Luck of the Devil (24 page)

Dad stood, his nostrils flaring. “It was a chat-up line. She says she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, you pretend to marry us, and she lets me go to bed with her. You don’t actually marry us.”

“Oops, I guess I didn’t get that part of the plan. To be fair, though, we’d had an awful lot of beers. I don’t think any of us were thinking clearly. And look at it this way: think of all the years you’ve already had together as husband and wife.”

“But I’ve married other people,” Mom insisted. “Are you telling me I’ve been a bigamist?”

“Oh, no, I didn’t recognize those marriages. Those guys were total idiots. And you didn’t get married in the church.”

“So?” Mom asked suspiciously.

“So, if you’d tried to get married in the church things would have happened to prevent it. As it was, you were never even married by a legal justice of the peace. All your marriages were little acts of make-believe, which had their time and fell apart. Why do you think you never had to actually show up in court for a divorce hearing?”

“Because the judges were so busy with other things they didn’t need to see us,” Mom said.

Matt coughed. “Um… ”

“You’re a lawyer,” she said, “is that how it works?”

“Usually, your lawyer can appear for you, but it still has to be signed by a judge, and the lawyers have to tell him no one is fighting the divorce, things like that. So no, that’s not how it works,” he said.

“See?” the Alpha persisted, “so you weren’t a bigamist. Just an adulteress, which sounds bad, but he’s messed around with other women, so you know what? I’m going to shut up now.”

Dad smacked Him on the back of the head and widened his eyes at Him noticeably. “Never mind. Moving on.”

“Your mother and I have decided to move to Pittsburgh,” Dad said. “Not to this building of course, because it would cramp your style, but to the city. Now that you and your sister live here, and Tolliver will be making frequent appearances with his impending nuptials to Lisa, it just makes sense for us to live closer to you all. So, your mother and I will find a nice house in the suburbs and I’ll make it my portal between Hell and the mortal realm.”

“Uh, great,” I said.

Tolliver looked as stunned as I felt.

“Can you do me a big favor, though?”

“What’s that?” Dad asked.

“Wait until a night I’m out to tell Hope? Or better yet, tell her somewhere else, so I’m not the one cleaning up the destruction. I am the landlord, after all.”

“We were thinking over dinner at our hotel,” Dad said with an understanding nod.

“Great,” I said. “So it sounds like all we need to do is get Harold’s paperwork straightened out and we’re all set.

“I’m actually good, thanks,” Harold said.

“Excuse me?”

“The way I see it, I wasn’t supposed to die. It wasn’t my time. I can still do a lot of good.”

“What?”

“I’m a pediatrician. I love kids. And not in that sick, pedophile type of way. I was thinking I’d go hang out at the hospital and look over the kids. Sort of like a guardian angel. But without the entire
Goody-Two-Shoes
stuff thrown in.”

The Alpha nodded. “I could be agreeable to that.”

“And besides,” Harold added, “I’ll still get to hang with my homegirl Faith.”

I shook my head at him. “Harold?”

“Yeah?”

“Nobody says homegirl anymore.”

“Right. Anyway. I’ve only got one other request.”

“What’s that?” The Alpha asked with an amused smile.

“I want the occasional break to go haunt the golf pro. Do you know that bastard actually had the nerve to clear out all my tee times and pencil himself in? The nerve. Like he doesn’t play the course enough as it is.”

“I think a haunting is completely understandable,” Dad agreed. “Now, off you go.”

“Later.” Harold flashed what I thought was meant to be a gang sign for old white guys and disappeared.

“So, that’s Tolliver and Lisa engaged. Hope punished. Roisin and Son of Morning sorted. Harold handled,” the Alpha said and took a sip of coffee. “All that leaves is Faith and Matt. So what can I do for you two? Make it a double wedding perhaps?”

“Um.” Matt and I looked at each other nervously.

“I don’t think so,” I said and swallowed the lump in my throat. Let’s not get too hasty. I’d just gotten comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship.

“So what would you like?”

“Matt to be completely shielded from the Angale,” I said. “The last thing we need is another crazy nephilim intent on destroying all of us showing up at the door.”

“I’ve already done that, of course,” He said. “After I dealt with Levi and Boris, I decided the best way to keep everyone safe was to shield Matt, since he seemed to be such a draw for the extremist element out there.”

“And can I ask what you’ve done with my brother?” Matt said quietly.

“I’ve given him everything he wanted. He and Boris now have absolute and total celestial power.”

My jaw dropped open. “You what?”

“And I locked them inside a pocket of Purgatory they cannot escape, where their powers are just barely out of their reach, completely unable to be tapped. It did seem just, somehow.”

“Hope was right,” I snorted.

“And how’s that?”

“You are a vengeful guy.”

“I do have my moments,” He said. “But back to your request. Everyone else has gotten something, so what would the two of you like? Come up with something quickly, or I might just go ahead and marry you for the fun of it.”

“Wipe me out of Dan’s memory,” I said quickly.

“Excuse me?”

“You can do that, can’t you? Wipe us out of people’s memories? I want you to wipe me out of Dan’s completely. Give him his life back.”

“Are you sure?” the Alpha said. “He’ll never remember anything about you. Not the bad stuff, not the good stuff. Nothing. You won’t even be a fragment in the back of his head. You’ll just be gone.”

“That’s what he deserves. Now wipe me.”

The Alpha snapped His fingers and I felt a tiny jolt along my spine. “Done. That part of his life, and everything that resulted from it, are gone. Now, what is it I can do for you? Not for other people, but for you, Faith Bettincourt.”

“I could use an extra week’s vacation,” I said. It was probably better not to test Him on the marriage thing just yet. Not that being married to Matt would be all bad, but we had just known each other a week. I still wanted the kinky
We’re New to Dating
sex to last a while longer.

“I think I could do that. One free week where no one even notices you’re gone. Starting at midnight tonight, I will stop time for you, and it will resume in exactly 168 hours. And afterward, you’ll start tomorrow with everyone else. Sound fair?”

“It sounds wonderful,” I said and took Matt’s hand in mine. Who wouldn’t turn down a free week’s vacation? I worked too damn hard to give that up.

“Great,” He said. He hopped off the stool and headed toward the door. “I’m feeling good, too. I think it’s time I go out and lay some blessings on the populace at large. Come on, son, there’s a whole mess of people who need to feel my touch.”

“Oh crap,” Jesus said and followed his father out my front door. “The last time He decided to lay blessings on people, He did it by slapping them upside the back of the head and I ended up bailing Him out of jail for assaulting a police officer He tried to relieve of his financial burdens.”

“Aren’t you glad I’m the evil one?” Dad snickered, watching the door slam shut behind them. “Look at what your cousin has to put up with.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Because you were always so discreet. How many times did we move when I was a kid?”

“That’s irrelevant,” Dad said and wrapped his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “We’re all here together now.”

“Yeah, isn’t it great?” I muttered. Lucky, lucky me.

“I’m sure the general populace will be thrilled with the addition of a portal into Hell in their town. It’ll be a regular tourist attraction, Your Highness,” Malachi added. “I can’t wait to see what it does to the property values.”

Epilogue

“So,” Matt said, placing hot kisses on my neck. “That’s everyone sorted and done?”

“It is. I’m sorry about your brother, by the way.”

“Me too,” he said, and let go of me. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Levi was always a little bit of a nut, but when we were growing up, he was never a bad guy. I mean, if you’d have told me six months ago he was part of a long-range plot to overthrow both of the Celestial Kingdoms, I’d have said you were a complete lunatic and that he didn’t have it in him. I can’t believe I was so wrong.”

“Maybe after a few decades he’ll mellow out and they’ll let him come back?”

“Your father and God would be foolish to risk it. He’s a direct threat to both of them and I can tell you right now that if they let him out he’ll try again.”

“It was a long shot, anyway. They’re not really the forgive-and-forget sort of guys when it comes to stuff like that.”

“I don’t blame them,” Matt said and slung his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of my head. “I thought when things cooled down a little, I might ask your father if there was some way to visit him.”

“I think they’d be okay with that.” I buried my head in his chest.

“I need to call his mother and let her know what happened to him, but I think I might wait until the end of our week off.”

“That’s probably a good thing. We’ll just shut our brains off and deal with things later, when we’re relaxed and refreshed.”

“Speaking of relaxing and refreshing,” Matt said, “where were you thinking this vacation would take place?”

“I hadn’t, actually. We can’t do anything around anyone else because we’ll be in a time pocket, so it really will be just the two of us. Did you have any ideas?”

“We could hang out in my apartment?” he suggested. “And if we can persuade everyone else out of your place, we can move freely between them.”

“Why would we want to come back here if we’re spending the week at your place?”

“I thought you might want to move your stuff over,” Matt said with a smirk. “Unless you’re looking forward to being roommates with a newly married Tolliver?”

Excuse me? Room with Tolliver? I didn’t think so.

“Tolliver,” I called.

My brother was cuddled up on the love seat with Lisa, while she tried to explain the finer points of Wii bowling to him.

“What? I’m learning how to get a gutter ball.”

“How to not get a gutter ball,” Lisa corrected and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “What you’re doing now is throwing gutter balls.”

“That’s great, but I was just curious, where are you and Lisa going to live now?”

“Here, obviously,” Tolliver said. “Lisa doesn’t like the demonic realm and if living here makes her happy, then that’s exactly where we’re going to stay. Even if it apparently snows enough to hide a Yeti in February. Why?”

“No reason,” I replied, and turned back to Matt.

“See? I’ve already started thinking about ways to fireproof the bedroom. You might know better than me, but is there anywhere to get fire-resistant sheets?”

“I might know of a few places if you think they’re something we’re going to need. There are entirely demonic shops out there, of course. So I hope they won’t offend your innocent Angale sensibilities.”

“I think I’ll be fine,” Matt said and winked at me. “So we’re set? A week of moving stuff from one place to the other?”

“Actually, as sweet as you are to offer, I really think maybe the whole living-together thing isn’t such a good idea right now.”

“You don’t?”

“It’s been a crazy week. Maybe we should slow down and enjoy the ride a bit?”

“But what about the fireproof sheets?”

“Oh we’re still going shopping for those,” I said and leered at him. “Besides, it’s not like we’ve got to go across town to see each other.”

“Point taken,” Matt said. “So how do you want to spend the next week?”

I smiled at him wickedly. “I think I have the perfect place.”

“Really? And where’s that?”

“Watch and learn, oh angelic one.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “Hey, Malachi?”

“What?” The dread demon waved his Wii remote at me. “I’m busy helping His Majesty destroy your brother in electronic ritualized combat.”

“You’re bowling. Hit pause,” I said. “And do me a favor.”

“What?” Malachi said. “Oh, I see. Remember to use sunblock, especially on the sensitive bits.”

“That would probably be best,” I agreed.

He floated to me, pulled two pairs of sunglasses out of his cowl, and opened a portal.

I took Matt’s hand hurried him through. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said as the portal closed. “Really, for all our sakes.”

Matt looked around as the portal blinked out of existence. “Where are we?”

“Dad’s private island in the South Pacific.” I removed my T-shirt before kicking off my shoes. A quick shove of my tail, and the sweatpants were off, as well. My tail and wings extended, and I hovered gently above the ground and smirked at Matt.

“He’s got a private island?” Matt took off his own shirt, letting his wings expand, too. “As in, no one else is here?”

“It wouldn’t be very private if there was someone else here,” I said and winked, flying a bit higher before I took off toward the crystal blue water. Behind me, the soft beat of wings sounded. Instead of letting him catch up, I climbed higher and circled, tilting slightly. I dropped like a bird of prey onto his back and pushed him into the water.

Instead of floundering, he twisted us so I was underneath him, and then he kissed me. For all I complain about my dad and the hassles he’s put me and the rest of my family through—the wings, the tail, the horns, the moving every couple of months, the constant, impulsive need to be doing something at least slightly evil, and the crazy Angale who decided to blow us up—being the daughter of the Devil had some definite perks.

And the best? Being immortal means never having to come up for air.

Acknowledgements

Nobody writes a book on their own. Especially not someone like me. Heck, most days I can’t manage to get out the door in a matching outfit without help. And, as I’ve learned pretty quickly, a book is much harder than that. So there’s a bunch of people I’d love to thank and many more that have helped I’ve probably forgotten.

First, I’d like to thank my husband Ben for being so supportive of this little “hobby” and not allowing anyone –even me—call it that without jumping down our throats. Then I need to thank my mom for her support, my kids for their patience with mommy’s writing time and how it sometime intrudes on the things they want to do.

Thanks as well to my critique partners Angie Kirsch and Melissa Stark for reading
Luck of the Devil
in its infancy to make it a thousand times better than the original draft. And to Liz Pelletier, Libby Murphy, Cathy Yardley, and all the other authors, editors, publicists, and other people who make up the Entangled Publishing family.

Finally, thank you to Anna Robinson, my yellow rose of Texas, who took the time years ago to email the author (me) of a short story she saw online to tell them how much she enjoyed their work and how she thought they should keep at it until they were published. Sometimes the kind words of a perfect stranger are even sweeter than those you hear from the people you love. Thank you for being the perfect stranger who became a great friend.