Lucy and Linh (9 page)

The boys had their sports. Every weekend they would play tennis and cricket against the other schools in their league. Their sport was serious, a way for them to exercise their competitive streaks, for those streaks to burst into glowing colors for the school and smear their rivals. If an Auburn boy played particularly well, he was celebrated by his team. An individual skill or talent brought them all a step closer to victory.

We had sports too, but our sports always seemed an inferior imitation of the boys'. They had cricket, we had softball. They had basketball, we had netball. Girls wanted to play the former; no boys wanted to play the latter. While some of the girls went to see the boys play, none of the boys ever came to Laurinda games. And then some of the girls had ballet, which was more a daily practice in perfectionism than a sport.

If we tried to do four or five jumping jacks to warm up before class, we would be met with “Girls, don't be silly. You're not freshmen.” The gym was the only place for that kind of behavior, and we had gym only once a week for two hours. The girls had to get their kicks another way.

Over the weekend Gina had gone into the city, and when she was at the Dux department store, she ran into the lead singer of Mercury Stool, her favorite band. She grabbed a blue notebook and pen from the stationery department she had been standing in and ran after him.

“Let us have a look, hey, Gina?” Brodie said, and the girls milling around Gina parted like the Red Sea. Brodie took the book from her and examined it. “Wow, this is amazing,” she marveled to Amber, and passed it along.

Amber held the book up to the light. “Incredible.”

“You are so lucky!” fawned Chelsea.

“Thank God they didn't charge me extra because it had his signature on it!” Gina said, suddenly shy, realizing these girls held her sacred object in the same reverence.

“My father will get it valued for you by his friend Gregory Mitchell,” Amber offered, handing it back.

“No, thanks, Amber. I'm never going to sell this!” Gina hugged the blue notebook to her chest.

“Come on, Gina. I mean, I know you think it's priceless and all, but Gregory can tell you how much it will be worth in ten years' time,” said Chelsea. “Gregory valued a
Neighbours
swap card my mum's had since 1987, and you wouldn't believe how much it's worth today.”

“I don't care how much it's worth to others,” said Gina. “It can't mean more to anyone else than it does to me.”

I saw Chelsea rolling her eyes at Brodie.

“Well, he can at least tell you how to mount and frame it properly for your room,” said Brodie gently. “Come on. We'd like to do this for you.”

Week after week, Gina asked about her notebook. Week after week, Amber told her it was with Gregory, getting valued…until one morning. A crowd milled around Amber, who sat slumped at her desk. “I'm so sorry,” she said, her huge eyes filling with tears when Gina arrived. “I feel so guilty. Gregory lost it. He said he would look into it, and must have left it around somewhere….He thinks his wife put it out in the recycling.”

“On the bright side, I suppose it must not have been worth as much as we thought,” Chelsea said, patting Amber on the back. Because Amber was crying so much, Gina could not. But I watched her as she tried to keep her chin under control. This school sure taught you stoicism.

Another time, the Cabinet turned on Katie. “What are you doing your oral assignment on?” Brodie asked Katie, who considered herself a Russian history expert.

“Tsar Nicholas's family, and the mystery of Anastasia. Lucy and I are thinking of reenacting the murder of the royal family, but from a modern-day forensic scientist's perspective.” For two days, this project had been all Katie would talk about at lunchtime.

“I don't think it's a group assignment, Katie.”

“Ms. Vanderwerp said that we could work together.”

“Well, Ms. Vanderwerp told me that it was an oral presentation, to assess our speaking skills. That's what she said to
me.
But if you want to make a song and dance about Tsar Nicholas and his family, by all means go ahead.”

“I'll go and ask Ms. Vanderwerp.”

“Sure, and of course she'll say yes to
you,
Katie—if you really want to torture us with fifteen minutes of your version of
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
”

Katie made no move to see Ms. Vanderwerp.

“But we could totally do it,” I told her at recess. She was sitting glumly, the quietest she had ever been. “Come on, Katie, it'll be fun.”

“Nah.”

“But you said you've already started writing the script.”

“Nah,” Katie said sadly. “Don't want to look like a fool.”

When the week of the presentations arrived, Katie stood up and read from two pages of notes. “Nikolay Aleksandrovich Romanov was the last emperor of Russia and grand duke of Finland, known as Bloody Nicholas to his enemies because of his approval of anti-Jewish massacres and pogroms, and his execution of political rivals.”

Katie's sentences were far too long and left her breathless; she'd forgotten that words typed on a page were different from spoken words. In the middle of her talk, the Cabinet stood up and left the room. Katie noticed and looked up, losing her place. She looked back down at her notes and finished her talk, but when she walked back to her desk I could see that she was shaking.

Suddenly the Cabinet reappeared, in full costume—Brodie in a fake beard and a greatcoat with epaulettes, Amber in a long gown and tiara. Chelsea was a younger girl with a frock that fell beneath her knees and a yellow ribbon in her hair. They had created a slide show of images that, when projected onto the wall behind them, served as historical backdrops: the tsar's palace, the carriage ride in the night, the murders, the forensic scientists and their theories. The last slide was a picture of a bookshelf, with Brodie replacing a book titled
Shelving the Enigma.

At the end, the whole class clapped.

“They copied us!” Katie hissed to me.

“It's not copying when no one else has done this sort of thing before,” Chelsea said, smiling.

Katie looked pleadingly at Ms. Vanderwerp.

Fortunately, it was Katie, and not Brodie, who had spent entire lunchtimes last year sitting in Ms. Vanderwerp's little office with her Russian dolls, her photos and postcards of Moscow's underground railway. It was Katie who had regaled Ms. Vanderwerp with stories of seeing Lenin embalmed in his glass coffin and her theories of the tsar's missing daughter. It was Katie who had made sure that she did not sneeze or cough in Ms. Vanderwerp's presence.

After class, as Katie and I were walking out, the Cabinet followed us. “I know you feel like we stole your idea,” said Brodie. Damn it, the Cabinet was always a step ahead—they even denied us the pleasure of backstabbing them! “But do you two seriously think you could have pulled off something like this?”

“You guys were great,” Katie conceded. “Really.”

“Thanks, Katie,” said Brodie generously. “But you know what? You were our inspiration. When we saw how revved up you were, we thought, hey, why not? Why not go all out? After all, if Katie Gladrock is not afraid to put herself out there, even risk embarrassment, well, neither are we!”

“You are a champ, Katie,” gushed Chelsea. “A champ.”

Linh, these girls were like the disembodied clowns' heads you find at carnivals, the ones with the open mouths. The game looked so easy, but only when you played it did you realize that the heads were always turning from side to side, reminding you,
“No! You can't win!”

When the Cabinet left us alone, we found our usual spot near the maintenance shed.

“They're kind of mean, aren't they?” I asked Katie.

“Oh, no, the Cabinet's all right,” she reassured me. “Once you get over their pranks, you'll see they're okay. I mean, they were really nice to get Gina all those Mercury Stool posters.”

“But they lost her notebook!”

“Yeah, but they felt really bad about it. Amber was crying, didn't you see?”

Was Katie blind?
“But they stole your idea!”

“It was a bad one anyway,” Katie said. “They improved it. Come on, Lucy, as if we were going to get up there and do what they did.”

“We were!” I said. “We were so going to do it!”

“Well, you would have been the only one up there, because I wasn't going to.”

For the first time, I heard a hint of defensiveness in Katie's voice. I'd assumed that she and I felt the same way about the Cabinet. I'd assumed we saw them through the same lens.

“Our parents used to be friends,” Katie confessed. “In fact, it was Brodie's mum who introduced my mum to my stepfather. They were really close back then.”

It now dawned on me that I was like a brand-new camera; all my snapshots were only a few months old. But Katie was an old Kodak with a very long roll of film inside, filled with images and events from a decade spent at Laurinda.

Poor Katie, I thought. She acted as if this tenuous link to the Cabinet actually meant something.

The next week, when results came in, Ms. Vanderwerp read them out to the class:

Katie: A+

Brodie, Amber and Chelsea: B+

“What?” Chelsea whined.

“I assessed you not just on this one assignment, but on your work across the whole term,” said Ms. Vanderwerp.

“That's not fair!” protested Amber. “You never told us you were going to do that!”

“Our assignment alone would have bumped up our term's marks to an A at least, wouldn't you say, Ms. Vanderwerp?” Brodie was using her most reasonable voice, which was like a knife dipped in Nutella: so sweet and soft on top that you could easily overlook the menace that lay beneath.

“Your group assignment was excellent,” Ms. Vanderwerp said. “But all term, you three girls have been distracted—and, what's worse, distracting others too. You don't seem to take history seriously. So I am afraid I had to deduct marks for effort. You need to learn to apply yourselves consistently, not just when it suits you. I'm sorry, girls.”

“You're not, but you will be,” Chelsea muttered quietly, and then blew her nose loudly into a tissue. It was like a trumpet heralding war.

I had the feeling that something was about to happen, but I couldn't talk to Katie about it at school. She was so garrulous that she could speak for thirty minutes straight, and her pet topic this week was Mussolini and fascism in Italy. I had to think of a way to make her
listen.

I decided I would telephone her at home. That way we would be free from the eavesdropping of other girls, and I might just get a chance to say something that would not be interrupted.

Linh, I really didn't need you to be there, but you came anyway, and I was grateful. You still found my Laurinda life fascinating back then. We sat on my bed, and you had the Lamb in your lap.
Do this,
you instructed me in a crazed Southern preacher drawl.
Lead the poor blind soul out of the dark! Switch the lights on in the Cabinet for her!

We waited for the Lamb to stop squealing and clapping over your performance before I picked up the phone and dialed.

“Who is this, dear?” her grandmother said when I asked to speak to Katie.

“A friend from school,” I replied.

When Katie answered, she said, “Oh, hi, Lucy!” all excited to hear from me. I guessed that no one ever called her.

“Hi, Katie,” I said. “Listen, I'm a bit worried about stuff going on at school. So I thought we could talk about it.”

And—hallelujah!—she asked me to explain. I managed to get through a minute's worth of words before she cut me off.

“Lucy, you're worried about nothing,” she said. “I get that you're coming to a new school and everything must seem so weird, but it really is nothing to stress over, I swear. All the girls at Laurinda are nice.”

“But I am worried,” I said. “I've been here long enough now to see the way things are and it creeps me out.”

“No,” Katie replied firmly, “Lucy Lam, you see things as
you
are. And you see them wrong. I get that you're Asian and respectful and came from a Catholic school and all that, but you don't understand pranks.”

At that point, you pulled the phone from my hands and switched it off. You hung up on her! You said,
What kind of racist shit is that?

She's not racist, I explained. She likes Asians.

Don't say I don't look out for you!
you told me as you redialed her number. “Katie,” you said before I could stop you, “why do you keep defending those bitches?”

“What?” I could hear Katie on the other end. “Who is this?”

“Lucy.”

“No, it's not. You sound nothing like her.”

“Oh yeah? Not Asian and respectful enough, I guess. But screw that. Katie, these girls are real pieces of work. Kicking others when they're down. Stealing credit. Parading through the school like princesses.” I almost laughed, Linh—your attempts to sound like a Laurinda girl were hilarious. “Treating the rest of the students like crap.”

But I could tell you'd got under Katie's skin, as this time it was her turn to hang up.

The next day, Katie pretended that our bizarre, passive-aggressive, interrupted phone conversation had never happened. She just kept talking as she had before, with me occasionally asking a question. But there was a strange new vibe between us, and I got the feeling that I'd crossed a line. I was the new girl, and I wasn't supposed to have opinions about Laurinda yet.

I had been hoping my honesty would bring us closer, but instead it made me keep my distance. There was something off about this school, and the more Katie rabbited on, the harder it was for me to pay attention. It all seemed so trivial—how Gina was leaving a single flower she pilfered from a neighbor's gardens in front of Mr. Sinclair's office every morning; how Amber was organizing a Mother's Day high tea for Laurindans and their mums; and how Katie was bringing her grandmother to it.

At Christ Our Savior, this harmless gossip was what connected us and got us through the school day. But here, in light of the other things going on—how at lunchtime a girl had pulled a lettuce leaf out of her salad, rinsed it under the tap, walked behind Ms. V and pretended to cough violently while flicking her with it; or how the flowers Gina left were accompanied by notes that, although not exactly dirty, tiptoed around the edge of decency (
If you had a band, I'd play the central organ
)—it felt like Katie was living in a bubble.

One lunchtime I shut myself away in the library.

“Hey,” said Katie when she found me. “What are you doing?”

“I've got a lot of work to finish for Mrs. Leslie,” I lied.

“Do you know what Gina put under Mr. Sinclair's door today?” she asked me, about to sit down and chew my ear for half an hour. “You'll never believe it, but—”

“Sorry, Katie, I really need some time to finish this off.”

“Sure,” she said, and left me alone.

The next two lunchtimes I did the same thing, and each time Katie came to find me, I was very pleasant to her. “I'm sorry, Katie,” I said the first time, “I've got to finish off some work for politics.” The next time it was: “I'm a bit stuck on this unit in biology about genetics.”

The final time she came, I sighed and said, “More work from Mrs. Leslie. Apparently I'm really behind.” I looked back down at the exercise book in front of me, filled with lists of words from
Gatsby
and a paragraph about the Jazz Age.

“Oh,” said Katie. I knew she had spotted that paragraph, and I cursed myself, because I had the feeling that she might be about to give me a twenty-minute lecture on the era. But she didn't sit down. “Well, good luck,” she muttered, and left.

I could now hear my own thoughts, something that had become harder and harder to do the more I hung around Katie. I didn't need new friends anyway, Linh, when I still had you to confirm I wasn't going mad or seeing things. You were now coming over after school every day, minding the Lamb as I did my homework. It was such a relief. You made me feel more myself again.

In history the next day, instead of our usual work, Ms. Vanderwerp had brought in a copy of Aung San Suu Kyi's
Freedom from Fear.

She handed us some photocopied passages from it, including:
It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.

“I disagree with this,” commented Katie. “How can those who are oppressed be considered corrupt? I mean, it's not their fault they're living under dictatorships. They're not the ones doing the bad things.”

I put my hand up.

“Lucy?” Ms. Vanderwerp was always happy when I spoke up, because it was so rare.

“It's not saying it's their fault,” I explained. “It's just saying that fear corrupts them. Like, people living under dictatorships turn in their own families to the authorities.”

“Well, then,” Ms. Vanderwerp said, “let's explore the effect of fear and power on…”

“Excuse me, miss,” Chelsea interrupted, “but we've already done this with Mr. Sinclair.”

“You mean you've talked about the political situation in Myanmar?”

“No, we've talked about how power is used and abused, and all that stuff.”

“Well, for those of you who were not lucky enough to be in Mr. Sinclair's politics class, this discussion will be of interest, I'm sure,” continued Ms. Vanderwerp.

“Umm, no, it's not,” said Gina bluntly.

“Discussions about history and war are always interesting,” Ms. Vanderwerp went on. But what she didn't see was that you can't teach anyone about power when you don't have much of it yourself. “Live in peace, or die in pieces,” she said. No one laughed, so she laughed by herself.

Ms. Vanderwerp laughed at her own joke.

I saw Chelsea roll her eyes at Amber.

Amber pretended to pull out her own fingernails with the fingers of her left hand as tweezers.

Chelsea stuck out her thumb and forefinger to make a gun. She then pointed the gun at her own temple and pulled the trigger.
Shoot me now.