Mad for the Billionaire (6 page)

Alexander leaned close, overwhelming my small body with his much larger frame. “
Look
at me.”

Something about his low whisper reached in and forced my compliance. My body halfway turned before I could stop it.

Sadness glimmered in his gaze. He feathered his thumb along to the top of my cheekbone. “Little chick, how are we going to fix this?”

I indulged my weaker side. I leaned into his caress, remembering it as one of his favorites. “You don’t have to fix me, Alexander. I’m not your burden or responsibility. Everything that happened between us was a long time ago, right? We were both so young and...”

Young and stupid and I was so damned insecure the second time around that I ran away from you before you got a chance to run from me.

I cleared my throat and found words to replace the ones I couldn’t say out loud. “And things happen. Besides, it’s in the past.”

He rested his forehead on mine. “But it’s not in the past, is it? Nothing between us ever really was. And it’s not so long ago that I’ve forgotten what we meant to each other.”

“Alexander…”

His hand settled onto the back of my neck like a collar. “Ask me, Sophia. Go on—ask me.”

I didn’t need clarification. I knew what he meant. Licking my dry lips, I whispered, “Are you seeing anybody?”

“No,” he replied just as softly.

“Oh, okay.”

“Think about what that means,” he commanded before pulling away. “Your pie’s going to get runny and my ice cream’s just about melted. Let’s finish this up so we can be on our way.”

I took a deep breath, lifted up my spoon, and held it out. “I stopped you. Here, try some.”

Alexander looked at me and smiled, so sweet and tender that I had the sudden urge to lay my head down and cry.

He took a bite and sighed, “It’s good. Very, very good.”

We finished our dessert in silence. When it was time to go, Alexander stood up and held his hand out to help me out of the booth. I didn’t hesitate in taking it. When his fingers curled around mine and didn’t let go, I didn’t fight it. And when Alexander lifted our entwined hands up to his mouth and kissed my fingertips, I didn’t pull away.

Our silence continued on the ride back to MLM. Once in the parking garage, I made to get out as soon as he parked the car. Alexander stopped me with one hand.

“Sophia.”

“Yes?” My high-pitched voice thrummed with restrained excitement. I tried again, careful to modulate my tone. “What is it, Alexander?”

“Lunch wasn’t long enough to hash out when we needed to. I’ll need you to stay late and come see me after six. I’m in the CEO’s office.”

“Sure. Do you want me to bring Mark?”

Alexander warm gaze frosted. “Absolutely not.”

“I see.” I did and I liked what I saw. “You don’t want to talk MLM business then.”

“No.”

“Okay.” My body pulsed with forbidden excitement. Giddiness made me suddenly want to laugh. I controlled myself on the slimmest of margins.

Once we got out Alexander walked me to the garage elevator but didn’t step in with me. “Aren’t you coming up?”

“No. I’ll be up later.”

I felt like an awkward teenage girl again. I barely resisted the urge to tuck my hair behind my ear. “You know Mark is going to grill me about my lunch with you.”

“Really? What are you going to tell him?”

“Just that we were catching up on small town gossip.”

Alexander remained quiet, dark gaze inscrutable. I sensed he wasn’t entirely pleased with my answer. “Okay, I’ll see you after six.” I pressed the 7
^th
floor button.

Alexander kept the doors from closing. “Come here, Sophia.”

I stepped forward, nervous and curious. “What is it?” He regarded me in silence, his gaze suddenly filled with something so close to love that I couldn’t help but let my emotions bubble to the surface.

“Did you enjoy your lunch with me, Sophia?”

I nodded, unable to speak for the longing to touch Alexander again.

“I enjoyed it too.” He smiled and let go of the doors. “Be a good girl and go to work, little chick. We’ll talk soon.”

The silvered doors slid shut, giving me the privacy to sag against the wall.

I shouldn’t want to feel this love but I did. God knows I did.

Present Day and Time

“
What do you think of me when you look back?”

My words hung in the air. Courage faltered, leaving me to wish that I could take them back.

Alexander’s hand petted me, going from the top of my crown to the bottom of my hair in long, steady strokes. It felt divine. My shoulders lost some of their tension as I relaxed my body against his leg. Only then did he speak.

“I didn’t quite place you as a stalker, but I think you would’ve come close to meeting the current definition of one, don’t you? Every where I went, there you were. Like a little chick trailing after her momma.”

I frowned, wishing I could share in his teasing amusement in how he came up with my nickname even as a thrill shot through me. All I could think of was that time “back then” was when I had unequivocally, positively, and for the rest of eternity been innocently mad for Alexander.

Even my mother, the very one who had unceremoniously turned me over to my grandmother before leaving town with Alexander Whitman Draven Sr., had cautioned me to “have some dignity and pride” when it came to mooning over his son Alexander Monroe Draven II.

“
A man likes a woman to have a bit of spine, Sophia. You left yours somewhere yonder. Must get that from your daddy because you sure as hell didn’t get it from me.”

“I’m sorry. It’s so embarrassing. I can’t imagine how much trouble I caused for you.”

“Aww, don’t be sad, Sophia. It was cute.” He tipped my chin up. “I eventually thought you would’ve dropped me once some jock got your attention. There was one in particular who wanted you to be his girl, remember?”

“I didn’t want a jock. I wanted you. I wanted to be
your
girl.”

And I still do.

I flushed, going hot and cold over how badly I needed all of Alexander. Why was I surprised? My body had already adjusted, probably happened as soon as I had heard he was coming back into my life.

Did I ever really think I could be in the same room with him and not need him? Alexander was my obsession, one I thought I could push off into the dank corners of my mind when I wanted to pretend I was normal.

A great big game of pretend which I played rather well.

Just like I pretended each man I went to bed with was him. Lights off, eyes closed, was enough impetus for my imagination to bring Alexander back to my bed.

No wonder those men never had a chance.

“It’s my turn for a question, Sophia.” Alexander’s hand swept my hair off my shoulder and rested his hand on my exposed neck. The sensation of being collared rose again. “What was it about me that you wanted to badly? I was an overachieving nerd. Hardly the type that pretty girls like you usually chase after.”

He had to be joking.

Alexander’s brilliance shone like the brightest star in a pitch-black sky. He inspired me to push myself, to become bright enough to share the same sky. He showed me that it was possible to be different, to rise above the mess of my tattered life and aim for the heavens.

How could I explain that to him? How could Alexander understand it without looking down on me in scorn for rearranging my whole world to finally being good enough for him?

Truth is I still didn’t think I was good enough. And that stuck in my craw more than I’d like to admit.

I stalled. “You were the smartest person in that town, but you were hardly a nerd. Overachieving—yes. Nerd—no.”

His chest rumbled. It sounded much like a purr. His fingers slid along the hollow of my throat. “You’re so sweet, Sophia. Sweet and wrong. Now answer the question.”

I took a deep breath and plunged off the cliff. Why try to keep hiding?

“You were everything I wanted to be. Just being in the same room with you made me feel like I could be something more than what I was, where I came from.”

“That’s adulation. Not love.”

I clenched my eyes shut for a moment. He didn’t understand so I tried again. “The heart wants what it wants, Alexander. It can’t be rationalized. All I know is I loved you when I didn’t even know how to love myself. That was the defining part of my dysfunction when it came to my feelings for you. I projected my lack of esteem on what appeared to be your overabundance in order to compensate.”

Alexander squeezed my throat once and then released it. His hand resumed its position on the back of my neck. “How much therapy did you have to pay for to recite that bit of babble?”

Humiliation burned my core. I wanted to lash out and cry all at once. The urge to bolt also pressed down almost as hard as his hand did. “You even knew about that.”

“Of course. I’ve kept track of you as soon as you turned on your utilities in Georgia. The more money I made, the more I learned. You were never far from my thoughts, little chick.”

“You could’ve picked up the phone and called instead.”

“Could I? No, I don’t think so. Even today you would’ve pretended like I didn’t exist if I didn’t force you to acknowledge me. Go ahead—try to deny it.”

I moved my head until my chin rested on his knee. I looked up at him and admitted, “You’re right. I would’ve pretended. It’s what I do, Alexander.”

“Did you really think I’d let you?” His gaze bored into mine, filled with things that were unsafe for me to want.

“I didn’t know. We parted badly. For all I knew, you wanted to forget about it as much as I did.”

“Is that what you’ve been trying to do all these years?” When I remained silent, Alexander drawled, “How’s that been working for you?”

“Terribly,” I answered honestly, voice clipped and hinting at the anger simmering deep inside.

“That should’ve been enough to let you know to change direction.”

The mockery running through his tone was enough to finally make me snap. I made to stand up but he merely tightened his fingers, easily keeping me down on the ground. Maybe it was where I belonged when it came to him, but I wasn’t entirely willing to accept that just yet.

“Alexander, that’s so easy for you to say, isn’t it? Well, you weren’t the one who had wasted over half your life pining over someone who could never love you the way you loved them!”

“Wrong.”

“I’m not wrong! You never wanted me like I wanted you!”

“You don’t really believe that, do you? Are you really that goddamned blind?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Several tears escaped and rolled down my rage-red cheeks anyways. “Why did you do what you did this afternoon?”

“You mean why did I make love to you?” My haunted liquid stare forced him to qualify. “Okay, make love to you rather roughly. I did it because I wanted to.”

“And you didn’t think I’d say no?” I needed to hear the words. I needed to understand if Alexander knew something flawed about me, something that had always been there and just needed the violent nudge to be let free.

He shook his head slowly. Lust crept into his enigmatic gaze, hypnotizing me like prey. His beautiful voice poured over me, thick and persuasive. “I don’t think you’d say no now.” Alexander released the back of my neck only to grip my chin. He bent down and carefully kissed the corner of my trembling mouth. “You never knew how.”

I sagged against his large body. Passion’s longing burned, seducing me to follow him anywhere despite my flush of shame. “Am I just a slut to you then? Something to use and discard?” I cried out when his fingers bit into my soft skin.

Alexander’s aggressive glare swore something ugly. Heart stuck in my throat, I stared him down and waited for the denial that never came.

Please, please, please say it isn’t true. Not about me. Please!

Time ticked away like it always did. Heartsick, I muttered finally, “Let go of me. Now.”

“No.”

“I said let go!” I yanked my chin away and stumbled to my feet. I backed away, desperate and humiliated by his poisoned silence. He stood up. Pointing one shaking finger at him, I gritted out, “You just stay away from me, Alexander! I’m no man’s slut, you hear? Anything I gave to you I gave because I loved you.”

Alexander’s ebony gaze blazed with a fire far more dangerous than I ever remembered him possessing. He morphed into a predator ready to strike me down. I was too enthralled to have the sense to do more than hiss and spit at him.

“And today, Sophia? Why did you give yourself to me today?”

I couldn’t answer that. Not now, not with all the ugliness churning under the surface. I turned on my heel and stalked away. I didn’t make it far.

“I asked you a question.” Alexander yanked me back towards him. “Answer it.”

I exploded, enraged at his questions and furious for the traitorous part of me that yearned to obey. “Let go of me!” I slapped at his back, neck, and arm. Each blow made me angrier; angrier for sliding right back into my old habits and angrier because he wouldn’t obey. “I said let go!”

I was dead-wrong if I thought he would take it. Alexander easily wrestled me down onto the floor. His handsome face darkened with fury so immense I thought I’d choke on it.

“This will be the
last
time you throw this kind of a fit, Sophia. You will
not
raise your hand against me. Do it again and I will make you
bitterly
regret it. Now apologize.”

I swallowed hard, attempting to bring back my tattered dignity. “Sorry.”

“
Sincerely.
”

I licked my lips. It was difficult to hold onto my anger when feeling his large hard body against the soft hollows and curves of mine. “I’m sorry for hitting you, Alexander. You’re right—I shouldn’t have put my hands on you like that.”

The words instantly made my throat close up. I remembered all the times I pushed and slapped him in the past and how enraged he would be over it. How many times had Alexander walked away just so he wouldn’t finally retaliate in kind? How could I have ever behaved that way to the man she loved?

Husky and remorseful, I whispered, “I never should’ve done it. Now or then.”