Lush in Lace (11 page)

I stood, angrily shoving my legs into my
pants while searching the floor for my discarded shirt.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his brows
furrowed in confusion.

“I’m not interested in being your
embarrassing little experiment, Lush,” I bit out. “I won’t be with
someone who’s ashamed to be gay. I like my life outside of the
closet just fine, thank you. So feel free to crawl back in there
alone.”

“I-I’m not gay,” he snapped back.

It was just another nail in the coffin.

“Really? Because you came all over a man’s
ass last night, and you liked it. You liked it a lot. That’s pretty
much the definition of gay, Lush.”

He glared daggers at me. “No. It isn’t. I’ve
been around gay men all my life. I know what it means. I didn’t
fuck you, Rylan. We only—”

“What? We only what?” I interrupted him
angrily. I was too caught up in my own emotions to temper my words.
“Got each other off? Is that what last night was—mutual
gratification? You couldn’t find a willing woman, so you decided to
experiment with a man?”

Scott sank down onto the bed. “Honestly? I
don’t know,” he replied dejectedly, and for a moment I almost felt
sorry for the dumb-ass. “I have no idea what last night was. But I
know I’m not gay.”

“So you just like wearing ladies underwear,
is that it?” I lashed out.

“No. I don’t like that either. I was only
wearing them because—”

I refused to hear anymore. “You know what?
Save it! I’m not interested. You were right last night, and you’re
right now. You’re not gay, and we don’t even like each other.
Happy?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s just chalk last night up to me being
horny and you experimenting and move on.”

“Rylan—” he began in warning.

“What? Are you gonna try and tell me you have
feelings for me? You’re not gay, but you’re gay for me? Is that
it?” I offered sarcastically, even though more than anything I
wanted those words to be true.

“I don’t know,” he whined.

It wasn’t enough. “Well, I do. And I’m done,”
I offered before grabbing my shirt and slamming the door behind me
on the way out.

****

I was in such a rush to get as far away from
Scott as possible, I didn’t even see Jamie at the bottom of the
stairs.

“Whoa! Whoa! Where’s the fire?” Jamie asked,
stepping in front of me and placing his hands on my chest.
“Shouldn’t you still be basking in the afterglow?” he teased.

“Let me go,” I grumbled, not sure how long I
had before I either burst into tears or broke something or
both.

“Hey? What the hell happened?” His tone had
instantly switched from jovial to concerned.

“I can’t do this right now, Jay,” I pleaded,
trying to brush past him. It was no use.

“Too bad,” he bit back, his expression
serious. “What did he do, Ry? You can tell me.”

“Nothing. That’s just it. He didn’t do
anything. Scott Lush is still the same oblivious asshole he’s
always been, only now he knows what my cock looks like,” I offered
flippantly, attempting to go around him again.

“Damn,” my brother hissed. “Come on.” He
grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall and into the living
room.

“How was the honeymoon?” I asked, attempting
to change the subject as I flopped down on the couch.

“Forget the fucking honeymoon, Rylan. Jesus.
What the hell happened between you two?”

Jamie was really upset, not something I was
used to witnessing. He was always the wacky, easygoing brother
where I was the anal retentive, overthinker. Seeing him this
rattled only made this morning’s situation that much worse.

“Where’s BJ?” I asked, avoiding his question.
I didn’t need Scott’s overprotective brother around for the
conversation Jamie and I were undoubtedly about to have.

“He said he needed to take a walk.”

Typical, even Scott’s gay brother couldn’t
handle the thought of the two of us together.

I shrugged. “It’s no big deal. Scott and I
fooled around. That’s all.”

“Nice try. You’re a horrible liar, little
brother. I know how much Scott means to you.”

“He means nothing to me,” I bit back a little
too aggressively. “He’s my nemesis, and he’s straight,
remember?”

“I don’t know too many straight guys who
spend the night with a naked, gay man in their bed,” Jamie
offered.

Duh
! I wanted to shout to the heavens,
but it was no use.

“He was experimenting.” My voice cracked with
emotion when I spoke, and I had to look away from my brother’s
knowing stare.

“Shit. He actually said that?” Jamie asked
shocked.

I shrugged. In fact, those were my words, but
Scott hadn’t disputed them, so I didn’t bother clarifying the point
for Jamie.

“I’m so sorry, Ry.”

My older brother’s pity was my undoing.

“I didn’t want this. I’m too fucking smart to
become this,” I whined.

“What are you talking about?” he asked
frowning.

I swiped at the tears that I could no longer
hold back. “You know how people always say that if you try hard
enough, anything’s possible? Well, that’s bullshit, Jamie. They’re
liars all of them. Because the only thing I’ve ever wanted, I can’t
have. Do you know what it feels like to know that no matter how
hard you try and no matter what you do or say or even become,
you’ll never have the one thing you truly want?”

“Jesus, Ry,” he hissed sympathetically.

“You know what hurts the most?”

“Giving up,” I continued, not waiting for his
answer. “I didn’t realize how long I’d foolishly held on to the
hope that Scott would miraculously change. He won’t and where does
that leave me?” I asked again rhetorically. “I made a promise to
myself that I’d never become one of those foolish, lonely old gay
men, pining away for that one straight man, who will never be able
to love them back. I can’t be that person, Jay. I won’t, even if it
means losing the best part of my life.”

Jamie cursed foully under his breath. “How
long have you been in love with him?” he asked, covering my hand
with his own on the couch cushion.

I stared out the large bay window across from
me, fixated on nothing at all. The sun was shining. The buds on the
trees had begun to bloom. The birds were loud enough that I could
hear them chirping through the closed window, and yet the only
color I could see was gray, and the only sound I could hear was my
heart breaking. Jamie wanted to know how long I’d been in love with
Scott Lush, and my answer would likely shock him. However, there
was no point denying my feelings any longer. I chuckled, thinking
how funny it was that just when I was ready to admit how I felt
about Scott, I was going to have to let him go.

“As long as I can remember. Pathetic, isn’t
it?” I chuckled again, humorlessly.

Jamie squeezed my hand tightly in his.
“Nothing’s pathetic about love, Ry. We can’t help who we love, we
don’t get to choose, our heart chooses for us. I know you may not
want to hear this now, but I think you’re making a mistake by
giving up so easily. I don’t want you to pine away for something
that will never be, but I don’t want you to give up on a chance at
love either. No matter what Scott said this morning, I know he was
lying. If he wanted to experiment sexually with a man, he would
have chosen someone else. It was you he wanted Rylan.”

I couldn’t allow Jamie’s words in right now.
It hurt too much to hope. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t do half
measures, Jamie. Not even for him.”

The two of us sat in silence for a while, our
hands touching. It was comforting to know I had my brother’s
unconditional love and support.

“Sometimes love’s worth going out on a limb
for,” Jamie added after several long moments.

“And sometimes you’re too old to climb
trees,” I replied with finality. I stood and headed toward the
door. “Don’t worry, things between Scott and I won’t be any
different than they’ve always been, at least on the outside,” I
offered.

“Except that you’ll never be able to forget
what it was like to be with him,” Jamie guessed.

The truth of his words stole the breath from
my lungs. “I won’t spend my life chasing after Scott Lush,” I
replied adamantly. “I deserve better.”

“You deserve to be happy, little brother. I
only wonder if you can do that without Scott?”

Sadly, I wondered the same damn thing.

****

-Jamie and BJ-

“What’s wrong?” BJ asked Jamie, knowing
immediately that his husband was upset.

“Scotlan is no more.” Over the last hour,
Jamie had come to terms with the fact that he had no control over
the outcome of Rylan and Scott’s relationship, but he was no less
concerned.

“Shit!” BJ hissed. “What the hell did Rylan
do now?”

“Rylan! Don’t you mean Scott?” Jamie bit
back.

“I don’t know, do I?” BJ replied
confused.

Jamie ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know we promised not to let
our brothers’ fighting get between us. It’s just that Scott told
Rylan that he was only experimenting.”

BJ shrugged.

“That’s it? You don’t think that was a pretty
shitty thing to do?”

“Yeah, but I also think it’s bullshit. If
Scott wanted to experiment, he would have chosen someone else.”

Jamie lunged at his husband and threw his
arms around him in a big bear hug.

“Uuuughhh.” BJ stumbled back a step but kept
his husband tightly wrapped in his embrace. “What was that for? Not
that I’m complaining.”

“I love how we think alike, that’s all.”

“So, does that mean you’re thinking we should
fuck right now because that’s what I’m thinking?” BJ smirked, and
Jamie could feel the truth of his husband’s statement pressed up
against his stomach. BJ was always ready to fuck. It was one of the
ways they were so compatible.

“No!” Jamie swatted at him playfully. “I was
thinking we should get our brothers to work things out. Maybe you
could talk to Scott and get him to admit he has feelings for
Rylan?”

“Fuck no.”

“Why not?”

BJ sighed dramatically. “Because we also
promised we wouldn’t meddle in other people’s love lives—ever.
Remember? Especially not family.”

“But—”

BJ pressed his finger against Jamie’s lips,
cutting him off. “I love you, and I’d do anything for you, but do
you really think Rylan wants me to talk to Scott about his
feelings?”

“No, probably not,” Jamie admitted.

“Definitely not. Our brothers need to work
things out for themselves, and they will. They’re both smart guys.
It may take them a while, but they’ll find a way to make things
work, even if that means they don’t end up together. I know how
much you want their story to end in a happily ever after, Jay, but
you gotta be prepared for the fact that things may not work out
that way.”

Jamie sighed, placing his forehead against
his husband’s chest. “I know. You’re right. How did you get to be
so smart, anyway?”

BJ shrugged and hugged Jamie tighter. He
hated to see his husband upset. “I got it from you.”

“Probably osmosis.” Jamie nodded in
agreement.

“What?”

“Osmosis,” he repeated. “You know like when
one thing passes into another thing. I think my smarts are rubbing
off on you. My guess would be because you have your dick inside me
so much.”

BJ chuckled loudly, shaking his head. Leave
it to Jamie to come up with osmosis. The man never failed to
surprise BJ, which was the very reason he loved him so much. “So
what you’re saying is I get smarter the more I fuck you?”

Jamie shrugged. “Pretty much.”

Pursing his lips, BJ pretended to seriously
consider Jamie’s outrageous claim. “Interesting, but maybe we
should test your theory?” he advised, slipping his hands inside
Jamie’s jeans and cupping his bare ass in his palms.

“N-now? Your brother’s still upstairs. Don’t
you at least want to talk to him?”

“Nope. He’ll figure it out, and he knows I’m
here if he needs me,” BJ said, pulling Jamie in closer and kissing
a path along his neck.

“What if he comes downstairs?”

“We’ll be in the garage.”

“We will?”

“Yep, you’ll be naked bent over the hood of
my car, and I’ll be fucking you,” BJ declared.

“You will?”

BJ smiled at his husband’s continued
questioning. “Unless you have a better suggestion? Because you do
have some great ideas,” he added with a wink.

Jamie puffed with pride at BJ’s compliment.
“I do, don’t I? I know your favorite one too.”

The couple’s eyes filled with lust at the
vivid recollection of their recent escapade.

“Fucking you on that bar stool in Amsterdam,”
BJ shared. “It was pretty unforgettable. I’ve never heard you moan
like that before, and the way your ass squeezed my cock so tightly
when you came…
fuuuck,”
he growled.

Jamie blushed but didn’t look away. “You
could make me moan and come like that again,” he cooed, seductively
tracing around BJ’s nipples through the thin material of the
T-shirt he wore.

“I’ll make sure of it,” BJ promised.

Jamie’s insides began to flutter in
anticipation of their next sexual fantasy come to life. “Are you
going to be the angry cop giving me a ticket?”

“Naw, I’m gonna be the badass biker you cut
off at the last traffic stop, teaching you a lesson.”

Jamie’s cock was now pressed painfully
against his zipper. “Oh fuck,” he hissed.

“I don’t think you want to keep me waiting
now, do you?”

“N-no,” Jamie rushed out.

“Good. Go get naked, spread your ass wide,
and wait for me.”

At the word naked, Jamie had already set off
in a rush toward the garage.

“And Jay?”

“Yeah?” He turned his head, looking back at
BJ.