Loving Mr. July (8 page)

Cynthia continued in a monotone, almost as if
she didn’t hear him. “He felt it was almost like his right, that I
would welcome it, because of what happened in high school. You see,
I had let him get away with stuff like that back then. I had no
respect for myself. Later, through a lot of counseling I realized
that is often the case for victims of child abuse.”

“Who abused you?” It all started to make
sense, Kurt realized, her steadfast dedication to the Bocher
Foundation, Sharon’s protectiveness when Kurt had questioned her
about it.

“My father,” Cynthia replied, the only
indication since she started talking that she acknowledged his
existence. “A teacher figured it out, got me help. I still am in
touch with her, even though she’s long since retired.”

Kurt blinked back moisture, thinking about
the cases he’d heard about when he first decided to pick the Bocher
Foundation as RentBro’s foster charity. To think that Cynthia had
lived through something like that was unbearable. He looked upward,
sent a silent prayer of thanks to his father, who he always felt
looked over him still, even though he’d died a number of years ago.
And he decided he’d go visit his mother tomorrow, bring her some
flowers, give her a hug.

“The short story is the guy at the gym wasn’t
the only one I gave my favors too freely to.” Cynthia looked down,
plucked at the blanket she’d wrapped around herself. “It happened
long ago, but it did happen. It’s ugly and embarrassing. And the
way I’ve always coped is by feeding my face. I wouldn’t blame you
if you were disgusted.”

Kurt pulled her in closer, rested his chin on
her head, thought about her words. He realized that what he said
now was important, maybe the most important conversation he would
ever have with her. Cynthia may not realize it, but she’d come to
matter to him. And he didn’t want to hurt her.

“I’m not disgusted, Cynthia. Not with you
anyway.” He rested his cheek against her hair, brought a hand up to
caress the side of her face. “I want to murder that guy. Your
father maybe too, but not you.”

Cynthia gave a ragged sigh. “Too late for my
father. He’s long gone. And the guy at the gym? He’d only sue you.
Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

“Cynthia, the guy’s a creep. My Dad taught me
that when a woman says no, it means no.” Even if she’s led you to
the brink of insanity, he thought to himself. “The guy was pretty
much assaulting you. That’s not okay!”

“I guess he was, wasn’t he?” Cynthia said in
a soft voice.

“So mind telling me why you went voluntarily
to see him in the back of the restaurant tonight?”

Cynthia sighed. “It was stupid. I just didn’t
want him to come by our table, say something embarrassing. Have you
think worse of me.”

“Think
worse
of you?” Kurt shifted her
in his arms so he could look her in the eye. “What the hell are you
talking about?”

Cynthia shrugged, moved away from his arms
and looked away.

“Cynthia?” Kurt put a hand up to her face.
“Cynthia, look at me.”

She shook her head.

“Okay, have it your way.” Kurt moved to kneel
in front of the couch so he could look up into her face.

She swiped at her eyes and bit her lip.

“Let’s clear some things up.” Kurt gently
pushed her hair behind her ears so he could see her face. “The fact
that you were a victim when you were younger is not your fault. The
guy tonight, also not your fault. I mean, probably not the smartest
of you to approach him, seeing as he outweighs you by a lot and is
much taller and probably stronger than you, but you could press
charges. And should if he tries that again.”

“I know,” Cynthia said, nodding
miserably.

“And in terms of us? Yeah, I was irritated by
the whole calendar thing. I thought you were behind it, and it made
me mad, because you always seemed so unfriendly to me.”

“I did?” Cynthia turned astonished eyes to
Kurt.

“Seemed so,” Kurt said, shrugging, suddenly
feeling a little stupid. “Anyway, I just found out recently that it
was Blake who stuck me with the calendar.”

“He told you?”

Kurt nodded. “And I managed not to rearrange
his face.”

Cynthia gave a watery smile. “Sharon thanks
you.”

“To be honest, I don’t really care about the
calendar. It’s somewhat embarrassing, but if it helps the
foundation, I’m willing to do it.”

Cynthia’s brow came together. “So why all the
fuss—the workouts, the food, making me live here?”

“Like I said, I only found out recently that
you weren’t behind it.”

“So it was a case of revenge, so to
speak.”

Kurt gave her a hang dog look. “I did need a
workout partner. I can find tons of excuses if left to my own
devices.”

He could tell Cynthia was trying hard not to
laugh, trying instead to look mad, but she lost the struggle. He
felt like he’d won the lotto. “Forgive me?”

Cynthia considered him for a long moment. “A
week ago, I would have said no. I mean my body hasn’t hurt so much
in years.”

“But?” He could tell from the slight smile on
her face that she wasn’t really mad.

“But I’ve lost weight for the first time in
years,” Cynthia said, then inclined her head toward the ice cream
carton. “Although after tonight, I’ve probably set myself
back.”

“There’s always tomorrow,” Kurt said
mildly.

Cynthia gave a defeated little shrug. “But
what’s more is I’m starting to have more energy at work. So I
realize that I should make it a priority to workout more, even if I
hate it.”

“You should,” Kurt agreed, then put up a hand
when she started to look affronted. “Don’t drag me into the weight
thing. That’s not what I’m talking about. You should because it’s
healthier. You’ve come a long way in two weeks.”

Cynthia gave him a questioning look.

“You think I didn’t notice you skipping every
other number when you were counting sets?”

“Busted.” Cynthia giggled.

“And now you’re counting like a regular
person.”

Cynthia smiled. She reached for another
tissue and wiped her eyes again before looking him straight in the
eye. “Thank you, Kurt.”

He raised his eyebrows. “For?”

“For listening. For not judging. For being a
friend.” She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve
totally humiliated myself in front of one of San Diego’s most
eligible bachelors, and yet you’ve managed to make me laugh.”

Kurt looked into her blue eyes and felt his
world shift a bit. Every part of him wanted to kiss her, make love
to her, make the hurt go away. But he knew instinctively that now
was not the time.

He drew in a deep breath, got up, and gave
her a brief hug and managed to get a couple of words out. “You
bet.”

He turned away before she could see his
body’s reaction. Now he really needed that beer.

A few days later, Cynthia sat in Sharon and
Blake’s sunny kitchen, hoping her best friend could help her make
sense of her muddled feelings.

“So he just says ‘you bet,’ pats my hand, and
walks off to have a beer.” Cynthia finished telling her story, and
added some more sugar to her coffee. “I mean, I was having a moment
there. I had just spilled my guts about my past to a man for the
first time, and he acted like we’d just concluded an impersonal
business deal.”

Sharon, who had been sipping her own coffee,
making sympathetic noises and nodding during the entire tale, now
put her coffee cup down, waited a beat. “Have you thought about how
he might have felt during this whole thing?”

Cynthia shook her head, feeling sheepish. “I
was so embarrassed that he caught me stuffing my face, for one, and
then blubbering all over his dog, that I couldn’t even look at him
when I told him my story. I’m not even sure why I did.”

That wasn’t strictly true, Cynthia admitted
to herself. She thought about how comforting it had felt to be held
in his arms that night, the first time in many years that a man had
held her in compassion, and not with sexual intent. She had felt
safe, which was odd, seeing as he had only been wearing the boxers
he apparently slept in. Of course, he hadn’t appeared to ever have
any interest in her as a woman. “Maybe he was disgusted? Felt
pity?” Cynthia voiced the thoughts roiling through her mind.

“It’s hard for anyone not to pity the loss of
your childhood,” Sharon chided her gently. “But disgusted? That
doesn’t sound like Kurt. I’ve come to know him beyond his surface
geniality in this last year since I married into the family. Their
parents raised them well.”

“Not that you’re biased or anything.” Cynthia
winked at her.

Sharon inclined her head, gave a slight
shrug. “I confess to more than a little bias. But you’ve met their
mother, Marjorie, during your foundation dealings. You know what
I’m talking about.”

Cynthia smiled. “Yeah, other than her
weakness for Louboutin shoes, she’s pretty much salt of the earth.
Must be those Midwestern genes.”

“So knowing that, I don’t think Kurt would
blame you for being a victim.”

“I told him about some of my poor choices as
a teenager though too.”

“Who doesn’t make mistakes in their life?”
Sharon nibbled on her Danish. “He’s not so petty as to fault you
for that.”

“No, he’s just a regular hero.” Cynthia said,
not quite masking the edge of sarcasm.

Sharon cocked her head, gave her a
questioning look. “You sound mad.”

Cynthia gazed longingly at the Danish,
thought about how long it would take her to run tonight to work it
off, and decided to pass, sighing. “Do you realize that you have to
run for almost half an hour, fast, to work that pastry off?”

Sharon frowned at the sugary treat in her
hand and set it back on the plate. “That’s not why you’re mad,
Cynthia.”

Cynthia blew out a breath. “He
is
a
good guy. I haven’t been able to really find fault with him. I’ve
treated him like crap, and he’s been surprisingly tolerant. I just
wish…”

Sharon waited for her to finish, but Cynthia
couldn’t bring herself to say more.

“You just wish he would see you as a woman,
don’t you?”

Cynthia brought her gaze up to meet Sharon’s.
“Yeah,” she said softly. “I thought he was just another pretty boy.
He has women falling all over themselves to get his attention. I
figured he was big-headed.”

“But he’s not.”

“No,” Cynthia agreed, “he’s not. He’s kinder
than I expected. Richer than I expected.” She grinned at Sharon.
“And now that we’ve been working out, even better looking than
ever.”

“And you’re attracted to him.” Sharon looked
thoughtful.

“Oh honey,” Cynthia said, laughing ruefully
at herself. “I’m way past attracted. I was attracted the day I
first met him. I mean who isn’t?”

Sharon’s brow wrinkled. “But you were always
so negative about him?”

“Did you ever think, ‘the woman protesteth
too much?’” Cynthia asked, sitting back, and crossing her hands
across her chest. She smiled at Sharon. “I guess I’m better at
hiding things from you than I thought.”

“A comforting thought, seeing as you’re my
business partner,” Sharon said dryly. “But yeah, I had no
idea.”

“And I don’t want Blake to ever get any idea
either.”

“Cynthia,” Sharon chastised her. “You know me
better than that.”

“It’s just so embarrassing.” Cynthia looked
away, tried to blink back an errant tear. “Can you imagine, how
he’d feel if he knew? Then he
would
look upon me with
pity.”

“You don’t know that.” Sharon frowned at
her.

Cynthia nodded emphatically. “If you saw him
around me, you’d see what I mean. He walks around shirtless half
the time, sometimes just wearing boxers, like I’m not going to
notice. I mean I’m practically salivating, but does he pay
attention? No, it’s just thanks, what’s for dinner?”

“He’s walking around shirtless and in his
underwear?” Sharon stared at her. “Maybe he’s trying to turn you
on?”

“Hah.” Cynthia gave a mirthless laugh. “I
don’t think so. I’ve tried wearing my sexiest things. My killer red
dress, you know, the one you told me shows off my boobs? But does
he notice? No, I might as well be a stick of furniture. And then
there’s all the little touches.” Cynthia was on a roll now. “When
we’re at the gym, does he show me how to lift weights by
demonstrating like a regular person? No! With me, he’s got to wrap
his arms around me, practically hug me on the floor. I leaned into
him once, just to see what he’d do. He immediately stepped away.
And when I do the free weights, he’s forever correcting my
positions, moving my arms, putting his hand on my waist. And he
smells fantastic and—”

Sharon’s peal of laughter made her stop
talking to look up.

“I’m baring my soul here and you’re
laughing?” She started to rise in a huff.

Sharon stilled her with a light touch. “Oh
Cynthia.” She managed to talk in between taking breaths and
laughing some more. “If you could just hear yourself.”

“What?”

“You’re describing a man who is putting all
kinds of moves on you. And you don’t even see it.”

“He is not,” Cynthia said crossly. “If you
saw his face when all this is happening, you would know what I
mean.”

“And I bet you haven’t once given him any
indication that you’re attracted, right? I mean, I wouldn’t have
known, based on my observations of you around him, except that
you’ve just told me differently.”

“Well no,” Cynthia admitted. “But that’s
different. I mean most guys would try
something.
”

Sharon shook her head. “Only oafs who aren’t
all that good at reading boundaries will move on a woman who hasn’t
given at least an inkling of interest. And Kurt has had enough
experience to know.”