. She didn’t need to.

“
You’re afraid of what the public will think,” I stated, pointing out the obvious.

She looked at me and nodded.

“
How does he make you feel?” I questioned, knowing there was more.

Francesca smiled gloriously and pressed her hands to her heart.

“
You deserve to be happy too. And the choice is really yours. Cory is very ambitious, but he will still put your needs ahead of his own and treat you like gold. He’s just beginning to find his career direction. And he will be successful at it. But then there’s always the alternative choice… you could get involved with some young, rich guy who constantly thinks that the
next
girl he hooks up with is going to be even better than you.” I waited until she looked at me again.

“
Francesca, I’m terrified about what the public thinks of me too,” I admitted. “I know people all around the world feel that he could do better than me, but better how? Someone with more money… more fame? Are those the things that truly matter when it comes to loving someone completely and knowing that good, bad, or otherwise, they will love you just as much in return?”

“
No,” she agreed.

“
Then go be happy!”

I let Cory leave early that night.

Ryan was busy attempting to cook dinner when I joined him in the kitchen late Sunday night. His friends had left earlier in morning for their flight back to Pittsburgh and after five days with house guests we were finally alone. Even though Ryan was sad to see his friends go, he knew he would be seeing them in a few days when we traveled to his parents’ home for Thanksgiving.

“
Smells good!” I complimented. “Need help?”

“
Nope!” He grinned at me. “I got it all under control.”

I laughed under my breath on my way to the bedroom. He was only making hamburgers and boxed macaroni and cheese, but the kitchen counter was a total mess. I grabbed the stack of scripts from his nightstand and carried them back to the kitchen.

“
Did you finish reading this one?” I glanced at the title on the front cover. “
Behind the Words
?”

He looked over his shoulder and sneered. “No. I couldn’t finish it. It was stupid. I’m not going to portray a homophobic writer who wants a sex change.”

“
I still think you should pursue this one…
The Isletin Solution
. This one has Oscar potential.”

“
I was going to read that one next. Was it good?” he asked, licking his thumb. “You’re finished with it, right?”

“
Yeah, I finished it last night after you fell asleep. It was excellent!”

“
What’s it about?”

“
It’s the story of two Canadian doctors who discovered insulin and forged the way for the treatment of Diabetes. You would be perfect for the lead role of Charles Herbert Best. He was a physiologist and chemist,” I said, flipping through the script. “It’s based on a true story. It’s written from Best’s point of view, even though he wasn’t the lead scientist in the discovery.”

“
Great! Another Charles character,” he groaned.

“
Ah, so what. You’re already used to people calling you Charles,” I teased.

“
How do you know all of that stuff about the characters? Is it written in the script?”

“
No. I researched some of it on the net. I was curious.”

“
So you think it’s a good role for me?” he asked, wiping his wet hands on the dishtowel that hung over his shoulder.

“
I think it’s a perfect role for you. You’d be able to show a wider range of emotions with this character. There are a lot of heart-wrenching scenes. They did their research on dogs, and one of the dogs that he was really attached to dies.”

“
Sounds sad. You really think it has Oscar potential?” He narrowed his eyes on the script.

“
Yeah, I do. The story is very compelling and you’d play a hero instead of an action star,” I stated. “I visualized you in the role the whole time I read it. It’s a tear-jerker. This is the type of role that wins awards.”

“
Since when did you get so knowledgeable about films and awards?” he asked in a teasing fashion.

“
Since I started dating this hot movie star who’s getting cast into all these romantic popcorn films. I’ve just been doing research on acting and stuff,” I admitted.

“
Well then, move that one to the top of the stack. I’ll talk to Aaron and David… see what they think.”

“
You don’t want to read it first?” I was surprised that he was just going to take my word for it.

“
I trust you.” He smiled.

“
Did you read this one…
Gordon’s Way
?” I asked, peering at it inquisitively. “I haven’t seen this script before.”

“
Yeah, I read through it last week. It was couriered to the set. I really liked that one, but Aaron told me that they already signed Chase Westwood, so that one is out.”