Maggie's Five ...the first in a LOVE story (20 page)

“
That
your phone again Maggie?” It’s one of those stating the obvious
questions, so I don’t bother with a reply. “What, that’s like… the
sixth time since breakfast?”

I shrug, more
interested in watching a young girl, maybe three or four years old,
climb onto a springing pony. She’s cute with her pigtails swaying
while she bobs back and forth, and there’s a dirty smudge down the
front of her top.

We’re quiet,
both watching the children play and the scattering of parents, some
interacting with their kids, others sipping coffee from take away
cups chatting, keeping a close eye on their young
families.

I find the
display endearing, not hurtful as I expected. I brush my cheek then
look at my fingers to find them dry, and smile a real smile that
crinkles at the corner of my eyes and feels kind of
amazing.

“
What’s got you looking so happy?” Luke asks, enveloping me in
a tight embrace, the side of his face pressed to mine.

I turn around in
his arms and kiss the corner of his mouth, a little surprised by my
action but not sorry.

“
I’m
not upset,” I explain. His concerned expression transforms into a
gorgeous grin. I can’t help smiling bigger with him.

Luke’s
chuckling, pointing out a little boy dressed as a caped crusader,
zooming around on the soft-fall like a possessed Superman, when my
phone vibrates to signal a text.

Luke tenses, all
his humour vanishing. “I have to ask Maggie Mae, I don’t want to,
but… is that…” he trails off, clenching his jaw around a few choice
words, “… coke head still bothering you?”

“
It’s
just Red. Don’t worry, I won’t answer. He’ll get the message
eventually.” Red started calling and texting again about a week
ago, after hearing nothing from me after the fight on my front
lawn.

“
Maggie, you know he’s a serious drug addict right? You
realise that’s the only reason why he’s wanted you all the time?” I
don’t know what expression I’ve got on my face, but I guess there’s
a whole lot of something there, because even with all the drinking
and the pills – I still don’t want to believe that he would only
want to be with me to help support his habit, our habit. I have to
believe there’d been more to us.

“
Oh
baby. Come here.” Luke turns me, balancing me so I stay standing on
the sleeper and he can look me in my eyes. His face is sombre; he
holds my cheeks in his large hands, “I’m so sorry Maggie
Mae.”

His apology
takes me by surprise. “Why are you sorry?” Luke’s done nothing
wrong.

“
Because you’re...”He shrugs a shoulder and drops his eyes
shyly, “I don’t know Maggie. You’re just… one of an incredibly
small minority, and I really like that about you. It kinda makes
you perfect to me.”

I step back, but
entwine our fingers to keep him close. “I’m not perfect Luke. Far
from it.” I duck my head so he’ll look back up at me. If he knew of
all the disgusting things I’ve done, how badly I’ve disrespected my
family, myself… he wouldn’t think me so perfect. “If you only knew
the half of it.”

“
Hey,
no Maggie Mae, don’t do that,” he frowns, shaking his head. “When I
lost Sophie… it was so fucking hard, so I know. And I did some
pretty stupid things, too, so you can just forget all that you’ve
got going on in there,” he says, lightly tapping the side of my
head with his index finger. After a pause he asks, “Do you think
you are done with all of that, Maggie?”

I don’t have to
think on this. There’s not pondering, or hesitating. “Yeah Luke, I
think I am.”

“
Then
forgive yourself,” he says quietly with a soft closed mouth kiss
over my top lip.

Of course I kiss
him back, ignoring the faint whisper of Brendan’s name, letting it
fade into the background. How could I not kiss him back after
that?

Wrapping my arms
around his neck, my face secured under his scratchy jaw, I hold him
for the longest time.

Forgive and
forget. I don’t know if I can do either, but for Luke, I’ll
try.

“
Hey,
Maggie Mae, when’s your birthday?”

“
July
18th. Why?”

“
Perfect, I need to buy you a birthday present.”

“
What?” I cough out a laugh in disbelief, leaning back to see
if he’s serious. “It was ages ago.”

“
I
know. Perfect timing,” Luke chuckles. He takes my hands and pulls
me in the direction of the outdoor mall.

“
JUST CHOOSE A colour babe, that’s all you have to
do.”

“
You
can’t buy me a new phone, Luke.”

“
It’s
not really for you. I want one but I just got a new plan, so…” He
shrugs in explanation, something he seems to do quite a bit when he
doesn’t want to say what he’s really thinking.

“
You
know my phone’s not that old either.”

“
Yeah, but it’s ugly, so choose.”

“
What? Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“
You’re not going to choose? Fine, I’ll choose for you.” He
sounds flippant, but I know I’m frustrating him. He turns back to
the display and picks up one of the new iPhones that’re on display,
asking a plethora of boy questions to the salesman.

“
Okay, fine. I like the gold. Happy now?” I say, throwing my
arms up in defeat. I cannot suffer through another of Luke’s phony
indifferences any longer.

His smile is
dazzling when he turns back to me, eyes sparkling in excitement.
Sheesh, boys and their toys.

“
We
need a new number, too,” he tells the salesclerk, picking me up and
crushing my bones in a wonderfully suffocating hug.

“
Happy much?”

“
So
much,” he agrees, pressing a firm kiss to my lips, brushing his
tongue over them before sucking in my fuller bottom one into his
mouth, instantly melting me to mush.

Good God the man
can kiss.

Luke all but
leaps away, confusing the hell out of me. “Jesus, I’m sorry
Maggie.”

“
Why?” I’m pouting, It’s a little embarrassing. My poor lips
feel disappointed. They weren’t done with his lips yet.

His blue eyes
desperately search my face, “For kissing you... isn’t it... is it
still too soon?”

Is it too soon?
I don’t know. What’s the rule on how long you should be alone
before you can have feelings for someone else? Do I have feelings
for Luke?

Yeah. I think I
might.

“
I
don’t know,” I answer honestly, smiling so he knows I’m not upset
and hoping he’ll kiss me again.

He doesn’t
disappoint.

Grinning like
the proverbial cat that got the canary, Luke cups my face carefully
and presses his full soft lips to mine. Holding our mouths captive,
he sighs into me and runs his firm hands down my back to rest on my
hips.

When he sucks my
lower lip into his mouth again, my heart soars and butterflies
flutter. I have to repress the crazy idea of wrapping myself around
him and squeezing him with everything I’ve got.

Whimpering, I
trickle my fingers lightly up from his shoulders to his neck, and
through his hair, loving that he shivers under my touch. I pull him
closer and open my mouth so Luke can deepen our kiss. And boy does
he deepen our kiss.

Luke’s chuckling
interrupts the beginnings of a wonderful sensation overload. He
presses a last kiss to my swelling lips before inching away to look
at me with a smile in his eyes.

“
The
sales guy’s tapping me on my back, Maggie Mae. I think we better
take a break.”

My widening eyes
cause Luke to burst out laughing. I’m horrified, beyond embarrassed
and he’s laughing.

“
You’re such an arse,” I mumble, crossing my arms over my
chest to help cover my poking out high beamers.

“
What’s that baby?” Luke asks louder than necessary, still
laughing his stupid pretty head off, “You like my arse? Aww, thanks
babe, I like yours too,” Luke turns and nods his thanks to the very
red-faced salesman, taking the offered bag with my new super-duper
mobile phone in it.

He then reaches
his arm behind my back, takes a good handful of my butt and gives
it a good squeeze, “Yep, you definitely have a great arse babe.” He
laughs harder after I smack him on his chest, and walk off with
cheeks glowing bright enough to light up a room at
midnight.

Luke catches up
easily and threads his fingers with mine. “We need to find a café
Maggie Mae, so we can set you up.”

“
You
mean so you can sit and have a play with it,” I say, looking up to
Luke’s face. He’s so darn happy. I crack up laughing, smiling so
big it hurts my face. “Come on Captain America, let’s find some
coffee.” I stand on the tips of my toes and give him a peck on his
cheek.

He stops
abruptly, “Oh hell no baby,” then ducks down so we’re closer in
height. “Now that I’m allowed to feel those lush lips of yours,
they go straight to here,” he grins, pointing at his mouth. “Hit
me.”

I hit
him.

four

Chapter 13

LUKE
: WHERE R u
babe?

Me
:
hiding

Luke
: u
don’t need 2hide frm me maggie mae.

Me
: I
know, not really hiding. upstairs

I hear Luke’s
bare feet smacking against the flooring as he searches for
me.

I’m in Mattie’s
bedroom, having a bad day. They’re becoming less frequent as the
weeks pass by, but I still have them.

Today I’m
missing my girls, especially Mattie because her birthday’s in a few
days and it’s the first time we don’t get to celebrate. I don’t get
to buy her a present or bake a cake or cuddle or kiss or hold her.
The list could go on endlessly but wouldn’t do any good. Wouldn’t
change anything.

“
Hey
baby, having a sad day?”

When Luke sees
me curled up in a ball he instantly curls up around me, the way
he’s done all the other times he’s found me this way. The
expression on his face hurts my heart. He’s so sad for me and I
love him for it. His unconditional affection is astounding,
unwavering. Even when I’m pitching plates at him or throwing a
tantrum he doesn’t judge me, never questions. Instead he picks me
up when I’m done and holds me tight until I’m calm and can breathe
again. It feels good to breathe.

“
A
bad day,” I agree.

“
You
want to talk about it?”

Do I? This is
the first time he’s asked me directly, normally waiting for me to
offer the information. I do want to? I think I do, but it’s hard.
It means that I trust him. For me to open up to Luke, means that I
have complete and total faith in him.

So the question
is: do I? Do I trust in Luke?

He
misunderstands my hesitation.

“
It’s
okay Maggie, you don’t have to. I just thought you might want to,
is all.” His voice is gentle and the kiss to the back of my head is
filled with affection.

“
It’s
Mattie’s birthday on the fourth,” I explain flatly.

I’m overwhelmed
by the relief of being able to share something so personal with
him. The way my muscles relax and the calm it brings feels like
Luke’s lifted a hundred kilo weight off my shoulders.

He doesn’t say
anything. I mean, what is there to say after a comment like that?
He does hold me tighter, though, and breathes warm breaths onto the
back of my neck.

“
I’m
sad because of all the things I’m going to miss out on. That’s
all.”

“
No
Maggie, it’s more. Sophie’s birthday was the worst. Everything
changed, and I was an idiot because I wouldn’t let anyone in. So
thank you for letting me in.”

“
How
long has she been gone?” It’s out before I can catch myself.
“Sorry, don’t answer, I shouldn’t have asked.” I curl further up
around Mattie’s pillow to hide my shame.

“
That
ski trip I met up with Jon on? The one in Canada, that was the six
month mark, so what, that makes it… about a year and a half, give
or take,” Luke replies quietly.

Lost for words,
I roll to face him and burrow into his large frame, close my eyes
and wait for our melancholy to pass.

Where quiet so
long, I’m starting to doze off. Luke’s whisper barely carries, “She
had a pretty bad headache one night so went to bed early. I had
some work to catch up on so I stayed up until I was done. She was
sound asleep when I got to bed, all warm and soft. We’d just
decided try to have a baby, so I...” I hear him swallow, pausing to
calm his heart pounding against my back. “It never gets
easier.”

I can’t tell if
he means her death, or talking about it. He wipes his damp face on
my shoulder.

“
When
I woke up in the morning, she was… I called for help but… She never
woke up again.”

Rolling over, I
move the pillow wedged between us and lie flat over his body,
trying to cover as much of him as I can, kissing his neck and
squeezing so tight because he’s different. Everything’s different
with Luke.