Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (10 page)

“Laura—”

“Yes, I’m sure Celeste would come.” She
had
to do this. She owed Norman this much. If anyone was going to sever their relationship, it had to be him. Not her. Never her. “Let’s tell your parents today. I think they’re coming to see you tonight. They might even be outside right now. Let’s call them and your brother in—”

“Laura, please shut up!”

Laura felt like a balloon that had been stuck with a pin – all her forced cheerfulness hissing out of her in one great whoosh. Despair was a heavy hand pushing against her chest. She’d failed. He hadn’t believed her for one minute. What would Neil say? She shuddered. What would his family think of her?

“Laura...” Norman squeezed her hand tighter, and although Laura wanted nothing more than to escape the direct gaze of Norman’s clear, dark eyes, she told herself not to be a coward and returned the pressure. “I appreciate your offer, but we both know you didn’t want to marry me before the accident, so there’s no reason for you to want to marry me now.”

Laura wanted to deny this statement, but honesty forbade her telling a direct lie. “Nor—”

“You know I’m right. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m not tempted. I... I still love you...” His face twisted, and Laura felt a corresponding knot form in her stomach. His gaze finally left hers, his eyes fastening on their intertwined hands. “But I won’t let you be a martyr because you feel sorry for me.”

“Norman—”

“Please, Laura, let me finish, okay?”

Laura swallowed. She felt like a worm, because even though she didn’t want to hurt him, had never wanted to hurt him, relief had begun to crawl through her.

“Before the accident, if you’d said yes, you’d marry me, I would have been overjoyed. But everything’s different now. The accident changed things.”

He sighed again, releasing her hand as he did. He looked down, and when he spoke, the words were so soft, she had to lean over him to hear. “Look, Laura, I know you think I’m a little dense at times, and maybe I am. I usually don’t think about things I don’t want to think about. But I know you don’t love me the way you should. You never have. It didn’t matter before, because I knew I could make you love me once we were married, but now it
does
matter.”

A tear slipped down Laura’s cheek, and she had to bite her lower lip to keep from crying harder. “Norman,” she whispered, clasping his hand once more, “we could make it work.”
Oh, God, please help me to say the right thing.
She fought to control the tears that now flooded her eyes. “The loss of your leg makes no difference to me.”

He wouldn’t look at her. “Maybe it makes no difference to you, but it does to me.” He pulled his hand from her grasp, and she could see the effort caused him pain.

Laura knew that whatever she said now was crucial. Knowing what she had to do, she purposely made her voice hard. “I never thought I’d see the day when Norman Cantrelle would feel sorry for himself.” She gave a little bitter laugh, cringing inside at the cruel words. “I thought you were a fighter. I didn’t think you’d ever let anything get you down.”

His head jerked up; his jaw hardened. Angry glints appeared in the depths of his eyes.

They stared at each other for a long moment. Laura’s heart pounded in her chest, but she didn’t drop her gaze.

When he finally spoke, his voice was expressionless. “I’m tired, Laura. I want you to leave.” He picked up his call bell.

“Norman, you know—”

“I
said
I want you to leave. End of discussion.”

Laura opened her mouth to say something else, but the door opened, and a nurse walked in. “Did you need me, Mr. Cantielle?”

“Yes. I...” His shoulders sagged; the angry glints in his eyes faded. He didn’t look at Laura. “Is it time for my pill?” Weariness was etched into his face.

Guilt consumed Laura. Guilt because down deep, she felt so relieved. Guilt because she hadn’t been hurt in the accident, and Norman had. Guilt because she knew Norman was right. Perhaps, in time, if the accident hadn’t happened, if she hadn’t met... Her mind refused to conclude the thought.

“I think you’d better go now,” the nurse said to her. “Goodbye, Norman. I’ll come tomorrow.”

He closed his eyes. “Goodbye, Laura.”

Dazed, Laura walked out of the room. When she emerged into the brightly lighted waiting room, she blinked. Neil was sitting on the couch in the corner leafing through a magazine. He looked up as she approached.

“What’s wrong?” He dropped the magazine, jumped up and strode toward her. When she didn’t answer, he grabbed her arm. “Dammit! What happened? What’s wrong?” She trembled, all her bravado gone now that she no longer had to keep up any kind of pretense. Her eyes filled with tears.

“Laura! Talk to me. Why are you crying?” Neil’s hand tightened on her arm.

“Let go, Neil. You’re hurting me.”

He dropped his hand. “I’m sorry.”

She sniffed, dug a tissue out of the pocket of her jacket, and wiped her eyes. “I...oh, damn! I’ve made such a mess of things!” Suddenly she felt completely exhausted, and she staggered as she walked toward the couch.

His hand shot out, and he steadied her. “Whoa,” he said softly. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

She nodded. “I... I think so.” She allowed him to ease her down onto the couch, and she laid her head back, closing her eyes until she felt she had her careening emotions under control. When she finally opened her eyes, Neil was still standing over her, a troubled look etched on his face. She took a shaky breath. “Sit down. I’m okay now. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was.”

“Do you want a cup of coffee or a soft drink?”

“A diet soft drink would be wonderful.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Within minutes, he returned, handing her an ice-cold can of the soda, which she drank gratefully.

Neil sat across from her, in one of the leather chairs, hunched forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “I didn’t mean to get rough with you before.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s okay.”

“It’s just that I thought something had happened to Norman. Your face was so white, you scared me.”

“No, nothing’s happened to Norman.” She grimaced. “Not while I was in the room, anyway.”

“What
did
happen?”

“Oh, nothing much. He just doesn’t want to marry me, that’s all.” Laura felt so guilty. She sank back against the cushions of the couch, hung her head, and blinked back tears. For someone who never cried, she had certainly done her share of it lately. “He said he wouldn’t marry me, period, end of discussion.”

When Neil didn’t answer, she looked up. He sat staring into space, worry lines furrowing his brow. He looks tired, she thought. This is hard on him.

“I was afraid of this,” he said. “Norman’s proud. All the Cantrelles are proud.” He turned toward her, and once again, his dark eyes were full of some unfathomable emotion as his gaze bored into hers. “And he’s probably guessed that you feel sorry for him.”

Laura forgot about feeling guilty. Everything in her rebelled at his assumption that he knew why she had decided to accept Norman’s proposal. Whether she’d been motivated by pity or not, Neil hardly knew her. He had no right to judge her. But even as she felt herself bristling, her senses were stirred by the heat in his eyes. She stood, knocking her can over in the process and spilling soda on her skirt. She ignored the spill, saying heatedly, “You don’t know anything about me.”

Neil’s eyes narrowed. “Look, Laura, it’s not going to do anybody any good for you and me to argue about this. Hell, you told me yourself that you don’t love him!”

“I never said I didn’t love him! I said I wasn’t
in
love with him. There’s a big difference!”

“What are you getting so mad about? What damn difference does it make? Love, in love, who cares? Norman’s the only important one here.”

“I know that. Don’t you think I know that?” Anger had driven her tears away. “I knew you’d blame me. Probably everybody’s going to blame me.”

“Nobody’s going to blame you.” But there was no conviction in his voice. “Damn. I had my doubts about what you planned to do, and it looks as if I was right.”

“Then why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you stop me?”

“As you pointed out the other day, it really wasn’t any of my business, was it?”

She knew she was being irrational, because he was perfectly right. She glared at him, then righted the can of soda and without saying another word, stalked off. She could hear him coming after her. Laura didn’t turn around, she just kept heading toward the elevator. Why didn’t he leave her alone?

“Laura!”

She ignored him.

“Dammit, Laura!” He grabbed her arm from behind, bringing her to a halt.

She wrenched her arm from his grasp, gasping from the new onslaught of pain and whirled to face him. Her breath came in short spurts as she looked up. They were standing so close they were almost touching. She could see the tiny bristles of beard on his chin, the fine lines at the comers of his eyes, the dark furrows under his cheekbones. “Leave me alone!” she muttered through clenched teeth. “Don’t you
think
I feel guilty enough? I don’t need you to tell me how stupid I am.”

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what it is about you, but I always seem to say the wrong thing when we’re together.”

The elevator dinged its arrival, and when the doors glided open, several people walked off. One woman looked at them curiously as she walked past. Laura stared at her, and the woman’s gaze slid away.

Laura wanted to get on the elevator. She wanted to get away from this disturbing man who always caused her emotions to rush full throttle in a direction she’d rather they didn’t go. She stepped forward, but the elevator was empty. No matter how much she wanted to escape, she couldn’t get on an empty elevator. The moment the doors closed she would start to hyperventilate. Her claustrophobia was at its peak on elevators, and the only way she’d ever been able to ride in one was if other people were with her.

Neil touched her arm again.

“Go away. I have nothing more to say to you.” She moved toward the elevator, the need to get away from him almost stronger than her fear of the small, empty enclosure.

“Even if I wanted to go away, I can’t,” he said in exasperation.

“What do you mean?”

“I drove you here, remember? And I’m not going to just leave you stranded.”

Belatedly Laura realized she had no car. She’d made the seventeen-mile trip to Baton Rouge with Neil in a truck that belonged to the company.

“Come on,” he said gently, leading her into the elevator. “Have you had dinner yet?”

“No.”

“Why don’t we call a truce, let me buy you a hamburger? I’m starving. While we’re eating we can talk about this situation calmly.”

“I’m very calm,” she said.

“You have an odd way of showing it.” Suddenly he chuckled, and at the warm sound, she glanced up. His dark eyes were fired with amusement, and most of the tension eased from his body. “Come on,” he urged softly. “We’re both tired. We’ve both been under a strain. We’re both worried about Norman. Hell, we’re both on the same side. We have no reason to fight.”

Laura wanted to stay angry. Angry was the safest emotion she could think of where Neil was concerned. But he was right. So she gave him a reluctant smile and nodded her acquiescence.

“That’s much better,” he said as the elevator reached the ground floor and the doors opened.

Thirty minutes later the two of them were sitting in a booth at a roadside cafe about ten miles from Patinville. Clint Black’s voice drifted from a jukebox in the far corner of the room, and smells of frying onions and grilled burgers filled the air, mingling with the muted voices of the other diners.

“Have you decided yet?” a peppy dark-haired waitress said, giving Neil the eye and blatantly flirting as she smiled down at him. Laura wondered if the woman knew she had lipstick on her teeth.

“Give us a minute, okay?” Neil said.

“Anything you want, sugar.”

Laura couldn’t help comparing the waitress’s reaction to Neil to the way women reacted to Norman. When they smiled at him, the smiles were friendly but casual. The smile this woman was giving Neil was anything but casual. It fairly reeked of unspoken invitation.

“Do you know what you want?” Neil asked.

Laura nodded. “I’ll have the bacon burger and hot tea.”

“Same for me,” he said. “Except I’ll have coffee. And how about a basket of curly fries?”

“Like I said, anything
you
want,” the waitress said, giving Neil one more coy smile. When she walked away, her fanny twitched.

Laura grinned.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better,” Neil said.

“Do you always have this effect on women?”

“What effect?”

“Don’t play dumb. You surely saw the way that waitress looked at you.”

He shrugged. “Overactive hormones, that’s all.” But his eyes twinkled. “Most women can’t stand me. Think I’m impossible.”

Something curled in Laura’s stomach as their eyes locked. If she hadn’t known better, she’d think he was flirting with her. To cover her reaction, she said, “No wonder. You think you know everything.”

“I apologized, remember. Do you want blood, too?”

“Yes.”

He grinned. When he forgot himself and smiled, he seemed almost carefree. He was a very attractive man. Too attractive, she thought.

“I aim to please.” He picked up the butter knife lying on his side of the table, pretended to saw at his hand.

“Could you please wait until after we eat?” she said, another smile tugging at her lips. “I can’t handle blood on an empty stomach.”

He laid the knife down, his eyes filled with a warmth that made her feel good inside for the first time that day. “Like the little waitress said, anything you want.” When Laura laughed, he added, “It’s good to hear you laugh.”

“There hasn’t been much to laugh about the past week.”

“No, there hasn’t.”

Laura started to respond, but the waitress reappeared, so Laura waited until Neil’s coffee and her tea had been put on the table and the waitress was gone before saying, “I’m sorry I got so mad before.”