Made to Love (31 page)

Two weeks.

Two weeks ago, I thought I had everything.  The
job, social status, wealth, parents—no matter how fucked up they were, they
were mine . . .two weeks ago I thought I’d had her.

Reagan.   Finally I had someone I could truly
envision spending the rest of my life with.  We had been on our way to
something real. . .something greater than I’d ever imagined possible for
myself.

And now?  I’d quit the job, my father was
never going to approve of me, and my mother was on her way across the states to
rehab.  And Reagan was gone.   And I missed her with an intensity that almost
made it difficult to breathe.

The full weight of all I’d lost, the mistakes
I’d made, and the things I’d ignored for the last two years crushed me as I sat
in my car, unleashing a violent storm of aching sadness I hadn’t experienced
since the night Thomas had died.  I pressed the heels of my hands against my
eyes, as if to force the tears to cease. 

Five minutes.  It was all I would allow
myself to wallow in this pit of despair I’d seemed to have dug for myself. 
And
then you gotta pull yourself together and move on.

Thirty minutes later, I pulled up in front of
my apartment, and wearily climbed the few steps to the door and let myself in. 

And then I saw her.

Reagan

My heart slammed against my chest, pounding
so violently that I was sure it echoed loudly in the silence surrounding us. 

He looked. . .different.  His blonde hair was
still as tousled as ever, and his face was still beautiful enough to make me
want to weep.  But his eyes.  They looked haunted, sad. . .dead.  Dark circles
glared angrily from beneath them, and it was obvious he hadn’t been sleeping. 
They were also tellingly red and slightly swollen, as if he’d just moments ago
been doing some crying of his own.  
Dear God, had Katherine taken a turn
for the worse?

Silence loomed.  He didn’t appear to be even
breathing, but then I wasn’t so sure I was either.  Had it really only been two
weeks since I’d sent him away at the hospital?  It seemed a lifetime ago.

He tilted his head slightly, and opened his
mouth to speak, but then closed it again.  Those eyes.  He’d been crying.  I
cleared my throat.  “Your mom. . .is she okay?” I whispered.

He blinked.  “She’ll get there,” he replied
softly.

And that was it.  I didn’t think, I didn’t
stop and wonder how it might seem, or what it would mean tomorrow.  I raced
across the distance between us and threw myself at him, wrapped my arms around
his neck and burying my face in his chest.  “God, I’ve missed you,” I breathed.

He exhaled, slowly and deeply, and I felt his
hands reach up and cup the back of my head, as if to hold me there.  His heart
was beating rapidly beneath my cheek and I whimpered under the weight of all
that I wanted to say, all that I needed to say, and yet being able to do
nothing more than stand here and soak in the feel of his arms, the feel of his
powerful body against mine. 

He tilted my head back and stared down at me,
those emerald eyes of his against misted with unshed tears.  “What are you. .
.how. . .are you really here?”

“I’m here.”  I grabbed his head and pulled
his mouth to mine.  Explanations would come later, but now?  I needed this.  I
needed him.

“Shit, Reagan. . .what—“ he mumbled against
my lips.

“Later,” I promised.  “Please.  Right now, I
need to feel you.  I need. . .” My words were lost as he came alive, assaulting
my mouth with a vengeance, like a man possessed.   Our tongues clashed as he
cupped the sides of my face in his hands, kissing me as if his very life
depended on it. 

God, yes! 

I tugged on his shirt, pulling it over his
head, and ran my fingertips over his nipples.  He cursed under his breath and
lifted me up against him, guiding me back against the kitchen counter. 
Anticipation tingled in my every nerve ending as he hastily fumbled with the
front of my jeans.  I lifted my ass up off the counter to allow my jean and
panties to pass as he peeled them off me and flung them across the room, while
I frantically worked his zipper down. 

This was real.  It was raw . . . frenzied. .
.two people desperate to feel each other again after too much time apart.  He
hooked his hands under my butt and slid me forward, and my legs locked around
his the same time he slammed into me.  I gasped, feeling as if I couldn’t catch
my breath.  I pulsed around him, and knew I wasn’t going to last.

He stilled, and reached up to push my hair
back from my face.  He held me there, staring into my eyes as if he needed to
again see me to remind himself I was really here.  That this wasn’t a dream.  I
tightened my ankles around his back, making him sink deeper into my depths and
he groaned.

He brought my mouth to his and kissed me, as
he began to move.  Deep, hard thrusts, relentless in their pursuit of my
orgasm.  I leaned forward and licked his nipple and tugged lightly at it with
my teeth. 

“Fuck, baby!”  He thrust faster, harder, and
his hands and mouth were everywhere.   The granite countertop was unyielding
against the base of my spine as he tilted me back, angling himself to where his
pelvis hit my clit with every thrust.  “Come for me. . . .let me see,” he
panted as my body tightened around his cock.

He turned my face until our eyes locked. 
“Now, that’s it.” 

I stared at the face I loved more than I’d
ever imagined possible, seeing his heavy blonde hair falling against his brow,
those ridiculously long eyelashes and full, sensuous lips that whispered sexual
obscenities at me, and then my eyes fluttered closed as I shattered.

He held the back of my head in one hand, and
gripped the cupboard door behind me with the other as he came violently inside
me.   Ragged breathing slowly calmed, and I sat limp on the counter against
him, wearing nothing but my bra and t-shirt.  He stood before me, pants and
boxers around his ankles, his head resting against the cupboard.  His lips
moved against my shoulder as he whispered “you’re here” over and over.  We were
both spent. 

I trailed my fingers up and down his back,
peppering tiny kisses in the crook of his neck. 

He lifted his head suddenly, and stared down
at me in panic.  “Shit, I didn’t . . .I took you unprotected.  I’m sorry, I
wasn’t thinking—“

“Shhhh,” I replied.  “I got on the pill a few
weeks before I left.  It’s okay.”  I smoothed his unruly hair back from his
forehead. 

He captured my hands and held them to his
chest.  Shadows crossed his features, as the reality of the last two weeks, the
things done and said, all the things not said, suddenly loomed between us.  Sex
between us had never been the problem, and I couldn’t just come here and think
we could fuck our problems away.  The reason for the last two weeks had to be
dealt with. 

He pulled out and away from me, and bent over
to pull up his jeans.  I looked around for my own, finding them hanging from
the back of a kitchen chair.  I dressed and then turned to face him, finding
him leaning back against the counter, watching me.  It reminded me of the first
time I’d ever spent the night in this house, hungover from the night before,
and stumbling downstairs to find him standing much as he was now.

“Why?”

It was an honest question.  Why was I here? 
After two weeks of complete silence, and considering how angry I was when I
left, why now?

I sat down on a bar stool, suddenly feeling
nervous and awkward, despite having thrown myself at him—literally—minutes
ago.  “You needed us,” I shrugged.

“Us?”  His eyebrow raised in question.

“Me, and Jacob.  He got your text and . . . I
had to come.  To see you were alright.  With Thomas. . .and now your mom. . .”
I trailed off as one corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile, and he shook
his head, as if he was suddenly realizing something.

“Right. . . he did say he was out of town.” 
This said more to himself than to me.   “And is that the only reason you
came?”  He gripped the countertop behind him in a white-knuckled grasp that did
not go unnoticed.  He was perhaps just as nervous as I was.

“Why did you convince Isaac to hire me?  You
didn’t even know me.”

He dragged his hands through his hair and
sighed heavily.  “I don’t know. . .I saw you that day in the elevator and knew
you were without a doubt the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.  And, you
didn’t know who I was, and that intrigued me.  Women always know who I am, who
my father is, and they always see dollar signs.  You didn’t.  And I think that
is what first captured my attention, once I got past that gorgeous face of
yours, anyway.”

I blushed as I recalled the first time I’d
seen him in the elevator after my interview at Elite.  I had been just as
affected by that encounter, thinking he was just an employee or someone there
for an interview as well.  How wrong I had been!

“You didn’t know me,” I repeated.  “I could
have been a terrible candidate with no experience whatsoever.”

He nodded.  “You could’ve.  But you weren’t. 
Isaac showed me your resume, and you had the right schooling.  You just needed
the experience.  And you did prove yourself during your time there.”

And the projects that had been practically
handed to me on a silver platter had given me the perfect opportunity to do
so.  “You should have told me.”

“I know.  But really, how would I have gone
about telling you something like that?  You would have been just as pissed,
either way.”  He was right about that, I supposed.  “I thought you would exceed
expectations, and in the meantime I would get the chance to have you in my bed,
end my fascination, and no one would be the wiser.  But you posed a problem for
me.”

He pulled out a barstool and sat sideways,
facing me.  “You weren’t like everyone else.  You weren’t flinging yourself at
me every chance you got.  Instead you were doing your damnedest to make sure I
knew I couldn’t have you at all.  I thought about you every second of every
day.  The more I tried to stay away, the more I wanted you.  Being just your
friend?  It about killed me.  And I realized rather quickly that what I was
feeling for you was far more than just mere fascination.”

I traced the design on the countertop with my
finger.  “I was hurt and angry when I left, Nathan.  And I really didn’t give
you a chance to explain.  And seeing Jacob?  It was too much.  I just. . .I
don’t know.  I had to get out of here.”  It was my turn to sigh.  “There’s so
much you don’t know, things
I
should have told
you
.”

I cleared my throat, trying to swallow past
the gigantic lump that had taken residence there.  I hadn’t told a single person,
beyond Helen and my therapist, the things I was about to tell Nathan.  Jacob
knew, but he’d been there with me.  Fighting my natural instinct to clam up, I
calmly poured out the story of my childhood to the man sitting across from me. 
All of it.  My mother and her addiction, all the men, Charlie . . .and Buddy. 
About finding our mom dead, being turned over to the state, and losing contact
with my brothers.  About Helen, and how she saved me.  And how Jacob and I had
returned to our childhood home just the day before to try and do some healing
of our own.

All of it.

I hadn’t realized I’d even started crying
while talking, until I felt his hands on my face, brushing away my tears. 
“Baby, I’m sorry.  . .I didn’t know.  My God. . .”

“I’m sorry, too.  For placing demands on you
and never explaining why.  It was unfair.  You are the first person I’ve told
all this to, and it was hard, but I had to tell you.”  I took his hand.  “You wanted
to know why I came back?  Here it is.  This is me,” I pointed at myself.  “The
good, the bad and the very ugly.  And you have to know all of it because I
don’t want any more secrets between us.”  Fresh tears fell to wet my cheeks. 
“I didn’t want to, and I fought it every step of the way.  Thought if I left,
it would just go away.  But it hasn’t and it won’t, and I don’t want it to.” 

I placed his hand against my cheek.  “I love
you, Nathan Preston.”  I heard his quick intake of breath as his fingers curled
against the back of my neck.  I always thought when I said these words to a man
I would be nervous and fighting nausea, or some other nonsense.  But saying
them here, now, to this man, had never felt more right, and I was never more
sure of anything in my life.  Like Helen had said, we’d probably drive each
other insane, and times when it would be tough, but I loved him.  And there was
no one else I wanted to grow insane with.

“I love you so much. . .more than I ever
thought possible.”  I stood and lifted his arms out to his sides as he stared
at me in confusion.  “I don’t know if I can do this.  But I love you enough to
try.”  I stepped closer to him, until I was molded against his chest.  I left
my arms at my sides, closed my eyes and waited. 

Slowly, tentatively, Nathan dropped his arms until
they rested lightly around me.  I felt the familiar tingling along the back of
my spine as I started to tremble. 
Please, God.  Please help me be able to
do this!

“Reagan,” he said softly.  “Look at me.”

I opened my eyes and lifted my head to meet
his.  His arms still held me, there, but barely touching.  “It’s me,” he
whispered.  “Just me.  And I’m not going to hurt you.”

I nodded and his arms tightened slightly,
pulling me in closer to him.  I felt light-headed, but the urge to slap him and
run, or worse yet, pass out, seemed to be fading.  I watched his face as he
pulled me in close enough to lock his hands behind me.  “It’s just me, baby. 
Just you and me.”

Nathan was hugging me.  It wasn’t tight, and
probably much looser than he would’ve liked, but he was hugging me.  I let out
a sob as I realized he was the first man to ever hold me like this.

And I had survived.

He kissed my cheek, where a lone tear had
nestled on its way down.  “I love you.”  His voice cracked with emotion as he
kissed my other cheek.  “I love everything about you.  What you did just now? 
Telling me about what happened to you, and then being brave enough to let me
hold you like this. . .you amaze me.  And I promise to work my ass off every
single day just to be worthy enough to call you mine.  I love you. . .I am
in
love with you.”

He kissed me then, long and hard, full of
promise and hope for the future, whatever that might be.  “Don’t ever leave me
again.  Promise me.”

I slid my hands around his waist and
squeezed.  “Cross my heart,” I vowed. 

I laughed as he picked me up and headed to
his bedroom. 

I was finally home.