Lucid (12 page)

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“You're going to talk about it?” She may have suggested it as a question but I knew better. It meant get over yourself and spill your guts.

“I... he was there Livs. I saw him... and he saved me... and it almost cost him his life, and it was like he didn't even care. He just wanted to save me. Even after I hurt him so bad.” My whole body was shaking as I tried desperately to keep the sobs quiet. But I could feel the hot tears sliding down my face. Burning with my deep seated guilt and shame from hurting him.

“Did anything happen... different this time?” She kept shooting sideways glances at me as she slipped into her clothes.

“I don't know why?”

“You're... sparking?” she said thoughtfully watching the area around me. “Or well... your aura is lit up like a Christmas tree. A really really bright Christmas tree.

The image of the snake burning as advanced on it came to mind. I had finally really changed the dream. “I... changed my dream... just like Deegan has been trying to get me to do the whole time...” By the time the slip was already out there was no way I could take it back.

“So his name is Deegan huh?”

“Yeah...” I sighed out in a defeated nod.

“And you like him?”

“No,” I replied with a shake of my head. “I love him.”

“The big L word huh?” she just shook her head lost in thought. “Well we better get school out of the way, and get to our outrageous Halloween evening.”

I pulled my favorite black hoodie on over my charcoal tank top. I cast a glance in the mirror as I pulled the hood over my head to keep the cold out. Olivia had known what she was doing. The way the my curls, now purple and pink, tumbled out of the hood. The way it had been trimmed to frame my face. It was exactly what I needed. Whether it held the pain at bay or not, it made me feel like I could make it. Like I could survive knowing that he was someone I only had in my dreams.

We rode in her car in silence, the whole way to school. Listening to the sound of the freezing rain as it drummed against the cars metal roof. The bleary gray day easily reflected my inner mood. Even Olivia seemed even more thoughtful than normal if it were possible.

“Mercy?” she queried softly. “Why don't you do something else outrageous today.”

“Like?” I returned with an exasperated sigh.

“How about you look above the floor today? I think it might just change your luck.”

I didn't bother to remind her that it would take a lot more than lifting my head to change the luck I had for the past few days, never mind my luck for the past three years. But I nodded my head in agreement anyways. It couldn't hurt after all.

As we stepped out of the car into the school parking lot my eyes automatically dropped to the ground. Willing all my anxiety away I drug my eyes up and kept them forward instead of down, as Olivia and I made out way into the front door of the school.

I tucked myself closer to Olivia like a protective shield, but I managed to keep my eyes forward. Girls who I normally could only identify by their shoes gave me and my bright hair a cursory once over before going back to what they were doing. The boys however were giving me more of a slow perusal. It made me nauseous. They weren't Deegan so they needed to keep their eyes to themselves.

“That's why I avoid looking up. When I do people look at me like I'm meat.”

Olivia's pleasant laughter bubbled over turning more heads in our direction, as she wrapped her arm lovingly through mine.

“They don't stop just cause you're looking at the floor love. You're cute so boys are always looking. The hair just makes it new so they are looking a little bit longer.”

“Well I don't like it.” I responded with an aggravated sigh.

We rounded the corner and came into view of our locker. Ethan was leaned up next to it scanning the crowd. When his eyes landed on us they brightened up. I could tell the next moment when he noticed my hair. His eyes rounded out like saucers as he watched us walk over.

“Well isn't that something,” he said letting out a appreciative whistle.

“Don't start.”

“Come on you know your rockin' it Mercy,” Olivia replied with a nudge.

I simply shook my head in response pulling my hoodie even further up. Pulling my books out of the locker I turned and faced Olivia. “I'll catch you later... before the dance.”

“Right,” she replied with a smile. “Don't forget Mercy... be outrageous and keep your eyes up. UP,” she emphasized pointing to the ceiling. I just shook my head again and turned to head off to class. I could feel Ethan fall in line next to me so I risked a sideways glance. He was just looking down at me with a smile on his face.

“What's up with you?” I asked acerbically. His good mood was putting me off more then I wanted to admit.

“Aww... come on Mercy,” He said grabbing a stray strand of my hair.

All I could think in that moment, was the way he grabbed my hair. I didn't like it. Deegan was the only one I wanted to grab my hair. To twist it. To tuck it back. To look at it like it was a precious part of me... all those things, and all those feelings belonged to Deegan, not Ethan.

I snatched my hair back and tucked it away so that I would be sure Ethan wouldn't touch it again. He looked at me almost like I had wounded him. He wanted that place that Deegan occupied and I knew he would never have it. Even if I could only have Deegan in my dreams I would never make a mockery of that feeling by faking it with someone else.

“Sorry,” he murmured before cramming his hands in his pockets.

I kept my mouth closed. I didn't want to give him any more ideas or any more false hope. He and I could only be friends.

“So what brought on the pink?” He offered trying to fill the silence as we settled ourselves in our seats.

“Olivia,” I responded with a chuckle. He took the laugh as encouragement that I didn't hate him just yet and continued.

“What do you mean Olivia? If you didn't want it, couldn't you just tell her no?”

“You haven't been here long enough, but you'll learn one day. You don't tell Olivia Miller no. Ever. For any reason. She gets her way like that.” I replied with a smile.

“Well... that seems... wrong?”

“Olivia will always give you what you need. Whether you let her or not. If I had said no, she probably would have drugged me on Nyquil, and done it while I was passed out.” I replied letting the laughter roll out easily now. “Besides I needed it. I needed something different. She said I needed something outrageous, and if this isn't I don't know what is.”

“Hmm... and why did you need something outrageous?”

This was the part where I had to tell him the truth... so he would know that he had to back off and stay in friend zone. “Broken heart.”

“And
how
exactly do you have a broken heart?” he replied leaning back in his chair with a frown. “No offense but I haven't seen you hanging around with any boys.”

“He's been... around,” I replied gesturing vaguely.

“Well he is obviously not worth your time if he broke your heart.” he said becoming disgruntled.

All I could do was chuckle in response, as I cast Ethan a sideways glance. “The only way it wasn't going to end up like this is if I never fell in love with him.”

Ethan flinched like I had struck him. Using the L word had been intentional, I had to drive home I wasn't interested. I hoped he wouldn't run though, I could use a few friends... but if he did... I would just have to chalk it up as a loss and move on. He just shook his head with a sad sigh and faced the front of the class as Mr. Shadar walked in.

I hadn't thought about having to face him in this class. I hadn't thought about him at all. But I knew better than to think that he really was a snake. That sort of thing just didn't happen. But when my eyes traveled down his fidgety form and bandage wrapped arms and fingers I couldn't help but wonder. He looked nervous, and hurt. Like he had been burned. His flaky skin coming off like scales on a snake. His golden eyes darting around anxiously, before finally landing on me with a sneer.

Apparently I wasn't the only one that noticed either. Ethan was leaning further forward in his seat watching Mr. Shadar very closely, like he was expecting him to peel out of his skin. And it caused a shock to run through my body. Ethan had seen these things while he was awake. I mean he
 saw
them kill his parents. What if Mr. Shadar was more dangerous than I realized... only now I didn't have Deegan to back me up.

Chapter 21

I kept my eyes closed tightly as Olivia slowly worked the makeup into my skin. Makeup was something that after the dying started I had rarely put any effort into, but Olivia was positive that to make tonight’s dance as outrageous as possible was necessary.

I could feel her rubbing and primping, curling my lashes, and all sorts of things that I would have just done without. Olivia always wore her makeup as an extension of herself, and I had always loved it but I didn't know if I would love it on me. The bright blue lipstick and eye shadow she could easily wear to match with her clothes is not something I think I can pull off. But if we did it my way it would be a long night of crying into my pillow so I let her have her way.

She turned her attention to my hair, and I could feel her pull the hood up and start messing with my wild curls. The primping stopped, and soon I was just sitting there with my eyes closed, waiting to feel what sort of female torture she would offer next.

“Aren't you even going to look?”

I peeked out of one eye at her. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, the elbow length purple and charcoal striped arm warmers matching her tight charcoal colored corset and flared miniskirt. Complete with knee high boots, witches hat, and matching bright purple lipstick. I had a feeling she was going to break more than a few hearts tonight. God only knows what she would put a man through that she actually liked.

She gestured at the mirror in front of me, but I was to nervous to turn and look. If I looked anything like she did this was going to be an uncomfortable evening. I could already feel the cold hair against the tops of my thighs where the gray stockings ended, the part that was uncovered by anything. Olivia had  left my outfit as I had picked it... I hadn't thought she meant to let me to go school in little more than a hoodie and some stockings. But apparently since I didn't grab anything else that's all I got. I guess I should count my lucky stars she let me put on a pair of fitted shorts under the hoodie.

She simply arched her golden eyebrows at me before gesturing at the mirror again. Finally I worked up the courage to take a glance. But it wasn't me staring back in the mirror... well maybe it was me but it was an older and much much hotter version. From the deep red lipstick that matches the hoodie exactly, the hoodie that matches Deegan's blood red eyes, to the dark shadow accentuating my eyes, that matched his dark fur... she had nailed my little red riding hood. I only wished Deegan would get to see it.

“You ready?”

She was standing there ready to go. Ready to be my shield. Ready to pick me back up when I couldn't find myself.

“When will I get the chance to be this awesome for you?” I asked walking out the door.

“Never,” she replied with a sweet smile. “This much awesomeness is hard to come by.”

Rolling my eyes I climbed into the car. Even with Olivia having my back, the nervousness was almost nauseating. I had a terrible feeling that nothing tonight was going to go as planned.

Chapter 22

When the car pulled into the parking lot my nerves ratcheted up another degree. We stepped out into the night air, and I could feel the electricity pumping through the darkened sky. By the frown on Olivia's face I could tell she felt it as well.

We slowly made our way to the flashing orange lights coming from the gymnasium. I could hear the low appreciative whistles of the boys we passed on our way in. And when I glanced at them it only confirmed all my suspicions.

“You know every guy at school is going to want to get some of you tonight right?” I asked curiously.

“Too bad its off limits then,” Olivia replied with a smile.

“Why is it you never date?”

A dark cloud of thought swept quickly across her eyes before it cleared. Fast enough that I didn't know if it was even there.

“Sweetheart when there is a
man
worthy of my affections I
might
think about it. But as far as these boys go? Why bother.”

I grinned back at her. She was feeling catty. And I knew some of tonight's entertainment was going to be boys begging.

My unusual nerves finally dissipated, as we strutted our way into the gym. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was who I should be. If only Deegan could be in my life when it was like this. When it was happy. When it was fun.

I spotted his charming princely hair, just as Olivia did and she strutted her way over to Ethan who was practically cornered by some sort of pack of fairy princess's.

“Hey prince charming,” I offered garnering glares all around Ethan's little female entourage.

“Hey Mercy,” his eyes were wide as they trailed up and down. “You look... I mean, that's very.... Red riding hood huh?” he offered changing the line of sentencing entirely. But the point wasn't lost on the girls who were huffing and glaring.

“Yep.”

“There isn't a prince charming in that story,” he offered sadly. “No knights either.”

“Nope but there is a big badass wolf.” I replied with a smile. I cold hear Olivia let out a small chuckle next to me.

“Olivia,” he said taking a quick glance at her before noticeably averting his eyes. “Wicked witch huh? It suits you.”

“Better than you know,” she replied with a grin.

“Well... We'd better go mingle or something.” I put my arm back through Olivia's before beginning to turn away.

“Why don't you just disappear,” I heard one of the girls around Ethan murmur under her breath.