Mad About the Hatter (15 page)

“What are these? Gremlins?” Hatter pointed to Alice’s children.

“These are my twins, Carol and Louis.” Alice patted their blond curls. They looked just like their mother. “They’re two years old.”

Hatter gaped at them. “Do you mean to tell me you spawned? I should think one of you is quite enough for both worlds, thank you very much.”

Alice laughed again, and led the two of them into her living room. “Make yourselves comfortable. I’m going to get us some refreshments, and then you can tell me what you thought of Wonderland, Henry, and why on earth you brought Hatter here.” She headed through an arched doorway leading to the kitchen.

For some reason, Henry felt as if he had to defend himself. He yelled after Alice. “I didn’t bring him! He just… followed me home. Like a puppy.”

He heard Hatter’s haughty sniff, and offered him an apologetic smile. With just a single sentence, Alice made him feel like he was nine years old again and trying to explain how he came to break their grandmother’s vase. Was that a talent all big sisters had, or was he just the lucky one? “Sorry. She makes me crazy sometimes. Listen, what is it with you two? From the way you talked back in Wonderland, I got the impression you hated Alice.”

“Hate Alice? Me?” Hatter looked affronted, as if someone had accused him of shaving kittens. “How utterly ridiculous.”

“But you talked badly about her all the time—”

“Of course I did. I had to. The Queen’s spies are everywhere. I told you that. How do you think the guards knew where we were going? Rabbit must’ve squealed on us. The Caterpillar reports back to her as well. One must be extremely careful what one says, particularly when it’s about Wonderland’s Most Wanted Criminal.”

“Alice is a Most Wanted Criminal? My sister? Why?”

“She defied the Red Queen, and later seized the crown, even if it was only for a short while. The Red Queen would
love
to see her head roll. It’s why she wanted
you
so badly. If she couldn’t lop off Alice’s head, her brother’s would be a satisfying substitute.” Hatter took off his hat and smoothed down his hair. “Alice and I agreed to speak ill of each other at all costs, so no one would suspect we were friends. I was thrown in prison to rot because the Queen suspected I didn’t hate Alice as much as I said I did, but without any definitive proof, she couldn’t order my head to roll—at least not while I might still prove useful to her, anyway.”

Somehow, knowing Hatter and Alice actually liked one another made Henry feel strangely relieved… and a little bit jealous. Exactly how much did Hatter like Alice? Not that it mattered—Alice was a married woman with children, after all—but it still niggled at him, like a persistent itch he couldn’t reach to scratch.

“Here we go!” Alice placed a platter on the coffee table in front of the sofa, and poured them all tall glasses of iced tea. “Lemon?”

“Please,” Hatter said. His hat sat on his knee, and his back was ramrod straight. When he picked up his glass to take a sip, his pinkie finger extended gracefully. “Excellent tea. Dormouse would be most pleased.”

Alice settled in an armchair. The twins took up sentry on either side of her, watching Henry and Hatter with somber, wide blue eyes. “How is Dormouse?”

Hatter shrugged. “Well, I suppose. Still serving tea and wishing himself a very happy unbirthday.”

A sad look stole Alice’s smile. “He’s still cursed? He didn’t escape when you did?”

“No, unfortunately. Time still has him.”

Alice’s expression turned steely. “That’s awful. Poor Dormouse! It’s all the Red Queen’s fault. She’s the one who accused you and Dormouse of killing Time. You were both innocent too.”

“I know. She’s only gotten worse since you left. You wouldn’t believe the chaos she’s caused. She’s quite off her rocker, you know. Without the Red King to temper her tantrums, heads have been rolling all over Wonderland.” Hatter sipped his tea again. “Is there mint in this? It’s most delightful.”

For a moment Alice’s eyes widened, then she sat back in her chair with a look of defeat on her face. “It’s no use. I thought I could help, but I see now it was wrong of me.” She stood up, and placed her glass on the table. “Watch the babies for a moment, Henry. I’ll be right back.”

Without another word, she hurried to the stairway and climbed it to the second floor. She disappeared down a hallway.

Henry turned to Hatter. “What the hell is going on here? Is she acting strangely? I mean, more strangely than usual? Do you have any idea what’s happening?”

“Well, that one’s mouth seems to be emitting some sort of glutinous liquid all over your pants.”

Henry looked down, and blotted Louis’s drool from his knee with a napkin. “Not with the twins. With you and Alice. What’s going on?”

“Oh, that. I haven’t the foggiest idea. I suppose we’ll find out soon enough….” Hatter’s voice trailed off, and his eyes suddenly grew large and round. His glass slipped from his fingers and fell to the carpet, spilling tea onto the thick rug, as he sprang to his feet, his gaze glued to the staircase. His face paled, and his jaw hung open.

Henry looked up. A tall gentleman wearing a bright scarlet smoking jacket stood on the stair. Alice hovered just behind him. “Oh, hello, Uncle Leonard. I didn’t know you were staying with Alice. Hatter, this is my mother’s brother, Leonard.”

Hatter’s mouth had dropped open until his jaw nearly touched his chest. He snapped it closed and bowed low at the waist, his forehead nearly knocking against the coffee table. As he stood straight again, the oddest expression of wonder lit his eyes. “No, Henry. This is the Red King.”

“H
ATTER
! S
O
very good to see you again, and with your head still attached! How did you ever manage it? I’d have thought the Queen would’ve lopped it off years ago.” Leonard’s voice was strong and vibrant, although his hair and neatly trimmed beard were silver. He descended the staircase with a light step, and sat in an overstuffed chair in the living room. “Please, sit. We don’t stand on ceremony in this world.”

Alice perched on a spindly-looking rocking chair, and Hatter slowly lowered himself to his previous seat on the sofa, but Henry remained upright. His mind was whirling with confusion. The Red King? How was that possible?

“Henry, my boy, do sit before you fall over.” Leonard arched a bushy white eyebrow. He cocked his head. “Are you quite all right, Henry?” He turned to Alice. “Is he all right? Perhaps we should summon a physician. I knew we should have told him earlier.”

“He wouldn’t have believed us then, Your Majesty,” Alice replied. She got up and went to Henry, urging him to sit down on the sofa. “I know my brother. He wouldn’t have believed until he saw everything with his own eyes.” She smiled at Henry. “My brother is altogether too mulish to do otherwise.”

He did believe, of course, and grudgingly agreed Alice was right about his stubbornness, but couldn’t seem to lose the expression of shock and disbelief on his face. “He… he….”

“Yes, Henry. Uncle Leonard is really the Red King. Well, actually, he isn’t our uncle at all, of course. We only said that to explain his presence in our home to Father. Luckily, Father never met most of Mother’s relatives, so the fib held.” Alice patted Henry’s shoulder. “You understand now why we kept the secret from you, don’t you?”

“No, Alice. I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it!” Henry shook off Alice’s hand. He turned to Hatter. “Were you in on this? Did you know he was here? Is that why you followed me through the mirror?”

Hatter shook his head. “No, of course not, Henry. I swear upon my honor I didn’t know.” He glanced at the Red King. “Everyone in Wonderland thinks you’re dead, sire. I personally always hoped you’d simply run away, but never suspected you might’ve gone with Alice through the looking glass.”

Leonard sighed. “Run away. I never quite thought of it that way. I always thought of it as my great escape, but now I wonder. Perhaps I
was
a coward. You say the Queen has gone—how do they say it here, Alice? Parcel post?”

“Postal, Your Majesty,” Alice answered. “She’s gone postal.”

“Ah, yes.” Leonard nodded. “Maybe leaving was taking the coward’s way out.”

“Nonsense.” Alice shook her finger at Leonard. “She would’ve found a way to make your head roll. I’m sure of it.”

Henry jumped to his feet again. Balling his hands into fists, he was visibly shaking. “Will someone please explain to me what’s going on?” His voice was shrill, nearly hysterical. He felt as if he were losing his mind. It was almost funny, in a way. He’d never felt this close to losing it when he was in Wonderland, not even with talking caterpillars and baking giants and tree sharks, but here in his sister’s living room, among plain and ordinary things like pitchers of iced tea and rocking chairs, he felt as if he were going insane.

“Sit down, Henry. I’ll explain everything.” The authority in Leonard’s voice did more to convince Henry that Leonard was who Alice and Hatter claimed he was than anything else. Henry sat.

“The second time Alice came to Wonderland, I’d already decided to leave the Red Castle. I couldn’t bear what my wife was becoming, or what she was doing to the world I loved. I also couldn’t seem to stop her. Perhaps I was just too weak, or…. Well, I did love her once upon a time, you know. In any case, I thought taking a short sabbatical would help me with the difficult decisions I needed to make.” He turned and smiled at Alice. “Then dear Alice won the crown, and became Queen herself. She offered to take me home with her, so that I might get a respite from my problems, and I agreed. We came through the mirror at the White Queen’s castle. I intended to return. I really did. I even brought a rare, bottled return spell with me in case something happened to the White Castle mirror in my absence.” The Red King sighed, and within it was all the heartbreak he’d suffered. “I didn’t count on it being so nice here. No one screaming day and night, no heads rolling across the carpet…. I wanted to stay forever.”

“And you would be most welcome to stay, Your Majesty,” Alice said. She smiled at him. The fondness between them was apparent to everyone.

“Thank you, my dear.” He looked at Henry. “You were a quite rude young man, as I remember. Always doubting your sister’s stories, belittling her, threatening to have her locked away…. You should be ashamed.”

Henry was, and it showed on his face. “I know that now.” He turned to Alice. “It’s one of the reasons I couldn’t wait to get home. To apologize. Sis, I’m so, so sorry for everything I said and did. I wasted so many years we could’ve enjoyed together by being a pigheaded, stupid idiot.” His face burned with his confession, but he forced himself to look Alice in the eye. “You were right all along. About everything. Can you forgive me?”

Alice smiled at him and jumped up, throwing her arms around his neck. She hugged him tight, and for the first time in as long as Henry could remember, he hugged her back. “Of course I forgive you. If you’ll forgive me for sending you to Wonderland unprepared.”

Henry grinned. “Well, there is that. Why did you do it? I’m glad you did, because I was too thickheaded to believe you otherwise, but what made you do it now?”

“It was my idea, Henry.” Leonard touched his chest and gave a short bow. “Mea culpa. My fault entirely. I felt the animosity between you two needed to end, and the only way to do that was for you to see Wonderland with your own two eyes, so I used the bottled return spell on you.”

Hatter cleared his throat. “Might I ask, Your Majesty, why my name was brought into this plot?”

The Red King grinned at Hatter. “Because I knew out of all my subjects, you would be the one most likely to bring Henry through Wonderland unscathed.”

Hatter preened under the Red King’s compliment. “And right you were, sire. Got him back without a single scratch on him.”

Henry elbowed Hatter. “Not for lack of trying, though. Confection Mountains, Neverglades… I’m surprised we survived to get to the mirror in the White Queen’s ruins.”

Leonard looked up sharply, the smile fading from his lips. “Ruins? What ruins?”

Hatter bit his lip, and looked at Henry. “He doesn’t know. He left with Alice, remember?”

Henry felt terrible. Obviously Leonard cared for the White Queen as his sister-in-law. He’d blurted out news, however indirectly, that should’ve been broken to Leonard gently, with respect and kindness. “I’m so sorry, Leonard. The White Queen….” He trailed off, unable to finish.

Hatter took Henry’s hand, patting it, and left his covering it. “The White Queen is gone, Your Majesty. She was met on the chessboard by your wife and defeated.”

Leonard paled. “Tell me my wife didn’t… not even
she
could be so horrible as to put her own sister to the Axe.”

“She did. I’m sorry, sire.” Hatter’s eyes looked wet, and Henry felt teary himself.

Alice moved to put her arms around Leonard. “Oh, sire, this is all my fault. I should never have suggested you come with me!”

“No, Alice. You had no way of knowing how insane my wife would become. If anyone is to blame, it’s me, for shirking my duty and leaving Wonderland unprotected.” Leonard swallowed hard and wiped his eyes, then looked at Hatter and Henry. “You say she’s out of control now?”

“Completely, my liege. There are frequent beheadings, and for the slightest transgressions—or no transgressions at all. It seems the Red Queen really doesn’t need much of a reason. I believe she finds the executions entertaining, much as she used to enjoy croquet.”

“That sick witch! Enough is enough. She’s gone too far.” Leonard stood up, seething. For all his age, the crimson smoking jacket didn’t hide the way his muscles bunched under the fabric. He was still a strong man, despite his years. “I must go back. I will take back the kingdom, and see to it the Red Queen hurts no one else. Hatter, you’ve always been loyal to my throne. Will you help me?”

To his credit, Hatter hesitated only for half a moment. “Of course, Your Majesty.”