Lovers in Enemy Territory (19 page)

Sometimes she almost felt his presence next to her. She would see his face and wonder where he was and what he was doing, and she would feel an emptiness that she wasn't sharing precious moments with him. And there was Michael, and Philip. She would reach for her breviary and begin another prayer, but in the middle of a Hail Mary, she would see Jeffrey's eyes full of love and longing.

The Mother Superior's heart went out to the Sister lying on the bed. Her illness was of the spirit, much as the Norwood child's had been. If something weren't done right away, she feared for Catherine's life. The eyes lacked luster and stared vacantly at the ceiling. The face was no longer animated and happy, irradiated with holy joy.

"Sister," she drew up a chair alongside the bed.

"Yes, Mother?"

"I've known you since you were fifteen and have never seen you make a decision in haste. I've always felt that that quality made you a particularly fine nun. Yet the situation presented now requires action."

"Yes," she answered listlessly.

"I can see that your feeling for this man is all-consuming. You have not found peace in your meditation, have you, my child?"

"No, Holy Mother. He’s in my every thought and prayer." Hot tears trickled from the corners of her eyes and she turned to face the older nun. "I've never felt such emptiness. I love the Lord, Mother. That has never changed, but I can’t deceive myself any longer. Never to be in Jeffrey's company again is unthinkable to me. Even my love of God doesn’t sustain me when I consider a permanent separation from Michael and his father."

The Holy Mother sighed heavily. Catherine raised up and put a hand on her arm. "He’s so good and kind, gentle. I’ve seen how he is with his son and his brother. I didn't know a man could be so wonderful,” she whispered.

The Holy Mother listened patiently while she poured out her heart. "It didn't happen all at once, but we were in each other's company night and day for weeks. We talked for hours about everything. I tried to remain detached, but it was impossible with the child always there to force us together.

“At first I found it stimulating to be in his presence. Then the days passed by, and little by little we grew more aware of each other. I didn't want this to happen, Mother. I never thought it could. I've set my goals, made plans for my life's work. I've never wanted anything else. But now nothing seems as important as being with him and Michael. It takes precedence over everything else.

“I thought that coming back here would help me regain peace. Instead I feel like a wanderer in a desert wasteland. I don't love God or the sisters less, but a new dimension of love has come into my life. It's so powerful. I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but I want to be his wife and Michael's mother. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I didn't admit that to myself, to you and to God.

“Mother, you once said that if a sister was not an eager bride of Christ, then she would not make a good nun. I've searched my heart and I know that were I to labor the rest of my days here in this part of the vineyard, it wouldn’t be productive. I can’t survive without them."

The Holy Mother stood up and walked to the window. Her face held a deep sadness as she peered out. "Sister, if you were any other Sister inside these walls, I would try to persuade you differently. I would counsel you that you were too young to know your own mind and heart. I would tell you that with the passing of time, memories of this man and his son would fade.

“But you have a wisdom beyond your years and a capacity for love which makes me think you will go to your grave still loving this man and his son." She clasped her hands to her breast. "The Bishop is coming to the convent tomorrow. I’ll arrange for you to talk to him, and I will lay your case before him. I have no idea how long it will take for the Pope to grant a dispensation. These things take time, but under the circumstances I think it will be granted."

Catherine wiped her eyes. Her mentor’s words seemed to come from far away. She could scarcely believe that the first step towards freeing herself to go to Jeffrey had actually been taken. A month ago she would have said it was an impossibility. The answer to her prayers now lay in her leaving the sisterhood, the very vocation she thought she'd chosen for a lifetime. She loved Jeffrey and Michael more than life.

For the first time in weeks, a feeling of peace and happiness began to permeate her being. She could see him and imagine the look on his face when she told him she was free. The feeling of happiness grew. One day in the future she would become the bride of the man she loved. It was right and it was good.

So deep was her reverie, the Holy Mother sighed. She saw into Catherine's heart which was pure. God's will was being accomplished. Before her very eyes she saw new life animate the lovely face once more. Catherine had been an exceptional nun. Soon she would be an exceptional wife and mother for the Norwoods.

There was a part of the Holy Mother which couldn’t be sad. Catherine was being called to a different mission which in its way was just as holy. From the very start she'd had a premonition that Catherine's life would take a different turn.

He was a fine man and a good one, and his little Michael was angelic. His gain would be the loss of many children in the world who would never have the opportunity of knowing Sister Catherine; however, other spirits would be born from their union and no child could ask for a better mother than Sister Catherine.

“I know this is right, Holy Mother.”

“I do too, and you must feel no more remorse. You've always been able to love others as yourself. It’s one of the greatest of God's commandments. Now it will be possible for you to share your love of God with this fine man and his son. I’m happy for you and sad for us. If your mother were alive, this news would make her very happy!"

"Yes.” Catherine kissed her hands.

"The procedure with nuns who wish to leave the sisterhood is to wait until they have received confirmation from the pope before going back into the world."

"Yes, Holy Mother. I desire to serve the Lord with all my heart until then. diction. I told Jeffrey he would never see me again unless I were no longer a nun."

Mother Angela smiled. Catherine was unique. Her level headed maturity would always be one of her leading characteristics. Hers was a special spirit. Our Lord of the Lamb would miss her very much.

"Sister, could you see fit to accept an assignment away from the convent until your dispensation is made official?"

Catherine blinked. "Of course. I’ll serve anywhere. Are you referring to the work we talked about on the phone concerning the Mother General?"

"Yes. But before I explain the nature of this assignment, I want you to know that you don’t have to accept it. It could be dangerous, and I would understand if you preferred to stay at Castle Combe till you were free."

"Go on.” Catherine slid off the bed and stood on shaky legs. The food brought to her earlier had done a little to fortify her, but the earth shaking decision to leave the sisterhood had all but drained her once more, and now she was curious.

“The Holy Father is deeply grieved over the senseless killing which is taking its toll of humanity. There are many refugees fleeing the war zones, seeking temporary shelter in neighboring countries who are offering them succor. Whether they be Belgian, French, Pole, Italian, Austrian or Dutch, the pope is asking everyone to aid them in their plight. The Mother General has been out visiting the various communities to discover what the sisters can do to help these unfortunate victims.

"Our Mother General is very pleased about what is being done here at Our Lord of the Lamb, but some of our sister priories are in trouble." Catherine's blood chilled as her mentor continued to explain. “I'm referring particularly to the priory in Spain. As you know, that country is on friendly terms with the Third Reich."

"Do you mean Saint Theresa's convent, in the Pyrenees?"

"Yes ... that's the one, near the Spanish-French border. Recently it has been housing neighboring families, refugees from areas in France and beyond. Most of them are children, plagued with injury and illness. There are other problems as well which the Mother General did not go into, but one fact remains.

“There aren’t enough sisters to manage the convent. They are in need of help, dire need! The Mother General has petitioned the Church in Rome to send more sisters and medical supplies, but she has taken it upon herself in the meantime to recruit extra nuns for a temporary period of duty.

“It could mean two months or more. When she came here asking my help, I told her you were the most qualified to go from our convent because of your gift for helping troubled children, and because of your background which would automatically enable you to communicate with the French people. And that isn’t all. She prefers that young nuns in good health be selected for the trip will be rigorous, and the work exhausting.

“There are few nuns in the whole of Great Britain who have all of these qualifications. Naturally, it’s not a requirement that one speak a foreign language. They’d welcome help of any kind, but you can understand why I thought of you."

"Of course.”

"It would be a mercy mission, full of peril. Yet there are those sisters who still desire to make this sacrifice. But Catherine, I repeat, you don’t have to go."

Catherine pondered her words. She’d been completely honest with her. It would be dangerous, but when she thought of the refugees who had nowhere to turn, the poor sisters who were understaffed and overworked, slaving around the clock giving comfort and medical attention to the little children, her heart filled with compassion. She knew she had to go.

It would be her last act of service to God before marrying Jeffrey. Perhaps there was another child like Michael who was crying out to be loved and made to feel secure again. The war did terrible things to people, and particularly to children. And it was true, her knowledge of French and Spanish would make it so much easier to communicate. Catherine had faith that in fulfilling this obligation, she would have a life with Michael and Jeffrey.

She also had to admit to herself that it would be easier to labor away from Our Lord of the Lamb. The convent was a constant reminder of them. Once again the Holy Mother was inspired. The next few months were going to be extremely difficult to get through, but now she would be too busy, too far away to think. When it was over, she could go to Jeffrey. She turned a smiling face to the Holy Mother.

"I’ll go to Spain, Mother. I want to, for many reasons.”

“Bless you, my child. This mission to the Pyrenees should not require any more time than the allotted waiting period for word from Rome. When you return to England, you’ll be free. But Catherine, remember you’ll be entering hostile country and will need God's divine protection every step of the way. Do you fully understand what I'm saying?"

Catherine nodded. "Yes, Mother, but my mind is made up.”

The Holy Mother patted Catherine's hands. "Sister, you have my permission to telephone the Commander and give him this news he’s been waiting for. He’s called me every day inquiring about you. The man has been in agony, just as you have. It wouldn’t be kind to leave England without letting him know of your decision.”

"Bless you, Holy Mother," she began, but a knock interrupted them. Sister Margaret appeared in the infirmary. The Holy Mother went over to her. The two conversed a few moments, then Sister Margaret left. The Holy woman turned to Catherine.

"It appears you have visitors. Lord Philip Norwood has brought Michael to see you. Now you can tell the boy as well. But before we join him, I’d like to explain further about this mission to Spain. You’ll have to leave this week . . . "

CHAPTER TEN

Philip was standing near the desk, looking worried and preoccupied as Catherine and the Mother Superior stepped into the room. She remembered that Elinore had just recently left him. That would account for his depression. As she studied his face, Jeffrey's image came sharply to mind. Her body tingled with an excitement she didn’t have to suppress. She looked about for Michael, but he was nowhere in sight.

When Philip heard footsteps, he glanced up and smiled at Catherine. He'd missed her. His eyes took an immediate inventory. She was extremely pale, her face thinner than he remembered, but her eyes were radiant. He knew Jeff would give his right arm to be standing in his shoes right now.

Perhaps she’d found the answer to Jeff's question. His brother had broken down and told him everything the night Catherine had returned to Castle Combe. Jeff had been in love with her from the very beginning.

Philip remembered the days when Jeff was courting Connie, and lovely as she’d been, Jeff had never behaved as he did around the Sister. His love was written all over his face. They were beautifully matched. Sister Catherine had charm and warmth and beauty. Her spirituality only intensified her other qualities.

That was the problem. Philip could see she was in love with Jeff, but he also knew she was a very devout woman. She wouldn't give up the sisterhood without a fight.

Had the Lord won out after all? She no longer looked tortured as she had that afternoon in front of the house. Instead, she stood there in an almost serene beauty. Jeff would absolutely lose his hold on life if she decided to remain a nun.

Catherine drew closer, smiling her special, glorious smile. He breathed deeply. She’d made her decision. He could tell. But if she’d decided in Jeff's favor, surely his brother would have known by now. The Holy Mother would have said something. The poor devil had called the convent every morning since Catherine had left. Philip broke out in perspiration.