Lucien's War (4 page)

“Callie,
I can’t do this,” he said, but his voice was still hoarse, and his focus was on
her lips. “We can’t do this,” he said even lower, harsher.

“I
know, Lucien, but you’re all I’ve been able to think about since that night you
took me back to your place when I was drunk, keeping me safe, and not telling
my father because I asked you not to.”

“Callie.”
He groaned out almost as if he were in pain. “Goddammit—”

She
didn’t let him speak anymore, just rose up on her toes, braced her weight with
her hands still on his chest, and placed her lips on his. Callie didn’t apply
pressure, but the electricity that slammed into her when she had her mouth on
his was so intense that she actually moaned softly. Lucien still had a hold of
her wrists, but he smoothed his big, calloused and rough palms up her arms, and
grabbed her shoulders now. For a few seconds, they held their position. But
then he pushed her back, and the look on his face had humiliation filling her.
He looked pissed, torn, and like the kiss they had just shared hadn’t meant
anything. Now she felt like a fool, because kissing him had put this huge brick
between them. Callie didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she should just
turn and put all of this behind her. But she knew she couldn’t leave things in
this awkward moment. “Lucien, I didn’t mean to—”

But
before she could finish what she was going to say Lucien was right in front of
her, his hand behind her head, and his face right in front of hers. “I wanted
to stay away, forced myself to stay away because that is the best thing for
both of us.”

“Lucien.”
She didn’t know what she was going to tell him, but maybe if she explained that
this wasn’t a passing emotion for her, and that she cared for him more than she
had ever cared for another man, he’d know this was worth the risk? “I don’t
want you to think this isn’t real for me.” His face was still so close to hers,
and his warm
breath
smelling slightly of whiskey moved
across her lips. She swallowed again, felt her nipples bead, and had wetness
coating her between her thighs. Her heart would speed up and slow slightly, and
repeated the process with each passing second.

“
Fuck
, Callie. This isn’t something I can
do with you—”

“But
you want to do it,” she said breathlessly, and cut him off. Callie didn’t even
want to think about what he might say, and how he might tell her that she
needed to leave. Of course that would have been the smart thing for her to do,
but right now she didn’t want to think about being smart.

“Wanting
you and
having
you are two very
different things.” He searched her face with his gaze, and then moved them back
until there wasn’t anywhere else for her to go. “But yeah, I fucking want
you,
have wanted you since I brought you back to my place
after you got sick at that party. But I can’t have you, Callie, because it’s
wrong, so fucking wrong, and a betrayal to a man I consider a brother.”

“Lucien,
how do you think I feel? Kink is my dad.” She stared into his silver-grey eyes,
and wanted to lean up and kiss him so badly. He didn’t say anything, although
he still held onto the back of her head. “I love you, Lucien.”

God,
why had she said that? Why had she said she said she loved him when it was
clear he didn’t want to take this any further?

“Dammit,
Callie, you can’t say things like that.”

“But
why?
It’s the truth,” she said on a whisper, not sure why she was still speaking,
because she was just making this worse. Callie should have never come here,
should have never gotten out of her car, come to him, and kissed him like some
immature and naive child.

He
didn’t respond, but looked so damn conflicted that her embarrassment consumed
her. She felt her face grow hot, knew it was red like a tomato, and wished the
ground would open up and swallow her.

“Okay,
then maybe I should go, because this was a bad idea.” She no longer had her
hands on his chest, but she lifted them up again, placed them on his firm
pecs
, and glanced at his MC patch tattoo. She traced the
lines of the silhouetted motorcycle with her gaze, looked at the phoenix that
was behind the bike, and it felt like her heart was about to explode in her
chest.

I want you, Lucien. God, I want you so
bad it hurts.

“You
can’t say things like that because I am so fucking wrong for you, baby.”

Her
knees shook at the endearment.

“I
am a bad man, Callie, dangerous and far too old for you.”

“I
don’t care about any of that, Lucien.”

He
leaned in, and she held her breath. He moved his hand from behind her head,
cupped the side of her neck, and moved his thumb along her pulse point beneath
her ear.

“You
should,” he said huskily. Lucien lifted his hand and ran his thumb along the
top of her lip, just barely touching her, and making her entire body light up
with tingles. “You should be so damn afraid of me, running in the other
direction, and finding a guy at school that wears cardigans and loafers, not
with one who wears leather, and kills men with his bare hands for fucking with
him or what he holds close.” He slipped his thumb to the seam of her lips now,
and without thinking she opened her mouth and sucked his finger inside. “And
I’d kill for you,
Callie,
break a motherfucker in two
if they so much as touched you, because I hold you close.” Lucien’s nostrils
flared, and he lowered his eyelids as he watched her mouth. Callie had never
been this bold, least of all with a man that lived life on the edge.

And
then he was removing his finger from her mouth and was kissing her hard and
possessively. For the first time in her life she actually felt the power behind
a man kissing
her
. The action was
filled with heat, power, and so much sexual tension that she couldn’t help but
moan against his mouth. He speared his tongue out, slipped it along her bottom
lip, and then groaned out loud. Callie had never heard a sound so arousing, but
hearing Lucien’s desire for her expressed in both sounds and words had her so
damn wet she felt her panties became uncomfortably saturated. She grew bold,
slid her hand between their bodies, and placed it right over his jean-clad
cock.
 

He
groaned low in his throat and pressed his lower body into her belly, which had
her back slamming even harder against the wall. But it was the feel of his
erection prodding her stomach that had her breaking away from his mouth and
gasping out in shock. He was a big man, strong and tall, and she felt like she
was so small compared to him. Never had she felt like she was tiny, not with
her wide hips and the size sixteen
waist
, or her
thighs that were a bit too thick for her liking.

Lucien
stared right into her eyes and didn’t move away. She could still feel how hard
and big he was between his legs, and she couldn’t help but think about what it
would feel to have him over her for the first time, taking her virginity and
making her feel so stretched she thought she’d split right in two. She knew it
would be intense and all consuming, and that she’d never think about any other
guy so passionately again.

“Does
this tell you how much I want you?” He ground himself against her, and then
dipped his head low to run his tongue along her bottom lip. “Does this show you
that I am doing something that will get me killed, but that I can’t control
myself?” he said softly and moved his mouth to her throat.

“Then
be with me, Lucien.” Callie held onto her shoulders, pressed her breasts to his
chest, and kissed his thick, muscular neck. God, he smelled so good, so
masculine, and she was about ready to tear her clothes off right now and give
herself
to him.

He
cupped her cheeks and leaned back to look into her face. For several long
seconds neither said anything, but they were both breathing heavily, the sexual
tension filling the room and making her high and drunk all in the same breath.

And
then Lucien exhaled and moved back. The sudden rush of coldness that engulfed
her had her bracing her hands on the wall behind her so she didn’t fall.

“You
need to go, Callie.” Lucien glanced away.

She
saw that he was still so hard, his erection pressing against his fly, but he
kept moving back from her. “Lucien, we don’t have to stop.”

The
look he gave her had her tensing. His expression was so distant and hard, so
unwavering, that she felt so very out of place right now. Gone was the arousal
she’d felt just seconds before, and in its place was this icy realization that
the Lucien that had just been touching and kissing her was no longer in front
of her. Right now it was the fierce Brothers of Menace President who killed men
with his bare hands.

“Go,
Callie.” He ran his hand over his hair, turned around so his back was to her,
and she saw his muscles go tense. “You need to go before I do something I’ll
regret, and before I betray Kink and have him hating me.” He didn’t turn
around, but she felt the truth in his words.

“I
don’t want to hurt my dad
either,
Lucien, but I love
you.” She felt her humiliation take a back seat in this situation as her
passion and her words took the front. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

He
turned around, and the fierceness on his face had her swallowing hard. “Don’t
my feelings, or the fact you want me, mean anything to you?” she asked.

He
took a step toward her. “It means a fucking lot, but I can’t be with a member’s
daughter, Callie. It would mean war, hate, and a whole lot of fucking
violence.” He stepped closer, and she felt the heat from his body slam into
her. “I can’t be that selfish, and I can’t put you and Kink in the middle of
all of this. It isn’t right, Callie.”

She
knew this, but didn’t want to hear it. She had put herself and her feelings out
there. He had let her sample it, let her love grow for those few seconds, and
then he had shut her down. She knew that being with Lucien might hurt and anger
her father, but for once in her life she wanted something bad enough that she
would have dealt with the consequence and tried to make them right after the
fact.

“You’re
right.” Being selfish certainly wasn’t a trait Callie practiced, but she had
also never been in love before.

“Callie…”
he said in a gruff, pained voice.

She
shook her head and turned to move toward the door. She couldn’t look at him,
and couldn’t think about the fact her lips still tingled from their kiss.
Running out of the clubhouse seemed like the best option because the
embarrassment and hurt that filled her had her wanting to escape. She didn’t
want to stay here and to make an even bigger ass out of herself. She just
needed to go, and put this behind her like she had planned from the beginning.
The only one that would end up getting hurt was her, and she was already
sampling that pain right now. If she didn’t leave now she didn’t know if she’d
be able to handle anymore.

****

Lucien
stared at the bedroom door where Callie had just left. Self-anger and hatred
grew inside of him, and he felt himself grow even tenser. He curled his hand
into a tight fist and slammed it into the wall. The plaster crumbled all around
his hand, and the hole in the wall spoke of his pain. He had just kissed Kink’s
daughter, told her he wanted her, and had ground his fucking erection into her
belly like she was experienced in all of this. Although sending her away was
the smart thing to do, he was too late in it all, wanted her like a fucking
fiend, and knew that staying away at this point would be the hardest thing he
had ever done. The taste of her filled his mouth, and her scent, a light and
floral aroma, filled his head. He was drunk from her, needed to get off so
badly that he felt like a crazy beast, but knew that his suffering was
justified.

Looking
down at his fist, he saw the broken skin and watched as blood trailed along his
fingers. He went over to his disassembled gun lying on the table, and growled
out. He needed to go shoot something, maybe go out in the middle of the fucking
woods and pop some bullets in tree trunks. He needed something to burn off this
wild, nervous energy, and this angry hatred he had inside of himself for his
stupid actions.

“You
stupid fucking asshole,” he said to himself, and walked over to the window. He
watched as Callie got into her car, stared at the clubhouse for a second, and
then shook her head. She was saying something to herself, maybe chastising
herself over the fact they kissed, or the fact that he was a bastard and she
was better off without him in her life. The latter would have been true.

She
finally left, and Lucien stared at where her car had been parked. With each
passing second he grew angrier with himself, wished things could be different
so he could be with Callie, and then he just exploded in a torrent of emotion.
He slammed his fist into the wall over and over, felt his knuckles crack open
even more and blood slide down his hand, but relished the pain. He was going to
kill someone if they came in here right now, if they approached him and started
asking questions about what was up with him. And the longer he stayed at the
clubhouse the sooner someone would come back and do just that.