Love Without End (6 page)

Brody caves, “Brielle texted Chase and asked what he was up to tonight, and well Chase said ‘a lil gymnast about 5’3” with brown hair.’” I shake my head and take a pull from my Corona, motioning for him to go on as I smirk. “Well, she apparently didn’t like that and kept pushing for information on what he was doing. He didn’t tell her ‘cause you said you need some down time.” Now he gives me that ornery little smirk showing a single dimple. “So I texted her just now, you know she doesn’t have my number, and told her to leave my man alone, I was watering his hole. And well, she won’t stop blowing his shit up now.”

I am laughing too hard to actually speak, but I think Brie really liked Chase, well as much as Brie really likes any guy for any period of time since she moved here at least. “Guys, she probably thinks you are gay, which is fine, IF you were,” I start laughing again because these two are the furthest thing from being homosexual men. “Chase, the poor girl is probably contemplating your entire sexual relationship! Don’t come to me later whining, ‘Hannah, fix it, make her listen!’ you idiots!” Brody is laughing and Chase is trying to text just as quickly as his phone beeps signaling a new message. “Brody, you shouldn’t be laughing. I am going to tell her you are the one watering his hole!” This comment causes all of us to stop laughing just before we all break down again in an uproar.

After a few hours of mindless back and forth bantering, my phone pings, I can’t help but outwardly sigh catching a look from both Chase and Brody. I pull it from my purse to see Brielle Dawn – Text Message, and place it back into my purse. We are wrapping up drinks, and if it’s an emergency, she will call or text again. Once our drinks are depleted, I tell the guys I will see them Monday; they know where to find me if they need me. I pay our tab on the way out and prepare myself for the rest of the night.

Brielle- We are having dinner without you. Leftovers or get your own

Me-
  OMW – you need anything?

Brielle- No

Me- Kk <3 U

Brielle- <3 U 2

Me- Don’t be mad Brie, you don’t understand.

Brielle- Maybe if you’d talk, I could

Me- You’ve been hanging with Carter too much

Brielle- More than you know

Me- What’s that mean?

I waited for about fifteen minutes for her reply before I pulled out of my parking space of The Watering Hole, what the fuck does she mean ‘
more than you know
’? I contemplate going home or staying out, but my day begins to creep up on me, slowly sucking the energy out of me. I need a hot chamomile bath and a cup of tea and perhaps a night of no stress. Yeah, not likely, but I can dream of the possibilities as I drive home, which unfortunately takes no time at all because although it is summer, it is also a Thursday night with no major events going on. Nolan, the guard at the shack at my community entrance gives me a slight smile as he passes me through the gate, “Have a safe night, Miss James.” I smile and continue through the quiet community. That is until I pull into my garage and hear Low by Flo Rida playing from the house surround sound.

After a full day in the city, I suggested to Brielle and Braydon that we just come back to the house and cookout and relax by the pool. We made a quick stop at Whole Foods on the way home to pick up some steaks, asparagus, and Corona and managed to not be removed from the store – only asked to leave politely, I call that a success. Brielle and Braydon probably ought not go back to that location for a few weeks, apparently playing “hot lava” all while screaming and running into each other to escape the fake molten lava creates an unsafe atmosphere. The entire trip home they mocked patrons’ faces and reactions. We had a blast overall, until I started dinner. Brielle said she was going to text Hannah’s friends to see where they were and maybe we could join them. I won’t lie, I was curious, but I didn’t think it was a great idea, so I started to prep dinner. Whatever happened caused her mood to decline quickly, but I didn’t question it.

“Brie, Braydon – let’s eat!” I call out once the meal was ready. They come barreling out of the house in their swimwear and music begins to boom through the speaker system. I go inside, change quickly, grab a six-pack of chilled Coronas, sliced limes, and rejoin them at the table for dinner. “Is Hannah joining us, Brie?”

She shakes her head quickly to the side, “No
,
I told her she could have leftovers or get her own.” I just smile, I love that she holds her own and doesn’t give in to Han anymore. Back in the day, she would have made us wait and
whine until she arrived. Not today, whatever happened earlier on the phone or since I've been away has definitely helped Brie grow up. We each take a plate loaded with sizzling steak and grilled asparagus and chow down. Once finished, I grab a long neck, make my way to the tiki hut on the opposite side of the pool and flop into the hammock just as the sun begins to set.

I catch a glimpse of Hannah crossing through the entryway of the house out of the corner of my eye looking just as breathtaking as she did this morning when she left for work, then fix my gaze back towards the west to see the neon orange ball fully descend into the horizon. The sky mimics the color, displaying vibrant hues of reds and oranges. The same shades of the see through material now blocking my once unfiltered view. My eyes slowly travel up the length of Hannah’s body, stopping to notice the striped bikini underneath the flowing dress, earning an appreciative grin on my part as she pops her hip out from my lengthy gander. I move my gaze to her face, her smile genuine and heartwarming. The first one I have seen outside of making her come last night, and her eyes are now locked with mine, sweet honey to deep browns searching quietly for resolution.

“Hey, I made extra dinner. It’s under the grill if you’re hungry” I nod my head towards the outside kitchen area without breaking eye contact with her. She shakes her head and looks to my body then back to my eyes before stepping towards me and using my shoulders as a stabilizer and straddling my hips. “Please Han, don’t mind me, make yourself comfortable,” I chortle and rest my hands on her thighs. She doesn’t say anything, just laughs. “How was your day, dear?” I ask through a smirk.

She rolls her eyes and smacks my chest at my sarcasm, then wiggles around to get comfortable. This is something we always had, a level of comfort that nothing could ever take away, not even the two jackasses in the pool making catcalls. “My day was exhausting. What did you children do while I was out being an adult?” The glint in her eye gives her dry question away as banter, but I play along because that seems to be what she needs.

“Well, while the two in the pool can truly be considered children, I was a responsible adult today,” looking over at the pool as both Brie and Braydon start to laugh causing Hannah to raise a brow of question so I continue. “All I will say is, Brielle cannot go to Whole Foods for a while, at least not without supervision, so keep that in mind.” I start laughing as Hannah lets out an exasperated sigh.

“WHAT did you guys do?” She blurts out. And after a very long winded version of the trip to Whole Foods at the Gardens, courtesy of Brie, we get the even more entertaining, regurgitated Hannah version. “Lemme get this shit straight, you went into Whole Foods to get dinner and played “hot lava,” what the fuck ever that is I still don’t know or fucking care, and yelled across the aisles ‘OUCH’, ‘jump’, ‘it’s coming’, ‘ruuuuun’ and threw items into the cart from other aisles and played hide and seek? Then they “POLITELY” asked you to leave their establishment?”

Brielle and Braydon nod in agreement at her assessment as they head inside for the night and I can’t help but laugh, but assure her that I, in fact, am not on the list of forbidden shoppers list. Hannah rolls her eyes and pulls her hair into a messy knot at the top of her head. She rests her hands on top of mine and her smile starts to fade noticing the distractions are now gone. This is when things get real, when there are no distractions. This is when she gets scared and runs away.

“I’m not ready yet Carter. I’m just not. Last night, we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have, I mean I want to again, but we can’t. I won’t… well maybe I might, but we shouldn’t. I just need time. You told me I could have all the time I needed, you told me that you understood. You promised me that. You told me you’d wait, even though I told you not to.” She finally takes a breath from the barely audible ramble and closes her eyes. She’s right, I did promise her. I did tell her all of that,
TWO
years ago. She needs to talk, she needs to figure this out with me… and soon. I’ve waited long enough, I have given her
two years
to hide and deal with this alone, it’s now or never.

I take a pull off my Corona and lay my head back before responding, taking pleasure that at least music is filling the backyard providing a barrier… or was until it faded out. I open my eyes to see hers filled with fear and tears as Labrinth fills the surround sound and the lyrics of
Beneath Your Beautiful
wash over us. “Han, it’s time, you need to figure out how to be ready, baby.” I wipe the tears from her face with the pads of my thumbs
and sing the words ‘would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?’ 

Hearing him sing the words to the song filling the clear sky warms my heart, but scares the shit straight out of me. I’d be foolish to think that over the past two years nothing has changed, my life changed without my consent, and I know I changed his life without taking even a moment to consider our future at the time. I tend not to focus on the distant future, because I now know how quickly everything can change. Why plan your life, when life will ultimately takeover and do whatever it damn well pleases no matter what it destroys in the process.

I give Carter a shy smile, nod and lean into his hand as he wipes my tears.  “When are you leaving, Carter?” I ask knowing it’s not much longer; the two of them came with only a carry-on each. He pulls me to his chest and I willingly sink into him, listening to the steady beat of his heart and the push of air as he exhales.

“Braydon and I fly out Saturday morning, I have get back to campus for curriculum planning,” he takes a steady breath and continues, “So, we need to talk, because Hannah, I don’t think you are ready to say goodbye for good and I know I’m not. But baby if we don’t talk, if we don’t figure out what’s happening before I board that plane, that’s what’s going to happen. Are you listening to me?” He pulls back now seeing my once again tear stained face.

“I know Carter,” I mumble with a shaky voice. “It’s just hard, I know you know, but you don’t at the same time. I know it doesn’t make sense, but fuck Carter I can’t explain it.” I stammer, stumbling over the words caught in my throat as my apprehension grows. “It was easier to leave than to torture you. Don’t for a second think I didn’t see how you were affected by my mess Carter Grayson! From what I was doing to you!” I attempt to climb from his lap, but he pulls back to him.

“No running Hannah Grace, just stop fucking running,” His voice is stern and his fingers grip my hips to hold me into place but I don’t look at him, I can’t bear to see the frustration all over again. “I am fully aware that I didn’t handle myself the way I needed to, but there isn’t exactly a handbook on how to deal with the love of your life losing her shit after you tell her she lost a child. A baby she never knew she was carrying, and then tell her that she will lose her scholarship funding and housing if the pregnancy or loss of pregnancy is reported. Should I remind you that I lost that part of us too, Hannah? Because I am pretty sure you came to the conclusion that only you endured that loss. I am fairly positive that when the sun set that night it took us with it.”

I snap my eyes back to his when he finishes talking to find tears spilling over the brims, even though his tone never wavered. “You think I blamed you? You think I didn’t consider you lost a part of yourself? You are a fucking asshole; this is why I didn’t want to talk to you Carter!” I shout through my tears. “All I remember was leaving campus to pick up your Valentine’s Day gift, then waking up with you trailing a pattern on my fucking hand with your finger, staring at me like nothing would ever be the same again. With no idea how I got there. Tell me you would have reacted differently, Carter? You told me to take my time, do what I needed to do, that you’d wait. The nightmares aren’t as bad when I don’t have to physically see them every fucking day.”