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Adriana's mother watched her, as she used to from the door to the kitchen. She leaned her shoulder against the sill, arms folded. Adriana felt a rush of relief that her mother had returned, though she was still a pale version of herself.

Dr. Burke was watching her, his head tipped to one side, as if he were asking a question. Adriana knew he wouldn't let her go back to Jazz's place, but she had to ask.

“My friend is going through a difficult time,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “I wanted to be with her. Tomorrow she's having an operation at the hospital. Can I go with her?” Dr. Burke looked at Adriana, considering. “You know, Adriana, it is a good sign that you're able to think about helping your friend, but you need to put your own medical treatment first. You're not going to be able to help anyone if you remain ill.”

She crumbled when she thought of Jazz making her way alone to the abortion clinic. Adriana knew stepping inside a hospital would undo her, even before she lay on the operating table. Adriana began to weep, loudly and hopelessly. Dr. Burke stood up. Elspeth nodded to the doctor, who left them. Elspeth put her hand on Adriana's shoulder, which made her cry even harder. “Adriana,” she said. “Whether or not you are with your friend tomorrow, she'll know you care. That you wanted to be there. And that will mean a lot to her,” she said. Adriana knew that was true. She wished she could curl up like a baby in Elspeth's lap and go to sleep. Instead she wiped her nose on her sleeve, and hiccupped.

Elspeth smiled and handed her the tissue box on the coffee table. Adriana realized that in all the years since her mother's death, she'd never had an impulse like that, had never wished for her mother to hold her.

“I dreamt my mother was in a coffin, at the nursing station.” Adriana didn't know why she said that. Elspeth nodded. “She looked like she was asleep.” Elspeth smiled. Adriana realized she felt something, as though she'd unclenched her fist, and let something go, her palm still warm from the friction of it.

Chapter 23

Adriana went to the kitchen, where the patient phone reserved for making outgoing calls sat on the counter. Jazz would be in class, but she couldn't leave a message that would alert Jazz's mother to what was going to happen tomorrow. Jazz didn't own a cell phone because she didn't want her mother to be able to track her down. Maybe if Adriana called the Admissions office they could get a message to her. But that seemed too drastic a move. She would just have to wait until Jazz got home around 4 p.m.

Adriana sat with the telephone receiver in her hand. She decided to call home to leave a message for her father, as it was likely he had heard about her leaving the hospital and would be worried. He'd be home at noon, to give Beth her lunch. She felt strange dialing her own number. “Hello?” said a young girl's voice on the end of the line. It was Beth.

Adriana answered quakily, “Hi Beth.” There was silence on the other end. “It's Adriana. Can I speak to Dad?” Again, silence.

“He's not home,” Beth said in a small voice.

Adriana felt sorry for her. “Could you ask him to give me a call at the hospital?” Adriana asked. Beth seemed to hesitate. “Beth? Are you there?”

“Yes,” Beth said. Her voice took on a higher pitch. “Dad said you ran away.” Adriana's forehead wrinkled.

“I didn't,” she said. “It was just a mistake. I went to see my friend Jazz. But I'm back now.”

Adriana wasn't sure that Beth was convinced. “Don't worry, okay?” She said. “Dad will be home soon.” Jeff drifted into the kitchen and sat down, ghostly pale. His eyes looked haunted. Adriana turned away from him “Let Dad know I called.” She hung up the phone, and sat there for awhile, her head swirling. She felt a bit dizzy, as though she were going to faint.

Adriana looked up at the clock—lunch wasn't for another half hour. “Can I use the phone?” Jeff asked, in a hollow voice. Adriana nodded. Jeff dialed a number and waited, listening. Adriana could hear an automated voice come on at the other end. Jeff nodded and whispered something, before hanging up. Adriana looked at him cautiously, trying to decide what to say. Jeff volunteered, “It's the weather number,” as if that explained everything. Adriana nodded.

“Soon, there's going to be a big storm headed our way,” said Jeff. Adriana had heard that earlier, on the Weather Channel. She nodded, and because she didn't want to look at him, she examined her hands. Her fingernails were gnawed short, without polish. She wondered when she'd started biting them again.

“It could be a hurricane,” Jeff said, more to himself than anyone else. “I'm watching it. I'll try to stop it but I don't know if I'm strong enough,” he said. Adriana gazed at him. She could see he was dead serious.

Marlene in her red parka ambled into the kitchen. “Phone's busy downstairs,” she said, pushing past Jeff and Adriana. Jeff stared at the floor, something turning over in his brain. Adriana stood up. She figured there wasn't anything else she could do but wait till her father called. Suddenly she felt a weight on her shoulders as if a gigantic hand had placed a boulder there.

She went to her room to lie down. There was a book on her bedside table,
Out on a Limb
, by Shirley MacLaine. Adriana picked it up, examined the spine, and put it down again. Samantha, who had finished her snack, smiled beseechingly. “I love Shirley MacLaine,” she trilled. “I hope you'll like the book. It's a gift.” Adriana nodded, staring at the cover. Shirley MacLaine sat in a tree, her long legs stretched elegantly out in front of her. “Did they give you the third degree?” Samantha asked. Adriana shook her head and got under her covers. She didn't feel like talking to Samantha or anyone else. Instead, she closed her eyes and fell asleep in a matter of minutes. Samantha watched her, a cloud of something indistinguishable passing over her face.

 

When Adriana opened her eyes and saw Beth standing in her doorway, she sat up as though she'd been shot. “Where's Dad?” she asked. Beth shook her head. Adriana threw the covers off her. “He'll be worried about you,” Adriana scolded, anxiety gripping her. Beth looked terrified. “It's okay,” Adriana said. “I'll call him.”

She pulled Beth by the arm, down the hall to the kitchen. Marlene was still on the phone. She waved at Adriana with an unlit cigarette. “I'm almost done,” she called out.

Adriana and Beth sat down at the table, facing one another. Beth looked miserable and her long kinky hair hadn't been combed. Beth, who had come all this way, alone, to find her. “Wait here,” Adriana commanded, and returned to her room to get her brush. Samantha seemed peacefully asleep, her head tipped sideways on her shoulder, her mouth hung open.

Adriana reached the kitchen just as Marlene hung up the phone. Adriana dialed home, but no one answered. She's tried her father's workplace but the secretary said he'd left half an hour ago. If he was in the car, he'd have his cell, she thought. It made her anxious to think of reaching him while driving—she was afraid he'd go off the road, but she dialed the number. Someone answered right away with a breathless, “Hello?”

Adriana wasn't sure it was her dad. It didn't sound like him. Then she realized it must be Madeleine, the neighbour woman with the red hair and a crush on her dad. “Hi Madeleine,” she said, “It's Adriana.”

“Adriana! Your dad's been so worried.” She heard a squeal and the sound of braking.

Then Adriana heard her father's voice. “Adriana!” he shouted into the phone.

“Yes, Dad. I'm at the hospital. Beth's here too,” she said, meekly.

Her father gasped. “Oh my God, Beth.” He began to choke with laughter and tears. “I forgot about Beth,” Adriana heard him say to Madeleine. He was sobbing now. Madeleine came on the phone.

“Adriana, I'll drive your dad over,” she said. “We've been looking everywhere for you.”

Adriana detected no judgement in her voice, just concern. “I'm okay Madeleine,” she said. “And Beth's okay too.” Actually Beth looked less okay—her nose was runny and her eyes were puffy.

Elspeth came into the kitchen as Adriana hung up. “I called Dad,” she said before Elspeth could say a word.

Her face looked relieved. “Oh good, we've been trying to reach him,” she said. Adriana put her arm around Beth's shoulders They were equally miserable, she thought. Elspeth smiled. “You look like you could use a hot chocolate,” she said to Beth.

Beth looked stricken, so Adriana answered for her. “Yes, she'd like that.”

Adriana stood behind Beth and started to brush her hair. It felt softer than she thought. In her hands, the kinks lay limp and docile. She tugged gently from her sister's forehead backward and continued the stroke down to the end of her locks. The kinks softened and expanded into waves. Beth closed her eyes and let Adriana brush a hundred strokes.

Adriana held her breath. Jazz had brushed her hair before and she knew how soothing it felt, but it had always provoked anxiety in Adriana to brush someone else's hair. Her hands remembered her mother's hair, flowing through them as Adriana brushed it. Her mother sat in front of the mirror on her bedroom vanity and Adriana stood behind her, brushing carefully so she didn't hurt her mother. Every so often, Viera would flick a handkerchief at Adriana and tell her not to pull so hard. She closed her eyes, serenely. Adriana couldn't help but feel, as she stood looking into the mirror, that she looked like a Chinese maid to her white-skinned mother.

Beth opened her eyes when Elspeth put a cup of hot chocolate in front of her. They had an unfocussed, faraway look. Adriana stopped brushing and Beth let her head flop forward, hair covering her eyes. Adriana patted her shoulders, and sat down opposite her, with her own cup of hot chocolate. Elspeth left them. Marlene was cleaning the kitchen, running a damp cloth slowly over the stainless steel counters. Adriana smiled at Beth. She really was just a little girl, although at 12 years old, and almost five feet tall, with budding breasts, she could be mistaken for a teenager.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Beth's face. It made her look younger, her cheeks fuller and prettier. Adriana thought. It was the first time she'd seen Beth smile since she arrived. She wanted to show Beth pictures of their mother, to help her understand where she came from, and why Adriana had a difficult time separating Beth from her. Adriana gulped a mouthful of air, struck by this idea with fresh force. Was that why she had had such a problem with her sister?

Beth looked in need of a nap. Adriana led her up the hall to her bedroom, and tucked her into her own bed. Samantha, awake now, watched benevolently from her side of the room. Adriana nodded to her and sat in the chair by her bed to wait for her father. As Beth fell asleep, Adriana thought about her own brain, shape-shifting like desert dunes.

 

Mr. Song, dishevelled and wild-looking, strode down the hall to the nursing station. Elspeth greeted him and tried to explain that everything was okay, that his daughters were resting. She asked to speak with him privately, and he nodded reluctantly. Elspeth smiled and sat in the chair near the window of the narrow interview room. Mr. Song, exhausted, slumped opposite her.

“Adriana is fine,” she began. “Beth came here looking for her, and Adriana brushed her hair and she fell asleep. It's a bit of a breakthrough, don't you think?”

Mr. Song looked confused and slightly stunned. Elspeth nodded at him encouragingly. “Do you mean… what do you mean?” he asked. Elspeth looked at him questioningly. “I always… I thought they got along alright,” he said haltingly. Elspeth shook her head. Mr. Song looked at his shoes. “Well, they're sisters. They aren't always going to like each other,” he said, more to himself than Elspeth, who smiled and shrugged.

“I hope Adriana's change of heart lasts a good long time,” she said. “They need each other.”

Mr. Song hadn't heard it put in those words before, but he knew she was right. He stood up and Elspeth also got to her feet. “Can I see them now?” Mr. Song asked. Elspeth nodded.

Mr. Song stood in the doorway of Adriana's room. Samantha was snoring loudly, but Adriana and Beth, also asleep, were not disturbed by the noise. Between snores, he could hear the sound of their soft breathing.

 

Adriana still looked too pale and thin, with dark circles under her eyes. Mr. Song wanted to shake her free of whatever it was that held her in its spell, but he realized that she had been making progress. Elspeth told him she was eating, though only the boiled eggs, plastic wrapped cookies and pre-packaged sandwiches that came for her at every meal now. She was also getting medication for her paranoia. The very word was a stab to his heart. He knew that his daughter was ill in a way that he couldn't understand—she was not just down or blue, something was wrong that put her even further out of his reach than Viera had been, at her darkest.

Adriana shifted and opened her eyes. It took her a moment to focus, but when she saw her father in the doorway, she turned her head away, unable to look him in the eye. Mr. Song took a few strides forward and hugged her hard. “I'm sorry Dad,” was all she said.

“It's alright,” he said gruffly, “It's alright.”

Beth stirred in her sleep and moaned quietly. It was a lost sound, like a seal pup looking for its mother. Adriana put her hand on Beth's shoulder and Mr. Song smiled gratefully. “Beth must be having a bad dream,” Adriana said, her brow furrowing. “Should we wake her up or wait for it to get better?” She personally thought they should ride it out. Waking from a bad dream could be a terrible experience.

Mr. Song started singing a Chinese song that he sometimes sang for Adriana when she was younger. She never understood the words but always liked the rhythm, like riding on a cart drawn by a donkey. The recording her Dad had of it included the jingle of harness bells. She knew Beth had probably heard it too, from Aunt Penny.