Luminary (16 page)
The king smiles, and the sight of it makes my stomach want to rid itself of every decadent food I consumed. “Then when New Hope takes her and violently murders her, the Athenians will gladly go to war. I won’t have to argue with them or deal with these ridiculous guilty consciences. They will finally and completely destroy those people and claim the land that should have been ours from the start.”
I am sick. I don’t even know if I can move from this spot. What have I done? What have they done? I am being drugged. I will be killed? And for what? So the innocent people in New Hope can be eradicated to satiate this man’s greed? I came to help promote peace. But I will start a war. A war meant to kill everyone I love.
A
lex rushes from his father’s room. I will wait here until the king’s breathing is regular enough to assure me he is asleep.
The reality of this situation makes my head hurt. The attraction I have been feeling for Alex is manufactured. I assume the drug is administered through the food. Or the perfume. Of course it’s the perfume, “made especially for me,” the woman said. Made from the pharmaceuticals they specialize in. It makes me forget why I am here, who I am, what I know. I am just relieved it hasn’t made me so unaware that I told them about my relationship with New Hope. So far, my friends are
safe. But not for long. When will the king kill me? How much time do I have?
I need to escape. In our travels I have noted there is only one exit from Athens, and that is guarded by several men, who are large and carry weapons designed to prevent people from leaving. Peter scaled a wall from the roof of one of the factories. He explained how to do that, but he also warned that I had to be alone when I did it. But the guards are always nearby. There will be even more now that I am Alex’s fiancée.
Bile rises into my throat as fear paralyzes me.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
The thought calms me, reminds me of my talk with John, of the Designer who cares for me. He allowed me to survive the State, to arrive safely in New Hope. He is with me. That is what the psalm says. I take a deep breath. I need him to show me what to do. How to avoid the drugs, how to get a message to my friends, how to escape.
The king is snoring. I lean my head out the door and see a guard walking from one end of the hallway to the other. One end has stairs that lead to my room. The other has stairs that lead to the workers’ quarters. I do not want to go there. Someone might be awake and see me. I cannot be seen leaving here. I need to get to the stairs that lead back down to my bedroom. I pray that the Designer will make me invisible.
When the guard passes the door and walks toward the other end of the hallway, I move as quickly and as quietly as I can. I am almost halfway down the stairs when I trip over the dress and fall hard down two steps. I bite back a groan, but it is too late. The guard heard me. I hear his heavy feet moving toward me. I run down the hallway.
Right into Alex.
“Who is down here?”
Alex pulls me to him, smothering my face in his chest. He leans into me, his mouth at my ear. “Don’t say anything.” He then jerks his head up in the direction of the guard. I keep my head hidden. Alex’s heart is beating as fast as mine is.
“Sorry, Reginald.” Alex’s voice is quiet, calm. He even injects a bit of nervous laughter. “I was just spending some time with my fiancée. You know . . .”
“Oh, I know.” The guard laughs, and I want to pull away and tell him what is really going on. But then, Alex very likely just saved my life. I keep my head down and feel the guard give Alex a pat on the back. “Sorry to disturb you, Your Majesty.”
Alex doesn’t let go until the guard is down the stairs. When he pulls away, he puts a finger to his mouth and motions me to follow him to his room.
I shake my head. Alex lifts his hands in the gesture of surrender, mouths
Please
. His eyes dart back to the stairs.
I go, but I keep my back to the door after Alex closes it. He defended me back there, but he also stood by and allowed me to be drugged all this time. I cannot trust him.
“I went to your room after I left my father’s chambers,” Alex whispers. He takes a step closer, his eyes full of sympathy, kindness. But maybe the drugs make me think that. I cannot even trust my own thoughts anymore. “You followed me.”
He isn’t asking a question. He knows. Of course he knows. He heard me on the stairs. But he did not tell the guard. “Why did you lie for me?”
“You were hiding in the king’s quarters.” Alex runs a hand
through his hair. “Do you have any idea what would happen to you if he found out?”
“I don’t know. I would be killed violently and the murder blamed on New Hope?”
Alex closes his eyes. When he opens them, he points to a sitting area at the far side of the room. Away from the door. “Please sit and let me explain.”
I refuse to move. My hand is on the doorknob. “I heard it all. Your father tells everyone what to do and they do it. If he is feeling generous, he drugs them so they think they want to do what he has commanded. But if not, they just deal with it. Because he is the king. And you are next in line for the throne.”
“I am not like my father.” Alex is standing inches from me now. His voice is still low but firm. His blue eyes are huge in the dark room. He seems genuine. “Please, just listen to me.”
I recall his conversation with the king. Alex was not happy with the plan. He tried to defend me. He obviously tried to defend his sister in the past. The drugging was not his idea, nor was the marriage or the murder. The least I can do is listen to what he has to say. “Fine. Explain.”
I walk to a chair covered in—what else?—black. Alex sits across from me, hands on his knees. “How much did you hear?”
I tell him what I heard. If I am to have any possible ally here, it will be Alex. And if he turns out to be another enemy—what does it matter? The ruler of the country is plotting my murder. I need someone more powerful than him to save me. Thankfully, I know someone like that. I breathe a prayer to him, asking him to keep the anger from me, to help me think the best of this boy—my “fiancé.”
“Is there more?” I ask, after I relayed the conversation I overheard.
“No.” Alex reaches for my hand. I do not allow him to take it. “Father has been seeking war with New Hope for years, and we’ve had some successful skirmishes. But the soldiers are uncomfortable taking the whole village.”
“What about you?” I hold my breath waiting for the answer.
“The people of New Hope have done some cruel things to us in the past.”
“How do you know?”
“My father—”
“And he is always truthful?” I twist my lips.
“He wanted to have my sister killed in order to start a war.” Alex looks away from me, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I would not have let that happen. I was trying to find another way.”
“And then I came along.”
“I won’t let him use you either.” Alex looks at me now, his gaze so intense my mouth goes dry. “We do not need to win a war that way.”
“You’re opposed to killing innocent people?” I think of the villagers.
“Yes.”
“What about the people of New Hope?”
“We don’t have time to talk about that now. We have to get you out of here.” Alex rubs his temples.
“But the only place to go is New Hope.” I raise my eyebrows as he meets my gaze.
Alex shakes his head. “They are our enemies.”
I debate whether or not to reveal to him the extent of my lies. I was angry at Alex for keeping this from me. What will he
do when he finds out what I’ve kept from him? Will he refuse to help? Decide I am worthy of this punishment? I close my eyes to pray.
John once told me the truth will set me free. I pray he is right.
Y
ou’re a spy.”
Alex is upset. I understand why. I thought the truth would set me free. And I do feel better for having told it. But Alex certainly does not look free.
“How do I even know if I can believe this?” Alex paces back and forth. “You say the people of New Hope want peace. But what if that’s a lie too? Your plan all along may have been to lure me out, and this is the perfect way. Then I die, and New Hope comes and attacks Athens.”
I groan. This is so complicated. Why did I think it would be simple? “They wouldn’t do that.”
“How do you know? You believe them?”
“Yes.” I raise my hands in surrender. “They are good people. Kind.”
“But you thought that about us too, right?” Alex stops and lifts his eyebrows.
“You drugged me.” I think of how I had been feeling about this town, about Alex. Shame battles with anger.
“I didn’t drug you.”
“But your father did—the king.” I lower my voice, afraid the guard might walk by and overhear us. “The leaders of New Hope at least helped me. Some of them doubted us and were wary of us, but I’d take that over being controlled!”
“Why are you so sure they were helping you?” Alex folds his arms across his chest. “How do you know they weren’t using you too?”
“They didn’t ask me to come.” I step closer to Alex. He will not convince me the villagers of New Hope are evil. “I volunteered, insisted.”
“For what reason?”
“They want peace.” I look Alex in the eyes, will him to listen to me. “The Athenians take what is theirs. Some of the men burned down a house—with people inside. They live in fear of you.”
“As they should.” Alex’s eyes harden. But I understand what he is doing. The same thing I did for years: he is repeating what he has been taught.
“In the State, we were taught that the Scientists worked for our good.” I sit on Alex’s couch. He remains standing but he is listening. “The rules, the programming, separating us in pods, eliminating—
attempting
to eliminate—emotions and free
thought: all of that was to help us be better people than the generations that went before us. And it made sense. I believed them. I still do believe they think they are doing what’s best. But I disagree with them. I don’t think it’s right.”
“Of course it isn’t.” Alex plants his hands on his hips.
“Neither is ruling by force.” I say this softly, but it still sounds harsh. I pause as Alex considers this. “Taking what doesn’t belong to you? Planning a murder to incite war? That isn’t right.”
Alex sighs and sits beside me on the couch. “You know I won’t allow that. But my father is following principles that have been in place for millennia. People need a strong ruler. They
should
fear him. Pure democracy places decisions in the hands of people who have no business making decisions.”
“So harming innocent people . . . that’s the sign of a good ruler?”
Alex leans his head back. “It’s complicated.”
“Drugging people so you get what you want without argument is a sign of a good ruler?”
“Thalli, what do you expect me to do?” Alex’s gaze drills into mine. “He is my father and the king. We have laws.”
“So did the State.” I stare right back at Alex.
“But their laws were ridiculous.”
“Their laws condemned me to death.” I look toward the door. “Yours have done the same.”
Neither of us speaks for several moments. “So you think New Hope is perfect, then? They should rule over us?”
I think of the chaos after Diana arrived. How some of the people wanted to send her back, knowing that would mean her death. People were so angry, hurt, scared. “No, they aren’t perfect. But they don’t deserve to be destroyed.”
“What do you want me to do?” Alex stands. “I can try to help you escape, but that won’t solve the problem.”
“It will make it worse.” I stand to join Alex. “Your father will argue that New Hope offered me refuge, and he will send an army out after me. He’ll do even more damage to that village.”
“So what, then?”
The answer comes to me quickly. “Escape with me.”
Alex takes in a sharp breath. “What?”
“If you come with me, your father won’t attack. He won’t risk losing you. You are heir to the throne.”
“You don’t know my father.” Alex’s jaw flexes with an emotion I cannot identify.
“It will allow us to go back to New Hope.” The plan is coming together even as I speak. “You can get to know the people, talk with them. Make a plan for peace. Then you can return to your father. Help him to see the benefits of working together.”
“You think more of my father than you should.” Alex shakes his head. “It will not be that simple.”
“Do you have another plan?”
Alex sighs. “No.”
“Then we escape.”
“No.” Alex walks toward me. “We will not escape. We will walk out with his blessing.”
“What?” I see a plan forming in Alex’s eyes. “How?”
Alex places his hands on my shoulders. “After we get married.”
I
am getting married.
This does not feel right. Not in any way. I think of John’s story. He married Amy after they had known each other for a long time. They had fallen in love. They chose each other and were married before the Designer, promising to stay together until one of them died. But even now, decades after Amy died, John still thinks of her, misses her.
I do not love Alex. I thought I loved Berk. But I threw that love away when I left. For his own good. I don’t even know if we were right for each other. I am doubting that love the longer I am away from him. But is that a result of the medicines I have
been inhaling, or is it truly what is in my heart? I can’t trust my own emotions anymore.
I can’t deny that I have some feelings for Alex. He is certainly attractive. He is kind. We have been thrown together in an impossible situation. The thought of marrying him isn’t repulsive.
Anyway, Alex is right—we have no other choice but to marry. I recall John saying marriage is difficult, no matter who you are with, that it takes work and you don’t always feel love, but you stick with that person anyway.
“Till death do you part
.”
When we marry, Alex will tell his father we are going away for a few days. It is tradition. A “honeymoon.” The king has a special home outside the walls of Athens. Part of the university that used to be there. No one ever goes there because there is nothing around it—no food, no factories. Somehow, this one residence survived when everything around it fell. The first king of Athens claimed it as his right, but it is only used for private meetings. And the days following a royal wedding.
