Love's Challenge (Pearl Vampire Chronicles #5) (23 page)

Matt grabbed my ankles and I thrashed around in their arms, trying desperately
to break free.  I managed to get one foot free and I kicked Matt in the chin,
drawing blood from his mouth.  As soon as I smelled it, my focus changed from
trying to get away, to trying to get the blood.  “Let me at it.  Please let me
at it,” I begged.

“Carlos, let her arms go.  I’ve got her.  You go heat some pints for her,”
Matt said as he kept his eyes locked on me.

“You’re sure?” he said.

Matt nodded.  The instant Carlos let go, I pounced on Matt and began
licking his face, groaning as I did.  But that blood soon disappeared and my
focus began shifting back to the humans outside, until Carlos held a pint near
my face.  I grabbed it and drained it, holding my hand out for another while I
did.  Eight pints.  I drained eight pints.  And then it happened.  For a brief
moment, my eyes changed back and my fangs retracted.  And for the first time
since I’d been brought back, I saw them.  I really saw them.  “Oh my God, I’m
so sorry,” I wailed as I placed one hand on Carlos’ eye and one on Matt’s chin.
 “What have I done?  What have I done?”

“Sarah, don’t,” Carlos whispered. 

“Honey, we’re fine,” Matt said.

I opened my mouth to respond, but then felt the fire in my belly.  The
first round of muscle cramps was here.  “Oh, fuck,” I moaned.  My eyes changed
back, my teeth dropped, I grabbed my belly and screamed. 

“Bath, Carlos, quick.  I’ve got her,” Matt said as he scooped me into his
arms.  By the time he got me into the bathroom, every muscle in my body was
locked up.  Matt didn’t even bother taking his pajamas off, he just climbed
directly into the tub with me on his lap.  “Blood, Carlos.  Lots of blood,” he
said as he began massaging my jaw, trying to get it to unlock.  Carlos returned
a minute later with a dozen pints.  He set them on the floor and then looked at
Matt.  “Her feet, start with her feet,” he said, then they both jumped as they
heard the loud “pop” of my jaw opening.  Carlos handed Matt the pints one by
one.  As soon as he handed him the last pint, Carlos went to work on my feet,
while Matt began massaging my arms. 

An hour and a half later, Matt gently placed me in the towel in Carlos’
arms, who then pulled me to his chest and walked back into the bedroom to grab
another t-shirt for me, while Matt stripped off his wet clothes, dried off, and
put on Carlos’ robe.  When Matt walked into the bedroom, Carlos was sitting on
the end of the bed with me on his lap, silently drying me.  Matt walked over,
picked up the t-shirt and guided it over my head.  They both helped me put my
arms into the sleeves then Carlos handed me to Matt, who walked to the side of
the bed and gently set me down in the middle.  Matt climbed in next to me on my
left while Carlos climbed in on my right.  They both gripped my hands tight in
case I tried to escape again.  “I’ll take first watch,” Matt whispered.  “You
get some sleep.”

“But you just came out of a coma, Matt.  You should get some rest.”

“Carlos, I’ve been in a coma, asleep, for two months.  More sleep is not
something I need right now.  I’m fine.”  Carlos nodded and, exhausted as he
was, he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.

Two months, that’s how long my recovery had taken.  Two months.  Well,
the physical recovery anyways.  It had been four months since Aquila dropped me
off, but the mental and emotional recovery still hadn’t begun.  It hadn’t begun
because I was fighting it tooth and nail.  I still couldn’t talk about anything
that happened.  I was trying to bury it and forget about it.  And I thought I
was doing fine.  I was buried in my work at the clinic again.  I’d get there
really early and come home late at night exhausted.  It helped keep the
nightmares to a minimum.  So I thought I was doing fine.  Okay, so if I really
thought about it, the fact that I still needed both of them sleeping on either
side of me should have indicated to me that I wasn’t okay.  The fact that
nothing sexual had happened with either of them should have let me know that
too.  But I ignored those signs and tried my hardest to act like my old self. 
And I completely missed the fact that they knew without a doubt that I wasn’t
okay, because they didn’t say anything.  They just waited patiently, talking to
each other about trying different tactics, trying to get me to come around on
my own.  But at the end of that fourth month, they decided that they had to try
something different, because none of us could live like this forever.  But I
didn’t know that they had noticed anything was wrong, and I was in complete
denial about it myself, so it was a huge surprise when I walked into our room at
midnight, after another exhausting day in the clinic that had begun at five in
the morning, and saw Matt and Carlos sitting on the end of the bed, with
suitcases on the floor.  The shock and fear of what I thought they were doing
knocked the wind out of me.  I crumpled to the floor and cried, “You’re both
leaving me?”  They both looked at each other, surprised at my reaction.  But
they couldn’t see the fragile state my heart was in now.  It was teetering on
the edge, ready to crash to the floor and shatter into a million pieces at any
moment. 

“Sarah, we’re going to the island.  All of us,” Matt whispered.

“What?  Why?  I can’t leave now.  The clinic needs me.”

“No, Sarah.  The clinic doesn’t need you.  We need you.  The clinic will
be fine without you for a while.  We’re not fine, none of us are.  We all need
some time away from all of this.  It’s time, Sarah,” Carlos said.  I gasped and
clutched my belly when Carlos said the same words Aquila had said to me.  The
memories that I had been trying for months to suppress came flooding back. 
Well, almost all of them.  The pain of the pregnancy.  The pleasure of the
addiction, the good blood.  The pain of the delivery, and something else.  A
memory that I couldn’t quite grasp.  Something about the baby’s face.  My mind
stopped the memories there; it just refused to go any farther.  

“Oh, Jesus, no.  I can’t.” 

They moved to either side of me and took my hands in theirs, helping me
to stand up.

“Yes, you can, Sarah,” Matt said.

“But you weren’t there, you don’t understand,” I cried.

“So, help us, Sarah.  Help us to understand,” Carlos whispered.

“But I want to forget.  I’m trying to forget.  I’m perfectly fine now.  I’m
working, the addiction is gone.  Everything’s fine.  Everything’s normal.” I
said, knowing that I wasn’t fooling anyone, but I had to try.

Matt shook his head.  “Nothing is normal, Sarah.  When’s the last time
you thought about holding either one of us.  When’s the last time you thought
about kissing either one of us?  When’s the last time you thought about making
love?  When’s the last time you
wanted
to make love?  You haven’t
thought about it since you came back, have you?  Not even once, right?  For
you, that is definitely not normal.”

“But, but, oh God,” I cried as I tried to protest but then ultimately
realized they were right.  They were both right.  Nothing was normal right
now.  I was definitely not okay.  I sobbed into Matt’s chest and held tight to
Carlos’ hand as they led me down the hall toward the waiting car.  I switched
and sobbed into Carlos’ chest and held tight to Matt’s hand after we climbed
into the back of the limo. 

I finally stopped crying and fell into a fitful sleep on Stefan’s plane
on the way to Miami.  I was tense and silent, staring out the window at the
ocean below, during the small plane ride to the island.  I used to feel joy
when we got to the island, I thought, as I stepped onto the dock.  I felt no
joy this time.  This time I was terrified.  I wanted to turn and jump back onto
the plane as it took off.  I probably would have tried to do that, if Matt and
Carlos didn’t have a firm grip on both of my hands.  They must have known.  Of
course they knew.  I took a deep breath and marched up the stairs through the
front door, and immediately began busying myself with tidying the place up. 
“Look at this, there’s sand and dust everywhere.  I’m going to have to vacuum
and clean and–” I stopped. 

Carlos had placed his hand on my forearm.  “The place is fine, Sarah,” he
whispered.  No it’s not, I wanted to scream.  But I knew he was right.  He was
right, but I wasn’t ready.  I turned and bolted out the front door, leaving
them standing sadly in the living room.  They both knew there was no reason to
chase after me.  I couldn’t go very far.  I ran down the dock and jumped onto
the boat, expecting to take off into the open water and not look back.  I
couldn’t look back.  It hurt too much. 

“Ahhhhhhh,” I cried as I reached for the key, and saw that the ignition
was empty.  Of course it was empty, they would have thought of that too.  I ran
back onto the dock, jumped into the sand and started running down the beach.  I
ran past the ghost of Jonas – the evil vampire who had tried to kill us but who
I had managed to help and he had become my good friend until he was tragically
killed while saving my life – He was standing there looking like a stern father
with his hands on his hips.  I ran past him again when he showed up about a
mile down the beach. “Leave me alone,” I screamed.  My plan, when I saw him
again directly in front of me, was to run right through him.  But he had other
ideas this time. 

“Sarah, stop running,” he bellowed, as I crashed into him.  It felt like
I had run into a brick wall.  I went flying backwards and landed on my back in
the sand.  I lay there gasping for a few minutes, afraid to look to see if he
was still there.  I finally squeezed my eyes shut, lifted my head and looked. 
Of course there was nothing there.  No Jonas.  Nothing.  But I knew that I
couldn’t run anymore.  It was hopeless.  I sat up, put my head on my knees and
cried.  When I finally lifted it up and stared at the waves crashing to shore, Matt
and Carlos were sitting on either side of me, waiting.  I knew they would be. 
I started at the beginning, which, for me was the moment I woke up and knew
that he had impregnated me. 

“I felt so ashamed.  That’s why I couldn’t tell you Carlos.” I sobbed.

“Sarah.  Why the hell would you feel ashamed?  You didn’t do anything. 
Hell, you weren’t even conscious for it.  He did this to you.  He did this to
you and that’s why I’m going to kill him,” Carlos hissed.

“No, Carlos, you can’t kill him.  You just can’t kill him, and I’ll tell
you why in a minute,” I said as I continued telling them about the pregnancy. 
I told them about the morning sickness, the vomiting.  I told them how he kept
me naked the entire time I was pregnant.  I told them about the pain when the
baby started moving around.  I told them how Aquila would calm the baby by
placing his hand on my belly to keep him from hurting me.  And then I told them
about how Aquila told me that I had to learn to love the child in order for it
to not tear its way out of my belly, in order for me to survive the delivery. 
I had to love it and be strong for it.  “I had to.  I would rub my belly and
talk to him whenever he was trying to move.  I fell in love with him.  I still
love him, I can’t help it.  That’s why you can’t kill Aquila, Carlos.  Because
Aquila is his father.  He’s
my son’s
father.” 

“But he raped you, Sarah.  How am I supposed to forgive that?  How can
you forgive that?”

“Because, his species is more animal than human.  In his world there is
no such thing as rape.  They mate to reproduce, to keep the species alive.  He
chose me as his mate.  That’s all it was.  Even though it felt different for
me, that’s all it was to him.  I can’t hate him for that.  And I can’t hate him
because he spared me the agony of being awake when he did it.  He was kind
enough to do that.  He has a good heart, and he loves that child so much, and,
and, and, oh God, no,” I cried as my final memory burst into my head.  The memory
that I was trying desperately to keep away.  “His eyes.  He has my eyes.  He
has Scotty’s eyes.  Oh Jesus, he has Scotty’s eyes,” I wailed.

They both looked a little confused,

“I saw him, too, Sarah,” Carlos said.  “He did have your eyes.  What do
you mean they were Scotty’s eyes?  They looked exactly like yours to me.  I’m
not sure I understand.  You’re saying they were your son, Scotty’s, eyes?”

I nodded.  “That’s what you don’t understand.  Carlos, is that DVD still
here?  The one that Malina planted in Matt’s house?  The one that showed her
supposedly killing Matt?  The one that started with the old video of mine of
Scotty as he got ready for his fishing trip with his Dad on the last day of
their lives?”

Carlos nodded.  “It’s in the desk drawer in the upstairs study, why?”

“Because I have to show you.  You have to understand,” I said as I jumped
up and held my shaking hands out to both of them.  They had to know why they
couldn’t harm Aquila or this child, and this was the only way to show them. 
Matt walked with me to the couch while Carlos went up the stairs and grabbed
the DVD.  He popped it into the player, then handed me the remote and sat next
to me on the couch.  I clasped my hand in his and leaned into Matt as I tried
to find the strength to push play.  But I couldn’t find it.  I stared at the
television for a minute, trying to figure out what I needed to get through this
and suddenly it hit me.  What I needed was something I hadn’t thought of since
before Aquila grabbed me.  I turned to Matt first.  “Kiss me,” I said.