Lust Thy Neighbor (23 page)

"I know." He sat down across from her, close enough for their knees to touch. Close enough for Violet to feel there was no electricity left between them. "And I'm sorry to say this, but I just can't
not
say anything on the off chance that—"

"That what?" Her brows rose, incredulous that he would even consider the possibility of reconciliation. "That I'd be happy at the chance to be with you again? You
just
broke up with your girlfriend.”

"Violet." He touched her forearm, but she shrugged away, scooting her chair further away from him. "Listen to me. The more I think about me and Nat, the more I feel like maybe it isn't working because she's the wrong person for me."

"A year ago, she was the big love of your life! I think those were your exact words. In fact, didn’t we both agree earlier this year that maybe we didn’t love each other the way we were supposed to?”

"What if I was wrong?"

She shook her head violently, trying to dislodge the conversation. "Don't do this to me, Henry."

"I'm not trying to do anything to you."

"You are!" she snapped. She stood, dragging her hand through her hair. "You can't just come waltzing back into my life a year after you end our engagement and think that I haven’t changed and I’ll gladly want you back. I don’t, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

"So, that's your answer? You've never thought about the two of us being together again?" His dark blue eyes pleaded with her, but she shook her head.

"No."

"That's a lie. I can still read you. Your lips twitch when you lie, you know.”

"Fine, yes. That was a lie." She threw her hands up in surrender. "Yes, of course I've thought about it."

"Then why can't we do it?"

"Because I don’t think about it anymore! Because I’m over us—I have been for a while now.” She touched her face, surprised to find that her cheeks were damp as she told him, “I'm happy where I am now. The happiest I’ve been in my life, to be honest.”

He hung his head, staring down at her tile floor. "You're saying there's nothing left between us?"

She shook her head. "If we see each other at a party I won't run away. But as to anything romantic? As to friendship? No, I'm sorry. I know you're confused about your feelings, but I think you just need to grow the hell up and make up your mind."

His head snapped up and he stared at her for a long time before standing and walking toward her kitchen door. “You were never cruel before, Vi.”

"No, not cruel. I’m realistic. You need to learn to make your own decisions. If Natalie's the one, great. Good for you. But I know
I'm
not the one for you. And you're not the one for me."

"And this new guy is the one?" he demanded.

She shrugged as if it didn't matter that her heart was heavy after this conversation. "I don't know. But I'm with him. I don’t tolerate him or stay with him because I just need someone to fill a lonely void. I know without a doubt that I love him, and to me, that's real.”

Henry froze where he stood, his throat working as he swallowed, and she realized that was the one comment to snap him out of his funk. He was silent for a long time but then he sighed and straightened up, his eyes serious. "This might sound insincere, but trust me when I say that I'm happy for you."

"Thank you for saying that."

He smiled thinly. "I guess this really is it for us, huh?"

"Yes," she said. It had been it for them last year, but she didn’t say that out loud.

He slowly bobbed his head, not a strand of his perfectly coifed dark hair falling out of place. "I better get out of your way. It's Friday night after all. And you obviously have plans.”

She followed him to the front of her house, her arms still hugged around herself. When they reached the front door, he turned to her, a genuine smile curling his lips. "Tell him he's a lucky bastard." Without warning, he drew her hands in his and kissed her forehead in a gesture of finality. It was bittersweet and yet Violet realized that it was very necessary to give them both a real sense of closure, once and for all.

“I will,” she said hoarsely.

Opening the door, he turned and said, "It's your neighbor, isn't it? That guy you brought to the party."

She nodded, refusing to blush because there was nothing to be embarrassed about. "Yes."

"Well, like I said, lucky bastard." Henry smiled and it felt like he was taking one last good look at her. “I'm just curious ... what did you do with the ring?”

“I sold it four months ago,” she said honestly. “I'm sure it made MustangLover69876’s fiancée a very happy woman.”

A small smile quirked his lips and then he nodded curtly. “Bye, Vi."

She watched him walk the short distance to his shiny BMW, climb in, and drive off. "Goodbye, Henry."

*

D
eclan sat on the stairs facing the front door, willing her to appear in front of it. As pathetic as it sounded, he had been peeking from behind his shutters, waiting for the sight of her ex-fiancé getting into his ninety thousand dollar car and pissing off. But when the first ten minutes passed and then another—and then another— the sick feeling in his gut started to pool. It started to eat away at his confidence. It was a dark whisper that mumbled in his ear reminding him that Violet was lying. His mind flashed back to the time where he had walked in on Serena and her lover, right on the bed that he had shared with her and the idea of Violet doing the same was a brutal first to the chest.

That same whisper told him that he wasn't the kind of man to be with a woman like Violet Kelly or in a serious relationship period.

He had been a fool to think he could love her. She had a history with a man who could give her everything he couldn't. She might have humored him when he took her out for fast food and for a night of mini golf , but when it came down to it, maybe he couldn't compare to Henry Abee. 

He was a thirty-two year old man who had admitted that he had never been in love, who had never made a serious commitment to any woman, who was responsible for a sometimes surly teenager, and had no savings because he dumped everything he had into a small, two bedroom house that had a possible leaky roof and a faulty central air unit.

In the end, he felt foolish for letting his guard down when he should have kept things purely physical between them.

He heard her footsteps before the bell even chimed, and he slid off the steps and took in a burning breath before he answered. He stood, his body blocking the doorway, and glared down at the sight of her surprised expression.

“Hi.”

With her hands in the pockets of her oversized sweater, she looked guilty, and he felt like someone had just kneed him in the balls. “I didn’t realize you were home,” she said. She glanced behind her, probably looking for the truck he’d parked in his garage.

“Surprise,” he said dryly.

“I was coming over to see if Jake wanted to walk Bear, but I'm actually glad you're here.” Dropping her gaze to their feet, she swallowed hard. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Oh?" He hid his anger behind a calm façade. “Maybe that you finished grading papers early?”

She flinched then squeezed her eyes shut. "Henry showed up today. Just now actually. And we talked.”

"What did he want?"

"He and Natalie are having some problems and I guess he's confused. Henry has always been like that with anything important in his life. He's always had a problem making up his mind because his parents basically laid out this epic life plan for him, and I think this is only the second or third time something's gone off it. He didn't know how to deal with things." She took a deep breath, her lips trembling. "He was confused about his feelings. Feelings for Natalie and what he thought were feelings for me. I made it clear that he was the past for me and that I had no intentions to start anything again with him. He understands that now. He's gone."

Declan gripped the doorframe, his knuckles going white as he searched her face for the truth. "Thank you for telling me."

"You're angry at me.” She tilted her head, her brows arching together.

"Yes."

“Why?” When he didn't answer, she pressed her lips together and leaned closer to him. She blinked when he shook his head and took the slightest step away from her. "You're mad because Henry came over? My grandmother gave him my address, so I couldn’t exactly control that."

“I know that.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “At least I guess I know it now. And it's not because of him coming over."

"Then what?” She shivered and released a nervous laugh. “And for god’s sake, Dec, are you going to make me stand out here all night? It's cold.”

"You lied to me," he pointed out, refusing to budge. He watched as her beautiful face paled under the dim glow of his porch light. "I called you, and you didn't say anything about him being in your house.”

"You knew.” Her voice was thin, detached. Her eyes unblinking. “You knew he was there and you didn't say a word.”

"Yes. And then you lied." Just like Serena had lied before her.

"I'm sorry about that." She moved her arms and hugged her midsection as if to comfort herself. "I ... don't know how to explain it. It just popped out. When you asked me if anything was wrong, it was the first thing that came out! You know, like when people ask you how you're doing and no matter how awful of a day you're having the answer is always 'fine.' You know how it is."

His fingers clenched around the door frame, the one he was supposed to get around to sanding and finishing this weekend. He felt the wood beneath his fingers; felt the splinter cut into his skin. "You still lied to me,” he finally said. “And no, I don't know how it is because if my ex was in my house I sure as fuck would've told you.” His gaze hardened. “Unless you weren't just talking.”

She drew in a hard breath, her head snapping up like she'd just been slapped. “Don't be an asshole, okay. I panicked. I panicked because he caught me off guard, but nothing happened with him. Haven't you ever freaked out and said something stupid? I absolutely was
not
over there sleeping with the guy.”

In spite of the headache throbbing against his temples and the buzzing in his ears, he knew she hadn't touched Henry. But even though he heard the logic in her words and part of him understood it, he’d hated that feeling that came over him when she lied about another man being in her home. He hated the uncertainty and helplessness because it brought back all the memories of Serena and how she had lied to him, telling him that she would be going out with friend while she two-timed him over and over again.

“You lied to me, Violet. Fuck, I could take anything from you but lies. No matter how small it seems.”

"And I'm sorry. It was just one of those spur of the moment things. One of those things I'll look back at and wonder why the hell I ever did it.” She took his hand in her own, a breathy sound escaping her throat when he clenched his fingers and glanced away. "I'm sorry that I lied. But you have to believe me. Henry might be confused but I'm not. And that's the important part, right? Besides, the conversation between us had nothing to do with you and me."

"It didn't?" he asked softly as she dropped his hand. "Didn't that have everything to do with us? You talking to your ex about feelings that may or may not exist anymore has everything to do with us."

"We've had misunderstandings in the past. What about the time at my grandparents? You had no problem moving past that."

"That was different."

"How?"

It was before he’d fallen in love with her. It was completely different. "It just is."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. It was stupid of me not to say anything, but it was just a mistake. I'm going to make mistakes, Declan. I'll hurt you without meaning to. And you'll do the same to me. Remember, we talked about this before?"

"Not if there is no future."

"What do you mean?" Her voice was hoarse. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

"It means that maybe I made a mistake."

She shook her head, as if to deny what she knew was coming. "A mistake?"

"I don't think I'm cut out for relationships. For anything serious. I don't have much to give. And I sure as hell don’t think I was meant to fall in love."

"So you think falling in love with me was a mistake?"

He looked at her—at her parted lips and flushed cheeks, at the moisture clinging to her eyelashes—and felt both tenderness and disappointment at the same time. He framed her face gently between his palms. "I don't know. Just hearing your voice not telling me the truth ... it brought back shitty memories for me. And even though I can understand that you didn’t do it on purpose—well, it still fucking blows."

“Pain is a part of life. Of love. I learned that.”

He swallowed. "I don't think I want to do it then."

She pressed her her knuckles to her mouth and stared at him incredulously as she walked backward. Away from him.

For the best,
he told himself.

“You're kidding yourself,” she said. "Your past needs to stay in your past. It's unfair to pin what other women have done to you on me. Life is going to hurt you. You of all people should know that. One moment, the ones you love are around you, and the next, they're gone. Jacob is going to hurt you. You're going to hurt him. You'll both lie to each other and it'll hurt."

"He's family. It's not the same. I don't have a choice with him."

"But with me you do, right? That's what you mean." She took another step backward and shook her head, her chest rising and falling unevenly. "You really are fooling yourself, Declan. Not every relationship can be perfect."

"I'm not asking for perfection, I'm just asking for—"

"For what? No pain.” She dragged her fingers through her hair then clenched her hands angrily in front of her. “You're so deluded."

He let her insult him because he knew he deserved it. But at the same time, he didn't like how she neatly boxed in all his insecurities and faults, tied it into one little package and spelled it all out for him. "Then why would you want to be with me, Violet? I'm not like Henry. I can't give you the things that you want. Have you ever thought about it? If we were together, if we got married, you wouldn't be only getting me, you'd get Jacob too."