Loving a Bad Boy (26 page)

“
I asked you a question.”
His voice never rose, but there was something beneath the words
that made her rethink her strategy.

She crossed her arms over her chest, more so
he wouldn’t see how hard her heart was beating than anything else.
“And I’ve asked you questions. You never answered so why should
I?”

He brows furrowed deeper. “What? What are
you talk’in bout?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I have left messages for
years asking about returning here, about why I couldn’t and about
my mama. You never answered. So why do you think I’ll answer you?”
she hissed furiously.

At some point during her speech he’d
straightened, and his face took on a menacing glare.

She ignored it. “I don’t answer to you.”
Filled with indignation, she dropped her arms to the side and
widened her stance.

“
Why are you here?” His
voice razor sharp.

“
Why do you want to know?
You don’t give a damn about me. Why are you here?” she
taunted.

His eyes widened slightly. “What the hell
happened to you? When’d you get like…like this? Disrespectful and
unruly?” He actually sounded surprised.

Pam couldn’t believe she heard him right.
She laughed. “How old am I?”

He blinked. “What?”

She placed her hands on her hips and leaned
forward. “Answer me. Do you know how old I am?”

“
Of course. You’re
twenty…” he closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them
again. “Twenty three or four?” he sounded a lot less
certain.

She snorted. It shouldn’t have hurt that he
was wrong, but it did. “Nope. I’m twenty-five. Soon to be twenty
six. I became disrespectful and what was that word, unruly, around
the time I realized I had no parents. Mom disappeared. Father
forgot about me. Yeah that sums it up. Must of happened about ten
years ago.”

“
Your aunt –”

“
Was not my parents!” Pam
yelled. “She did the best she could. But where were you?” She
walked closer, looked him up and down. “Sick? You look healthy to
me. Busy? Who isn’t? Why couldn’t you allow me to visit during the
summers? You wanted nothing to do with me and now…now you ask me
why I’m here?” She was on the verge of passing out from the rage
she felt. “I want to know what happened to Lenora Burrows. The one
person in the world I knew loved me. One night she kissed me good
night the next day I was on a plane and never heard from her
again.” She pointed at him. “I have spent money on investigators
and they’ve come up empty. I’m not leaving here until I get my
answers. So the faster I get that information, the faster you get
back to pretending you don’t have a daughter.” They stared at each
other for a moment before she waved him off and stomped back toward
the box. The contents blurred as water filled her eyes.
You will not cry.
You
will not
, she silently demanded her body
as she picked up another object and laid it to the side.

She heard, rather than saw him move
closer.

“
You hired people to find
out about your mother?” His long legs stretched across the floor as
he sat in the one small chair in the room. He was close enough to
touch.

“
Well?”

“
I already answered you,”
she snapped irritated. “What did you mean you heard I was
here?”

“
People. Around here. They
told me you had come home.”

Hearing him call Cat Island home sent chills
down her back. For some reason the words lacked the warmth and good
feeling she’d imagined.

“
Home? What makes you
think I came home? I’m here to get some answers to
questions.”

“
So you’ve said, loudly.”
There was a hint of laughter in his voice but she ignored
it.

“
Yet you’re still here,”
she said as she stood and returned some old pictures to the box
she’d just emptied. “I would prefer if you’d tell me what happened
to my mom, but if not, I’ll get the answers on my own,” she said
with more confidence than she felt.

“
This is your home.” The
way he spoke the words, gave them a different meaning. She tried to
chase it down and failed.

She whipped around, mouth agape. Surely she
misunderstood. “Whaaaa? Home? Since when?” she asked, her tone
loaded with sarcasm.

He waved away her question as if it was no
big deal, when it was gargantuan to her. “Always has been.” He
pulled his legs in as if he was going to stand and leave.

Pam panicked. She hated the emotions roiling
around inside, but knew later tonight she be playing a modified
version of “what if’s?” Sleep would be lost, just as this
opportunity to get some answers.

“
I miss mama,” she
blurted. Her face heated at the silence.

“
What?” he asked, his
voice lower and grittier than before.

She gulped down her fear and said the one
thing that had ridden her hard for the past sixteen years. Her eyes
filled. Her throat ached as the words slipped from her mouth. “I
miss my mama.”

“
Stop.” He closed his
eyes.

Pam shook her head, too far into her misery
to let it go. For sixteen years she’d remained silent. A gusher had
been released and she could no more cap it than one of those born
of nature. “No!” she yelled. “I miss her. One day she was here. The
next she was gone. Nobody told me anything. You shipped me to the
states, and still nobody ever told me what happened to my mama.”
Her fingertips stroked her throat to ease the pain of her words. It
didn’t help.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, his face
shadowed behind the hood. “You don’t understand.” He sounded tired,
resigned.

Insatiable anger rose and bubbled over.
Years of wanting, missing and needing her mama sent her over the
edge. She bent forward in his direction. “I’m a grown woman. Not a
child. Don’t tell me I don’t understand. You stole my mama from me
and sent me away,” she yelled, through a tight throat and heated
face. She pointed at him. “Aunt Kay was alright but she didn’t want
a kid in the house. I was a burden to her. It made me miss mama all
the more.”

“
No, that’s—”

“
Where did mama go? Is she
buried here? I want to see her grave!” When he remained silent, she
walked closer to him. “Lenora Anne Rolle-Burrows is my mama.” She
tapped his arm. “She gave birth to me and I demand to know what
happened to her.”

Glassy eyes stared at her. Her heart
lurched. All these years she had harbored a hope that mama was
somewhere safe. Somewhere waiting for her. Pam had dreamed of a big
reunion scene where they’d hug and laugh and talk, anything to take
away the sting of the lost years. Eyes, so like her own, said that
wasn’t going to happen.

“
Okay.” He
stood.

Heart in her throat, Pam stepped back and
wiped her eyes. “Okay?” She hated the whine in her voice, but she
was scared. Scared of what had really happened to the one person
who’d loved her unconditionally. Scared that daddy wasn’t really
her daddy. Scared that all she knew was a lie. Maybe living in her
fantasy world wasn’t such a bad idea. A knot of tension lodged in
her chest as she followed him out the room.

He stopped and looked down at her. A small
grin teased his lips. “You sound so much like her. How is it
possible you have her fire when you spent such a short time wit
her?”

Struck dumb, Pam just stared at him. His
eyes had gone all soft when he spoke of her mom, it made him look
like a completely different person. More approachable, human even.
Actually the look reminded her of the way Julio looked at her when
they made love.

Her dad touched her shoulder, and then
squeezed it. Thrown completely off guard, Pam froze. She couldn’t
remember the last time he had touched her. Second by second, she
relaxed beneath his warm, heavy hand. Although the gesture was
stilted and formal, Pam recognized it for what it was.

“
I’m angry with you,” she
said to clear the air.

“
I know. I haven’t been…I
know.”

“
You turned your back on
me when I needed you most. I lost both my parents. That wasn’t
fair.”

“
Fair? No it wasn’t. I
missed a lot of things.”

“
You missed my high school
graduation.”

“
And the college, too. I
know I haven’t been around.”

Incredulous at his matter of factness, her
head pounded with the need to understand. “Why? Why couldn’t I come
back home? Why did you just disappear?” Her chin hit her chest as
the painful words slipped through her lips. She hadn’t meant to
utter them, not now, not ever. Damn Julio for planting the need for
finding solutions to every problem. Now her heart was exposed and
bleeding.

“
I know you won’t
understand, but I couldn’t make the trip—”

She slid from beneath his
touch. Her throat tightened as she spoke. “Couldn’t or wouldn’t?
You missed everything. Are you saying there was always something
more important than me for each event? All the time? Is that what
you’re saying? Because if that’s the way it is.” She swallowed back
her pain. Corralled it into a box with a big “do not ever open”
label firmly attached. “Well…forget you too.” She crossed her arms
and stood biting her top lip as the silence lingered. Her heart
raced in her chest. Years of pain rushed to the surface when he
remained quiet, refusing to explain his neglect.
Fuck you
. She stiffened
her spine daring a tear to fall. He wasn’t worth it.

They stood in silence. “We will talk about
Nora. But not today. Today, I have other things to do. I just came
to check on you.” He cleared his throat. “You need anything?”

Another
first
. Warmth battled with regret in her
chest. At the rate he was going, she would be asking to see his
identification soon. “Nah, Tex brought food and supplies on the
plane. I’m good.”

He waved and was gone.

Pam collapsed against the bedroom door. A
myriad of feelings rushed through her. Happiness, joy, anger,
elation, confusion, they all competed for her attention. She had
stood up to her dad instead of allowing him to brush her off. Soon
she would have some answers regarding mama. No matter what, she
needed closure on her mom’s disappearance. Joy edged her
sideways.

Daddy hugged
me
. Well, not a full body hug, she argued,
but it was close enough to cut him some slack.

The small pink and black book dug into her
side. She glanced at it and smiled. There was so much to learn
about the woman who’d held her gently. She returned to the bed,
prepared to lie down and read the entire book before returning to
Tex’s for the night.

Her cell phone jingled. Ignoring it, she
opened the book. No sooner than she turned the page, it rang again.
Irritated, she closed the journal and pulled her cell from her
pocket. Zings of pleasure shot through her when she realized who
was calling.

Schooling her features, she answered
demurely. “Hello.”

“
Hey, you busy?” Julio
asked, although she knew it wouldn’t matter to him if she
was.

“
I’m reading,” she said to
test her theory.

“
I’ll be brief
then.”

“
Okay.” She smiled. The
man hadn’t changed, and that didn’t bother her one bit.

“
You enjoying your
vacation?”

Surprised that he asked, she smiled bigger.
Not that she believed he really cared, but the fact he was
employing good manners was impressive. Maybe there was hope for him
after all.

“
Actually, I am. My daddy
just left. I hadn’t realized how mad I was at him until he showed
up. I got a chance to get some things off my chest.”

“
You okay?”

“
Yeah. Like you said it
was a problem and a possible solution was to talk to him about it.
It hurt some, but I prefer knowing to not knowing.” She paused.
“Remember that, okay?”

“
Okaaaay. So what was the
problem?”

Her shoulders sagged as she recognized the
drill. It had become a part of their routine whenever they needed
to work out a dilemma. They had done it while deciding how Tex
would finish his recuperation on the island, how to make sure she
had everything she needed for the trip and security threats.

She swallowed hard. “After mama died he
dropped out of my life when I needed him the most. Never sent for
me, never allowed me to visit, and he didn’t come to see me.
Serious neglect.”

“
Okay, “he said
slowly.

They hadn’t gotten too far into family drama
yet but after some of the things he shared with her about some of
his more colorful family members, she was sure he could handle
this.

“
That’s the problem. I
can’t stand him, but I love him and want him to love me. I feel
like a toddler with my arms raised waiting to be picked up and
held. Twisted huh?” She chewed her bottom lip while waiting for his
take on her challenge.

“
No. I don’t think it’s
wrong to expect someone who’s supposed to care for you to actually,
you know, take care of you in every way. Not just financially.” He
paused. “Solutions?”

This is the part that had her stumped.
Respecting your elders had been drilled into her since she knew her
name. Telling her dad her true feelings using heart-felt words
definitely fell in the “big Dis” column and he’d called her out on
it. “I told him I was angry, that I wanted to know what happened to
mama. I got some things off my chest.” She brightened with the
realization that she had been forthcoming in her talk with her dad.
At least he knew she was angry with him. Not that it seemed to
bother him that much.