Lucian (11 page)

“No,” Lucian said again. “I didn’t attempt to have relationships. I was honest from the beginning of what I expected once it was finished.”

“You make it sound like a business arrangement.”

Lucian shrugged. “If that’s how you want to see it, go ahead.”

“What’s a lover to you, then?” Jordyn asked, curious.

“Someone who is able to gain my desire
and
affection.”

And kiss
, Jordyn thought wirily.

Sometimes Lucian’s vagueness wasn’t as foggy as he thought it was.

“Now, quit stalling. Tell me, did you love him?”

“Gabe was my best friend. He cared about me, watched out for me, and protected me. He gave me a lot of first experiences in a safe way with a familiar person I trusted. At the same time, he grew up with the expectations of being a man who could have whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted her while his girl at home just waited for him to come back when he was ready. I didn’t try to change that belief of his, but even being young like I was, it kept me from handing over everything to him.”

“Like your heart,” Lucian said.

“Exactly. So your answer, Lucian, is no. I didn’t love Gabe in a romantic way because he’d scattered pieces of himself with many girls, and I wanted to be the only girl.”

“Is that something you need?”

Jordyn smiled, thinking about his words to her when she’d woken up the first time after her attack. “Yeah, that’s something I need.”

Chapter Ten

Lucian circled behind Jordyn, catching her gaze in the mirror he’d caught her staring into when he first came in the bedroom. “What were you doing before I came in? I’m sorry for interrupting, but I was worried.”

“You’re not sorry,” Jordyn joked.

“Deflecting.”

Her pretty blue eyes rolled. “If I asked you to leave it alone and let me get dressed again, would you?”

Not now. “Tell me.”

“Taking inventory, I guess,” Jordyn answered.

Lucian’s brow furrowed. “Of what?”

She waved at the mirror.  The only thing in it was her reflection, and now his behind her. Lucian was very aware of the lack of clothing she wore, never mind the sexy lace ensemble covering the parts he’d like to see the most. But, he took a special effort to keep his attentions on all of her, and not certain parts of her. Jordyn deserved more than a simple once-over, regardless of what his cock thought.

And that goddamn part of his body seemed to be thinking a lot lately. So much so he could barely sleep.

“Jesus, can’t you see?” Jordyn asked.

“I see you. What do you see?”

She tossed him a look someone might give to a misbehaving child. “Lucian.”

“Sweetheart, we just had a discussion about my sex life, my lack of relationships, and the confusing mess we’re in. I’ve seen you without clothes. I’m standing behind you while you’re wearing practically nothing at all right now. So yes, when I say that I see you, that is exactly what I see, Jordyn. Something beautiful, which was what I thought of you the very first time I met you.”

“And the cuts, bruising, and swelling, right? Do you find those beautiful, too?”

Lucian felt his spine straighten. “They don’t bother me.”

“That’s not what I asked, Lucian.”

“I know, but the fact still remains, they don’t bother me. They’ll heal. They already are.”

“But …” Jordyn trailed off, glancing back to the mirror and chewing on the inside of her cheek. “It looks awful.
I
look awful. I’m not a vain girl, I never was. And right now, all I can think is how terrible he made me look. Was that what he wanted to do, ruin me? It doesn’t seem to matter some of them are fading and the infection is staying away … it still looks bad. That’s all I can see. This isn’t beautiful.”

“He didn’t ruin you,” Lucian said, surprised at the sharp tone he took on. Even Jordyn seemed shocked at his sudden change in demeanor. “God, don’t let that fucking—”

Lucian clenched his teeth, forcing himself to stop talking and think for a moment. Jordyn’s eyes had dropped from holding his in the mirror to staring at her feet. He couldn’t have that. Not this strong, beautiful woman who seemed to have him tangled up in a million ways he’d never experienced before.

Moving close enough to press his chest to her back, Lucian reached around to carefully clasp Jordyn’s jaw in his grip. Tilting her face upwards until she was once again staring into the mirror, he met her gaze once more. The water behind her eyes hurt more than he understood.

“Not ruined,” he repeated thickly, his mouth so close to her cheek he could taste her skin. “Look and see.”

“Lucian, stop, please.”

Lucian refused to. Instead, he held a little tighter, and kept her head up. “Look in the mirror, sweetheart. He might have bruised you, and abused you, but he sure as hell didn’t ruin you. Because you’re right … the wounds are healing, the marks are fading. Every day, you’re not as tired or weak. I know you worry, but you’re not afraid like you were, either. That isn’t a ruined woman. And you know what I see?”

Jordyn swallowed audibly, her gaze flicking to meet his. “What’s that?”

“A female that drives me insane, but you probably don’t even realize it. Skin the color of cream, and eyes like the sky. My hand molds perfectly into the curve of your waist and you fit against my chest beautifully. You smell like peaches. Your laugh is kind of musical. I watch you all the time, wondering if you’re going to change somehow, and you don’t.

“I keep thinking about wrapping my hands in your curls, just to see if they’d feel as soft as what they look. I kissed you only twice and it’s run on constant repeat in my head ever since.” Lucian lessened his grip on her jaw, trailing two fingers along her cheek, enjoying seeing her smile grow more demure under the touch.  “You sleep so well, and curl into the blankets like they’ll keep everything bad in the world away. You don’t even understand the thing that might be the worst for you is just feet away, completely infatuated with you, but he doesn’t know why.”

“How could you be the worst thing when all you’ve done is help me?”

“I already told you. I’m not a good man.”

“I don’t want a good man, Lucian,” Jordyn whispered.

“You should. A good man who will give you everything you want, keep you safe, and adore you the way you deserve. You should want that.”

“Funny, isn’t that what you’ve been doing?”

Yes.

No.

Lucian didn’t know what he was doing anymore.

Jordyn’s hand raised, curling around Lucian’s neck before trailing up into the hair at his nape. Gently, she tugged on the strands, gaining his full attention again. Hell, it really hadn’t left. Unfortunately, he was mindful of his body’s reaction to her close proximity and lack of clothing. His erection was making itself known and she was still pressed so tightly to him, the sweet curve of her ass fitted against his groin.

When Lucian tried to back away to regain some control and give Jordyn space, her grip in his hair tightened, refusing to let him go.

“Jordyn,” Lucian started to say, unsure of what she wanted.

“I can feel you, you know.”

“Perfect. Then you’re aware of how badly I want you right now. I don’t need to keep hiding it.”

Lucian felt Jordyn’s kiss press to the underside of his jaw, the heat of her soft breath washing over his cheek and neck. Every nerve in his body seemed to snap alive all at once. With a simple touch of her mouth to his skin, desire raged. But it wasn’t just desire, no. It was a hunger, thrumming deep and harsh through his bloodstream, flooding Lucian with longing and need.

“What do you want?” he asked her.

Jordyn’s lips ghosted into a smile against his cheek. “Now?”

“No games. Just tell me.”

“You. I want you.”

“
Ho bisogno di te
. Need, sweetheart. I
need
you.”

Jordyn hummed a sound that drove straight to Lucian’s cock. “Why do I like the sound of that so damned much?”

“You want me to need you.”

“I do,” she agreed softly.

“Good, because I’ve never needed someone, Jordyn. Not once. I’m going to follow your lead with whatever this is.”

“Show me, then. Show me what need is, Lucian.”

Smoothly, Lucian turned Jordyn in his arms, keeping her eyes locked on his as his lips skimmed over her jaw and cheek. He was attentive of the injuries he knew were still sore as he ran his hands down her arms, and across her stomach, before grasping tightly to her waist. When he kissed her mouth, Jordyn was reaching for his face to pull him closer still.

Jordyn’s lips were soft and smooth, while her mouth on his was hot. She melted into his chest, and the moment her lips parted, Lucian didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss. It almost felt like instinct the way his tongue dove into the heat of her mouth, seeking hers. The taste of Jordyn bloomed along his palate, sending more blood south to his rock-hard cock.

Lucian was right. Affection and attraction were not the same. But mixing both together made one hell of a combination.

But, she was right on both accounts
, Lucian thought.

They kissed slow and controlled, like the building crescendo of a wave, and then it burned faster, hotter, like a raging fire. It started in the pit of his stomach, that unknown, new feeling, and coursed to every extremity it could reach in mere seconds.

As much as he hated to do it, Lucian pulled back just long enough to ask, “Tell me you talked to Paulie and that you’re okay for this.”

“I did.”

“And?” Lucian asked, his impatience growing stronger.

“And he said he was surprised you lasted this long, but yeah, I’m good. Just be easy, careful.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Kissing is for lovers, hmm?” she asked, grinning.

Lucian chuckled. “I’d say it’s best between them, yes.”

“Well, you don’t have a whole lot of experience in that area, so …”

Despite the joking nature of her words, he could see the hesitance still playing around the edges of her pretty features.

“I’ll be gentle,” Lucian promised.

“You always are.”

“And when you want more than gentle, I’ll give you that, too.”

Jordyn’s bottom lip caught between her teeth. “Good.”

Lucian caught Jordyn’s lips with his own once more. The desire to kiss her seemed overwhelming, almost insatiable. It wasn’t something he’d ever experienced before, the need to claim someone’s mouth, and he was more than happy to feed into that hunger until he couldn’t breathe. So did Jordyn. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of her, wanted so much more.

They only broke apart long enough for Jordyn to pull the T-shirt Lucian was wearing over his head, discarding it somewhere to the floor. Her hands began to roam, then. So tenderly, like she was committing parts of him she touched to memory with only her hands. First, she cupped his neck before running her fingers over his shoulders, then down to his chest. She took the time to examine the tattoo on his side, the one of his family crest, the crown with the eagle perched atop it, overlooking its empire. Another tattoo, on the inside of his left arm that spelled out his family’s last name. The tiny angel wings wrapping a small revolver in its protection for his dead mother and father on the inside of his right wrist.

Jordyn must have seen the tattoos before, considering he hadn’t always worn a shirt in the apartment, but this was the first time she was able to consider them all close up.

Across his collarbones, Jordyn traced his newest tattoo with interest.

“This Thing of Ours.”

“La Cosa Nostra.” Lucian placed his hand on hers over the words. “Honor, devotion, and loyalty.” Then, he trailed a line with one finger down the tattoo of his surname. “Family.”

“And this one?” Jordyn asked, cupping his side where the family crest rested.

“Pride.”

“The eagle wings?”

“Expectations.”

Jordyn flipped his right hand over so Lucian’s wrist was on display. “I think I can guess who the wings and gun is for.”

“Their deaths, yes,” Lucian said honestly. “But it allows me to remember where I came from while being who I am now, in my own way.”

“You have nothing on your body for love, Lucian. That seems sad when you’ve commemorated everything else.”

“Someday when I understand what romantic love feels like for me,” he murmured. “No more talking, sweetheart. Let me have you, now. All of you.”

Jordyn opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it and simpered him with a smile. Lucian took his time, letting his fingers wander over her soft, smooth skin, tracing under the swells of her breasts still covered by lace. The bra Jordyn wore came off under his urging without any trouble at all. She didn’t hide from his heady gaze taking in every inch of her body, and what little bit was left to uncover. The matching lace panties slipped down over her thighs and Jordyn stepped out of them without pause.

Sweet Jesus, she was so beautiful. It didn’t matter how many times he said it, it didn’t do Jordyn justice. Lucian had seen her, of course. Her skin, the cherry blossoms, and her curves. Breasts that fit perfectly into his palms and the small, trimmed patch of dark hair that led to the sweet spot between her thighs.

The only moment of caution that passed Jordyn’s eyes was when she reached for Lucian’s belt. A slight tremor rocked her hands before she pulled away. It took him a half a second to understand why that was and it broke his heart that he wondered why at all.

“I would
never
hurt you, Jordyn. Not with this, and not with my hands. Nothing.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just know I couldn’t ever do that to you.”

Lucian didn’t bother letting her attempt to loosen and remove his belt again. If she wasn’t comfortable with it, she just wasn’t. This wasn’t the time to force that fear of hers. Instead, he did it himself, unbuttoning and stepping out of his pants before kicking them to the side. Standing in only boxer-briefs, nothing hid the hard ridge of his erection straining against thin fabric.

Jordyn didn’t hesitate to move forward that time. One of her hands tangled up into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him down for a burning kiss, while her other hand dipped into his boxer-briefs. Deliberately slow, with a fist-tight grip that made Lucian weak in the knees, she stroked him from base to tip.