Love Unscripted (87 page)

And to top off my glorious day, there was Kyle, standing dutifully by my door with other security men to hold back the throng of photographers. He took his sunglasses off and shoved them into his pocket when my car came to a stop.

Our stalker, Angelica, was still on the loose and yet there Kyle stood – willing to risk his own life to save mine.

His face was pained and I could tell just by the way he looked at me and held his arms out to his sides that he was telling me “I told you so.”

See this? All of this scrutiny… all of this incomprehensible, unwanted attention? More pictures to post with their web of lies? Haven’t you had enough yet, Taryn?

Kyle’s expression quickly changed when he glanced at Ryan. His contempt for Ryan was obvious and the eye daggers that flew between the two men were mutual. I didn’t know who hated whom more, but their hatred for each other was palpable.

“
Come on Honey, I got you.” Ryan held my hand and elbow, helping me out of the car. It was difficult to stand up. My knee was very bruised and stiff and the pain from my ribs shot down into my hips.

“
Ow!” I winced.

“
I won’t let go,” Ryan muttered. He helped me take a step. “Do you want me to carry you?” he whispered.

“
No,” I groaned and shuffled a few steps. I didn’t want the photographers to capture that he had to carry me and give them more reason to create new lies.

Kyle pushed past Mike and got right into Ryan’s face. “Are you happy, Christensen? Now that one of your fans almost killed her?”

Mike quickly turned and intervened, blocking Kyle in the chest with his hands. “Hey, back off! Cool it, Kyle!”

“
When is enough
enough
Taryn?” Kyle cried out. Mike and another guard scuffled with Kyle, pulling him back.

Ryan turned to deal with Kyle; the anger on Ryan’s face was evident.

“
Ryan?” I breathed out from the pain, diverting his attention back to me. “Honey, just get me inside, please. Please?”

I wanted Ryan to stay focused and ignore Kyle’s accusations. Having Ryan miserable and brooding would be no help to anyone, especially me. I clutched Ryan’s arm with my hand and leaned into his chest as he carefully led me to the door.

Ryan was only able to stay with me four more hours before he had to catch a flight and return to the set in Florida. He couldn’t hold up production any longer; this film was a multi-million dollar investment just to shoot. He had already been away for three days.

It felt like another whole section of my heart was torn away when he left. It didn’t matter that he called me every few hours.

Ryan’s mom insisted on taking care of me for a few days and Marie was in and out of the apartment twenty times a day as well. I was wondering when they both would get sick of watching me cry. My doctor finally prescribed antidepressants to help me cope.

Everyone in our inner circle knew that I had lost a baby. It only took three days after my discharge from the hospital for the rest of the world to be informed of the same. The media had a field day when the news broke. Speculation of my pregnancy stemmed from the fact that my room was in the neo-natal wing of the hospital, but then was confirmed by some hospital informants who wished to remain anonymous. Those informants conveniently included the fact that I had lost the baby I was carrying…Ryan Christensen’s illegitimate child.

Ryan’s Publicist released a statement that stated I was hit by a car while crossing the street and that no one was at fault for the accident. Every branch of the media also ended that same story with a blurb that his reps neither confirm nor deny the pregnancy rumors.

Marla even made a special phone call to remind me to keep my mouth shut. Well, she didn’t exactly say those words but that was the message she delivered. I was tempted to tell her where she could shove her “public image management.”

My employees were also given gag orders and were reminded not to speak publicly to anyone about anything.

It was soon after that when Ryan and I had our first major fight over the phone, and his mom was sitting in the same room with me when it happened.

“
What the hell did you say to Marla?” Ryan barked in my ear. “She informed me that she will no longer be speaking directly to you.”

“
Marla can go to Hell,” I replied. “She’s worthless in my book.”

“
Taryn! She’s my Publicist! I’ve had her for years now.”

I huffed. “Ryan! She’s so damn worried that I might speak to anyone about my accident but yet she keeps allowing all those rumors about you having an affair with Lauren going? Oh, and what about the reports of you calling Suzanne to cry on her shoulder? I don’t see her doing anything to squelch those lies either so I let her know how I felt.”

“
What is she supposed to do?” he raised his voice to me again.

“
She should do her damn job! She’s supposed to protect your reputation, right? And now she also represents me?”

“
You don’t know what you’re talking about. She can’t stop what’s printed,” he snapped back.

“
Like hell she can’t! It took her no time at all to put out a public statement pretty much shading over the fact that I’m an imbecile who crossed a street without looking both ways, but she doesn’t have anything to say about your supposed affairs? How about a big freaking public statement that says Ryan Christensen is not sleeping with Lauren Delaney
or
Suzanne Strass?”

“
She won’t do that,” he said flatly. “And don’t you dare ask her to do that either.”

“
Why?” The tears from his betrayal came to my eyes.

“
Because controversy is what’s going to sell tickets.”

I scoffed. “I can’t believe this! My life, my reputation, they are all up for grabs, but Heaven forbid that we mess with ticket sales!”

“
Taryn, just stop.”

“
No! Screw that. I’m sitting here – banged up – broken – our first child is gone and I have to swallow it all because of ticket sales. You know what Ryan? Fuck you!” I snapped my phone shut.

His mother’s mouth dropped open but I didn’t care anymore. He just informed me where I rated on his priority list.

Two minutes later he called back. I hung up on him and then turned my cell phone off. The tears were pouring out of my eyes. The pain in my stomach from my ribs being bruised was no longer stifled by Percocet. I pulled a pillow over top of my ice pack and wept uncontrollably.

“
Taryn, Honey.” His mother tried to console me. “Don’t get yourself so upset.”

Her cell phone rang.

“
I’m not talking to him right now!” I sputtered through my tears.

“
Ryan, you shouldn’t get Taryn upset like this! She needs to heal!” She moved her conversation to my kitchen, but I could still hear her.

“
Son, she lost a baby! You need to be more understanding. She’s in the living room crying her eyes out. She doesn’t need this stress right now. I know Honey – you don’t either.”

Ellen came back into the living room and held out her phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

“
Tell him to ask Marla what I should say.” I wiped my eyes with my shirtsleeve.

“
Taryn!” She used that stern mother tone with me. That was all I could take.

I grabbed the end of the couch with my unbroken arm and slid my body to the edge so I could stand up. “Ow,” I cried out, hunching from the pain that rocketed through my body.

“
Just stay sitting,” she reprimanded me.

“
No, I need to stand up,” I grit through my teeth.

She tried to brace me but there wasn’t a spot on my body that wasn’t bruised or busted. I managed to get my legs underneath me and I slowly straightened up. Ellen held out her phone with Ryan still holding. I took it from her hand.

“
You know, when I was lying in the street, I was so relieved when the paramedics strapped me to that board and finally put me in the ambulance. It meant that I was no longer on display for the paparazzi to take my picture over and over again while I lay there bleeding. Then when the paramedic cut every piece of clothing off my body and I felt like I was being raped, I thought that
that
was the worst moment of my life.

“
Then when the doctor told us that our child died inside me, I thought
that
was the worst moment of my life. But to hear that my life has to continue in a circle of lies and pain so that people go to see your movies, it just makes it all worthwhile. Thank you for that.” I snapped her phone shut and handed it back to her. I locked my bedroom door behind me.

A few hours later Ellen gently knocked on my door. “Taryn, Honey? Are you hungry?”

“
No thank you.” I had gone through an entire box of tissues from crying. I knew she had talked to Ryan about five times. Her phone rang every twenty minutes.

“
Come on sweetheart, you have to eat something. You haven’t eaten all day.”

I didn’t care; I wasn’t hungry so I ignored her.

Ten minutes later there was another knock on my door. This knock was louder.

“
Taryn, it’s Marie. Open up.”

I had to give Ryan’s mom credit; she was resourceful.

“
I’m okay, Marie. Just leave me alone.” I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to wallow in my own misery.

“
Hey Pete, it’s Marie. I need you to come over to Taryn’s and take her bedroom door down. She locked herself in. Just bring a drill and saw so we can cut the doorknob off. What? I should just kick it in with my foot?”

Marie smiled at me when I opened the door. She only pretended to call Pete. “That’s what’s going to happen if you ever lock yourself in here again,” she informed.

I heard Ellen talking on her phone, obviously to Ryan. She scurried for the living room when I came out of my room. She was giving Ryan a play-by-play account of my actions. He called his mom several times that night, but I refused to talk to him each time. I was so hurt that no apology could fix it.

The next afternoon, flowers showed up. Three dozen long stemmed red roses accompanied by an “I love you - I’m so sorry” note. I left them in the box to rot. Like roses would make everything better somehow – perhaps give me a rosy outlook? Yeah right! So much for a happy Valentine’s Day. If his mother weren’t here, they would have gone in the trash, but Ellen found my crystal vase and spent a few minutes fussing with them.

“
You know this is tough on him too,” she uttered, setting the rose arrangement on my dining table. “He is suffering along with you.”

I knew she wanted me to see his side through my self-centered focus, but I was still so angry with him that I was only worried about protecting myself now. He obviously didn’t care enough to protect my reputation so I was on my own.

Ellen sprayed polish on a rag and started dusting my furniture. Something made her smile.

“
Do you remember that time when Ryan called his father from here and told him that you took him fishing?” She turned to look at me.

“
Yes,” I answered her, recalling that evening quite clearly.

“
He called me later that night when he got back to his hotel.” She smiled. “He was so elated! He said, ‘Mom, I found the woman I’m going to marry!’ Of course I was thrilled for him, but as his mother I was also concerned. I mean he had only known you for a few weeks, but he was so sure right from the very start. Taryn, you know he loves you more than anything in this world, don’t you?”

Her guilt trip was working. I tried to hold firm to my reasons for feeling betrayed so my position in this fight would be validated, but her one-sided conversation was pecking at my resolve. I started to feel like crap for being mad at him.

“
He said last night that he feels completely responsible for the accident. After all, it was one of his demented fans that terrorized you, and you were on your way to see him when he couldn’t be here.”

“
It’s not his fault,” I muttered. “He shouldn’t think that.”

“
But he does,” she assured me. “He cried so hard last night when I talked to him.” Her voice trembled with pain and remorse.

“
He… he said he killed his baby.” Her hand covered her quivering lips when she spoke the words, stifling her urge to cry out loud. Ellen quickly dropped the dust rag and shielded her face in her hands when her tears broke.

Tears of my own cracked again and I watched her hurry away to the bathroom through my blurry eyes.

He didn’t kill our baby – I did. I was the heinous monster.

“
Taryn, I’m so sorry,” Ryan breathed in the phone when he answered my call.

I couldn’t stop crying. I never knew I had so many tears to shed in one lifetime.

I turned my laptop
off when I had enough. New pictures were posted on the Internet of Ryan coming out of the back door of some exclusive club in Miami. His eyes were glazed over and he looked wasted, which angered me. Seeing gorgeous Lauren Delaney smiling in the same picture, just two steps behind Ryan, scorched my heart. Viewing the photos of Ryan guiding Lauren into the same car so they could head back to their hotel just about sent me over the edge.