LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance (22 page)

One of his hands moved and cupped my breast. I let out a gasp, both because of the pleasure that shot through me and shock that he would want to touch me in such a way. I felt like I was on fire. I should have slapped him, or pushed him away. He was a stranger to me in the most basic way. Yet, I felt like we’d known each other for ages. And so, even though I knew it was a mistake, I held myself still, waiting for his next move.

His eyes still on mine, he rubbed the pad of this thumb over my nipple slowly, and it grew even harder than before—impossibly hard. Even though I didn’t want to want this man, my body was doing its best to broadcast a totally different message. A more honest message.

Then, slowly, giving me enough time to retreat if I wanted to, he drew me to him at the same time he lowered his head and kissed me. It was not like any kiss I’d ever experienced before. There was none of that tentative getting-to-know-you stuff that first kisses seemed to be made of. Nicolas’s kiss was hot and wild and so passionate that I immediately went up in flames.

I opened my mouth and he slipped his tongue in, and I began to tremble from the curiosity that spoke volumes in his movements. My whole body was responding to this man, and I was lost. I pushed my body against him and sank my hands in his hair. He had one hand on my butt, holding me closer to him, and I could feel the heat of his erection pressing against my belly. It was driving me wild.

He broke the kiss and I heard myself whimper in protest. Why did he stop? Then, he began to trail kisses down the side of my neck. I moved my mouth against the column of his neck, using my tongue to taste him, and felt him shudder. I couldn’t believe that I was having such an effect on this powerful, sexy man.

“I want to feel you,” he murmured against my skin.

“I want that, too,” I whispered.

The sensations going through my body were nothing like I’d ever known before. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him and, guessing from the smile on his face, he knew it. But the look in his eyes told me he couldn’t get enough of me, either.

Suddenly, he picked me up and carried me across the room, balancing me on the low edge of the corner bar. He stood between my parted legs and cupped my breasts, gently massaging them, paying particular attention to the hard nipples. My head began to spin as my thighs shook. My breasts were so sensitive and his hands so skillful that I moaned deep in my throat.

“Oh, Nicolas, I like that,” I gasped out.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice raspy.

It all seemed so surreal. It couldn’t be real, could it? This was Nicolas Costa, billionaire director and husband to Hollywood screen goddess, Aurora Parker…Aurora. With that, I suddenly remembered that the man touching me, the man making me feel things I had never felt before, was a married man. Not only that, but this married man was the father of the embryo that would be inserted into my uterus first thing tomorrow morning. I felt such disgust for myself that I was sure it was seeping from my pores.

Nicolas was kissing me again, and I could feel myself melting into a puddle. I began to panic. I needed to do something before I grabbed him and kissed him back like I so badly wanted to do. I wanted to slip my tongue inside his mouth and kiss him with all I had. I wanted to feel his hands all over my body and his mouth everywhere his hands had been. I wanted to… I bit down hard on his lip.

“Ouch!” He jerked back, his finger pressed to his lip. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Get off me, you bastard!”

It was official, I had finally gotten in touch with my inner slut. At least that was how I felt as I ran out of Nicolas and Aurora’s house.

Kelly, my best friend, would have been so proud if I’d told her about it. Kelly and I are so different that it’s amazing we’re friends at all. Kelly is a flight attendant who looks like a lingerie model. All those clichés about models? That’s Kelly in a nutshell. I, on the other hand—after that debacle with my college boyfriend, Travis—decided I was done with relationships. Besides, there was my mom. But when Nicolas touched me, everything I thought I was just flew out the window. I do not do casual sex. Ever. I’m just not like that. Oh, and my mom was a strict Catholic, which only made things worse. I have only ever had sex with two men in my entire life. Kelly insists that I’m basically a virgin since one of those times was a brief, in-the-backseat-of-his-dad’s-car encounter that lasted all of three minutes. Yet, Nicolas made me feel like everything I’ve experienced before was nothing compared to the magic he could bring into my life.

And having him here, in my tiny apartment, made all those feelings come back.

“I think about that night a lot,” he said quietly, leaning forward as he cupped his coffee cup in both hands. “I meant to apologize to you, but the next day…it just seemed inappropriate to do it as the doctor was inserting the embryos into…” He gestured toward me, a little color making his naturally dark skin look even darker. “And then you disappeared.”

“Aurora died.”

He nodded, his eyes dropping to his mug. “Yeah. That was a shock to a lot of people.”

“But not you?”

Something about the way he said it made me wonder about the rumors that floated around in the weeks after her death that Nicolas had something to do with it. A lot of Aurora’s fans suggested that Nicolas had someone slip drugs into her food that night—as it clearly and unequivocally was proven by the autopsy that Aurora died of a cocaine overdose. But then a slice of pain rushed across his face, and I knew instinctively that he would never do such a thing.

“I knew my wife better than almost anyone. And I knew that she was a brilliant actress who showed the world a façade that covered secrets no one could ever imagine.”

“Like drug use.”

“Like the fact that the night she died was not the first time she overdosed on some sort of drug.”

That surprised me. I hadn’t known Aurora long, or very well, but she always seemed like a strong, confident woman. I curled up against the arm of the couch and tried to remember something, anything, in my encounters with her that would suggest she was a woman in the throes of a bad drug habit. But I couldn’t think of a single one.

Nicolas stood, setting his coffee—which was empty once more—on a low table and crossed to the windows. He turned away from me and stared outside. I had a sudden hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought for a moment I might be sick. He must have glanced at me…I don’t know. I was clutching my middle, trying to fight the unpleasant waves rushing through my stomach. And then he was beside me, his hand between my shoulder blades. I looked at him and felt my heart skip a beat.

“The last time I touched Aurora was more than a year ago.”

I stared at him, not sure what it was he was trying to tell me.

“But you were trying to have a baby. She told me. She said you wanted a child, that you thought it would complete your family. But she couldn’t carry one because of a heart defect or something.”

“There was no heart defect. She just didn’t want to ruin her perfect figure.”

Again, I tried to reconcile what he’d just said—words that were wrapped in so much bitterness that my tongue stung from the taste—with the woman I’d met. But I couldn’t. Aurora was so gentle and kind. I’d wanted to hug her every time I saw her because of the sadness that seemed to linger in her eyes.

“What happened? I mean, between the two of you. You were only married for five years when she died.”

He sighed and leaned back against the couch. “Aurora was the biggest mistake of my life.” He shook his head, as his eyes landed on my face again, practically begging me to believe him. “She changed almost as soon as we got home from our honeymoon. She wasn’t the sweet ingénue I met on the set of
Paper Men.
She was controlling, demanding. She used everything from sex to threats to attempts on her own life to get me to do what she wanted.”

“Why didn’t you divorce her?”

“I had no idea what she might do if I did. She was unstable.” He shifted, clearly agitated. “And it would have ruined her career. I couldn’t take responsibility for that.”

There was something that felt hollow about his last words. A memory of Aurora laughing as we talked about my students filled my thoughts for a moment. How could a woman who could appreciate the unpredictability of children be the same woman he was describing? It just didn’t make sense.

He raked his fingers through his hair again, his next words coming out on a deep sigh. “I asked her for a divorce, three years ago, and she tried to commit suicide.”

“But…what happened between you two? You were Hollywood’s most romantic couple.” There’d been dozens of magazine articles on them from the time they were dating until a few weeks before her death, and a piece the
E!
channel did that my mom and I stayed up late one night to watch. They seemed so perfect together, as though they were one of those rare Hollywood couples that actually functioned well together.

He laughed bitterly. “She began cheating on me right from the start. I caught her bed with the chauffer once. And then I came home early from a trip to Hawaii to scout locations and found her snorting cocaine off of a glass hors d'oeuvre plate we’d gotten as a gift for our wedding. I tried to get her into rehab. I even called her mother. I watched as she begged Aurora to do something about her addiction, but even she couldn’t get through to her. Aurora wasn’t interested in being clean. She only wanted what she wanted.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But, I don’t get it. How come the media never got wind of this?”

He shot me a look filled with indignation. “I’m Nicolas Costa.”

“Yeah, sure, that explains everything.”

“Sarcasm does not become you, and yeah, it should explain everything. The paparazzi knows better than to trifle with me.”

I raised my eyebrows to show him just what I thought of his arrogance but, inside, I was shaking. Nicolas had a reputation for being a ruthless man. And I wasn’t sure where I stood with this man. Why was he here? What did he want from me? I wrapped my arms around my chest, resting them on the top of my bulging belly. It was almost big enough to serve as a perfect shelf for arms, glasses, almost anything I wanted to sit on it. And the peanut inside…she’d be here in less than five months. What would happen then?

“Why are you here, Nicolas,” I asked, my voice not betraying the roiling emotions inside of me this time.

He studied my face for a long moment, then his eyes fell again to my belly.

“It wasn’t Aurora who wanted the baby,” he said softly. “I don’t know how much you know about me, but I came from a large Greek family. My father was a garbage truck driver, my mother a nurse. They worked themselves to death trying to provide for me and my seven brothers and sisters. I always imagined I would have a large family, too.”

He tilted his head, something like clouds moving across his eyes as a soft smile lifted the corners of his full mouth. “All my brothers and sisters have children now. I love being an uncle. Yet, the idea of holding a baby that’s mine, that’s part of my body, my soul, is the ultimate goal. Everything I’ve achieved in my career, in my life, pales in comparison. I almost couldn’t believe it when Aurora finally agreed to the idea. I think it was because all her friends were having kids and she felt left out or something…I don’t know. I never understood what motivated Aurora. But whatever it was…” He looked at me, his hand coming close—but not touching—my belly. “I finally have that one thing that I couldn’t achieve on my own. And I’m not giving it up.”

“But this is Aurora’s baby,” I said, grasping at the only straw I could see. “Do you really want a piece of her in your life for the rest of your life?”

I thought he might get angry, but he only looked pensive for a moment. “That crossed my mind,” he finally said. “But Aurora was a kind, gentle person before the drugs changed her. I think her child will be just as kind and gentle. Especially with the right guidance.”

“Your guidance?”

He nodded. “Believe me, Ana, I’m well-prepared to be a father to this child.”

“But what if I can’t give her up?”

He simply shook his head. “You have no choice. You signed a contract.”

I burst into tears and Nicolas took me in his arms. He seemed to understand even though I wasn’t sure I did. I pressed my face against his shoulder and cried as though I hadn’t cried in a lifetime, holding on to him as a damn broke and all the tears and sobs I’d held in since leaving California unleashed themselves on his linen shirt. I cried for my mom, for him and Aurora, for the poor, innocent little baby that was caught in the middle of this ridiculous triangle. And I cried for myself. Nicolas simply held me until the tears slowly subsided.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I straightened up, wiping my face with a corner of my t-shirt. “It’s all the hormones and stuff.”

“A good cry helps,” he said with a shrug.

“Yeah right, like you cry about anything.”

A wry smile touched a corner of his lips as he leaned back against the chair.

“Sometimes I wish I could.”

Our eyes met, and a brief something passed between us. It was not like the fire of that one, long ago encounter, but there was something there, and it was tinged with heat.

“Your mom…she was ill?”

“Cancer.”

He nodded. “My dad, too. It started in his pancreas, but it moved quickly to his liver. He was gone less than two months after they first found it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, still rubbing at my cheeks.

He shrugged. “It was almost ten years ago. But it still hurts, sometimes.”

“That’s comforting.”

His eyes filled with compassion, and my tears were suddenly close to the surface again. I blinked hard to make them go away.

He cupped my face and stared into my eyes, like he was searching for something. “This baby means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

I nodded, unsuccessful in making the tears disappear. A few slipped out of my eyes, wetting his fingers. It was so strange being this close to him. There was that sense of being close to someone I knew well, someone I could trust with every deep dark secret I ever had or would have. I had to remind myself that I barely knew this man and the few times we had met, he was distant and then…not distant enough. And my body, it seemed only too willing to defect, to embrace a physical touch that would only cause unrepairable damage to my emotional sanity.

I shut my eyes and tried to will away the desire that was building so deep in my soul that it was quickly becoming an itch I would never be able to scratch, but that only made it worse. My only thought was: What would it be like to feel his hands all over my body? I quickly opened my eyes again. I couldn’t go there. It simply made no logical sense.

“She means everything to me,” I said, refocusing on the question at hand.

“She?”

“The baby. I always call her she. I’m not sure why.”

“You want a girl.”

“I would be happy either way, as long as she’s healthy.”

The truth was, though, that when I dreamt at night—I had the most vivid dreams ever since my pregnancy entered the second trimester—it was always a girl. A boy would be great, too, but I just felt like it was a girl. A little girl I could dress up and whose hair I could curl…I loved her so much already and she didn’t even have functioning lungs yet.

“Why did you run? Was it your plan to run off with the baby all along?”

I stared at him, shock making my heart pound so hard that my chest actually hurt for a second. I pulled away from him and stood.

“I think you should go,” I said.

“You have to understand that that would be my first assumption when I learned you were pregnant.”

He sounded so reasonable that I had to stop and remind myself that he’d just accused me of fraud. I stood at the kitchen counter, my hand resting there as I tried to regain my emotional equilibrium.

“Ana…”

“My mother had just died. And then Aurora died like ten days later. The last thing on my mind was the surrogacy and everything that went along with it.”

“But you found out at some point that the procedure had worked.”

“Yes.” I glanced at him. He was still on the couch, watching me with both curiosity and concern. “But it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Aurora was gone and you never gave me the impression you were all that interested in this baby.”

“Oh, but I am.” He stood up and approached me, his hands held out in front of him as though he was trying to show he meant no harm. “I just couldn’t let Aurora know how much it meant to me. She might have changed her mind, or taken off with you and the baby.”

“You really were afraid of her, weren’t you?”

A flash of anger crossed his face at that. “Not afraid. Just…aware.”

I leaned back against the counter, not sure I could trust my judgment any more. He seemed so sincere in everything he’d said tonight. Yet, he seemed to blaming everything on Aurora—and that confused me. Could I really trust him? Could I believe what he was saying about Aurora even though it went against everything I’d seen and experienced in the time leading up to this child’s conception? And what about those kisses we’d shared when he was married to Aurora? What kind of man did that make him? What kind of woman did that make me?

His expression softened as he approached me. I saw things in his eyes that made me want to trust him, things I thought were sincere. But did I know him well enough to know that?

“You scare me,” I said softly.

His gaze didn’t move, his eyes studying mine so intently I felt like he could see everything going on inside my head.

“You scare me, too,” he admitted.

“You don’t strike me as someone who’s scared of anything.”

He laughed softly. “You scare me. I’ve never wanted a woman as intensely as I want you.” He moved closer to me, but still he didn’t touch me. “And I want this.” He held his hand just an inch from my belly.

“You’re used to having your way.”

“I’m a determined fellow.”

“Arrogant.”

“I like things to be orderly.”

“Bossy.”

“And I love how you taste.”

I had nothing to say to that, so I just stared at him. I felt suddenly parched and ran my tongue over my lips to moisten them. He made a sound, and I froze.

“You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” he said in a raspy voice.

He reached out to caress my face, and I saw his hands tremble slightly. For me? He was trembling for me? The thought blew my mind and, apparently, it blew all common sense from my logical side, my heart, and my soul. I stepped toward him, and we were suddenly kissing with an urgency that was as hurried as it was desperate.

I ran my hands over his broad shoulders, down his back, and then sank them into his hair, tugging him closer as he buried his tongue deep in my mouth. When I sucked gently on it, he groaned, which only made me more frantic for him. He kissed my face and along the edge of my jaw.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against my ear. “I wanted you the first moment I saw you.”

I might have returned the sentiment if I could have, but my lips were too busy exploring his, and my throat was so full of need, of pure desire, that it couldn’t give birth to a single word. I wanted to feel him. I wanted his hands all over me. I wanted things I couldn’t have put into words if I’d been capable because they were things I’d never wanted, I’d never even known I was capable of.

He slipped his hands beneath my tee and cupped my breasts. Bolts of electricity shot through me, and I began to moan and pant. When he flicked my nipple with the tip of his thumb, I cried out. He lifted my tee and I pulled it the rest of the way off of my body, giving better access to all those places that ached for his touch. I felt as though I had hot lava going through my veins. He leaned down and closed his mouth over the tip of my nipple, and I almost went off the edge. Somehow, his hand found its way beneath my skirt, and he traced a path to the edge of my panties. I felt moisture pool there, and I wanted so much more.

“Please,” I whispered.

“Patience, sweetheart,” he said, lifting his head from my breast.

“Please, Nicolas,” I begged unashamedly.

He laughed softly and then pushed his thumb against my clit. I cried out as waves of pleasure rushed through me so quickly that my knees buckled. He immediately lifted me, carrying me to the couch where his thumb found its way back to my clit again, two of his fingers sliding deep inside of me. I was quickly spiraling out of control, so close to orgasm that I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. And….Christ! It felt so good. I’d never had an orgasm with a man inside of me before and this…I suddenly understood what the big deal was.

“Nico…Nico…Oh God!”

“That’s right, baby. It’s Nico,” he said, as he pressed his thumb harder on my clit.

I came so hard that I lost track of where I was for a moment. His voice pulled me back, the sound of my name on his lips like honey in a warm cup of tea.

“You are so sexy. I’ve never been with anyone as responsive as you,” he said, a note of wonder in his voice.

He laid me gently against the sofa and pulled away. I wanted to protest, thinking he was abandoning me before we could complete the act he’d begun so long ago. But then he was back again, so beautiful in his nakedness. He quickly pulled my clothes from my body and lifted me onto his lap. As I straddled him, he guided his erection inside and, as I sank down on his stiff cock, I was back to that place of overwhelming desire, needing that unscratchable itch to be scratched.

He lifted me off him until the tip of his erection was at the mouth of my cunt, and then he paused.

“Open your eyes, Ana,” he commanded in a deep, rough voice.

“What?”

“Open your eyes. I want to see your eyes when I enter you.”

I opened my eyes and stared at his. It was like gazing into a dark, fathomless pool. Slowly, still keeping his eyes on mine, he brought me down until he was sheathed to the hilt. I could not take my eyes off him, and something shifted in my heart. It was the most erotic experience of my life. Unable to bear the intensity, I shut my eyes again.

With each movement, I saw starbursts. I was incoherent. I couldn’t see or hear, all I could do was feel. And when he slipped a finger against my clit and labia, I fell apart.

He wasn’t far behind me.

The sounds of his ecstasy made my head spin. He cried out and his hands buried themselves in my flesh. I reached down, pressed my hands to his where they were clutching my thighs, painful and exciting all at the same time. And then the rigidity went out of his muscles and he collapsed back against the couch, his breathing rough as he tried to regain control. I collapsed against him, my chest pressed to his, the movement of our breaths synchronized for a long little while.

Later, he carried me to the bedroom, and we lay together. He was gentle, asking if I was okay multiple times before he began to kiss my shoulders, to run his fingertips lovingly over the length of my spine. And then he was inside of me again, moving with a gentleness I hadn’t been sure he was capable of. But he was. He was capable of so much kindness and generosity, taking my body to heights I thought were impossible for me to reach. Just before I drifted off, I caught him watching me, his hand tracing circles around my belly button. It would pop out soon. My innie navel would soon become an outie. And they baby’s movements would be strong enough to feel through the layers of muscle and flesh that covered it. I remember thinking how fun it would be to watch him as he felt those first, tentative kicks of his unborn child. And then I was asleep, floating on a false cloud of contentment.