Loving Lily Lavender (9 page)

“How long have you and Lucas been a couple?”

“How did you guys meet?”

“Is it serious?”

“Is he taking you back to L.A. with him?”

“How are you planning to manage a long distance relationship?”

That question hurt. “Gentlemen, I’m sorry, but I can’t answer any
of your questions. I’m not supposed to be talking to you, but I felt bad for
you being out here all day and thought maybe you were hungry. I hope you enjoy
it.” I turned quickly and made my way back across the street.

“Lilianna, who said you can’t talk to us?”

“Come back and talk to us!”

“Lilianna! Lilianna! By the way, thank you!”

I went inside and shut the door, leaving all their cameras and
questions behind me. I smiled to myself as I walked down the long hallway
toward the kitchen. It felt good to do a nice deed. Hopefully, it wouldn’t bite
me on the butt later.

Lucas came in the door without knocking. One look at his angry
face and I knew I was in trouble. “Oh no, here we go,” I whispered under my
breath.  “Lucas, I just finished dinner. I hope you’re hungry.” I had a feeling
my innocent act wasn’t working.

“Do you mind telling me what you’ve done?!”

“I don’t know what you mean.” I didn’t look up to meet his gaze.
I just continued working on getting dinner on the table.

“Why were those guys yelling for me to thank you? What did they
mean? Lilianna?”

Uh oh
.
He called me Lilianna—not good
. “It’s
nothing. I just felt bad for them being out there all day. So, I took them my
leftovers from last night. I didn’t answer any of their questions. They were
very polite.”

“Dammit, Lily! Why would you do that? I told you, you have to
stay away from them. You could’ve gotten hurt. These guys aren’t friends,
they’re our enemy!”

“First of all, don’t cuss in my house! Secondly, maybe they’re
your enemy, but they’re not mine. Lucas, they’re just men trying to do their
job, that’s all.”

He walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “No,
that’s not all, they’re vultures just waiting for someone to devour. And today
it could’ve been you. I know these guys, Lily. They don’t care about you or
anybody. They only care about getting the shot, and they’ll screw over anybody
to get it. Your good deed today could be turned around to make you look bad.”

I was turning angry at his attack. “Why is it really that you
don’t want me to talk to them? Afraid I might say something to let them know
you’ve been seeing me? Well you don’t have to worry, I didn’t tell them
anything. Your secret’s safe. They don’t think we’re in love, or anything crazy
like that. So relax.”  

His mouth fell open in shock. “Lily, is that what you think? You
think I don’t want them to know about you? Listen to me.” He grabbed my
shoulders firmly, but unyielding. “If that were the case I wouldn’t be here
right now. They’re right out front. They saw me come in. The only concern I
have is for your safety. I can’t be here all the time to protect you. I need to
know you’re safe.” He had so much passion in his eyes I couldn’t doubt his
sincerity.

“Okay, okay, you’re right, I’m sorry. I know you have experience
in this situation, and I believe you. I just choose to believe, in this case,
that they’ll make the right choice and print the truth.”

“Lily, I know it’s in your nature to see the best in people, and
I love that about you, but in this case you have to trust my judgment. Please
promise me you’ll stay away from them.” His tone was slightly desperate and it
confused me. 

“Fine. I’ll try—okay?”

“I think there was once a wise, old man named Yoda who said, ‘Do
or do not—there is no try’,” he smirked.

“Lucas Lavender—you surprise me.”

“I guess you’re rubbing off on me. Now, do you promise?”

“Okay, I promise. I’ll stay away from them from now on.”

He sighed in relief and leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“Thank you. I know I shouldn’t be surprised that you would feed the enemy and
try to make friends, but you never seize to amaze me.” He chuckled.

“I’m glad I amuse you. Now, are you hungry?”

“Starving, but please tell me you saved some of the truffles for
me.”

“Of course. I always give you my best. Oh, by the way, have you
returned Randall’s calls yet?”

“Um no, I’m not quite ready yet. But I’ll talk to him
eventually.”

“Well, don’t wait too long or he might change his mind.”

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. You know, I have a best
chap that I grew up with back in London, Nicholas, or Nick, as he likes to be
called now that he’s grown. He would never try to take my girl.”

“Oh, is that what I am? Your girl?” I smiled widely.

“You know what I mean,” he said, turning an adorable shade of
red.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Now let’s eat dinner before it gets
cold, then I’ll get angry and your good opinion of me will be ruined forever.”

“Oh, I think that’s impossible.” He smiled, running his hand
through his hair.

Our last night together was bitter sweet. I enjoyed it immensely,
but the underlying feeling of sadness and dread tainted the evening. I could
tell Lucas was being affected as well. He was a bit more quiet and subdued, and
a few times I noticed that his mind appeared to be drifting to another place.
As we snuggled he seemed to hold me tighter, his hugs were longer, his kisses
more frequent and slightly painful even. And the goodnight kiss was the most
painful of all and not in the physical sense, but painful because unlike all I
had tried to avoid, my heart was breaking. I found that after he left I
actually cried.

Jane had been calling him for three days trying to get him to
come back early. I guess the craziness was piling up for him back in L.A.

He told me he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, so I wasn’t
surprised to see his car pull around to the back of the house early the next
morning. I was in the garden cutting roses to make a bouquet. Something I had    thought
would cheer me up. I was wrong.

“Good morning, Lily,” he greeted.

I pulled my gloves off and laid them, along with the roses, at my
feet as he approached.

“Good morning, Lucas.” As I spoke the words, my heart filled with
heaviness and dread.

“You look lovely,” he said, eyeing my yellow sundress and the
yellow rose tucked behind my ear. “Like sunshine. Um, I just came to say
goodbye.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair in exasperation. “What
am I doing? I can’t do this! I can’t say goodbye to you! Sunshine—that’s what
you’ve been to me these last two weeks! How can I say goodbye to that?!” He
turned his back on me for a few seconds before turning back to face me. “Come
with me, Lily.” His voice was urgent. “Come to L.A. with me, please.”

My mouth fell open in shock. His words were the last thing I
expected. I swallowed hard and tried to steady my heartbeat. “Lucas, I’m
flattered that you would even ask, but I can’t go to L.A. with you. My mom—my
home, they’re all here. That life isn’t for me. The truth is I would die
there.”

He let out a deep breath and lowered his head sadly. “I know.” 

“Lucas, Hollywood is not for me, and to be honest, I don’t think
it’s for you either. Stay—stay here with me.”

“I can’t stay, Lily. Don’t you think I’ve thought about that?
I’ve been up all night thinking. I’ve got responsibilities, obligations I have
to meet. I wish things were different, but—I guess there’s no way this can
work. I can’t figure out a way. It seems we were doomed from the word hello.”

“I think we both knew it could never work out for us. Our worlds
are just too different, and so far apart.”

“Can I call you?”

“No. I don’t want you to call me. It’ll just make things harder.”

He nodded. “Thank you for making these last two weeks the best of
my life and—take care of yourself, Lily.” He leaned down and pressed his lips
gently to my forehead. Taking my face in his hands, he met my gaze intently.
“I’ll miss you.”

As I gazed up into his smoldering greenish-gray eyes, the words
I’m
already gone
came flooding my soul. With that realization, despair gripped
my heart and squeezed. Tears flooded my eyes to the point where I could barely
see him. “I’ll miss you too, Lucas.”

He lowered his hands, turned, and walked slowly to his car. When
he reached for the door handle something compelled me forward, and I ran to
him. “Lucas,” I cried. He turned instinctively and caught me as I flung my arms
around his neck. Urgently his lips crushed mine as he buried his hands in my
hair. I’ve never felt such strong emotion in a kiss, nor ever witnessed it. Our
lips were memorizing each other one last time as the passion flowed between us.
It would be a kiss neither of us could
ever
forget. As it slowly ended
his eyes were pained as he studied the tears in mine. He reached up and gently
wiped my cheek.

I wanted to say something meaningful to make him stay, but the
only words that came out were, “I’ll never forget you, Lucas Lavender.”

He had strong emotion on his face but said nothing. He just
nodded, slowly releasing me. He opened his car door and slid in, glancing at me
one last time before backing out. It seemed as if his eyes held tears as well,
but I couldn’t be sure.

I watched in agony as his car slowly left my driveway. My eyes
trailed longingly after him until there was no longer any trace of him. The
despair was so heavy I crumbled under the weight of it. I grabbed the rose from
my hair and threw it to the ground as deep sobs escaped me. I ran into the
house, up the stairs, into my bedroom where I collapsed on my bed, weeping
uncontrollably. I remained there for the rest of the day. It turned dark. The
phone rang many times, but I didn’t answer it. Nothing seemed to matter
anymore—nothing.

Finally, Meagan entered my room, taking a seat beside me on the
bed and comforting me while I cried. I eventually fell asleep from pure
exhaustion but didn’t sleep well. It felt like a dark cloud was hovering over
me.

When I woke in the morning and awareness dawned, the pain
returned, along with the tears. My heart was tormented by the memories of the
two weeks we shared, and those images suddenly flashed before me; his bashful
smile on our first meeting, our first kiss, the way he ran his hand nervously
through his messy hair, his sweet laugh, the dimples in the corners of his lips
when he smiled, the way he absentmindedly played with the strands of my hair,
his adorable anger when I fed the paparazzi, the way he protected me from
Randall, and our nights cuddling on the sofa watching Star Wars. It was all too
much to bear and the pain consumed me. 

I got in the shower, hoping it would help and it did, but once I
shut the water off the ache in my heart returned.

Meagan was in the kitchen making us breakfast when I entered.
“Wow, you look awful. I think you need to stay home today.” 

“I can’t. I have to meet Aaron at the fabric store. The fabric I
ordered still hasn’t arrived. They want us to pick out an alternative in case
it doesn’t come in on time. I only have two more weeks. I don’t have time for
self pity.”

“Okay, well do you have time for breakfast?”

“No, I can’t eat anything right now, but thanks for trying.”

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“It doesn’t matter—he’s gone.” My voice broke on the last word.
“I’ve got to go.” I grabbed my things and headed out the door before she could
ask more.

When I cranked the car, the radio was on and the Leona Lewis song
Better in Time
was playing. As soon as I heard it I could no longer hold
back the tears. I quickly turned the radio off and laid my head against the
steering wheel and cried heavily, despair winning once again.

It took about ten minutes before I could gain control of the
tears, but I drove out of the driveway trying to refocus on the task before me.

“Lily, Lily,” Aaron called.

“Huh?”

“Have you heard anything I just said?” she asked, clearly
annoyed. “What’s wrong with you today, anyway?”

“I just didn’t sleep well. I’m fine, please continue,” I urged,
trying harder to pay attention and not seem so aloof.

I knew she was talking, but I just couldn’t wrap my mind around
any of her words. Nothing made sense to me. It was as if she was speaking
another language. Then, all of a sudden, things blurred and the room began to
spin.

“Lily, are you all right? Lily? Lily!”

Then I collapsed . . .

When I opened my eyes, Aaron and two other women were standing
over me.

“Oh, thank God you’re okay. I was so worried,” Aaron said.

“What happened?”

“You fainted. How do you feel now?”

“I’m okay,” I said, pulling myself to a sitting position. “I just
haven’t eaten today. I’ll be fine.”

“Well, I called Meagan on your speed dial, and she’ll be here
soon to take you home. Josh and I are going to drop your car off at your house
later.”

“No, you don’t have to do that. I can drive myself home.”

“It’s too late. Meagan will be here any minute. Besides, it’s no
trouble at all. After all you’ve done for me it’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you,” was all I could say.

When we got home, I went straight to bed, not even bothering take
off my clothes, and stayed there for the rest of the day.

Sunday was pretty much the same. I stayed in bed all day, didn’t
go to church, and didn’t even go see my mom. I just couldn’t bear to be around
people, to pretend that everything was okay. I’d never felt this kind of pain
before. Sorrow had seeped into the very marrow of my bones and left me aching
all over. I now understand why they call it a broken heart because at that very
moment it literally felt like my heart was torn in two separate pieces. As
crazy as it sounds it’s almost like my soul had met its match and now that he was
gone it was half of what it was before.