Luke's Absolution (The Colloway Brothers Book 3) (5 page)

My eyes never leave his face, and his refuse to meet mine again. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, chewing nervously.

I tell my legs to move, hefting me off of this bike and back to my car. They won’t.

I tell my mind to stop replaying that kiss over and over and over again. God help me, it can’t. My lips still tingle, reminding me that kiss really just happened.

Luke scootches me back slightly, so he can throw a long leg over the seat. Once settled, he reaches back, pulling me snug to him. Taking my arms and placing them around his waist, he says huskily, “Hang on tight, fireball.”

Then, before I reattach the pathways between my brain and mouth—which were burned away with his kiss—he revs the engine, backs us up, and winds our way carefully out of the lot. Once we hit the pavement, he takes a right and opens her up, forcing me to meld my front to his back or become road kill. Against my will, he hurtles us toward the city where I’ll have to suffer a long, interminable night in the presence of Sin Incarnate himself.

Fuck me. Could my life possibly get any worse?

I
’m royally fucked
. Never, in a million years, did I think that a woman could taste so good. Her unique flavor still lingers in my mouth, making it water. Sugary honey mixed with a healthy dose of stubborn. Over these last several months, I’ve imagined a thousand times how Addy’s lips would taste and what her tongue would feel like dueling with mine for the upper hand. I thought I’d have to wrestle it away from her like a goddamned alligator fight. She vehemently holds on to her reins of control, just like I do.

But feeling her sweetly melt into me after only a second was just about my undoing. My dick will be wearing the metal bite of my zipper for a week. I shit you not; I just about picked her up and carried her back into the apartment, fucking her until we both passed out in sated exhaustion. Then I’d re-nourish us and start all over again until her pussy was so swollen my cock wouldn’t fit anymore. Hell, I almost didn’t make it out of the apartment in the first place after seeing her barely there lingerie. That sight is still smoking in my memory banks, clouding my vision.

I’m no manwhore, although I’ve also never,
ever
had a serious relationship, choosing to move from bed to bed instead. It’s true my door has revolved with too many women whose faces I don’t even remember or care to remember. Not one of them was noteworthy. Not one of them has crossed my mind past the one or two times I fucked them. Hell, if you showed me a police lineup of women I’ve fucked and those I haven’t, I honestly couldn’t tell you which ones I wet my whistle in. That may make me sound like a rat bastard, but trust me, I was doing them a favor. It was wrong to draw a woman into my lifestyle, so I never even tried. Truth is…I’ve never met one I
wanted
to drag into my debauchery.

Until
her
. Christ, I want to debauch Addy in so many ways I need a goddamned journal to note them all, like a bucket list, so I can tick them off one by one after I enact each wicked fantasy currently racing through my mind. Otherwise, I’ll never remember them all.

The minute I laid eyes on Eric’s little sister, the chemistry between us has been arching hot under the surface, like a sleeping volcano. And with one kiss, I just woke that fucker up. The moment my lips touched hers I felt the heat rain down around us and I swear I heard a big cosmic boom. It reverberated so loudly in my chest, I felt its echo throughout my entire body. Twenty minutes later I’m still reeling from its incessant pings.

As we fly down I-94 toward Gray’s, I let my hand drift briefly from the handlebars to curl around hers. I feel her chest expand and her palm tighten against my pec, which twitches under her hand. Before moving my hand back, I glide it from her upper thigh, close to her crotch, and down to her knee, making sure to press my thumb down the sensitive inner meat, which causes her to squeeze me tighter.

I want Addy.
Fuck
, how I want her. My balls have been in a perpetual state of tightness for months. And while I’ve had every intention of just getting into her pants, after only one taste I want more than that now. I’m fucked because I want
her
.

Wanting and deserving are two totally different things, though. I do not deserve her. And after that kiss, for the first time in my life, I
want
to deserve something. But I know I never will and it cuts me deep.

I’m nothing like my brothers. I have not lived a pampered adult life, running a multimillion dollar company. I didn’t have family I could count on, except my mom. My mom has always been there for me even when no one else knew it. I missed dinners and holidays and birthday parties. I have a jaded view of the world that can only come from seeing its vile and depraved underbelly. I’m rough and crude and definitely on the wrong side of heaven. Damaged, at best. Ruined, at worst.

I am not husband material. I am not father material. Hell, I don’t even think I’m boyfriend material. I’ve never wanted any of those things until I came back into the family fold. Watching Gray, Asher, and their women drown in happiness is hard to stomach when I know I’ll never have the same.

As much as I loved Livia, I knew in my heart those things women dream of could never happen between us. There were so many reasons why, the least of which was I was a criminal at the time, even though that was the last thing I wanted to be and in many ways was forced to be. Hell, I thought I’d be pining away for my brother’s wife for the rest of my life…that I’d be on the outside looking in, always wanting what I couldn’t have.

Until I met
her
, the one woman I never expected to meet.

Mine.

Addy is like no other woman I’ve ever known and she continually proves that each time I’m around her. She’s smart, quick-witted, and has a one-of-a-kind fiery spunk I’ve never run across before. I want to shut her mouth with my cock as much as I want to hear the next blistering thing she’s going to say. I’m drawn to her like moths to a goddamned blue fluorescent light. I can’t make myself stay away no matter how hard I’ve tried.

I need to just walk away before I do something I’ll regret. Like hurt her. There is no doubt that will happen. It won’t even be intentional; I could never hurt her on purpose. But that won’t stop it from happening, anyway. I need to drop her off, turn my damn bike around, pack up my shit, and move out tonight, never laying eyes on her again.

Problem is…I fucking
can’t
.

If I thought I felt at peace just being in the same vicinity as her, that’s a fraction of the serenity and contentment I’ve found with her touch. Very simply, she’s the solace to my tattered soul. Her light blinded me the first time I set eyes on her and it felt so fucking warm and good, I can’t even begin to describe it.

And once the spots in my vision faded, I saw color. She’s infused brilliant color back into my life. If you want honesty, she’s the real reason I moved my business here.
She’s
the light that drew me home. Yes, I wanted to reconnect with my brothers, but the genesis behind my move is currently sitting with her pussy pressed snugly against my ass, tits smashed to my back, holding on to me for dear life.

This sounds so clichéd, and I fucking hate clichés: she makes me want to be a better man, if for no one else but her. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks of me. I’ve lived my life on my terms and if someone doesn’t like it, pound fucking sand. But I
care
what she thinks. Probably too much.

God, I hate myself, some days more than others. I deserve a slot perpetually burning right alongside Peter Wilder for the pursuit I’m about to lay on her, because it can’t end any other way than with both of us decimated, our hearts broken and bleeding.

Today I’ve stooped to a new low. I’m about to drag an innocent down with me. I’m just too selfish to give her up.

Yep. I’m a real prince.

W
ith Luke’s easy maneuvering
, it took less than thirty minutes to arrive at Livia’s. Unfortunately, those thirty minutes felt like thirty hours. My skin burns everyplace I touched Luke. So long as I live, I’ll never forget the feel of his masculine perfection pressed against me. And when he briefly caressed my hand and thigh during our cool ride, I moaned. Loudly. Thank God the rush of the wind carried it away. The last thing I need is to stroke his overinflated ego.

The minute he parks his bike, I whip off the helmet and hop off the seat like fire ants are crawling up my jeans. I don’t even look back after my feet hit the ground, not caring if he’s behind me or not. In fact, I pick up my pace, practically running for the front door. Once inside, I wave to Sam behind the security desk and rush to the elevator bank. Pressing the up arrow, I bounce from foot to foot while I anxiously wait. The last thing I need is to be in another closed space with Luke for a second longer.

Yet once again, the luck of the Irish has completely fucked me over; just as soon as the steel doors open and I step through, Luke is on my heels.

“Have to pee or something?” he drawls. Goddamn, he’s good at that. I hate it when men talk almost condescendingly to you, but on Luke, it’s not. It’s as natural and instinctual as breathing and Luke wouldn’t be Luke without that tone and inflection in everything he says. I love it and hate it equally.

“Or something,” I mutter, trying my damnedest not to look at him and his sexiness. He laughs loudly, his deep voice echoing off the steel walls until I’m sure I’ll hear it in my sleep tonight. Great, infect
all
my senses why don’t you.

Damn you, Luke Colloway.
Damn you.

As if by small favors, the elevator rises quickly to the penthouse and the doors open in short order. I exit first and almost as quickly as I knock, Livia answers. Throwing my arms around her, I curse in her ear. “I swear on my grandmother’s grave, I will get you back for this, Livia Colloway.”

“I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about, Addy.” Her feigned innocence grates on my nerves, so I simply glare before turning and heading into the kitchen.

I need a damn drink. A strong one. And a lot of them.

Then I need to use the bathroom to ease my sexual discomfort. Pronto.

“What’s your poison tonight?” Livia asks, the devious bitch sauntering in behind me. Luke is following her, but I don’t look at him.

“Tequila if you have it. And keep ’em coming.”

“No. She’ll have a beer,” Luke interjects leaning nonchalantly against the granite island. He sounds authoritative. Commanding. And pissed. Gray’s already handed him a Heineken, which he’s tipped to his lips while keenly watching me over the top of the green glass bottle.

“Are you for real?” I rant, stalking right up to him. I could give a shit that we’re going to have another audience for our verbal throw down. What the hell…seems to be our thing. “I’ll have whatever the fuck I want. Just because you bulldozed your way into my home does not mean you can bulldoze your way into the rest of my life, Luke Colloway. I’m a grown fucking woman and I can make my own decisions. And if I want tequila, by God, I’m going to have fucking tequila!”

“That was a lot of ‘fucks,’” he drawls mockingly. I grit my teeth hard, biting my tongue in the process. Damn him, the bastard. Then he closes the small space between us, lowering his voice. “Have you forgotten what happened last time you drank tequila, fireball?”

No. No, I have not. I haven’t had a two-day hangover since college, although I did have one after that night. I swore off tequila after that, but I’m so damn wound up, I need something strong to take the edge off. And a beer just won’t cut it. “Stop calling me that, asshole.”

“Because I haven’t,” he continues, unfazed. “I haven’t forgotten how you passed out cold in my arms or how I held your hair as you puked into the garbage can or how your breathing was so shallow all night long I thought you had alcohol poisoning and I was going to have to take you to the hospital.”

I freeze, digesting what he just said. I play it repeatedly to make sure I heard it right. Thinking back to that horrible night, I remember when I woke at almost noon on Sunday. I was in my bra and panties with an old ratty CSU Cougar T-shirt thrown over me and no idea how I’d gotten that way. I couldn’t remember a thing past being lifted into Luke’s arms at the bar and the safety I’d felt in them.

“You stayed?” I breathed, suddenly very uncomfortable with everything he must have witnessed that night. My teeth find my bottom lip. They always do when I’m anxious.

He gently grabs my chin between his finger and thumb, running the pad back and forth hypnotically. I want to yank away from his touch as much as I want to lean into it. But I do neither.

“Of course I stayed. I wasn’t about to dump and run. I’m not as big of a prick as you make me out to be, Addy.”

I’m speechless, and that doesn’t happen very often. His intense gaze has me completely trapped and I’m unable to do a thing other than fall a little bit further into Luke, against my better judgment and definitely against my will.

“Please, Addy,” he softly beseeches. He releases my chin, only to whisper a finger across my cheek, tucking a wayward hair behind my ear. It’s intimate. Tenfold over that blistering kiss he gave me less than an hour ago.

My knees feel weak. My head, jumbled. My face burns where he just touched me. It’s as if my decision on which alcoholic beverage I drink means more to him than anything else in this moment.

Holy shit
. If I thought the fork-tongued Luke was impossible to resist, that doesn’t hold a candle to the caring, sensitive one standing in front of me right now. This is the first time I’ve been personally gifted with the side of Luke that Livia regularly sees. The one I’ve gotten only rare glimpses of.

I like it.
Way
too much.

Danger, danger, Will Robinson. Danger!

“Okay, fine,” I concede, mumbling the words.

He nods slightly, looking more relaxed than he did a minute ago. I have to fight the silly urge to wrap my arms around him. I turn to see Livia and Gray watching with looks akin to cats that swallowed a canary, particularly Gray.

Damn them.

“I need the bathroom,” I announce before I slink away for a few precious moments alone to regroup.

Once I’m behind the closed door, I lean against it and let the confusion of the last hour wash over me. My emotions seesaw more with this man than with anyone else in my entire life. One minute I’m ready to set a horde of angry bees on him and the next I want to throw him down and ride him until my cells are imprinted in his, so even thinking of another woman causes him to writhe in agony.

But right now? Right this minute, I just want to feel the warmth and comfort of his arms holding me like I’m his. Which is utterly ridiculous. I’m not his. I’ll never be his. Men like Luke don’t commit. They flit, like butterflies (or dicks), from one vagina to the next. That doesn’t stop my foolish heart from wanting him regardless.

That’s my problem.

I want the impossible.

I always do.