Love You Anyways (9 page)

“Long day?” Jose asked looking at everyone.

“Yeah actually it has been.”

“Logan, you play ball?”

“Hell yes I do.” He stuck his hand out and shook Jose’s.

“College ball?”

“No sir, high school.” Logan answered.

“Why the hell are you shit faced then?”

“Why the hell aren’t you?” Logan laughed. “After an ass beating by the Cowboys I would be if I were you.”

Tessa threw her arm up on Logan’s shoulder. “Ass. Kicked.”

“Logan I hope to see you play someday.” Jose looked at me. “You know your boy is drunk don’t you?”

“Not sure how that happened.” I looked at Ava and she started laughing.

“Grounded, both of you,” I pointed at them.

Jose laughed, “Can I take you all out to dinner?”

“Look at them; do you think they should be out in public?” I laughed when Tessa slugged me in the arm. “Stop by the hotel. After the drunks are all tucked in we can have a drink and something to eat there.”

“Sounds good. Tess you in?” Jose asked.

“Sure am.”

“Give me an hour. I have some more ass to ream.”

Chapter 9

Old Friends

Harper wasn’t looking good sitting in the backseat.

“Harper
that boy loves you and you love him so don’t fight.”

“I told him not to go.” She sniffed and wiped her face.

“I know you did. But I’m pretty sure he couldn’t help himself. If it makes you feel any better I told him to go home and he didn’t listen to me either.”

“It doesn’t make me feel,” she hiccupped, “Any better.”

“I bet sleep will. How much did you drink Harper?”

“Four,” she pouted.

I had to stop myself from laughing. Four drinks and she was spent. Poor kid.

As soon as I pulled into the underground parking garage Harper unbuckled and rolled down the window. She stuck her head out the window and I pulled into an empty spot next to the elevator. Shit. She leaned out the window and hurled. Ava started laughing and so did Logan.

“Alright there girl.” I opened the door and tried to avoid the puke as her head wobbled.

“Sorry, I...”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you up to your room.”

I caught her as she fell out the door.

I picked her up. “Okay Harper, you need to throw up again you tell me okay?”

I looked back to make sure my little drunks were following and then Harper threw up on me and her head flopped against my chest.

Ava started laughing hysterically and so did Logan.

“Shirt Logan.”

“It’s cold Dad.”

“I need something to clean her up. Ava pull my shirt over my head.”

“I don’t wanna touch it.” She whined but she did as I asked.

I heard feet racing from behind us when Ava pulled my shirt over my head.

“I’ll take her.” Maddox went to grab her.

“I’m already soiled pal.”

“Oh my God,” Tessa gasped when she saw the barf on my shirt. She covered her mouth, “I’m so sorry.”

“Your kid
’s a lightweight Tessa. Must be genetic. She only had three or four drinks and she’s wasted.”

Maddox took her and I pulled my shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it.

“Mom?”

“Right here Harper. Tell Ma. Ma. Maddox to let me down…” and she passed out again.

“Alright looks like two of us need a shower before Jose gets here.”

“I’m probably gonna help
Harper. She’s kind of upset with Maddox.”

“I understand. I’d do the same thing.”

“Logan? You and I need to chat.” I pointed to the room and he walked in chuckling.

“How much did you drink?” I asked as I shut the door behind me.

“Five? Six? It’s no big deal Dad…”

“It is a big deal Logan, you’re a minor.”

“You always said you’d rather I experiment at home than at a party and get in a car and…”

“Okay yeah I did. But Logan at a public event, come on that’s not cool.”

He laid on the bed, “Fine you wanna drink now? I bet I can drink you under the table.”

“I’m gonna shower. You stay put.”

~

When I got out of the shower my son was passed out, snoring and all. I grabbed his phone and took a picture of him. I looked out in the hallway and Maddox’s dad Brody was there.

“You meeting your friend?”

“I’m supposed to but I’m not sure I want to leave the minor passed out and unaccompanied,” I laughed.

“This floor is secure, he’ll be fine.”

“How’s Harper?”

“Well, she is now in Tessa’s room because she’s angry at Maddox. Maddox is sulking and probably going to…” Maddox stormed across the hall and his father Brody stopped talking. “In five, four, three, two.” He lifted up one finger and Maddox walked out carrying Harper across the hall as she cried.

Tessa walked out and watched them. She didn’t see us standing there because she did a silent little temper tantrum. She stomped her feet, flailed her arms and then finally bit her fist to stop from screaming.

She looked over at us and those baby blues grew. I didn’t smile. Even though I wanted to. Brody looked concerned. She let out a sigh and then my phone chimed alerting me to a text.

I read it. “Jose is here Tessa. You wanna go down and say hello?”

“Sure, let me get changed.” She walked back in her room.

I looked at Brody. “Must be hard.”

“Yeah.” He shook his head and then looked at me, “Collin was a good man. I promised if anything happened I would look after them.”

“She looks to be having a hell of a time not doing that for her kids.”

“I made a promise to a man.” His eyes narrowed.

“Yeah? I made a promise too.”

Our eyes were deadlocked. Each seeking control. I wasn’t about to give up and apparently neither was he.

Tessa walked out of her room and shut the door behind her. “Brody I won’t be gone long. If she needs me…”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“You’ll call her right? If her daughter needs her you’ll call her.” You better say yes man.

Tessa looked up at him, waiting for a reply. She didn’t see what was going on here and I’m glad. I didn’t want her to feel like she had lost more of her life than she already had.

“Of course.” He answered.

“Thirty minutes and then back up here.” I promised as I guided her to the elevator.

We got in the elevator and she stood against the wall. She looked whipped.

“You alright?”

“Please don’t.”

I nodded and leaned back against the wall.

“Sorry. I’m sorry I just can’t talk about it.”

“Understood.”

She looked at her phone as if she was waiting for it to ring.

“You don’t have to do this you know. Jose would understand…”

“I can’t talk about it.”

“I was going to say.” I turned and lifted her chin so she was looking at me. “He would understand if you were worried about Harper.”

“No
, she’s grown up now. Not a baby. She’ll be fine.”

The door started to open and I pushed the button to close it and then the twelfth floor.

She covered her face, hiding her pain, and her purse slipped down her arm. I grabbed it and opened it.

“What are you…
”

I held up the candy bar she had shoved in her bag last night and opened it. “Sugar rush and a crash. Then sleep Tessa.”

She shook her head and the corner of her mouth curled up. I handed her the Baby Ruth and she took a bite.

“Thanks for…”

“Don’t mention it.” The elevator opened and I walked her down the hall. “Which room?”

She pointed to the one Harper and Maddox went into.

She slidthe key through the lock and I opened the door for her and she walked in. She didn’t look at me. “Goodnight.”

I closed the door and turned to see Brody standing there.

I looked at him as I walked by and he said nothing.

~

Jose and I had a great time talking about football. He talked about what he had seen on the news about Harper and how shocked he was to hear about Collin’s death. He told me he had four kids and the hottest wife in the world. We talked about Tessa’s sister, Kendall, who he dated briefly back in his college days and about her husband Ben. I avoided conversation about Ashley and he seemed to get the fact that I wasn’t going to talk about my marriage.

We made plans to meet up again next season right here when the Giants played at home. I was looking forward to it. He also asked that I let him know where Logan was playing next fall. He wanted to see if he had any of his
old man
in him.

~

I woke Logan up at six in the morning, “Let’s hit the gym before we head back.”

“Dad please…”

“Head hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Good, remember that next time. Let’s go boy!”

~

Logan, Ava, and I left the hotel together after saying goodbye to everyone. They slept most of the way home. Ash had called and said she was staying for a few days, to get her head straight. She talked to the kids and made plans for next weekend.

Ava laughed when we hung up. “I’m going back to school
, does she not know this?”

“She’s got work to do…”

“Yeah,” Logan grumbled. “Busiest secretary I have ever met. Shit you’re the CEO and you don’t even work as much as she does.”

“Four years of school vs
. two. Remember that boy,” I patted his knee and laughed making light of the situation. What else could I do?

Chapter 10

Normal

Two weeks we had been home, living in perfect harmony. Except the part that I slept in Ava’s room while she was at college after Logan had gone to sleep and woke up at five to ensure he didn’t see me.

Ashley told our son the reason she was staying home was to spend more time with him. She did pretty damn good. She cooked dinner, attended school
functions; she even learned how to use the Xbox controls and tried to learn how to play his favorite games. She was putting forth effort. Just what I wanted her to do. But it made my stomach curl. He didn’t seem to notice. He seemed good. He wasn’t staying after school to work out after baseball practice anymore. He even brought a girl home. First time ever too. He said they were just friends but I wasn’t buying it.

One afternoon while Logan was at school I ran up to Alex’s clinic. The old farm he was raised on was now the town’s only veterinarian clinic. I walked in and looked around and he was nowhere to be found. I was about ready to send him a message when the phone rang in his office.

“Uncle Alex?”

“Harper its Lucas, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, is Alex around?”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him yet. I just stopped by to see if he had any of that flea and tick ointment for our dog.”

“So no one is there?” She sounded upset.

“Harper tell me what’s going on.”

“Mom went for a run. Told Tomas if he didn’t come back here he was fired. I’m just worried.”

Tomas was her father’s assistant, or G man, as I called him.

“I’m sure she’s fine.”

“I know it’s just…”

“She upset Harper?”

“Yeah. Well she was last night.”

“Okay you relax and I promise I’ll call you back in fifteen minutes. I’m pretty sure I know where she is.”

“How do you know?”

“Well, let’s just say I pissed your Mom off a lot many years ago. Two places she would go then. She hasn’t changed much so if she’s not at camp she’s down by …”

“The falls.”

“Yeah. So give me fifteen minutes okay kid?”

“Thanks Lucas.”

“No problem. She’s fine Harper okay?”

“Yeah okay.”

“I’ll call you back at this number?”

“Yep it’s my cell. Lucas—don’t tell her I called.”

I laughed, “Can’t promise anything. She may find it odd if I show up down there. I’ll look for your uncle if you want I can send him down.”

“If he’s not there?”

“I’ll go.”

“Okay.”

I hoped onto one of the four wheeler in the old hay barn. This barn was full of memories. Memories that all made a boy become a man. Memories that formed who I was today. I looked down at the ground and the memories of holding Tessa when the dog I had bought for her died in her arms. She cried, she laughed, and she talked in circles.

“We were supposed to be in each other’s lives Lucas. We both desperately needed each other at the exact moment we met. But we should have stopped when it hurt, we could have been friends… we like each other. If I had let go you would have never been tricked by Sadi, you would have never had been in Syracuse and Tommy
would still be alive. You should hate me Lucas.”

She was sure at the moment that God had planned it all and we screwed it up. She was letting me off the hook for everything I had done to hurt her and trying to convince herself that it was okay to let go. I will never forget how bad that hurt as a boy. I may have been twenty two then
, but I was still a boy. I had not learned everything she had taught me at that point. I didn’t learn it until it was too late.

“I can’t believe what is coming out of your mouth right now.” I remember saying it like it was yesterday
, “If none of that happened I would’ve never known real love. My Dad wouldn’t have been with Adrianna, I wouldn’t know my sister’s. My Mom would be a mess still. I wouldn’t have gotten this far in football. Ryan and Jade and all those kids wouldn’t have happened. Tessa… you need to stop. You’re scaring me.”

“Lucas
your scared because you know I’m right, come here please and sit down. We met for a reason and all the voids were filled. Things don’t happen by chance.”

As an adult who now knows love, the kind that doesn’t carry questions, I believe in what she said back then. But I also stand by what I said. Things don’t happen by chance. Every part of me knew that this was part of our journey through life. She and I would be together someday. I
just needed to let her grieve.

I drove down behind the barn
, following the path that she used to run down when she ran away from her pain and anger. A place she went to escape and a place she went to think.

I stopped at the top of the path leading down to where I knew she would be. I knew she was sitting next to the falls, trying to gain peace from the flowing water and gentle breeze of the forest.

I stood just a few feet away from her. The water roared its thunderous release caused by the thaw we were experiencing. It was almost deafening. Almost. She was crouched down and sobbing. If she knew I was watching her break down she would be angry. If I went to her she would be embarrassed. If I stood here I was going to lose my mind.

“Tessa!”

She wiped her face and looked around. I started walking to her and yelled her name again, “Tessa!”

She finally saw me.

She held her hand up as if to stay stop. I kept walking towards her and she turned and started walking away from me. She was yelling and running.

“Stop! It’s slippery damn it Tessa!” I ran to catch up with her.

“No!”

She took a step back and slipped. I caught her.

“Tessa, come on now don’t…”

“I can’t do this! I can’t pretend anymore! I just can’t!”

She pounded her fists against my chest once and left them there as she cried. I wrapped my arms around her as she continued to cry.

“It hurts…so…bad.” She cried against my chest and finally rested her head against me as the tears fell even harder.

I rubbed her back and held her.

“I can’t look at a photo and not think this is all just a bad dream Lucas. I see him smiling and, and he’s right there smiling at me. I see him holding my hand and I feel it still. I feel his flesh against mine. I look around the house and he is everywhere, but he’s not. And I miss him, and it hurts, and I can’t change it. I can’t heal and move on. I feel like I’m caged in hell and I just can’t get to him but I know he’s right there because I see him everywhere.”

It was breaking my heart to see her hurt. Not just see her hurt but to feel her pain. She continued crying as I lifted her and walked to a fallen log that was resting against a tree. I scooped her up and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I sat and held her as she just kept crying.

God I wanted to stop those. I wanted to do something to make them go away. I sat with her on my lap rocking side to side like I would
with one of my children. The woman in my arms at this moment wasn’t the one I had been dreaming about being with again. She was my friend. Family. A woman I loved. A woman who I wanted to take care of.

Her head bobbed and I looked down. She was fighting to stay awake. I rested my chin on her head holding it still and she fell asleep.

I grabbed my phone out of my jacket pocket and with one hand managed to text Harper and let her know her mom was fine.

The reply was thank you.

I leaned against the tree and held her as she slept. A hundred years could have past and I could have been content right here for a hundred more.

Watching her fall apart, seeing that it was me she was allowing to see her, hear her feelings, allowing all walls to fall down in front of probably should have made me nervous. Should have made me realize this needed to go slower than the six months I
had planned for. But it didn’t. She needed me and I needed her too. Always had, always would.

I leaned down replacing my chin with my lips. I stole a kiss, just one. I inhaled her scent. One that was so damn familiar to me. I needed her just as much. I rested my cheek against her head and sat there.

I think I fell asleep or was just lost in the comfort I took in holding her. When she moved I sat up. She pulled her face from my neck and took her hands off my shoulder.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“Don’t be.” I held her hand as she stood and then hesitantly let go.

“No I really…How did you know where I was?”

“Harper said you were…”

“Harper?”

“I was at the clinic and answered the phone. She asked me not to tell you…”

“She what?”

“She just wanted to know you’re okay.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“Half an hour forty-five…”

“Holy shit.” She started walking briskly up the path. “I don’t want to talk about this again. I shouldn’t have…”

“Stop.” She listened and looked back at me. “I won’t say a word to anyone. You just promise me when you are so fucked up inside like that you call me.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alright, I know that’s what you need everyone else to see Tessa, but it’s me. Don’t push me away. I will keep it all between us. I swear Tessa, but you have to promise when you need to freak out…”

“Freak out?”
She stomped her foot and I held back a smile.

“Fine not freak out. Let your feelings out, is that better?”

She shook her head no.

“Okay Tessa.”

“I won’t burden everyone.”

“Friends are not a burden.”

“I’ll be fine now.”

She continued walking and I stayed put.

She looked back and raised her arms in the air. “Fine.”

I jogged to catch up with her and when I did she looked over at me and rolled her eyes. “Your family needs you Lucas. I’m a big girl.”

“They got me. And I have plenty of time for you too.” She laughed. “What?”

“Why? Why do you like to…”

“Shh you’ll ruin the bonding moment if you start getting pissy Tessa.”

She stopped and looked as if she was trying to form some sort of comeback and then she laughed. “You sure you’re up for the job Lucas?”

“More than up for it.”

She nodded and kept walking up the hill.

“Lucas, how are you and Ashley?”

Wow, not ready for that one. “The same as we’ve been for a very long time.”

“Good.”

“This is not about me Tessa, it’s about you. It’s about you needing to let people support you when you deal with…”

“I can’t, Harper’s getting married in two weeks…”

“Two weeks?”

“Yep. She doesn’t want to wait for the summer. I don’t blame her, you know she and Maddox are going to have a baby and they just need …”

I grabbed her bicep to slow her down. “You okay?”

“Yes. I just have a lot on my mind.” She started to walk.

“Hold up.” She stopped and looked at me. “Tessa, Harper and Maddox lost their baby. You remember that right?” God she was handling this worse than I thought.

Her eyes grew and she covered her mouth.

“It’s okay. I told you I was here. Just talk to me.”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“I will do whatever I can
, but if things are getting mixed up in your head…”

“No,” she laughed. “You can’t tell anyone about Harper being pregnant. She’s pregnant Lucas. Again.”

“You sure?”

She smacked my hand. “Yes I’m sure.”

“How are they dealing with it?”

“It’s a blessing. That’s why I have to keep it together. I mean that’s not the only reason. There’s Matthew and CJ too, but Harper needs me to be strong.”

“She also needs you to grieve and heal.”

“I’ll get there.”

“Not if you keep pretending Tessa.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. I know because I did the same thing when Tommy died.”

She looked over at me and her eyes showed hurt. “I don’t know how after being best friends for…”

“Thirteen years.”

“I didn’t even realize back then how hard it must have been for you.”

“I didn’t either. I do now. So don’t shut me out got it?”

“Got it.”

“Tessa, Jade healed. It took a long time but she did and look at her now. I know it’s different but don’t forget that alright? If you have any reservations about talking to me, talk to her. You helped her through that. You helped me too. Let us do the same.”

“I just want to wake up one day. Just open my eyes and just feel normal. Just for a while.”

“You may not know it right now but one day you’ll do just that. You’ll feel human again anyway. Normal is really overrated.”