Loving Sarah (8 page)

“The cabin looks better than it did when last I saw it.”

Sarah nodded, her gaze scanning to room, trying to imagine it as he saw it. “I felt it only right that I clean the mess I’d made. And I’ve taken to reorganizing your bins beneath the benches and the drawers beneath the bed. Also your dresser and clothes press.” With her shoulders back and chin high, she was proud of the job she’d done. “Everything is neat and orderly now,” she added.

“Did you not think that I might find your interference an invasion of my privacy?”

“Not at all. I cannot think clearly with clutter up to my eyeballs, as it was. And I don’t know how you do.”

“I knew where everything was.”

“And you will relearn where everything is now.” At his look she wanted to laugh but held back not wanting to raise his ire. “It’s all in the same general vicinity of where you placed them…. Just organized now.”

“And Mouser? Did she bother you during the night? She can be as much a pest as a mouse, especially when she wants attention.”

“We reached an impasse. While I did sleep better knowing the cat was in here with me, she was not allowed to walk across my face during the night.”

“Good. If you’d like, you can keep her with you at night then.”

“I would appreciate that. Thank you.”

“Did she eat it?”

“The mouse?” She shook her head sorrowfully. “Unfortunately for her, I could not allow that. I tossed it out the port hole. Afterward, she appeared vexed with me.”

“I’m sure she was. You threw her dinner away.”

Her gaze finally met and held his, and a thousand erotic images flashed through her mind. She envisioned herself and the captain performing the acts depicted in the drawings and her body began to tingle all over.

He broke the spell when he went to the bureau, took some toiletries out, and wrapped them in a towel as though he meant to wash up elsewhere. Then he took a fresh set of clothing and folded it over his arm. “When I return, I’ll take you on deck for a stroll and some fresh air.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “I look forward to it.”

He nodded and left the room, but not before reminding her to throw the bolt behind him. As soon as she’d locked the door, she ran back to the book and took it from its hiding space, went to the bench beneath the porthole window and began to read. Again.

I
an splashed cold water on his face, then dunked his head into the bucket. What he needed was a cold bath. Sarah might be impulsive and imprudent, he thought, but at least she had the good sense to be embarrassed by the state of her undress last night—even if it did come after the fact. He
must
quit thinking about the way she looked in the dim light of the cabin, wearing nothing but a boy’s shirt with her blond curls loose over her shoulders and falling down her back. But even more painful than that was remembering the curve of bare thigh that had peeked out from under the hem of that shirt.
That
vision had caused him to lose sleep, making him admittedly grumpy earlier.

The gentleman in him realized he should have done the polite thing and escorted her to the galley, but he didn’t think he could have done so without snapping at her. And while asking her for a stroll about the deck perhaps wasn’t the wisest decision—because he remembered exactly how fetching she looked without trousers—he reasoned he couldn’t very well keep her locked away for the duration of the voyage. No, if he planned to return her to her brother untouched, he simply needed to avoid scenes like last night’s until they reached New York. Then he’d hand her over to Lucky and let him deal with her.

He also considered having one of his crew escort her so she could take in the fresh air, but couldn’t think of an appropriate man. When staffing his ships, he sought the best, most experienced seamen available for their maritime experience and sailing skills, not escorts for ladies. The men on his ships weren’t refined gentlemen. They were coarse and unused to entertaining ladies. Well, ladies of
her
caliber.

Come to think of it, neither was he.

Lifting the razor, he tilted his head and carefully began to remove the two days’ growth shadowing his face. The yellowed looking-glass over the wash stand in the crew’s quarters wasn’t as good as his, but it would have to do. A wave hit the lee side of the boat, and he lurched forward, banging his head into a beam. Thankfully, he didn’t have the razor to this neck, or he might have mortally injured himself.

This was why most sailors grew beards on their voyages. They didn’t want to slice their own throats while attempting to shave. But he’d committed himself after the first stroke of the razor and couldn’t very well stop, so he continued, albeit very cautiously.

Then he thought of the reason he had the blade to his throat while skating swells and troughs in the mid-Atlantic. The blue-eyed temptress now occupying his cabin. That uninvited, very enticing bit of fluff had played a big role in his dreams the past two nights.

He simply
had
to stop thinking about her. Either in his bed or undressed. To do so only made him realize how long he’d been without a woman. He’d be hard pressed to refuse her if she invited him to share his quarters with her. Not that
that
was likely to happen. He doubted she’d ever even kissed a man, being unwed, and more importantly the
unmarried
sister of the Duke of Caversham, her brother. That man impressed him as a fierce protector of his family. A man no one wanted to cross swords with.

Another reason to avoid the lady altogether: his intentions were as dishonorable as his grandfather thought he was.

But even with every reason in the world not to socialize with her, minutes later, freshly shaved, he found himself with his hand poised to knock on her door, to ask her to stroll in the mid-day sun. What madness had overcome him? Why had he promised her a stroll? And now that he had, it wasn’t as though he had to keep the promise. He could back out, say an important matter needed his attention and strolling with her would take him away from the work at hand. It sounded like a perfectly reasonable excuse to him for canceling.

Still, he knocked.

He heard her shuffling, and she soon opened the door with a charming blush on her cheeks. What had she been doing, or more likely thinking of, to have such an alluring look about her? Perhaps she was still embarrassed? No. If she were, she wouldn’t have that soft smile curving her lips or that veiled look to her sapphire-colored eyes.

“Ready for some sunshine?”

She smoothed her hands on her trouser legs and nodded, then reached for her coat and hat. After she’d put both on, he held the door for her. Once above deck, he offered his arm and they strolled for a minute in silence. He spoke to a crewman coiling a line, and another as he performed his duties. When they were alone on the quarter deck, he said, “If it would ease your embarrassment, no one knows you allowed me entrance into the cabin while you were…inappropriately attired.”

She turned an adorable shade of pink as she turned her blue eyes to him and said, “Thank you.” They watched his crewmen at their various tasks for a few minutes, and he explained some of what they were doing. “I have wanted to come above and sit in the sunshine and watch as you work,” she said during a lull in the conversation. “If I promise not to get in the way, may I?”

“One day when the weather is calm, certainly.” She needed more fresh air and sunshine. It was good for a person. Besides, she had this healthy glow about her that told him she was accustomed to it, so he didn’t fear for her health if she were to spend some time with him on deck.

“You know I’ve read everything in your library except your mechanical arts and engineering tomes, ocean charts, and financial ledgers. You also need to keep better ship’s logs. I found them incomplete for starters, and what entries there were lacked excitement and adventure.”

Ian chuckled. “The entries missing are from this race only, and that’s because you are in my cabin. As for exciting tales, you’re looking for a journal, and I don’t journal. Usually, when I go to my cabin at night, I’m so tired I barely have the energy to make an entry into the log.”

“As a child, the logs from Ren’s grandfather, his uncle, and cousins stirred my imagination. Captain, you must keep a journal of your travels for future generations. Just think, one day your grandchildren will come across them and find them fascinating and think you dashing and brave.” She turned that damn adorable smile up to him and added, “Especially if you mention a pirate ship or two.”

“He wasn’t your grandfather also?”

“No. Ren and Elise have a different mother. She died after Elise was born. Our father married my mother, also a confirmed spinster, many years later. I was born shortly after their wedding.”

She exhaled, visibly relaxing at the same time. “I wish I’d thought to bring a dress or two. I know that wearing boy’s clothes isn’t proper, but I needed it to get onto the ship, and it is all I have with me.” She glanced at him then looked away again. “At the time I packed my satchel, I didn’t think morning dresses would be suitable for a voyage of this nature.”

“You’re right, they wouldn’t be. But then
ladies
wouldn’t normally be on a clipper of this size and sort. If a
lady
wished to cross the Atlantic, she’d be on a much larger vessel, one equipped for passengers.”

His guest looked at him, meeting his gaze with a determined tilt to her chin. “Captain, you are attempting to make me feel guilty for having stowed away aboard your boat, and I will not be made to feel so. Granted, I landed on the wrong ship, but I had to make this journey. Not only because I’ve always dreamed of seeing America, but also because I am tired of everyone around me having grand adventures when I cannot. You have no idea what it is like to always be aware of the rules of society and appropriate behavior for a lady of my station. It’s been drilled into my head since I was a child that ladies must behave in a certain manner and to go outside those boundaries will bring censure, perhaps even scandal to one’s family. “Well, I’m tired of living inside the gilded cage. For once in my life I want to fly away.” Her mood changed from bold and assertive to wistful sadness when she added, “Even if eventually I must return.”

“Yes, but when you return, will you still be able to enjoy the benefits of the life to which you were born? Or will you be shunned by polite society for having been in the company of a crew of men without the benefit of a chaperone?”

She turned away, he thought because she realized the hardened truth of his words. “I care not what others think of me. Those who love me will believe in me and know the truth.”

“What if you find that your friends’ parents will not allow them in your company because to do so might taint
their daughter
with
your
stained reputation? What then, my lady?”

“Please, can we change the topic?” She gave him a pleading gaze, but for some reason it was important to him that she understand the severity of the possible consequences of her actions.

“Avoiding the subject will not resolve the issue. I would think you’d want to be prepared for the possibility that you might have fewer willing companions when you return to Town. It seems to me you haven’t thought your way through this to the inevitable outcome.”

Ian could tell his words were hitting their intended mark, as she appeared more and more remorseful as he went on. Then she stiffened her spine and turned to climb down the stairs to the main deck.

“Where are you going?”

“I really don’t feel like hearing a lecture on my behavior. You obviously do not understand my desire…no, my
need
to taste freedom before settling into a dismal life of confined comfort.” She stopped at the entrance to the companionway and turned back to face him. “So, I believe I shall return to the cabin now. Thank you for the stroll in the sunshine.”

He hadn’t meant for the conversation to turn out that way. It had started out nicely and had quickly changed when he began to chastise. The look on her face told him he’d hurt her feelings, and he wondered if perhaps he should apologize.

Then he thought not. It was more than likely long past time someone showed the chit what repercussions her actions would have. She needed to be taught to think before she acted.

If only she hadn’t had that wounded-doe look. Too, he could have sworn her lower lip trembled as she thanked him for taking her out in the fresh air.

In the end, it was the look on her face that made him feel like a blackguard of the first order. He decided to follow her down to the cabin and apologize.

C
HAPTER
F
OUR

S
arah locked the door, threw the hat and coat onto the bench, and plopped herself onto the bed. She refused to cry even though she felt that familiar knot in her throat that preceded the tears. Hardly knowing him, the man had the ability to make her feel like a foolish six-year-old who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

She was no child, but a woman fully grown. A woman who knew her mind and her heart. A woman who longed for adventure and had the confidence to take it when the opportunity arose. She absently toyed with the ribbon holding her braid and tugged, pulling it free. Children wore their hair braided, not women. She walked to the mirror and fingered her too-thick messy curls, beginning to untangle them with her comb, when a knock sounded.