LUST (3 page)

Carlton stepped next to me and followed my
gaze, “It’s weird the way they’ve just been attracted to one
another like that, isn’t it?”

“I swear I was just thinking the exact same
thing!” I laughed. It was even stranger that he and I had the same
thoughts.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

It was a lovely evening outside. New York
seemed to change hats after the workday is through. The
neighborhoods inhabited by tourists during the day become normal
mini towns in the evening. It was as though the city itself has
worked all day and retired with its family at night. Central Park
was lit up like a Christmas tree as we strolled the wide pathways.
As children, my parents had brought us to New York before the
holidays both to shop and to see the flakes of snow billowing down
from the tall buildings. Department stores with incredible small
scenes depicting old movies and Santa and his elves had delighted
us into squeals of joy. It’d really been a happy childhood for
Palmer and me. Our parents were the only ones we knew who still
adored one another after over twenty years of marriage. Palmer and
I teased them mercilessly about their romantic kisses in public as
well as at home, and they’d laughed heartily at our
embarrassment.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Carlton said as
we watched Jargon and Nucy romp like puppies in the fenced field in
front of us. I hadn’t realized that I’d been so silent during our
walk.

“I’m sorry, Carlton, I’m not much company
tonight. It’s beautiful out though isn’t it?”

He turned his face from the dogs and down
towards me, “Liz, it’s the most beautiful evening I’ve had in such
a long time.”

At work he was so rough he almost smelled
vicious. Here, in the park tonight he was a different person.
“What’s so funny?” he asked furrowing his brows with a smirk.

I shook my head, “No, it’s nothing,” I
couldn’t help but smile.

“Come on, out with it,” he touted.

“It’s just that at work you are so distant,
kind of scary. Here you’re just a normal guy out with his dog.”

He stared at me thoughtfully, “You honestly
want to know my dark secret?”

I nodded almost anxiously, “Honestly, my
shrink told me that I needed to get out more. The only interaction
I have with humans is at work, and all those people are my
employees. He said I needed friends outside of work or my dog was
going to lose his mind listening to me all the time. When I met
you… I can’t explain it, but I felt like you were the friend I
needed. I didn’t know you had a brother; he’s a delightful
bonus.”

I stared at him considering, “So with us you
got a two for one!” I laughed and Nucy stopped in her tracks in the
play yard and watched me. “I’m glad we could help you, Carlton.
Seriously.” I was sincere too. It was good to know that he
considered us friends. I wasn’t sure how being friends outside of
work with my boss was going to play out, but I was looking forward
to being able to stare at him some evenings. The twinkling lights
in the trees lining the pathways played in his eyes lending him an
aura of kindness. Maybe I was wrong judging him the way I did?
Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have an angry, rough side at all? But
the way he’d grabbed me in the elevator earlier had sent the blood
throbbing in my veins. He’d grabbed my arm and physically withheld
me from leaving the elevator! That had to mean more than
friendship. The rush from his roughness had sent shivers up my
spine. So which was the real Carlton Michaud? Was he the brutal
attorney whose touch sent me reeling, or the sweet teddy bear of a
guy tossing the ball continuously for his dog? I didn’t have a
clue.

“Liz, can I ask you a question?” Carlton
stared down at me curiously.

“Sure boss,” I giggled, leaning my face
upwards towards his.

“Would you come up for dinner tomorrow
night?” His words were slow and deliberate, as though they were a
struggle for him.

I was charmed. I liked shy Carlton too. “Is
this part of your therapy?”

He chuckled, “No, it’s not. I’d just like to
have dinner with you.”

There wasn’t a woman in this world that
would turn down an invitation from this man. Most would already be
planning their diamond choices. His dark curls flickered in the
evening wind as his eyes locked onto mine. “I’d love to.”

“Good
God Liz, what are you playing here?” Palmer scrutinized me. “You’re
gonna lose your job fuckin’ with the boss like that.”

I shook my head. Sometimes my brother really
wore on my nerves. Couldn’t he see what I saw tonight? How kind and
gentle Carlton had been? “He just needs a friend, that’s all. He
said his therapist thinks he needs social interaction.”

Palmer was strewn across the sectional in
our living room, a video controller in one hand and his cell phone
in the other. Sometimes I forgot that he was only twenty. His
eyebrows clinched as he stared at me, “That man wants more from you
than friendship, Liz. He’s such a freakin’ hunk that I bet he fucks
all the new lawyers.” His hand went to his chest in faux distress,
“I’m not sayin’ that’s a bad thing, I’d do him. All I’m sayin’ is
that you aren’t the type to be one of his many women. You haven’t
even dated since you caught that cheatin’ bastard Benton.”

“I know, I know. I just don’t think he’s the
playboy you think he is. He’s just a regular guy when he’s not at
work.” My words sounded plausible, but something still rang wrong
with them. I just couldn’t figure out how a man that looked like he
did ended up being without friends, without suitable companions?
Any multitude of women would give their last fake nail to crawl in
bed beside him. It just didn’t make sense that he needed
company.

“Be careful Liz, something about that guy is
creepy.” Palmer returned to his video game, clicking buttons at
lightning speed. I knew it was his way of release; killing virtual
bad guys. But the noises from the game wore on my eardrums.

“Well I like him, and if I end up in a
refrigerator in his storage room then call me wrong. Don’t stay up
all night playing that game, Palmer. You’ll feel like crap
tomorrow. You’re a full time student now; three years, that’s all
you get in this city. Then we’re going home!”

Palmer held up his hand to wave me off.
“Alright! It’s your ass in the cooler, not mine,” he said, his face
never leaving the screen.

He pulled out one of the dining room chairs
for me, as I sat he pulled my hair behind my shoulders, “Look Liz,
I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I
guess I’m just awkward around women. Well let’s clarify, I’m
awkward around you.”

“I don’t understand why. I thoroughly
enjoyed it. Did you not… you know… enjoy it?” I was still terrified
that he no longer wanted anything to do with me. I felt like a
fool, Aunt Kerry would tell me that I’d just given away the barn
for a glass of milk. More than ever now, I wanted this man. I
wanted him for my own. Once again it was nothing more than a crush
and I’d proven what a raving slut I could be. “Carlton, this is my
fault. I’m sorry. I should’ve never come here tonight. I lost my
faculties as we say in the south. I’m going home and let’s pretend
this never happened… please?”

The pain in his eyes threw me for a loop.
You’d have thought I took his last Oreo. “Oh God, I’ve done it
again. Liz, please don’t go. I didn’t mean it wasn’t great. It was
amazing. Please don’t leave me now?”

I searched his eyes for the truth. It
appeared he was being honest; his pupils were still dilated from
our sex so he was a little wide eyed, but his expression was real.
I really didn’t think he wanted me to leave. He’d slid on a pair of
jeans but no shirt. Watching the muscles in his chest ripple I so
wanted to believe him. His hand reached across the table and
covered mine, “I’m sorry, Liz. I’m not very good at personal
relationships. I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid them.
But, I can’t avoid this,” his fingers tapped against mine on the
table.

I tilted my head to look up at him, “I think
you may have touched one too many nerves inside me. I feel like a
silly girl, Carlton, crying like this! I just can’t imagine why a
man like you wants anything to do with me?”

He pulled out the chair next to me and sat
down. Leaning forward he brushed loose strands of hair from my
face, “Because Liz Martin, you are lovely. You are the most
beautiful woman I’ve ever met,and since the moment you stepped onto
my elevator I’ve done nothing but fantasize about you.” He kissed
my lips tenderly, “You. Are. Incredible.”

My tears now dried I gazed deep into his
eyes for a signal that he meant what he’d said. I’ve been so wrong
about men before. I’d trusted Benton with everything and look how
he’d treated me! All along he was sleeping with any first year law
student who’d unzip her pants. I’d been burned one too many times.
I so wanted to trust Carlton; I wanted more than anything to
believe that he wanted me like I want him. With a long breath I
sucked in his smell. It was heaven. There was no going back, no
second guessing. This was all or nothing. I either give myself to
him with no regrets, or act like a spoiled little brat and run back
to my apartment. The answer was clear.

I fished a shrimp from my salad. It was
seasoned perfectly, and I popped it into my mouth and leaned back
against my chair in an act of pretend confidence. “Every woman in
our office must try to get into your pants on a daily basis. After
all, you’re the plaintiff killer. Everyone in the tri-state area
knows you’re the lawyer they want. I bet a lot of them make up
legal problems just to meet you. Are
all
your clients
women?”

He chuckled, “
No
, they aren’t all
women. I do enjoy my job, and I’m good at it. Mike, Benning and I
started this firm right out of law school. We all pull our weight.
It doesn’t leave me much time for social interaction. That’s why I
went to a therapist; I didn’t believe myself when I started
thinking I might want to find the right woman. But after only three
visits you showed up in my elevator. I give therapy a huge thumbs
up. Shit works.” He picked at his salad and nibbled as he
talked.

I burst out laughing. Slowly but surely I
was getting to know him.

The
rest of the week flew by. The lead attorney in my division seemed
pleased with my work, and Carlton filled my evenings. I was
relieved to discover that being in my presence was out of his
comfort zone. That was a good thing in my mind because he sure put
me out of mine! I was about to pack up my belongings for the day
when the inter-office phone on my desk rang. I looked at my bag and
then again at the phone. After the fourth ring I lifted the
handset. “Liz Martin,” I said with boldness.

“Liz, can you come up to my office? I um…
want to ask you something?” Carlton had never called my phone. As a
matter of fact, once we crossed into the Michaud Building in the
mornings it was as though he became the man of steel. He was never
rude to me, but in the office he never gave the tiniest indication
that we were sleeping together. No one at the office knew, and
that’s the way I assumed he preferred it. He spoke to me in the
same distant, friendly way he did everyone else in the
building.

“Sure. Where are you?” I was far too low on
the totem pole to have visited the Senior Partner’s offices.

“Eightieth floor. I’ll be at the
elevator.”

“I’ll be up in a few minutes, sir,” I said
before putting the handset back on the cradle. A shiver of pure
steel excitement ran through me. It’d been a long time since I’d
called anyone I was sleeping with ‘sir.’ I didn’t want to admit I
missed the kinky bdsm lifestyle that Benton had been into. Then
again, Benton had taken another sub besides me. That’d been against
the ‘fucking rules.’ Still, the sexual play had been exciting and I
missed it. Carlton had no idea that I’d been into that. He
certainly never brought up any kind of sexual play. It didn’t
matter; I seriously doubted that I’d ever be bored with his
body.

I stopped by the rest room to freshen up
before catching the elevator. As I sat down, I heard a distinct
sniffling from the stall next to me. When I exited, a short
brunette was splashing water across her face at the sinks. Her eyes
were red and splotchy. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone
else was in here,” she said still choking on her words a bit.

“Are you okay?” I asked studying her in the
mirror.

“I’m fine. Men just suck, that’s all.
There’s your quote for the day: men suck!” she crooned.

I nodded in agreement. I’d cried over a few
men myself. “Surely some of them are decent, don’t you think?” I
was asking for advice more than offering a positive view.

“No!” she shook her head vehemently. “They
all suck. Special consideration is given to Mike Sheffield for
sucking!” Her tears began again and she pressed a wadded piece of
toilet paper against her nose.

Mike Sheffield was a Senior Partner; he was
one of Carlton’s best friends. During one of our many walks in the
park he’d explained how the three of them met at Cambridge. They’d
quickly become a pack, and there they devised a plan on moving to
New York and beginning their own firm. The threesome had stayed
close friends even through the trials of starting a business
together. Mike and Benning had both married American women, and
both already had small children. What the hell was she doing with
Mike? “Mike Sheffield, as in Sheffield, Michaud and Bell?” I asked
afraid of her answer.

She sniffled again but nodded, “Yep. That’s
the prick. I walked into his office an hour ago, and that slut
Shelly from Taxes was sucking his fucking dick! Right in his God
damned office!”

I calculated her words carefully; Mike was
cheating on his wife. I wonder if Carlton knows that? I turned on
the girl in a flash, “What the hell are you thinking? You don’t
come in to the bathroom and tell someone you’ve never seen before
that a Senior Partner is cheating on his wife! That’s fucking
insane; do you want to keep your job?”