Lucy in the Sky (6 page)

What was that for? Ross wanted to know.

Lauren said it was for being a heartbreaker and that we weren't here for hot gay guys, we were here for cosmos.

Blake laughed hard when she said that, shouted COMIN' RIGHT UP, then started pouring vodka and cranberry and some other stuff into a martini shaker. I had never had a cosmo, just seen them on TV. The women drinking them were always wearing high heels like Lauren's, and they didn't ever seem to feel ugly or at a loss for words, like me. I looked around at Ian
and Blake and Ross and Lauren, and all of a sudden I didn't feel like a loser anymore.

Blake passed me a martini glass with cold pink liquid about to slosh over the rim. I took a small sip off the top as he held it. It was SO GOOD! It was sweet, but not syrupy like wine coolers. It was so cold and a little tart, but then as I swallowed it, I felt the warmth of the vodka all the way down. Blake grinned at me over the rim of the glass, like we were sharing a secret. He told me I had perfect lips, and when he said it, I blushed. AGAIN. He was so cute and had this little dimple when he smiled halfway. He actually reminded me a little bit of stupid Nathan—only Blake is MUCH COOLER.

By the time I finished that drink in the kitchen with Lauren, I was feeling SO BUZZED. It was so much fun, and Blake had cranked up the music in the living room. Ross grabbed Lauren's hand and reached for mine, and I pulled my hand back like Ross was a hot stove. I felt this weird stab in my chest and just looked at him. No matter how much I didn't want to feel it, I was hurt; hurt that he hadn't mentioned he was gay; embarrassed that I hadn't figured it out; afraid that he thought I was stupid for having a crush on him.

He must've seen it in my eyes, 'cause he tossed his bangs in that little way he always does, and said, I have to dance with you right now.

I crossed my arms, and said, Why?

He said because it's a rule that the gay dude has to dance with the two hottest girls at the party, and Lauren's already coming, so that just leaves you.

I peered up at him through my lashes and said, I flat-ironed my hair at 6 a.m. for you that first day we went to the beach.

Lauren threw her head back and laughed so hard she snorted. That made me start giggling, and suddenly I was leaning against Ross to keep from falling down. We all laughed so hard we almost cried, and just like that, with a group hug and a good laugh, all of the embarrassment melted away, and I realized that there was something better than making out with Ross would ever be: dancing with him at this party.

Blake followed us into the living room that ran the length of the house. It had gotten dark outside finally, and the pool was lit up, flowing over the edge of the cliff. The moon was high in the sky, and I felt so good! The cosmo made my head feel all warm and I was laughing with Lauren as we sandwiched Ross between us and danced with our hands up in the air.

Blake danced up behind me and I felt his hands on my waist. My heart started beating really fast, and at first I pulled away a little, but then he gently pulled me back into him and whispered in my ear. He said, I don't bite, and I laughed, and then he said, At least not hard anyway, and that made me smile.
I leaned my head back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt him pressed up against me. I could barely breathe!

The doorbell rang, and someone answered, and a another big group of Blake's friends found us in the living room. As Blake kissed and fist-bumped and high-fived his way around the room, Lauren came dancing over and whisper-yelled over the music, OMG! BLAKE LIKES YOU SO MUCH. Then she said, C'mon let's go get more cosmos.

So we did.

Lauren's cosmos tasted as good as Blake's did! I asked her how she learned, and she just flipped a long strand of blond hair over her shoulder and raised her eyebrow. She said that some girls are scouts and learn how to sew buttons and tie knots. She'd been mixing drinks for her mom since she was 12.

We danced our way back to the living room with our glasses and danced with these two really tall guys who were twins, for what seemed like hours. As we danced, I kept looking over at Lauren and thinking how comfortable she was with all of this, and then I realized: SURPRISE! YOU'RE comfortable with all of this, and it felt so AMAZING. I knew that this wasn't just me being there with Lauren. It was the cosmos. They totally helped! I'd always heard all of this stuff about how dangerous it was to drink and how many teenagers get killed in drunk
driving accidents, but no one ever told me how it actually FEELS to be buzzed on cosmos and dancing with two hot guys and your new friend at a party overlooking the ocean!

Somehow my glass kept getting refilled and it felt like we were dancing for hours. I was feeling really buzzed when one of the twins asked Lauren if we wanted to come outside with them for a cigarette. Lauren just laughed and said that tobacco was totally gross. Then she blew the twins a kiss and dragged me upstairs, giggling.

When we got to the master bedroom, Blake was leaning over a mirror on the bedside table. I didn't really see what he was doing, but when he saw us, he popped up and rubbed his nose, sniffing, and said LADIES! really loud, like us coming in was the best thing that had ever happened. Lauren sort of froze and was looking down at the bedside table. I followed her gaze and there was a mirror sitting there with a little pile of white powder on it. I was FREAKING OUT! I didn't even know anybody who KNEW anybody who did cocaine, and now there was a pile of it sitting right in front of us.

I felt an arm come around my waist and somebody kissed my neck, and I turned around to see Ross. When I saw him, he pinched my stomach, and it tickled, so I giggled and twisted around. Right then Blake pointed at the mirror and asked Lauren if she wanted to do a line. I guess he meant sniff a line
of cocaine because I'd never actually heard anyone offer someone cocaine, much less SEEN IT RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME!!!

I sort of held my breath. Ross was watching Lauren too. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, WE aren't doing any REAL drugs. But I might show a little leg for a joint! Ross whooped and shouted TAKE IT OFF, BABY! and pulled a little tinfoil pouch out of his pocket, waving it around. Blake cracked up, and before I knew it, he had set up this really big glass tube with about 3 inches of water in the bottom. Ross called it a bong and gave me a step-by-step on what he was doing as he loaded some brown powdery stuff into the tiny bowl on the side.

I was feeling all spinny from the cosmos, and when I saw the brown powder in the tinfoil I said, Oh no! Ross, your weed went bad. It's all brown! and everybody cracked up. Blake came over and told me I was his new favorite girl and that this was called hash—which Ross said is like just the part of marijuana that makes you get high, or something like that. I can't really remember. All I knew was that Lauren said if I liked pot, I'd REEEEEEEALLY like hash.

SHE.

WAS.

RIGHT!

OMG.

I took one hit off of the bong, and the smoke didn't even make me cough. When I smoked joints with Ross, it took a couple minutes to feel anything. Maybe it was 'cause I'd already drank three cosmos, or maybe it was just 'cause this was hash, but it hit me—WHAM! The minute I blew the smoke out I felt SO HIGH.

Only, this high was DIFFERENT. I didn't feel paranoid, like I sometimes do when I smoke pot. I just felt floaty, and good. I'm not really sure how we got downstairs, because the next thing I remember is Lauren kicking off her high heels and standing up on the diving board with me. Blake had turned the music on the outside speakers up really loud, and Blake and Lauren and I started dancing on the diving board.

Lauren saw the twins and jumped down to run over and say hi, and then it was just me and Blake dancing on the diving board over the pool. I could see Ian and Ross were down by the edge where the pool seemed to drop over the cliff. Ross had his arms around Ian's neck, and there was this smile on his face that made me feel so good inside.

I spun around a little too fast, though, and I guess I was drunker than I thought, or maybe it was the hash, but the next thing I knew I had fallen in the water. And the most AMAZING thing happened: I started laughing. I mean,
usually I'd have just fallen apart from embarrassment and wanted to just drown. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Falling off the diving board right in front of a WHOLE PARTY full of people staring at me like that?

The water felt cool against my skin, not too cold, and I saw all of these bubbles burst up in front of my face and realized that I was laughing. I was laughing at myself, and how silly it was that I was dancing on a diving board with a 20-year-old boy anyway, and then OF COURSE that I was the klutz who would fall into the water, and it felt AMAZING!

Of course, it only took me about 10 seconds to think all of this, but the hash was still playing with my sense of time, I think, because it felt like quite a while. Only, I wasn't panicked from being in the water, just laughing at myself, and then through the bubbles from my laughter, I saw another body splash into the pool and then swim toward me. It was BLAKE! He had jumped in with all of his clothes on too, and I felt his arms around me as we swam up to the surface.

When our heads popped out of the water, I heard the music again and I heard Blake laughing. I turned toward him as Blake found his footing near the shallower end of the middle of the pool. He pulled me closer and said, Gotta be careful dancing on the diving board. He said it with a big sweet smile. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I closed my eyes and just felt weightless
in the water, with Blake's arms wrapped around my waist and my legs tangled up in his.

Ross and Lauren were suddenly at the edge of the pool, and Ross shouted, OH JEEZ! Come up for air you two! And then I heard Lauren giggle, and I looked up just as she pushed Ross into the pool, then jumped in herself. All of a sudden the whole place turned into a POOL PARTY and about 20 people were in the pool with their clothes on, laughing and shrieking, and in the middle of it all Blake and I were floating around kissing. I can't remember when I've EVER had more fun in my entire LIFE.

After a while Blake helped me out of the pool and we went upstairs to get towels. When we were in his bathroom, he took off his shirt and jeans right there in front of me, like it was no big deal. He draped a white robe over my shoulders. Then we kissed for a long time. OMG! I HAD NEVER KISSED A GUY IN JUST HIS UNDERWEAR. He was just wearing a pair of black briefs, which I thought was sort of sexy because most high school guys wear boxers. Not that I've seen a lot of them except when their jeans are riding low. But Blake's underwear looked sort of expensive and made him seem like a grown-up. I was leaning up against the sink, and Blake was breathing really heavily. I could feel that he was hard through his underwear and it was pressed right up against me. I made
out with Sean last year when we went to homecoming, and it was the same thing, but Sean was wearing jeans at the time, and he was kissing me like he was going to swallow half of my face. Blake is a MUCH better kisser, and he was kissing my neck and giving me goose bumps all up and down my arms (even WITH the robe on) when I heard Ian calling my name and coming up the stairs.

That's when I remembered I had a curfew.

Blake wasn't too happy that I had to be home so early. He kept pulling me closer to him and whispering “don't go” into my ear, but I finally giggled and pushed him away. Back downstairs, Ross, Lauren, and Blake traded cell numbers for everybody. Lauren kept laughing and hugging me and saying OMG! I'm so happy we met! We're going to have so much fun!

As I headed downstairs in my soggy clothes, my head was starting to feel a little heavy, like I couldn't hold it up by myself. Blake leaned in for one last kiss and whispered, When will I see you again? in my ear. I tried to say “soon,” but the room was kind of spinning and it was like my tongue was made of a big cotton ball, only it was heavy and I couldn't make it move the way I wanted it to. Ross was laughing and said, C'mon, princess, let's get you to the car.

Somehow I got to the backseat of Ian's SUV, because the next thing I remember is Ross yelling, WHOA WHOA
WHOA, and Ian must've pulled over, because I felt the car swerve and then stop really fast. Ross opened the door, and I leaned over and barfed really hard onto the curb. My head was pounding, and Ross was there, helping me sit back up in the car.

I remember pulling up to our house, and I tried to get out, but Ross wouldn't let me. He was texting someone on his phone, and the last thing I really remember is Cam coming to the door of the SUV and telling me that I had to be quiet. I don't know what I was saying, really.

When I woke up this morning, I was in bed, and my head hurt so bad, I thought I might throw up again. I went into the bathroom and took some Advil and lay back down again. I must've drifted off, because I just woke up again to my phone buzzing. I have 3 text messages: Ross, Lauren, and Blake. THAT put a big smile on my face just now. I'm SO EXCITED to hang out with all of them again. I want Cam to meet them too. He'd love Blake, I think.

Only next time, no hash when I've had 3 cosmos. UGH. I don't EVER want my head to hurt like this again.

Later …

ARGH. Sometimes I just hate Cam so much.

He is soooooooo pissed about last night. He said that he was almost asleep when he got a text from Ross that I was
wasted and that he had to come get me out. He asked me if I even remembered walking into the house. I said yes, but I don't, and he knew it. He asked me if I remembered talking to Mom and Dad and I said of course I did, and he just shook his head and glared at me and said Mom and Dad were in BED. Then he called me an idiot under his breath.

I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, they don't know I came home drunk, and they're not going to find out. I told Cam he should just calm down. He said, CALM DOWN? You came home last night in a BLACKOUT.

I don't really think it was a blackout. I mean, I still remember most everything. I think a blackout is like when you wake up somewhere and you don't know how you got there, right? Either way, I got sort of scared when I saw how upset Cam was, plus my head still hurt and my stomach felt really gross. I started to cry a little bit, and Cam chilled out. He brought me some orange juice and told me that I had to be smarter about partying, but he was still really serious about everything.