Luca (I Love the Way You Lie #1) (6 page)

His strong hand caged my face while the other pulled me closer to his steely body. “Umm, I came to talk, Luca,” I managed, looking up at his mesmerizingly beautiful eyes. Without even thinking about it, the need for his warmth became a necessity.

I became oddly fascinated by his ticking jaw. “So, talk.” His voice was firm as he fingered a stray piece of hair behind my ear, his gesture intimate. One I’m sure I’d spend the night dissecting.

My hand clenched in his tee shirt. “I don’t know what’s going on. Not that there’s something going on. But…” Gah.

I could feel his ragged breath as it met my ear. “Oh, there’s something going on, Allie. You know it and I know it.”

“You’re not making this easy for me. I can’t deal with you…” I pointed my index finger vertically up and down his body. “You’re…very intense.” I swallowed the little bit of spit in my dry mouth.

“Why would I make it easy for you, Allison…when everything about you makes me hard?”

My breath caught at his reference. An internal squeeze of my thighs.

His one hand caught the back of my neck. The other pushed my back flat against the back of his door. The steely coldness did nothing but cause a rolling shiver. Being the obvious beast he was, his eyes dropped to my nipples as they hardened. I couldn’t look away. Shame and its ugly sisters were creeping in, threatening to ruin the moment. He moved in. His lips gentle yet firm. His touch was tender yet commanding. His tongue sought my mouth and I opened for him, letting him take what he wanted. Warm, smooth strokes filled my mouth. His breath steadily took mine away. My eyes remained closed before realizing he broke the kiss.

A handsomely smirked face set fire to my soul. “You arrogant, swollen-headed prick. I just came here to talk. Not…whatever the hell you’re trying to do.” I pushed away from him, needing to free myself from his seductive pull. “I don’t belong to you. Or anyone else. I will talk to whomever I choose to. You don’t own me—Luca. Remember that!” The red haze of rage nearly blinded me. I turned to leave.

“Oh, Allison?” he said and I turned. He shook a cigarette free. His index finger pointed to his head. “This head isn’t the swollen one.” However, his inference was clear as he gave a good, languid squeeze to his hardened cock. “You belong to me. Me alone. Best
you
remember that.” His eyes burned with raw desire.

“Fuck you, Luca,” I spoke through a clenched jaw.

“You will, babe. You will.”

I left with a slam of the door, his chuckle following me down the hall. Ugh. What an asshole. From the outside looking in, it was hard to explain my feelings. And why I do what I do. But, from the inside looking out, it’s just as hard to explain. This was me…a conundrum of fucked-up-ness.

Tears misted my eyes, blurring my short walk to my room. Thankful for the lack of blaring music in my room, I opened the door with vigor, slamming it shut. A single bedside lamp was on…but no Keri. They say god gives you what you can handle. She was not something I could handle at this moment. Process. I needed to process the feelings threatening to pull me under. With my favorite blanket in hand and diary, I sat on the windowsill, seeking comfort. I removed my pen, opened to my last entry, and I began to write, seeking the answers to my questions.

Fear~

I’m not scared of the dark, but only what’s in it.

I’m not scared of falling, if someone will pick me up.

I’m not afraid of the people around me, but of the rejection.

I’m not afraid of to love, but of not being loved back.

I’m not afraid to try, but of getting hurt again.

Why does it feel like I’m drowning? Yet no one sees my struggle.

Luca~

I can’t stand him, and yet I can. I feel like I don’t have to explain things to him. He just understands. He challenges me in the weirdest ways. I can’t even explain to fully understand. They say the truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off. Could he be my truth? Or is he a manifestation of what I want him to be or desired.

Wasting away, I feel I’m crawling blindly. Hollowed by what happened. I’m caught in a place I wish to erase. I continue to run and hide till the memories fade away. They haunt me. I can’t escape. A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am. You call my name. If I come to you in pieces… Will you make me whole?

Worn out, I closed my diary and hid it under my mattress. My brain had too many tabs open. I knew if I didn’t try to sleep. I’d spend the night patrolling the insecure corners of my mind. Tired, mentally and physically with the comfort of my blankets, I closed my eyes. Hopeful that tomorrow would bring strength and clarity.

She wasn’t innocent. She’d been through too much for that. That much I knew. But she was still pure—untainted. I needed a long shower to calm my thoughts. The urge to set something ablaze burned me as much as the unshed tears in her eyes. What she didn’t understand…was I was pushing her boundaries for her own good. She needed to be remade. As did I. We were both in a controlled existence where someone mostly made our decisions. Both of us trying to overcome feelings and emotions that were otherwise foreign to us. When my head wasn’t filled with visions of fire, it was filled with the possibility of a future. I real future with someone to care for, someone whose life meant more than my own.

I was enthralled with her. Attraction was merely an understatement. Her ire was irresistible.
Golden, sunlit eyes held such fire
, I thought. It just made no fucking sense at all. How can a stranger illicit so much excitement from me? However, I was no longer able to contradict the feelings. Not after kissing her. My body felt alive—awake. No longer in a perpetual dream-like state of existence. But in this moment of clarity…I knew I would no longer be happy with watching her from afar. It made me feel like a stalker…but I was compelled by something I couldn’t quite put into words. I wanted her to be a part of my life. No—needed to be.

A devilish grin tugged at my lips as I recalled how flustered she was at my salacious proclivities. Her blush had nearly brought me to my knees. I regarded whatever composure I had—reeling it in. I didn’t want to frighten her. Fuck knows if
she
knew what I really wanted to do with her—to her—I might lose her.

With the steady rise of steam, I entered the shower. Adding a generous amount of soap to my hand, I thoroughly stroked my throbbing cock base to tip. Her beautiful eyes played with my mind, plucked the black strings that were there. I needed a quick release.
Jesus fuck,
I thought. Once. Twice. Thrice. And I was still stroking myself—hard. The beast in me reared its ugly head. Since youth was on my side, I could cum and still maintain my hard-on. Great for my female, not so great when she’s nowhere near to partake.

My eyes closed fully as I focused on her perfect nipples.
I’d like to suck them…cum on them,
I thought.
Ummhmm
. With my hand firm, I furiously worked my dick. I was never fearful of yanking my dick right off, but I haven’t jerked off like this in years. Never had to. My grip tightened, choking my cock to the point of pain. Pain was real. At least pain was present…it was here with me. Her slender hips, perfectly rounded ass, and legs that beckoned to be thrown over my shoulders.
Damn, I was a filthy, disturbed fucker
, I thought. I rinsed off the last bit of cum from my hands, turned the shower off, and went right to bed without drying off. Despite being eclipsed by my own raw need, I fell into a dreamless sleep…

~~~

Sunlight streamed through the slotted blinds directly into my sleepless eyes. My hand already flickering my lighter to life. The smell of butane awakened my slumbered limbs. A long stretch got my ass in gear. Never have I been excited to go to group—until now. If the hands of my Breitling Navitmer were right, it was 8:40. I had twenty minutes to eat, shit, shower, and shave before group.

The first cigarette was always the best. That long first pull of nicotine fed my body the necessary chemicals to start my day. Group was a bullshit waste of my time. Normally, I just skipped it altogether in lieu of one-on-one with my uncle. Not that it was a pass by any means, just one that was preferred. Today was
her
first day attending. Her nature to rebel wouldn’t be tolerated and the thought of her pinked flaming cheeks got my morning wood even—harder. Yep, T minus fifteen and counting.

After taking a quick shower, I grabbed some breakfast. The bacon, egg, and cheese wasn’t so bad here. Hell it’s what I lived on—on most days. After ducking outside for a quick smoke, I headed for room 322B. Ten uncomfortable plastic chairs formed a circle. I was the last to enter. Today, everyone was on time for once.

One chair left sat directly across from Allison. Her dark hair was swept into a messy bun, accentuating the nape of her neck. I’d give anything to nuzzle it right now. She continued whittling her fingers nervously. As my eyes made their way down, I smiled at her choice of attire. Ugg slippers, flannel pajama pants, and a light blue tank.
Rebellion
. I smiled, not at all bothered that she hasn’t noticed I walked into the room. Oh, she’d noticed very soon. My finger quickly rolled across the wheel of my lighter. Her breath hitched and she straightened barely enough for anyone else to see. Oh, but
I
caught it.

The Albino therapist walked into the room. Who the fuck knew if he was a true Albino. Jesus fuck, he was a pale motherfucker. “Good morning, group. Can anyone tell me what Altruism is?” He popped two pills into his mouth and chased it down with some coffee. What a dick-head.

No one answered, which meant he would choose one of the uncomfortable mutants to answer.

After scanning the room, he picked his prey. “Carlos?” He canted his head, waiting for an answer.

Oh, this is worth me getting up this morning,
I thought.

“¿Qué es la que hay?” he responded, tapping his pen on his knee. Everyone laughed, including me. This was par for course with this dude. Getting him to talk about anything other than copping drugs was like pulling teeth.

Albino stepped forward squinting his eyes angrily. “Let’s not start the day like this, Carlos. I know very well that you speak English.” He shook his head but moved on, picking up a file folder. “Allison? This is your first group. Can you answer the question? I’d love for you to participate.” He picked up his coffee, taking another long sip.

Her face was now purple. She picked up her head slowly, her eyes now finding mine. “Altruism involves doing things simply out of the desire to help, not because you feel obligated to out of duty, loyalty, or religious reasons,” she said in one breath.

No shit? Beautiful and smart
, I thought. A slow smiled crept across her face, halting my breath. Then, I nearly fell the fuck off my chair. She winked.

Chalk ball nearly came in his pants over her answer. After picking up his yellow pad and jotting down something. He entered the circle. “Well, someone’s ready to work.” He turned to Allison. “Correct. Everyday life is filled with small acts of altruism, from the guy in a grocery store that holds the door open as you rush in or a woman who gives a homeless man twenty dollars. We also call it
Pro-social behavior
. It refers to any action that benefits other people, no matter what the motive or how the giver benefits from the action.”

The door opened and closed with a bang. “Yeah, but pure altruism involves true selflessness.” Oliver fucking Sven dragged a stray chair, nudging between Allison and her tweeker roommate.

You mother fucker
, I thought. The girls made room for him and he sat himself comfortably with a Cheshire cat smile.
Yeah, what’s up, asshole
?
How about I close your fucking face in the door 127,000 times,
I thought.

“Delighted to see you, Oliver. Well said,” he drawled while jotting on his damn pad. No doubt his trusty notes that will end up in our file.
Fucking narc!

As predicted, Ollie went for the fake punt and yawned, stretching until his arm rested on the back of Ally’s chair.
You prick bastard.
I thought. It took every last ounce of effort not to kick his fucking ass. I needed a cigarette.