Loving Mondays (5 page)

To be honest, I wasn't sure either.

"This is beautiful." Monday sighed, looking out over the expanse below us from where we stood on Twin Peak, high above the town nestled in the valley below.
 
Twin Peak was a misnomer. There's only one peak, and it doesn't have a twin anywhere in sight.
 
There was some legend somewhere that involved twin sisters who were separated and used this peak to search for one another or something.
 
But local legends aside, Monday was right, the view spreading out in front of us was nothing shy of amazing.
 

"That's part of the reason Gran chose it, I think.
 
She used to come up here when she said she needed to see the big picture."
 
It was hard not to see the big picture from up here.
 
Below the peak, the valley began and stretched out as far as the eye could see in a blanket of glittering snow and twinkling Christmas lights.
 
Everything looked so tiny from up here that surely nothing could be insurmountable in comparison, not even the distance that lay between us. Down in that snow covered valley, families were exchanging gifts, and sitting down to break bread together, thankful for another year they were blessed to share.
 

That's where we should have been, Monday, Gran, Luke and I.
 
Instead, Monday and I were up here, dressed in thick layers against the cold, preparing to say goodbye to someone we loved.

My eyes swung back to Monday. Her eyes were focused on the box that holds Gran's ashes in her hands.
 
She was shaking, but I didn't think it was from the biting cold of the wind as it whipped around us, stirring up the flakes of snow that were falling again.
 
Resting one hand on the back of her neck, I tugged her forward gently, pressing her into my chest and wrapping myself around her, letting her know silently that I would shelter her from this pain if I could.
 

"I don't know how to say goodbye," she whispered, and my heart cracked a little more.
 

"Gran used to tell me that the hardest part of loving is letting go, but sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Sometimes it's the only thing you can do so you're not walking wounded through life, bleeding out little bits of yourself as you go."
 

The irony of that thought was not lost on me.
 
I knew that Gran would tell me that the best thing for Monday would be to let her go and give her a chance to heal, but I didn't know if I could do it.
 
I'd lost her once because of my own pride and my fears, and coming home had reminded me of everything that I had lost.
 
I wasn't sure I could lose her again.
 

We stood there in the silence for what seemed like forever, the snow falling gently to the ground around us until she stopped shaking.
 
Together we opened the box and watched as a strong wind scattered Gran's ashes out over the countryside, mingling with the snow and flying into the distance.
 

"Now there will be a piece of her in every place that she loves." Monday smiled though her tears and I had to agree with her.
 

I lifted my hand and moved a loose blond curl from her face, tucking it behind her ear, but leaving my hand against her cheek, feeling the warmth against the cold of my skin.
 
"Thank you."
 

She looked up at me, startled.
 
"For what?"

"For taking care of Gran when I didn't.
 
For taking care of Luke when I didn't.
 
For being everything I couldn't be.
 
For being everything I'll never be."

Tears formed in her eyes and she ducked her head, trying to avoid my gaze.
 
My fingers slipped under her chin and tilted her face back, capturing her eyes with my own. "And I'm sorry, Monday.
 
I'm sorry that I didn't turn out to be the man that you needed me to be.
 
I'm sorry that I let my own insecurities destroy something so beautiful, something so pure. And I'm sorrier than I can say that I wasn't here for you when you needed me most. I'm sorry for every single tear you cried over me.
 
I always swore I would protect you and love you and I let you down instead."

Tears slipped down her face and I brushed them away with my thumb, leaning forward and resting my forehead against hers.
 
I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes, reaching for the strength I needed.
 

"But I won't ask for your forgiveness, because I don't deserve it.
 
If you hate me forever, I'll understand, but it won't stop me from loving you.
 
And even though I know I don't deserve you, I can't walk away from you.
 
Being without you has been slowly killing me. And all the drinking, and the partying, and the bad decisions numbed the pain, but it never made it go away.
 
We only get one life Monday Munroe, and mine belongs to you, whether you want it or not."
 

I opened my eyes and gazed down at her, fear blooming in my chest when I saw that her face had crumpled and she was sobbing quietly.
 
This was not the reaction I had wanted from my declaration.

"Why can't I let you go?" she cried.
 
"I shouldn't still want you.
 
You didn't just break my heart Cody, you broke
me
.
 
You abandoned me.
 
How can I know that you'll be there when I need you?
 
How can I trust that I won't wake up one morning to find you gone again?"

If she had stabbed me in the heart she couldn't have cut me deeper because I had put those fears there.
 
I had taught her not to trust.
 

"Because I know what it is now to live without you, because I know—"

She gripped my shirt in her hands and tugged me closer, fastening her mouth on mine, and every thought I had fled.
 
I slid a hand through her hair, cupping the back of her head and pressed her even closer.
 
It wasn't a tender kiss; it was raw and full of emotion. I could feel her anger, her desperation, and her hope in the glide of her tongue against mine and the feel of her fingers fisting in my hair.
 

My heart soared and when she finally broke away I was speechless.

"Just shut up, Cody," she whispered, the corners of her mouth turning up.
 
"I've always been a forgone conclusion where you're concerned.
 
The hardest part of loving isn't letting go. It's forgiving and moving on.
 
Just consider yourself damn lucky that I'm strong enough for the both of us."

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First and foremost to my husband Ben.
 
Your willingness to take on more responsibility around the house to make sure that I get the chance to live my dreams is something that I can never begin to thank you enough for.
 
Without you I am nothing, but with you I have everything.
 
I couldn’t write a romantic hero better than you.
 
You are my own happily ever after.

I have to thank the Writing Wenches for embracing me and welcoming me into the fold.
 
You encouraged me to stretch my skills beyond the YA realm and experience life in Contemporary Romance.
 
It is so much harder than I thought it would be but you kept me moving ahead when I struggled.
 
I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to take part in the Unwrapping Love anthology.
 
Patricia, I especially could not have done this without your help.
 
Working with you has been an absolute pleasure.

Jenn, Carol, Lindsey and Julieanne.
 
A good beta readers worth cannot be measured and you ladies are not good. You’re the very best.
 
Writing is not a solitary effort and your feedback helped shape this book into something worth reading.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

KR Wilburn has traveled the world with her family but currently calls North Texas home. When she isn’t writing about the creatures that intrigued her Irish ancestors, she is busy studying nutrition science and reading everything she can get her hands on. She’s a fan of Supernatural and Gone with the Wind, Jennifer Armentrout, Amy A. Bartol and Tara Brown and makes a mean omelette.
 

She is the mother of six crazy, creative and hilarious children and married to her childhood best friend and hero Ben. When she isn’t playing with her dogs Trouble and Denali, you’re likely to find her in a corner with her nose buried in the latest Deadpool and Red Sonja comic books and counting down the moments until she can find inspiration capturing the perfect moment through the lens of her camera

K.R. Wilburn is the author of the bestselling YA Series, The Siofra Chronicles, and her short story Don’t Let Go was included in Tales of the Fairy, a CHBB Anthology.
 
She enjoys interacting with her readers on
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and can be found blogging on her website,
http://www.krwilburnbooks.com