Love's Haven (24 page)

T
he moon gleamed like a silver Christmas ornament cushioned in the dusky blue velvet of gathering night. Stars spangled the winter sky, twinkling in the crisp air. Along the road, dry yucca stems rattled as a jackrabbit tore at a clump of brown grass. A barn owl winged across the open plain, its shadow black against the gray ground beneath it.

Mara steered her car down the bumpy road and hoped the rumble of the engine would put Abby back to sleep. She had thought about leaving the baby with Ramona, then decided against it. This was a family matter.

As she drove toward the trading post, she realized her stomach was churning. Had Brock gone to his old climbing place? Or had he chosen somewhere new, somewhere unfamiliar? What if he was halfway up the cliffs? What if he had fallen?

Dear God, please!
She chewed on her bottom lip, praying earnestly in the silence of the car.
Don’t let him fall. Don’t let him die. I love him. Abby loves him…Abby needs him. I need him more.

Oh, please, please. She swallowed hard as her head
lights picked out the smooth brown edges of the former store. With sweaty palms, she steered the car into the open area behind the old building. As she cut the engine, she looked out her window. The cliffs towered above, so high they seemed to touch the moon.

Brock, she breathed as she scanned the vertical face. Please, Brock. Blue denim…black hair…blue denim. Where was he?
God, please show me where he is!

She glanced at her sleeping baby, then she pushed open the car door. Tilting back her head, she searched every crevice, every outcrop, every slab of flat stone. Her eyes followed the rise and fall of each shadow, each glistening mound. There! A dark form clung to the side of the cliff, legs outstretched. Mara sucked in a breath. Brock!

No, it was a tree with bare limbs and exposed roots that grew from a nook of the rock.

Her hands knotted as she peered into the growing darkness. Where was he? Oh, Brock! She let her focus drop lower and lower, terrified that she would find his crumpled, broken body sprawled at the bottom. She couldn’t look. Couldn’t.

“Brock…”

He was standing at the base of the cliff, his head bent and his expression one of such sadness and loss that Mara thought her heart might break.

“Brock,” she called more loudly.

When he heard her and lifted his head, the tension in his face eased. He straightened, stepped away from the cliff wall and simply said, “You came.”

“I couldn’t let you go, Brock.”

“Mara…I don’t want to go up that cliff.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She walked toward him. “I can’t let you go, Brock. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Mara.”

As they fell together, he pulled her into his arms and
held her tightly, so tightly he knew she could barely breathe. He rocked her back and forth.

“I love you, Mara,” he said, his voice rough. “I love you. Everything I’ve done, every foolish thing I’ve said is because I love you. And I don’t know how to let you know.”

“Say it, Brock. Say the words again. Say them every day, a hundred times a day.”

“I love you, Mara.”

“Oh, I love you, Brock.”

He lifted her off her feet and turned her around and around. “Whoa, I feel crazy! I feel free. I’m a man who just got out of prison, Mara. I can say it and mean it and count on it. I love you. I love you.”

She laughed through her tears. “Don’t let me go!”

“Never. But I would have, Mara. I’d have done anything for you. I gave that money to honor Todd and take care of the people he loved. If I could keep his dream alive, I knew it would be within your reach. I wanted you to stop feeling chained to me.” He shook his head. “Instead, I made you think I’d bought you your job.”

“It’s okay, Brock. I understand now.”

“I don’t have the power to make you stay with me, Mara. I can only hope you want to. I hoped…and I prayed. Believe me, I’ve prayed so hard. But tonight I was sure I’d lost you.”

She laid her cheek on his broad shoulder and tightened her arms around his back. He was so solid and strong, she wished she could hold him this way forever.

“I want to stay with you, Brock,” she murmured. “I don’t ever want to go.”

He swallowed hard. “What about Todd?”

“What about him?”

“He’s Abby’s father.”

“Todd gave Abby life. He gave her that red-gold sheen
to her hair and that funny smile on her lips. But Todd isn’t the father she knows. Only one man can be that to her.” Mara looked up at him. “You’re Abby’s father now, Brock. And Todd would want you to be.”

He lifted his eyes to the stars as if in disbelief. “I’d do anything for that little girl.”

“I know.”

“I love her, Mara, and I don’t know how it happened. Look at me—I’m not equipped to be a decent father. I don’t have the training. But I’ll tell you, I’d give my life for her.”

“I’m not worried about your qualifications for the job, Brock,” Mara declared. “You’re a natural.”

“You reckon?”

She ran her hand down the side of his face, reveling in the rough brush of his whiskered jaw. “No doubt.”

“But what about Todd?” he asked again. “Todd and you?”

Mara let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been so afraid to let go of him. I’ve tried to forgive, but I’ve been unable to let go of my anger, my hurt, my grief. Somehow it seemed like if I kept all that, Todd wouldn’t ever really leave. I could keep him real and alive. But he’s gone, Brock.” She looked at his face through the blurring mist in her eyes. “I want to let him go.”

“I’ll never forget him,” he said, “but I want to let him go, too.”

“Tell me what happened. Tell me about that day on the cliff.”

He turned away from her and sat down on a fallen boulder. Burying his face in his hands, he was unable to say anything. Only when she slipped to his side and settled on the ground at his feet could he speak.

“It was getting dark because we’d been climbing all day,” he began, his voice just above a whisper. “As I told you before, we made the decision to down-climb the cliff
without ropes. Rappelling can take a lot of time because you have to secure the equipment or it’s not trustworthy. You have to abandon some of your stuff. Todd thought it was wasteful to leave things behind. He never liked to do that.”

Mara nodded, picturing the thrifty Todd.

“We checked to see that the route was free of loose rock, and we started down. I’d been there before a few times, so I led. We started down, face-out with our backs to the wall.” He paused, shaking his head. Then he let out a breath. “You want me to go on?”

Mara tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded.

“When the angle got steeper, I knew we needed to turn around and face the cliff wall. I wanted to use a rope at that point, just to be safe. I tossed my rope to Todd. He caught the end of it. We stretched it between us, and he was trying to anchor it”

Waiting for him to continue, Mara could feel the pain of memory racking through his body. For the first time since Todd’s death, she became the comforter. She laid her cheek against his leg and kissed his knee.

He didn’t speak for more than a minute. When he did, his voice was rough and broken. “He had hammered in a piton, and he put some weight on it to test it. The thing popped out, and Todd started sliding. He cried out to me, ‘Brock!’ I reached for him, but he tumbled past me too fast. I grabbed for his hand. I missed.”

He shook his head. “I missed, Mara. I missed!”

She knew her tears were soaking through his jeans. “Where was the rope?”

“I thought he had it. I jerked at my end to bring him up tight and steady, but he had lost hold of it. I shouted at him, but he kept falling. He rolled and rolled, and I saw him hit his head. When he came to a stop, I was already halfway down to him. I don’t know how I did it without ropes. It
was like I flew, seeing this blur of rock rushing past me as I scrambled down, screaming at him.”

“Oh, Brock.”

“When I got to him, I knew it was over. I lifted his head and held it in my lap. He was gone, Mara. Just like that. Gone.”

He sat weeping as she stroked his back. “It’s okay, Brock.”

“I should have put in the pitons myself. I should have reminded him to secure the rope. I’ve down-climbed cliffs a thousand times, and I didn’t warn him! I should have caught him. I should have reached out just that much farther and grabbed him, Mara. Why didn’t I? Why?”

“Brock, it’s all right.” She molded her hands around his damp face and lifted his chin. In the moonlight, she read his anguish. “It’s over. It was an accident. I forgive you, Brock. You didn’t even have to tell me the story.”

He brushed his eyes with his sleeve. “I needed to tell it.”

“Brock—thank you. Todd’s life was richer for having you as his friend.”

“I love you, Mara.” He glanced upward, then at her. “And I don’t have to climb that cliff.”

As his lips met hers, she responded with all the pent-up emotion of the last hours. Peace…the feeling descended over her like a warm cape. She felt at peace with this man, at peace with herself, at peace with their future. His hands caressed her shoulders, and his fingers threaded through her hair. Wanting more of him, she kissed his neck and tasted the salt on his cheeks. He lifted her onto his lap and together they drank in the moment of promise.

“Mara,” he murmured, tilting her face into the moonlight. “I love you, you know.”

“Keep telling me,” she said softly. “Take me home and hold me and tell me again and again.”

“I’ll show you how much I love you.”

They stood and started toward the old trading post. Suddenly, Brock stopped. “Oh, yeah.” He unsnapped the flap of his shirt pocket and fished around in it for a moment. “I almost forgot. I’ve been carrying this thing around for a week.”

Mara stiffened as he held out his hand. A circle of diamonds caught the moonlight—so shimmery she felt as though a spell had been cast over her.

“I’d like my wife to wear a ring,” he said. “If she will.”

“It’s beautiful, Brock.” She held out her left hand. Gently, he slid the sparkling circlet over her ring finger.

“I’d like a church wedding, too. It’s the only way I can think of to let everyone know neither of us is up for grabs. Besides, I want to announce my promise to love you forever so the whole countryside can hear it.”

“Forever, Brock?”

“As long as we both shall live.” He gave her a quick kiss. “What do you say to that?”

“I say, Amen.”

At that, he swung her off her feet and lifted her into his arms. As he started back toward her car, he shook his head. “First we have a pregnancy, then a marriage, then a baby, then a honeymoon, then an engagement, and last of all a wedding. We’re a mixed-up pair, you know that?”

“I want the honeymoon again,” she whispered.

He laughed. “Oh, yeah!”

They were almost to the car when Mara heard the distinctive sound of her daughter’s restless wake-up cry. “Oh, dear,” she said softly.

“You brought Abby?” His face broke into a grin.

Brock put Mara down and opened the door of her car.
She watched him edge his big shoulders into the open space. As he bent to unbuckle the crying baby, she heard him murmur.

“It’s okay, honey. Don’t cry anymore. Daddy’s here.”